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I have no idea what to write ......

We just came back from our Dubai holiday though... which is all right. Very expensive there, food, transportation... almost everything so definitely would not be going back. Just can't afford it.

Other than that, I have nothing to say. Well nothing that is gonna incite anger and loathing... hahah...

Hope everybody is well.

And happy.

Ta-ra.

Demam and painful massage and tayar pancit and jam depan rumah... WAAAAAAAAA !

Aku adalah officially lunyai sekarang ini.

My demam still tak hilang. Aku rasa bertambah teruk because semalam dah keluar hingus and kepala dah makin sakit. Yang bestnya, aku dengan suara serak, dengan muka yang orang dok tegur pucat le , nampak sakit le, kena sign MC staff. Saya demam ni kak, nak balik katanya. Sigh....

Anyway aku adalah lunyai setelah dihempuk, diuli, dilipat dan segala macam 'di' yang ada oleh Bibik. I remember only asking whether she could urut my head sebab kepala aku rasa macam nak pecah masa tuh. I had taken too many painkillers and they don't really work. So thinking that urut is the best alternative, I asked her. Menyesal pulak sebab it turned out she could do it, in fact she is the official urut-er of the bibiks on this street. Menyesal came when it ended up aku sampai bukak-bukak baju and my whole badan was massaged. Hard. My screams which turned to pleadings to soften it a bit was ignored. "Nanti tak jadi kak, kalau bibik buat perlahan kak..."

WAAAAAA !

While the experience was harrowing and oh so painful, the result is good. My body, especially my head is lighter.

Alhamdullilah. Only... would I ever go down that road again ?

Hmmmmm........

Anyway semalam for one reason or another, my tayar kete pancit. Luckily it happened very near home so I decided to just go home and get my husband to deal with it. Aku demam pun kan ? But who would have thought that I couldn't get to my house on account of the jam orang ambik anak sekolah ? I was like 1 minute from my own gate but I couldn't get there. Cars were inconsiderately parked at the side, so the road became smaller, yang mana tak pandai bawak kete makan jalan melampau, so the lane going the opposite way became too narrow for other cars to pass by, cars ahead were stuck for some reason, and I was in the middle of it all. With a flat tyre.

After some time and seeing the situation is not going to change, I called Kamil who as usual yelled at me first. Then he walked to me, saw the state of the tyre and berated me some more. Aku dengan runsing, dengan demam, dengan penat rasa macam nak lompat dalam swimming pool our neighbour (yes I was that near to my own home, I could see the neighbour's pool) and just stay there. Not surfacing for air.

Dasat tau perasaan itu.

He somehow managed to squeezed the car in that narrow, narrow lane (walaupun tension kena marah I couldn't help but admire my husband's driving skills), sensors beeping like mad all the way, pi stesyen minyak and the darn tyre refused to inflate. Kena bubuh dua-tiga das lagi before he started hauling the spare tyre out.

Dalam tension tahap tak boleh blah dengan dia, timbul ikhsan bila tengok peluh mencurah-curah turun dari kepala. Apparently hair is kawasan buffer peluh. So without hair, peluh will just pour down straight away. Macam hujan you..... So aku lap-lap peluh dia... Belai-belai dia while stealing few discreet head push and cubit-cubitan... Sian Kamil.....

He straight away drove to a mechanic to deal with it. No stock pulak so I had to wait until it arrives at 10 am today. So now, I am waiting at home for the tyre to come.

One good thing about it is I get to rest for awhile.

Always look for the silver lining. Sometimes, you just have to force yourself to.

Kena taruh pun, I must say thank you to Kamil who dealt with the situation for me. Cuma darling, boleh tak jangan marah ? Please ? Sebab bukan salah I pun..... Salah tayar and salah orang yang kurang budi bahasa bila time ambik anak sekolah. They only thought of their own comfort, their own senang, and never thinking about orang lain. Nasib baik takde ambulan yang nak lalu. Or fire truck ke.

Ta-ra.

Post demam

So aku demam. Since Thursday. But tak leh nak cuti sebab most of the managers cuti. So one manager had to duduk and mind the office. Aku ler tuh. Memang aku tak cuti pun sebab late January nanti baru I am having my holiday. Oh happiness !

I have tonnes of work that I could not seem to complete. I am panicking right now because I am sick so I can't concentrate. The deadline is oh so very near.... and getting nearer. I need a clear head to complete my work but all I could muster now is sheer wooziness.

So why am I writing now ? Well because I could talk crap here and nobody would penalise or get upset  with me. This is my domain and I can basically do whatever I want... heheh.....

Just wanna doze off.

Btw, demam pun I honoured my BFF's little breakfast party to celebrate her birthday. It was nice to see my girl friends again. To be with a group of people and not talk about work.

Afterwards because my body ached so much, I singgah pi reflexology. That was nice and provided e with the comfort I so needed. Kamil was out with friends so I dared to take the 90 minute massage... heheheh.

Okay. That is it for now.

Ta-ra.

Bibik ku

I don't remember if I actually updated on Bibik's status. Our rayuan with FOMEMA worked where her results were audited and they find that whatever scars she has were actually old ones. So she get to stay, Kamil did her Visa and all already. Done.

I generally do not mind her. What I do mind though is her disturbing me in the kitchen. Pantang apa aku nak buat dia mesti nak take-over. Kalau aku start rolling pastry nak buat pie, she would push me aside and take-over. Kalau aku goreng ayam pantang aku lepa jap dia dah check ayam tu and yang paling tak best if she turns it over before she should. 

