Adik

Today Kamil and I had lunch with an old friend from Uni. We had lunch at the Curve, sambang-sembang and catching up.

Walaupun we had lunch at 12.30 but we were full until dinner so the kids had dinner at home with Bibik while Kamil and I went out to shop for currencies. Balik rumah, the dynamic duo belum tidur lagi. So aku pun duduk lah melepak dengan dia orang, sembang-sembang while watching the telly.

Now, I haven't been to the loo for three days already and thus, my tummy is not feeling right. Rasa macam senak ada, macam gassy ada... madam-macam lah.

So I commented in general, "Sakit lah perut...."

Adik asked, "Where did you have dinner just now ?"

I didn't, I replied.

"Why ?" she asked.

"Well... I have no money... All my money is gone...to pay for our holiday...." Heheh... saja je.

"Really ? Why don't you take some from the bank ?" Typical...

"Dalam bank pun dah habis, dik... It is empty now...."

"Okay.. pegi lah masak...."

"No... I wouldn't dare... Takut nanti tak cukup for you guys to eat..."

"Okay... saya ada 20 ringgit dalam saya punya box... Ambik lah.... Go and buy some food...."

Heheheh... You know, all the while we were having this conversation, she didn't look at me once. Her eyes were glued to her iTouch which is so very typical of her. Dari kecik dia macam tu... Tak pandang pun muka kita bila bercakap, but you just had to sit up straight for its contents.

I am touched. She is a good girl, really. One thing I have to say about her, walau pun she is the youngest child, she is very caring, very giving and senang mengalah. Such a loving child. Sayang, she deserves an adik. It is such a waste that she didn't have one.

I love seeing her dok gelek her little cousins on her hips, so willing to please them, so willing to help, so loving them.

Seriously, sayang....

Hmmm....

If you are a prude, don't read okay sebab aku malas nak layan orang-orang yang akan bagi comment like, benda macam ni pun nak cerita ke ?

So... don't ever say I didn't warn you, yeah ?

This morning after I buttoned up my shirt, I asked Kamil if you know... my bra is showing. He said no, tak ada. Okay then. So pegi Pasar Tani, pegi Tesco beli ikan, ambik beras, ambik itu ini then while we were waiting for our turn at the till, noticed my husband kept looking at my chest.

Aku biarkan jugak tapi when he didn't even talk to me but to my chest, I just had to ask. "Why are you looking at my boobs ?"

And sheepishly he said, "I can see your bra ..."

Sigh. "I asked you before but you said no... "

"No... you asked something else...."

"So what did I ask you exactly ?"

"You errrmmm... asked if I can see your boobs... and I can't ...."

What the ... ?

Patut le orang dok pandang aku.  And laki aku... instead of telling me to cover up ke hapa, was actually enjoying the scenery. I mean... seriously ? He allowed me to expose the girls to the public !

I have always suspected that Kamil never pays attention when I talk. Remember I have been telling you guys that I have started wearing selendangs ? Tudung lilit-lilit ? I keep on asking him if I actually look okay. He hardly even flicked his eyes my way and just nodded.

No matter how I prodded, he will just nod. And semalam bila aku keras sikit tanya if I look like a right twat in this, he forced out an, "Okay lah..."

Wow... what a way to boost my self-esteem, my confidence.

What is new ?

I have been tired and extremely sluggish lately. Rasa macam nak tidur aje.... I have been neglecting work... When I say that I strictly mean I have not been taking work home. Well, I do take them home, but whether I actually do something about that is another thing.

I still haven't made my move to the new division. I actually am very worried of not being able to understand the new business. I am old and I don't think I am as sharp as I once was. If I was even sharp in the first place is a another thing to worry about, actually.

Sigh...

5 more days to our holiday. I am soo excited. The kids are excited. But poor Kamil can't be excited due to his work. Sian... 

Tadi Adik told me that sometimes she cried when she looked at our Mekah/Madinah pics. I was about to go awww when she added, "And while I cried, I farted..."

Another geleng kepala moment.

I am soo full. I had nasi goreng kampung for dinner. I really shouldn't on account of my IBS but.. I can't resist it, yeah. Western food bores me for some reason. I can eat them, no problem but I usually get bored halfway.

I made chicken in cherry tomato sauce and mascaporne yesterday. Had them with penne. It was delicious. But I only had half of the chicken. It wasn't exciting at all. But the nasi goreng just now, licin. Melayu, kan ?

What else to tell ?

I am fat.

What else ? Something new probably ?

I have started wearing make-up again. I was at KLCC and amongst all the lovely things I could buy, I went to borong MAC. I was just looking at the Archie's themed make-up and I do not know why I bought a Veronice blusher, plus the brush and a tub of lipstick, that looked almost the same as my existing one.

What was I thinking ?

What else ?

My hair is nice. So manageable now that is short.

What else ?

My husband pegi main badminton tapi haram tak call I langsung. The whole day. I mean I know he's going, but at least call lah sebelum pegi. Saja ambik hati kan ?

Mula lah aku meroyan. But that is not something new.