Just now I was supervising Adik making brownies. Tak berjaya sebab apa saja Adik buat, she would push her ke tepi and she would do it. Sigh... camtu baik aku tak yah train anak aku kan ? Baik aku train dia aje.

Hari tu we celebrated both of my brothers-in-law's birthday at my house. My sister, CT masak nasi goreng as favoured by her husband. Tapi, Bibik pushed her aside, started doing it and as claimed by my sister doesn't taste as how she wants it.

Sigh...

Another thing I don't like is her cooking what I cook. I usually make pastas and chops and pies when I get home. However lately, there were numerous incidents where I had to change my menu or worse, makan aje kat luar because Bibik made the same thing yesterday or the day before for lunch. She can make lasagnas, my meatball sauce, heck even my minestrone now.

Now, I don't mind that she makes them for my kids but it would be good if she refrain from making them when I am around. I cook those food because they are fast. I could quickly prepare them as soon as I arrive home from work, just in time for dinner. Especially on the days when my kids have mengaji. They have to eat before 8 so pastas and chops are the fastest and easiest.

Aku tak sempat nak buat kari or sambal or sup tulang. Nak buat sayur lagi. You do it lah because you have all the time to do it. I don't ! So bila anak-anak dah makan pasta or chops for lunch, I had to masak nasi pulak malam. So selalunya, I would just buy nasi goreng or whatever.

Soalannya, how could I tell her ? Susah kan ? Kecik hati lak karang. And aku memang malas nak buat orang yang duduk satu rumah dengan aku merajuk. Dah lah baru-baru ni, there were some problems that arose due to mulut2 yang membawak cerita. Tersangkut paut pulak aku and Kamil and dia and maids rumah MIL. Oh yes, dia ada lah sedara-mara maid MIL and she was brought in pun by her.

We defintely have communication problem as I rarely could understand what she says and vice versa. Kang aku cakap lain dia ingat benda lain and people are usually wont to ingat bend yang bukan-bukan instead of benda yang baik. 

So aku akan diam. habis citer.

Weekends

So lately there were many good movies on show. The new Hobbit, 47 Ronin, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty... all good. All worth the RM12-14 we spent per person.

I especially loved 47 Ronin because it was such a noble and sad story. Having Keanu Reeves in it helped of course. I must get the number of his plastic surgeon. He looked like he isn't over 25 when in fact he is twice that age. Amazing.

Walter Mitty is thought provoking. I loved it. It made me think, it made me look deep inside, it made me self-realise. So it is good. 

We went karaoke-ing with my siblings plus all the kiddos during Christmas. That was so much fun. The weekend before that we went to have breakfast at the Westin with my family. That was really nice and cheap considering we forego lunch and dinner.  Today we went to have Dim Sum. Just the four of us, though. So it was very quiet and sedate. Although my children made me laugh loads. 

Kamil as usual looked like somebody who just came along. Not really a part of us. More like somebody hitching a ride with us, who we took pity on and invited him for Dim Sum. He was quiet as usual, very detached. Busy with his mobile... But he did make us take the new bridge from Ampang Park to the Intermark though. It was lovely. Very pretty. We took pictures on the bridge and then again when we cross the bridge to get across Ampang Park. We took pictures there too. KL is really pretty. 

We have done the back to school preparation. Kamil is also preparing to move to a new outfit. So come 2nd January he and the kids have their first days.

Yesterday, the two of them were having their 12 millionth bicker. In the middle of it, Abang asked Adik, "Why are you so ugly ?"

Without missing a beat, she answered with "You are clearly blind. I am fabulous...." Hehhehehe. She said it with so much confidence, daring her Abang to disagree. Which Abang didn't.

Anyway, I said to them that I remember how much they loved each other when they were small. I told them of however Abang was busy running around with their cousins, he would always take some time to say hello to his sister and acah-acah dia.

So, what happened ??? Abang answered, "That was before I know how to get annoyed, Mummy... And she annoys me plenty." There you go... sigh.

What I thought of in Gurun

I was in Kedah for a week. Tiring. Plus deflating and disappointing really. I can't discuss that, though.

Anyway while I was there Adik had her 10th birthday. And today is Abang's 13th. They grow so fast. No point waxing lyrical about that. I should rejoice with their maturity and growth instead of feeling emotional, eh ?

Anyway, Kedah is nice, people very friendly and tersangat-sangat berbudi bahasa. The place is also beautiful. Sometimes, development doesn't have to reach all corners of the world, right ? I like what I see in Kedah. 

Watched the Note Book while I was there. Well, not all. I caught snippets of it here and there. I have never watched the movie, but I read the book and loved the book. Apart from the story line, I also loved the copy I have itself because Kamil bought it for me. At that time, we weren't married yet. He bought the book while in Perth with his dad. He only bought me that book from that trip because he said I would appreciate it above else.

Haha... True. 

So you could see that the Note Book is rather nostalgic for me.

That is why when I saw the movie, I was surprised to see a scene where on their first date, they decided to walk instead of riding in the car with their friends. From that walk, just the two of them, they actually got to know each other and became a couple.

I was surprised because that exactly what happened with Kamil and I. We were 16 or 17 (I have no idea) and it was Raya (so cliche....) and we were at a friend's house. I knew he likes me, he made that very obvious. Very much aware of our friends watching us and whispering about us, I decided to walk home eventhough I initially came in Isa's car.

So when I informed them that I was walking, I saw Kamil looking up at me. He was putting on his shoes at that time. So I turned, and started walking amidst my friends' protestations and pleadings to get in the car.

As I went out the gate, whose footsteps actually fell next to mine but his ? I somehow expected that to happen, him following me but I was thinking that I'd rather that than facing my friends' teasings and queries in the car.

Why was I so serious about it pun ? I mean it was not the first time boys showed interests in me after all. But somehow he made me nervous and out of sorts. 

Anyway, so there we were walking on the very first day of Raya (entah kenapa kami tak balik Penang tahun tuh) from Seksyen 4 to Seksyen 8, talking and all and found a place to sit down to talk some more and somehow that day we became close. Eventually we became a couple.

So it was nice to see that. I menyampah tahap gab an with him sometimes, that husband of mine. But moments like this reminded me why I love him so.

Alahai... feeling lah pulak... Hehhehehe.....

Happy Birthday, Tuanku.

Hari ni Sultan Selangor's birthday. Happy birthday, Tuanku !

He is a kind Tuanku and bestowed us, his subjects, with a holiday. But alas, I went to work. Hehehehhehe...... Well.... am okay sebab I will be getting replacement leave. No point pun kalau nak cuti hari ni sebab tak leh ke mana. Everywhere jammed up ! I was in KL just now and KLCC was just sepelaung from where I was having my meeting. But the road was so freaking congested, what should be a 5 minute drive looked like could turn to an hour. So malas nak go through that so kami balik.

Kami is Kamil and I. If I ever have to go to KL, aku akan cari jalan for me not to drive. Hehehehhehe.....

So we went home, tapi singgah spital jap sebab Kamil's skin is riddled with rashes. Or something of that effect. Then singgah Mydin pi makan sat then home. And tiduq.

I really do not know why kalau cuti aje aku akan automatically tidur siang. Kalau kat office tak ngantuk pun...

Anyway, bagus gak aku tidur sebab I am hiding from Bibik. She asked me to deposit 100 bucks to her kids back home since Sunday but sampai sekarang I just couldn't find the time to do so. We have gone through this process 4 times this year and every single time she expects me to do it like that very day. But I can't ! The process although is short but the waiting ! I once had to wait more than an hour for my turn ! Aku kan keje. 2 hours is precious, especially for me people like me who has to clock every hour spent.

She has taken her gaji until April next year pun, so ni kira aku bagi aje kat dia. Sedekah. But still she gets upset if I don't do it immediately. First time masukkan tu memang I did manage to do it pronto, tapi the second time, aku langsung tak terbuat. For days the realisation that aku tak settle hal dia dawned only once I saw my staffs pack their bags to go home. Eh, dah boleh balik ? Eh, duit BIBIK !

Gitu lah.

Bila aku mengaku aku masih tak berjaya masukkan duit she would give me her sob stories and all. Although dia tak tarik muka, her evident sorrow to yang aku tak boleh nak handle.

So after that I took to lying that I dah masukkan and then came the hide and seek ler.

Lebih-lebih lagi aku rasa waiting for 1 hour just to hantar 100 bucks, macam tak worth it je.

Apa-apa pun I am glad she is around. She is a good one sebab tu aku took the soft approach of.... beating around the bush. Tak sampai hati nak marah pun, kan ?

We had a good scare last month when her FOMEMA tak lepas for her permit renewal. Mula lah aku tension and dok start pikir for alternatives. Admittedly we do not need maids anymore, what with Abang and Adik dah besar. But...... sapa nak teman Adik kat rumah kan once she comes home from school ? We would be okay without a maid by the time Adik masuk sekolah menengah. Masa tu, she and Abang would only arrive home around 5pm, so they would only need to mind themselves for 3 hours the most before we get home.

However for now, we need someone at home to teman dia.

Anyway, Alhamdullilah, our rayuan at FOMEMA worked. Her results were audited and they agreed that she is healthy after all.

So until then, please let this Bibik stay ........ And let me have time to deposit that 100 bucks tomorrow.

1 day camp aje pun....

Hari Ahad we sent Adik to camp organised by the company I work for. 1 day aje pun. She was super excited because this is the first time she is participating in things like this. She had her itinerary and schedule on a hard board, got things organised early and talked about it every day.

She called us about an hour and a half after she boarded the bus to report that she has arrived and having so much fun ! Baru naik bas tu. Then no news until Maghrib to say that she is preparing to pray and is having so much fun !

Okay.... malam she called to wish us a 'very quick good night because I am busy. We are having a slumber party...'. Okay.

Subuh she called to wish us a good morning with a quick description of her activities for the day. 

Then nothing until about 3 to remind me of her arrival. She is scheduled to leave camp at 4.30. Then.... a call at 5.30. She was sobbing. What happened ? Apparently she is still at the camp and she doesn't know when they are actually leaving. And... "I miss you, Mummy !"

Ha...... tu dia. Itu lah sebenaqnya. In her head, she knew that she is supposed to leave by 4.30 and to see me by 5.30. So I think she has already psyched herself that she will see me at a stipulated time. Soo... when that didn't pan out... she started pining for her mammy.

Hehehehhehe..........

Anyway, she arrived at the meeting point at 9 pm. Yes... very late. She almost jumped from the bus into my arms. She had a fever. Last night, she slept with us.