I have nothing new to tell !

Boringnya aku !

Weekend

Kami dok busy tengok wayang this month. Oz, Jack The Giant Slayer and last night Warm Bodies. That one is the one to watch, folks. Seriously entertaining.

Weekend ni kami tak buat apa sangat. Well tak buat apa-apa yang fun, I should say. The classes that we have to send the kids to, the visits to pasar and shops and what-nots. Kamil mentioned that weekend is actually a working weekend as we have to manage the other aspect of our life pulak.

I took Adik to the hairdresser semalam. I go to Siti for my monthly scalp treatment anyway and while I had my hair done, Adik had hers too. She felt like a right grown-up, she said. Hahah... dah besar anak Mak. Ila and Siti are really good with hair, I must say as Adik came out with a beautiful bob. Kamil commented that Adik's supposed to look like him, and not me. Nasib lah kau....

Today we went to Ampang Park to order a new box of contacts for me. Dah kat sana I took the opportunity to look around and  jumpa kedai jual tudung bawal ! Bad news, they are expensive ! Ada satu yang super lovely at RM199 sebab it is kerawang goyang. Letak balik walaupun it is white with grey kerawang, a combination yang I tak pernah ada.

I bought a cheaper one at RM85. It is white with small purple flowers all over which is really pretty. I already have that combo but I am just collecting sebab there will come a day where they will stop from producing at all. Upside, I can actually order ! So I ordered one with grey flowers, one with green flowers and one with blue. Aku rasa macam lega sangat sebab masih ada tempat yang boleh aku beli.

Anyway hari tu, a colleague's mom bought me some curry puffs and they were super delicious. She gave me two and there were just Abang and I so both of us scoffed the whole thing. First bite I thought I had beef. I said so to Abang. The second bite, I knew it was chicken and I told Abang that. As I took my third bite, he commented "Lets not hope it is sardine this time, Mum !"

Hehehehheheh......... Kelakar lah kau, nak.

After that, her mom kept buying us some. I am most grateful sebab gerainya kat Klang, dekat dengan sekolah La Salle apparently, and I have no idea where it is ! 

Career wise, I have been moved to a new Division since March 1st but I have yet to make my move. My boss (or erstwhile really) wants me to finish off whatever that is on-going. While saying that, he keeps membebel pasal my move and I cannot help but feel guilty all the time.

Sigh.

Something to look forward to is our holiday ! Yeay, yeay ! Something not to look forward to is reminding my boss of my 8 days holiday. He will go nuts !

I am poorly - Part 2

One nice thing about being sick is the sympathy I get... heheh.

Mom came everyday to visit and to massage all the sore and aching bits.

My sister came with her son and my nieces.

Kids will do every single thing I asked them without protest. I only haven't asked them to cabut bulu ketiak aje lagi....

Kamil... well.... he has been working and when he came home, he went to bed straight away.

Bibik has been wonderful. My makan minum was taken care of, my bed sheets changed.... She even brought snacks to me, just in case. Problem is, I did not feel like eating. Perut rasa penuh all the time. I could only accept liquid.

I eagerly wait for Adik to arrive home. At least ada orang yang nak layan bersembang as being sick is boring. Bila dia balik, ada aje lah cerita yang dia bawak dari sekolah, merapu semunya but wildly entertaining. Especially her expression when there are things yang dis tak setuju. Like her 1 datang lambat slip. Tak pernah lagi dia datang lambat so she is really, really unhappy about that !

I do not feel so good today. Driving took a toll on my strength. I was gasping as soon as I got out of the car. Weird huh ?

I am poorly...

I am poorly.... I am a bit better now obviously what with me writing about it here....But not full bill of health... I am feeling it still...

As far as demam goes, this one is quite a nasty one. It started Monday morning as soon as I got to work. I was not feeling it right and when a colleague commented that I looked sick, I felt it even more. By lunch time my body started to ache. I had almost nothing to eat and wasn't very good company. I had also started to feel cold.

I had an appointment after office hours at KLCC and I believe you me, I tried to get out of, unsuccessfully. So nak tak nak, I drove to KLCC and stayed until after 9. I arrived home about 20 minutes after. Amazing....

Anyway, during the meeting I could feel the cold so much, I kept rubbing my arms. It got worse during the drive as my head was so heavy and my throat felt like it ballooned.

I brought home goodies and since it was already 9.30 I drove like mad to catch my kids before they go off to Dreamland. I tried racing the stairs but my feet were dragging me. I forced myself to eat the treats (tiramisu and chocolate mousse with profiteroles on top... super yummmm...!) with my family. Luckily Kamil is rather strict on bedtime so he chased the kids back to their beds 15 minutes after.

I then tumbang-ed.

I woke up at 3 shivering and with my head feeling like it was struck with heavy pipes. I was rather disoriented as soon as I opened my eyes, I started crying. I told Kamil of my ailments and he hugged me to give me some warmth. When it didn't work he put on more blankets and told me to sleep.

Take me to the doctor, I said. He said okay and snored. Typical.