Today is Abang's turn to go to camp. 1 day thing too so he will be home tomorrow. Pagi-pagi lagi dia dah siap, so very excited. This is a first for him too. Since Adik deman, we didn't wake her up to wave good-bye to Abang. We just let her be.

Abang called around 9.30 to say that he has safely arrived and "I am having so much fun!" He texted me at around 12 to say that he has playing paint ball and 'having so much fun!'

Adik called all the time, almost at an hour's interval in fact, to whine about her dizziness, her high temperature (I despatched CY to check up on her... she is a doctor after all. CY said she is fine...) and all the other wrong things that are happening. 

And then when I answered her call at 3, I was met with the sound of her sobbing. Sakit sangat ke ? "Yes..... and I miss Abang ..."

Ha ?

HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAH.

When I came to, all I could say to her was, "Adik, please do not let Abang know that. He will laugh at you forever and ever and he will not let you forget it. EVER !"

HEHHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH.

And let us hope Abang is not gonna start crying if his bus is late too.

3 kenduris and a funeral

This whole week has been most unpleasant as I could not seem to shake off my spell of wooziness. I was supposed to attend company dinner on Friday but I had to bail. Pening giler kepala.

Saturday I had too many kenduris to attend so pagi2 I swallowed some pills. Alhamdullilah I was somewhat relieved of it. Went to Seremban for a wedding, braving the jams and bila sampai, we were confronted with what I could describe as chaos. At first I couldn't understand what was happening then I discovered that food wasn't enough. There weren't any cutleries, plates nor drinks either. My menyibuk-ness berjaya revealed that the caterer bailed and sub-contractor-ed the work to another caterer. At 9am that very morning. Nasib baik the new caterer sempat pegi pasar and masak. But... they could not offer services so keluarga pengantin lah terpaksa basuh pinggan and kemas meja and pi kedai beli nasik and lauk sebab tak cukup.

Kesian betullah.

Balik dari Seremban we went straight to Kamil's aunt's house for her grandson's snip-snip. On the way to Seremban we used the normal highway.... errrmmm.... KESAS agaknya.... and as usual was jammed up. But jalan balik entah macamana we ended up at LEKAS and it was marvellous. So lapang, and tak sesak and the scenery was beautiful.

Anyway, because we were late we thought there would be no more food at Kamil's aunt's house, which was really fine by us because kita orang pun dah kenyang. But we were wrong. Food was still aplenty and since Kamil's aunt was the cook, we had to partake some to show respect. It was delicious nonetheless. Heheh.... Ada gulai nenas tuh.... and I am a sucker for gulai nenas.

I was so dreading to attend the next wedding we had at 8pm, what with my full stomach. But terpaksa jugak makan as it was an Indian wedding and I just nak rasa. Kalau a Malay wedding maybe aku tak makan gak sebab lauk semua sama je kan, but since this is different I had to.

So..... sebab itu lah aku macam ikan paus bila balik rumah and still very much like ikan paus when I woke up and had to rush to SDCC to send Adik to her camp. Well... tempat berkumpul to get to camp. While waiting for the bus though, I received news that the father of a friend passed away.

Now, me and her... we are not close but... we are always sweet to each other. I am fond of her. So I called her and to hear her cry, was sad indeed. So now, sat lagi I have to go over to her house for her father's funeral.

Sigh... three kenduris and a funeral indeed.

Al-Fatihah.

Pening fest...

I went Kedah yesterday for a one-day trip. The whole trip was okay except during our return trip home.  What should have been an hour flight became 2. The plane apparently couldn't land due to bad weather and so we circled the airport for 1 freaking hour.

I sometimes suffer from motion sickness travelling in a car. I have to take pills every time I have to travel more than 2-3 hours by plane. So.... you could just imagine how much I was enjoying myself.

I've never had panic attacks but I was sure I was in the verge of one last night. I felt sick to the stomach,  I can't breathe, I felt so rimas and was starting to feel adamant that I have to get out... like right now.

I was applying Tiger Balm all over my forehead and neck and chest, a very feeble attempt to stop myself from hyper-ventilating. I was greatful for something to do at least.

I am still pening. Very much. But I still went to work.

And now I am feeling all of my penings.

I wanna hurl...

Urgghhh......

Sigh....

Bibik has been crying. My daughter first alerted me to her bouts of crying. Although curious and worried, I said nothing to her, giving her space and privacy. Adik informed me that Bibik's husband had "kawin lagi satu, Mummy..."

Last weekend while cooking Bibik told me that her husband has another woman. She didn't eloborate whether they are married. She did recount of the tears she had shed and Adik persuading her to share her woes.

"Bibik bilang Adik ngak paham... Mummy aja yang paham...." But then, my daughter actually said, "Bik saya sudah 10 tahun bik. Saya boleh paham....." Heheh....

I said to her,

"Hai lah Bik, I am so sorry I couldn't help you at all. I do think you are already anticipating this because even while you were with him, living in the same house as he, sharing his bed... he still managed to father a child out of wedlock. What more do you expect when you are far away, beyond his reach ?"

She went quiet, so did I and we just said nothing. She smiled as she stared at her lap. I then caught her sitting outside at the back, singing. I saw her watering the same plant longer than she should while she stared into nothingness. I glimpsed her silhouette pacing her room from the window. 

I just can't help. I don't know how. The pain could not be alleviated by me. By anyone but him and Allah. Ya Robb, please makbulkan doa2 Bibik. Hanya kau yang punyai kuasa untuk membantu. Kasihan kan dia Ya Latiff... Ya Wadud... Ya Rahman.... Ya Rahim."

On another happier note, Kamil has accepted a new job that is Alhamdullilah near our home. 15 minutes drive actually. Which is around 10 minutes away from my office... when the road is clear... which only happen on weekends. Usually, it would take like 20 minutes to get in and 1 hour to get out. Crazy huh ?

What to do about Bibik ? I have no idea. Doa and doa and doa I suppose. And curse him sekali-sekala for hurting other people. Tengok lah... Allah akan balas kezaliman pak Wawan ya. Saya dah tengok banyak berlaku. Kita ceraikan isteri, sakiti hati isteri, Allah akan balas balik. Cepat atau lambat aje.

Syukurlah kalau balasan di terima di dunia... sekurang-kurangnya kifarah dosa kita dan Insyaa Allah kurang azab di neraka atau pun terselamat terus dari neraka jahanam. Tapi, kalau kita tak terima apa-apa balasan di dunia, ketaq lah... sebab Allah tak kesian kat kita and Allah nak balas di akhirat. Lagi haru...

Hmmm...

Sabar lah bibik. Orang dianiya ni, Allah sayang. Ada benda yang lagi best Allah nak bagi.

Of weddings and bubuq....

This weekend I went to 2 weddings. I love weddings and usually wouldn't miss any invitation. Walaupun for some obscure friend's sister's menakan. So going to these 2 weddings meant that I had the same menu twice in a row. The usual ayam masak merah, daging masak hitam and dalca. I told Kamil that for our kids' wedding, we will serve lemon chicken and kangkung belacan.

Apparently ice-cream is the trend du jour as it was served on both weddings. Not that it is a complaint, mind you. The best thing though is one wedding served fresh apam balik. Sigh.... nice...... The other wedding pulak served bubur caca, which is a nice surprise.

I love bubur, all the variety. My mom always made gandum and kacang hijau. Sometimes she would make the ones with ... errmmm.... the round discs made with tepung kanji. Oh... and pengat pisang. I love them. My mom's pengat pisang is the best, the soft golden bananas, jostling for space with beautiful sago.... With just the right amount of gula merah and salt. My favourite is jagung though (I love jagung... ) which I get from outside or from my biras. My friend talked about the nangka variety which I have never got the privilege to taste and yearn and yearn for. I don't make them at home though cause Kamil hates them. My kids gawked at them like they come from Kryptonite.... So no point, really. Makan sorang memang tak best.

Plus the santan.... Hmm.... My butt has rivalled those of Kim Kardashian, so maybe it is a good thing, hey ?

Last month mum made bubur gandum. I tapaued them for breakfast at the office. It was so nostalgic partaking them. Every bite filled with memories, made me feel safe..... Once while we were ensconced in London, MIL made bubuq kacang. She was soo cute, Mak... She had forgotten how to make them and asked me if we need to rendam the kacangs first. Hehhehehhe... Anyway, Mak's bubuq was soooo good too. I remember always stealing some from the kitchen, taking more than my fair share. Hey.. I figured since Kamil doesn't eat them, I was just taking his allocation kan.... Hahahhaha... *Malu*.

Sigh... Sometimes I do feel that all these melancholic bouts that I am experiencing is the onset  of depression. Maybe... I will go crazy.... Big maybe.... 

Heh...

Post boring

So... I have been wanting to write, but every time my attempts were thwarted.... by the impossibility of writing via an iPad. A mini one at that. Once we have the iPad, the poor laptop has been gathering dust.  So here I am, firing it up again because I couldn't bear to see my blog abandoned.

I have expected this, the slow death of blogs what with the popularity of FB. But I like blogs. It affords me to write more and the audience is usually somebody I don't know. Heheh... the beauty of writing anonymously.

Hmmm.... what has been happening ? My children are getting bigger. I feel so sad sometimes watching them because I always feel that I didn't do enough. I have always wondered if I am attentive enough mother, whether I am actually a good one that they will revere.... heheh...  asked for nothing less than to be revered, hey ?

About a month ago, when Adik came down the stairs just in t-shirt and jeans,  Babah commented that she looked simple, and Babah liked that. Usually when she goes out, there is the pre-requisite cardigan and bag. But as she swept passed her Babah, she said, "I don't do simple, Bah. I do fabulous..." Hehheheh.... Babah didn't manage to say anything at all after that.

Once I asked her the whereabouts of her brother. Her answer ? "He has locked himself in the room, like any normal teenagers, mom..."

Heh... yup. She herself has grown up and what more her brother who like she said, spent his days in his room, doing God knows what. However, he still comes to the room to drape himself on the bed or lie on the floor while watching telly with me. Until Kamil comes to chase them away, that is.

I don't know why he does that. I feel so sad whenever I see their dejected looks and slowly leaving the room. I keep telling him that they wouldn't be with us for long. Even now Abang is spending less and less time with us, but no... he doesn't listen. Being a parent could sometimes be very melancholy. Watching the kids grow hurts. I know I should feel proud to see that I managed to raise them even though I work.

And I am still working and missing my kids.

On a happy note, because I work we are taking the kids for a holiday next year. January we will be visiting Dubai.

So that is nice.

I can't wait.

You know I keep thinking what else I can write about. You know anything that is exciting at least.

Hmmm....

I am getting a new niece. Yeay ! She is not ready yet.... there is still some months... but she is coming soon.

I managed to drive myself to Genting. Yeay ! But... it is really not even halfway. I didn't go until the end. Just until Genting View Resort. Itu pun my second meeting there. My first meeting, Kamil took leave and sent me all the way there. I protested of course, telling him it is unnecessary as I am very sure I could navigate myself there. I mean bukannya I will be going off-road kan. He, the love of my life, just harrumphed and looked skeptical. I know when I am in a losing battle....

Hehhehe.... Killjoy.

Huh.... that is it.

Haha..... I will try to write more. But it depends if I actually have anything to write about.

Facebook = Dajjal

I once had a discussion with Desert Rose berkenaan peranan Facebook in our lives. And at the end we agreed that kemungkinan bear dajjal itu adalah Facebook. Sesungguhnya banyak lah sudah pergaduhan yang bermula kerana Facebook and me myself, dah mula berani menyindir orang ini di dalam Facebook jua sebab aku dah tak tahan nengok her postings yang sungguh hipokrit itu.

Mak aku tanya why am I so bothered ?

Well probably because dalam Facebook she kept saying Alhamdullilah kerana membuat sesuatu perkerjaan ini, contohnya menolong orang buta melintas jalan. Tetapi to me, dia memaki hamun habis-habisan si buta itu tadi kerana telah menyusahkan dia yang dipaksa rela membantunya melintas jalan.

Ada paham ? Capisce ?

So hari ni, perempuan ini today refused to do something that she was asked to do. She then delegated the job to us. Today is a very busy day. Selain daripada mengangkut anak-anak plus the sedara version to classes, we had to hantar my car for its 10K km service, hantar bibik pi Fomema plus sourcing for clarinets for my children yang beria nak add another instrument plus bawak Kamil's mom to buy lunch. All must be completed by lunchtime.

Oleh itu bila kami diarah untuk membuat perkara ini, kami sah-sah lah terpinga-pinga macamana nak selitkan dengan our other duties with only 1 car available.

Sedangkan she who doesn't work was asked to do benda ni semalam lagi.

Alasannya memang ada, tetapi agak kurang munasabah dan nampak nar menipu sebab instead of doing what she said she had to do, dalam Facebook dia telah tulih dia sedang bersenang-senang makan. Aku bukannya marah dia makan. Sila lah makan. Tapi janganlah paksa kami take this extra load untuk kau senang-lenang makan.

Lagi menaik kan angin was we found out that the thing she had to do but memaksa kami buat untuk dia ni only take 5 minutes to complete. We didn't know earlier because we had never done it. To add salt to the wound, not only it takes 5 minutes to do, it was so easy it could be done while you are on the john, apatah lagi ketika sedang makan atau cerita tipunya tadi was ... well ... adalah... malas nak citer apakah alasan yang dia bagi tadi sebab sah-sah tipukan ?

So .... sebenarnya kalau kita nak tipu, pasti kan dalam Facebook pun kita tipu jugak. Keep the stories straight gitu. Karang kantoi lah bangang ! Haaa..... dah geram sangat dah ni.

Macam one of Kamil's staff. Dia kata dia demam so tak leh datang kerja. Tapi dalam Facebook tulih dia tengah kat Genting. Langsung tak gel dengan citer demamnya.

So berbalik kepada mukadimah aku di atas tadi, sebab ko tak pandai nak konar dalam Facebook, I hate you even more, hokey ?

Kalau ini lah karangan SPM aku, mesti tak pass sebab terkeluar tajuk. Aku tak leh nak relate balik kenapa Facebook ni dajjal sebenarnya. Kuang x 3.

Seriously, I am struggling for words. My memory is failing me. Help !

Hullo again

So after an extremely long hiatus I am back. I had wanted to return but time was just not permitting. Work has been super duper crazy. I am sighing because it is Monday tomorrow. What a bummer.

Kamil and I had... well, our naughty short break last Friday. We didn't go far. KL aje. He however splashed on the hotel and it was super nice. We walked to dinner, he drew me a hot bath (I only do scalding, if you must know), we walked in the rain, we had a long, leisurely breakfast... and I slept. Yup, that was what I did and he is resenting me right now. I had to take a half day off on Friday for this break and for me to afford this precious half day off I had to sleep beyond midnight for 3 freaking days to finish off my work. Mind boggling, ain't it ? So when we got there, I just had to snooze.

Hehhehe.... 

But it was nice all the same, you know when I was awake. But then again when I was awake, Kamil was missing the kids. The nice dinner we had ?? He felt guilty the kids were not there to enjoy it. He kept saying how the kids would love it. The breakfast we had ?? The spread was too freaking impressive and he felt bad the kids weren't there to gasp and marvel at it. He ket identifying food that each of his kids would choose and what they would say.... Guess what, we are going to the same hotel next weekend for breakfast just so he could see his kids' faces when they see the food selection.

We plan to go to the beach next year for our naughty weekend, Bali or Phuket maybe but am not sure if it will be just the 2 of us. Or even if it is advisable. He would be pining for his kids, for sure. Itu le, that is why married couple have their honeymoon before ada anak. Macam kita orang yang trying to make up for our honeymoon by having several masa dah ada anak just doesn't cut it. 

Other than that, life is okay. We had the Walk of Hope. We went to loads of weddings. We .... ermmm.....went to work. Kamil went to play badminton while I melangut tengok people being murdered on the telly. Kalau lah dia nak bawak aku main badminton sekali... kalau lah...

We ... well... apparently nothing special or exciting happened. It was just our normal, humdrum life. So maybe I didn't write because there is nothing to write about !

Sigh.

Well maybe I should be thankful for my normal, humdrum-y life, yeah ?

Anyway, it is already at the end of the year. Lagi berapa bulan I had to add another number to my age. Even though my birthday is in the middle of the year, but technically you had to add that 1 at the stroke of midnight 1 January every single year. I feel old. My kids are getting bigger. 

Hmmm......

Dah lama tak Mai sini

Wow... Dah lama jugak aku tak singgah sini. So many things happened, both that can be shared and those that can't.

We went to see a lot of movies. Basically almost all, except for Too Fast Too Furious. We just didn't have the time.

I had my birthday. I m still 31 like I have been for so many years. Kamil's birthday is today. It is so hard to find him a present because he never wants anything. Well except for a big bike which is way beyond what I make.

So what I did was ordered cakes from his favorite bakery i.e. my colleague (she really should stop working and concentrate on making people happy with her marvelous confections) and planned with his most trusted staff to throw a surprise birthday sing-song and cake eating at the office. I will refrain from calling it a party due to its lack of any other party-ish activities. I really should be more creative. I think I have been secretly colluding with his staffs to celebrate his birthday for many, many years now. I don't think he is surprised anymore....

Hmmm.... what shall I do next year ? Hmmm....

M knackerred, y'all so I will sambung later, yeah .

Semalam

I am so tired today. Actually I am tired all the time. I feel sluggish and unmotivated. I feel so burdened with things sometimes. Nak kata meroyan... my last baby is almost 10 so... it is probably age.

Semalam pagi-pagi lagi kami bersiap to go to the Curve and then lunch at IKEA. Dah lama dah tak makan the meatballs. We arrived there at 10am and was greeted with a very long queue. They weren't even serving the lunch menu yet ! What time did these people get here ?

We haven't had breakfast yet so while the kids waited (and guarded) at a table, we went down to get curry puffs and mineral water to tide us in until lunch, served at 11.30. By 11.25 the line got longer so we gave up. Went to Debenhams, the real reason we ventured there in the first place and then hot dogs for lunch.

Anyway, there were bouncy castles there and Adik jumped with joy at the prospect of it. Aku benda macam tu malas nak decide takut kena pangkah jugak akhirnya dengan Kamil so she turned her begging to Kamil. She clasped her hands together, made her eye bigger and said, "Please, please, please..." and Babah relented.

She whooped with happiness and Abang remarked, "Bila Adik buat macam tu, Babah selalu kalah...."

Excuse me ?

I asked him what he meant and Abang said, "Well... bila dia buat macam tu (here he clasped his hands together) Babah selalu give in ..." and he smiled ruefully.

You want to have a go at the bouncy castle ? I asked and he recoiled in horror and said , "NO !" I don't know which part I felt the saddest most for. At the possibility of him implying that Babah favours his sister or that he doesn't want to play on a bouncy castle anymore.

Dia dah pandai lock himself in the room. He could be there for hours at end, I have no idea what he was doing. He doesn't really watch cartoons anymore and the saddest part is never requests to be tucked in anymore. Usually he would just give me a peck on the cheek and forehead before he goes to bed and that was it. I guess I am lucky that I still get those, I suppose.

Once I was already asleep while watching the telly with him in my room. I was woken up when I felt him kissing me on the forehead with the softest goodnight, mummy uttered. He didn't switch-off the telly but he did lower the volume down, just the way I like it.

Sigh... I need a new play-thing... a baby....

Anyway last night my siblings gathered at my home to watch a horror movie, Mama. The aircond in the telly-room dah rosak, so is the one in my room and so Kamil bawak the telly from the kitchen and set it up with the player in the living room. I brought down loads of pillows and blankets and we had a very nice and cosy time.

Bila adik-adik aku dah balik, macam malas pulak nak naik atas, so we crashed there.

Nice.

Hotel....

So... I know I said I wanted to upload my picture ... however.... I have second thoughts. Segan pulak tetiba... hahahhaha.

Anyway, we had our teambuilding at Ancasa Hotel or Apartment in PD. We hired a consultant to teambuild us and they were great. Not so great is the hotel.

It was dirty. The toilets in the apartment were dirty. The walls were cringe-worthy and the glasses they put in the bathroom for our toothbrush were filthy. It was caked with white substance that I care not investigate its origin or nature.

The toilet in the common area was soooo dirty I almost fainted. Seriously.

Sometimes we had food outside, in the one and the lalats ate with us too. The glasses were filthy therefore I hardly ate just in case everything else was dirty.

But... whatever I did partake was delicious. That was their saving grace. The food was good. I survived on delicious, soft buttery croissants in the morning and whatever that doesn't look menacing the rest of the time.

Oh. Some of the staffs deserved my slaps. On our second night, my staff and I decided to just have a chit-chat in our room instead of joining the slumber party going on in another room. We talked into the night and suddenly around midnight there was a knock on our door. I thought it was our other housemates coming in so I cheerily invited them in.

We got the shock of our lives when the door threw open and a guy in blue coveralls came in. He just walked in without saying anything. D and I were too flabbergasted to say anything. "Kata ada air-cond rosak ?" he asked. Although with that I could really bury the fear that that will be my last night on earth, but we were still too damn rooted on the sofa to do anything especially considering our exposed aurats !

Ya Rabbi.

I stood up and told him no... we are okay with our air-conds. He looked at me, went inside our rooms and came out again. Dalam ketakutan tu, I still recognised that he is the maintenance guy, and so experience kicked-in and I immediately complained about the lights in our bedroom which failed to lit up.

And he brushed it off with "Ah... lampu..." and promptly left.

He was in and out of our apartment in 2 minutes top but he managed to stupefy, scare and miff us in that very, very short time.

So there.

Unmentionables yang melayang di tiup angin.....

So I went to my team building do. And I had Anne of Green Gables / Little House on the Prairie going on for our dinner. Well more of that after I get the pics, yeah ? I will also talk at length about the hotel that we stayed in. More on how horrifying it was, really.

Anyway on our last night there, we were pelted by heavy rain. My roommate and I didn’t realize it all for some reason so when we went down for breakfast, we were shocked to see an unmentionable lying on the floor for all and sundry to see.

“Laa… sapa punya yang tercicir ni ?” Hehheheh…. And as we moved on, I saw a single sock all wet and a few other items of clothing strewn about. So the wind must have been really great that night.

I of course suddenly remembered something that happened in the past…….

Dulu-dulu for some reason we were always going to Terengganu and whenever there we will definitely stay at Tanjong Jara. Now… we love going there because of all the chalets are so luxurious and so very different from the normal hotel concept. We love the beach, we love the pool and we love the food. We were forever ordering fish and chips whenever we went swimming.

During one trip yeah when I was 8 I think, instead of a normal one-piece swimsuit, I was given a 2-piece one. My first one ! I was soooo besotted with it for some reason and was always putting it on, underneath my clothing. Come to think of it, I had always loved wearing swimsuits under my clothes. Once I even went to a shopping complex with my friends, who all had a swimsuit on, before we actually went to a pool. It was thrilling, for some reason….. like there is a secret that we were harbouring. Bangang kan ?

Anyway I remember this 2-piece had a brown and red batik motif. Or maybe paisley. My father would always laugh when I put it on and I felt so proud whenever I jumped in the pool in it. Probably because I know I could not get away with it now kot, bila dah besar-besar, so I was savouring every moment I had with it… I was such a clever girl…

Hehehhehe…..

Moving on…. After every swim, I would carefully hang it on the balcony railing to dry and one day, one fateful morning really when I went to get my swim suit I couldn’t find the top. Jenuh aku dok terkinja-kinja jenguk from the balcony just in case it fell to the grass but tak ada. I remember my brother lowering me down to the ground and I checked underneath the chalet and still it was not there.

I remember going around the chalet to the front door feeling so dejected and sad and disappointed, wondering what happened to it. My mom was kind enough to help me look around the room, just in case I didn’t hang it outside but pun tak ada.

Ohh… rasa sedih pulak sekarang. I still could remember that incident.

SO what to do ? I can’t swim without a proper costume so I didn’t at all until we went out to town and was bought a new one… yang I could assume mesti tak cantik because I could not remember it at all.

My dad said it could have been stolen because it was so pretty. Hehehhehe… ye lah tu. A more logical explanation after looking at the clothing yang tercicir kelmarin would be, it must have been blown away by the wind….

Sad…..

Still tak kena jugak....

So I found my apron at Lovely Lace. Sangat tak cantik. Well cantiklah kalau nak masak. But for a Dutch lady to go on dates with a Dutch fella, not so. I am tempted to go with plan B i.e. cut a section of a scallopy lace curtains, however there is the Kamil factor to deal with. Semalam masa pegi Lovely Lace Kelana Jaya pun dah tension, lagi lah kalau aku ajak pegi KK Mart malam ni. Sure cuka punya. However... Hmmm... I think tonight is his badminton night... so maybe I could go back to KK Mart....

Anyway apart from the thematic dinner, we were put in groups with arahan to do a role-play. I hate this. Seriously. Lepas tu funnily enough the role-play is a bit funny role-play where we have to do a sketch and has nothing to do with role-playing. More berlakon kind of thing. I was expecting us to each take a character in the office and make a presentation of him/her but not in this case.

So mulalah kami dok kerah kepala nak buat script lah hapa lah. Sapa lah punya idea ni. Must be the event organizer. Really takes the fun out of things.

Belum habis lagi tu. We each have to prepare a present to be exchanged. That is okay so semalam dekat Lovely Lace tu jugak I bought something… a nice candle. Dah bayar berbagai barulah teringat, there are men in my team and I am sure they wouldn’t like the candle.

Sigh….

Kamil hari tu dah cakap dah, beli aje Ferrero Rocher. But aku lupa nak ajak dia pegi Giant. So malam ni lah aku kena pegi beli Ferrero Rocher, cellophane tape (rumah aku tak tahan benda ni… Adik loves it and seriously aku tak tahu apa yang dia tape….), torch light, more socks. Nak tak nak I have to do so tonight... Sebab Kamil memang main badminton malam ni. At least I will be spared his evil looks.....
 

On top of that, if I am not mistaken hotel yang kita orang akan duduk ni got ghost one. The name is soo familiar and walaupun I couldn’t positively remember the name of the hotel yang got ghost one tu, I remember how the front of the hotel looks like. So jenuh aku dok google tapi website langsung tak tunjuk gambar depan and I couldn’t find the ghost story anywhere.

Tawakal ajelah. Tidur pun ada kawan so okay lah kan ?

Kan ?

Kan ?

Errr…..