I was restless as I was feeling the cold so much, I cried again. I tried every position I could think of, knees to my chest, legs under Kamil's but none worked.

Take me to the doctor, I said this time with more force and baru lah dia bangun. Men.....

Doctor said my temperature was very, very high. Really doc, I asked. Then why am I feeling cold ? He said that is normal when the body temperature spiked. He then asked me to open wide, which I was rather reluctant to do so on account that I did not brush my teeth. Doc found puss on my tonsil. Great.

I was given 2 days MC with instructions if things did not get better by the third day, I would have to come again for blood tests.

I am better now. No more shivers but my body ache so. And my throat. And my head. But at least the shivers are gone so yeay !

So for 2 days I slept and baring and slept and baring and I think that was enough to allow bed sores to develop. I tried sitting but my head wouldn't let me. I tried walking but my sore knees just would let me.

Therefore I am very much relieved that could sit long enough to write at this very moment.

Okay... I should stop right now.

I need to baring...

Ta-ra...

Tudung..

Today is a hot day. So very hot my neck got sticky. Euuuww.....

Today my friends and I went to a rumah anak yatim to distribute telekung and talk about solat. This place is very different from the one that we visited about a month or so ago. That one was well run and clean.

This one is a bit menyedih kan but not because of anything but tangan yang tak menang. It is a bit too much for one person to take on her own. I feel that this is the place that needs our attention.

So our visit next time would be to distribute pakaian sembahyang for the boys and penekanan tentang kebersihan.

I seriously do not know what to write about. Work is fine... boring but fine. Working hard to get good KPI to get good bonus. Smashing bonus in fact.

Still fat... hahahhaha.....

Oh and I have started to change my tudung. I had a very good and emotional talk with Kak Kay berkenaan our affinity for tudung bawal that is slowly disappearing from the shops. My style had always been white tudung bawal with the sulaman or the bunga yang ikut the colour of the baju. Masalahnya, dah susah nak cari tudung bawal yang cantik. Sekarang ni semua sulaman is situated on top of your head. So far I looked ridiculous in one.

Then came the two-toned tudung. That one is nice. It either started with white or black and then gradually gets to the colour intended. Tapi tak lama, sebab tiba-tiba it too disappeared from the shops and came the 5 tones. Punyalah berkecamuk, I failed to identify the colour asal.

So now, I have resorted to tudung lilit-lilit. I usually chose white with coloured motives. White with pink polka-dots, blue stripes or black floral. But... I still look ridiculous. However, better than tudung awning or tudung bunga ataih kepala.

Please.... bring back tudung bawal... Sapa-sapa saja.... Please....

Bad Memory

I bought my nephew a pest fish last week. No reason really apart from wanting to see his reaction. He was shy about it surprisingly. But that lasted like 5 seconds before he demanded for the lid to be opened.

My kids of course wanted one too. I am okay about it but you know how errmmm….unpredictable Kamil could get. Free-free aje kena marah nanti so I let the kids stated their case. Lo and behold,  Kamil agreed ! At the risk of him changing his mind, last weekend  since he was away for work, I quickly organized for the kids to have a look at the fish on display and let them choose what they fancy.

Abang took one with 2 guppies in it. He named them Yin and Yang because one is black and the other one is white. I don’t know whether it is true or not as they were too small for my eyes. Seriously.

Adik took a red ikan laga which, after much thought decided to call Dandelion.

“Dandelion ?” Was the incredulous  question from her Abang.

“Yeah…” She answered, head high ready for a fight.

“How could you name a fighting fish Dandelion ? He will be the laughing stock of the fighting fish world !”

Tu dia… aku tak sangka ikan laga ada community depa sendiri.

Ha ha.

Last week, in the car both of them were having their usual chats. I wasn’t listening but something Abang said caught my attention.

“Have you ever seen a fat footballer ?” He asked. I really do not know what started it off.

And the answer she gave was, “I don’t know… you ?”

Hehehehheheheh. Mak bapak kat depan yang gelak while Abang crossed his arms, mulut muncung. The serial Deadpan Girl has struck again.

My kids actually have a lot of hilarious conversations. Sometimes aku rasa macam nak curi-curi record them. I have tried it once but they caught me almost immediately and after that they got a bit self-conscious and eventually stopped. Most of the times, I was desperately trying to record it in my head so that I can blog about it. But often times, I couldn’t. My memory is that bad.

Speaking of memory, I have been forgetting words. And phrases too. I noticed this a few years before but it seemed to be getting worse. Struggling for words in a meeting is embarrassing okay. But try as I might, some words are totally lost from me. Phrases especially. I find that I couldn’t make any witty comebacks anymore as well.

Apasal aaa ?

The thing about the dark...

That day, after we buried my Paksu in Perak, we crashed at my Uncle Mat's house in Ipoh. Tired and hungry we arrived at his gorgeous home around midnight. Learning that we have not eaten, Uncle dearest went out to buy food.

So we ate at 1 am and slept close to 2, in neat rows in the living room. But when in Perak, before azan Subuh berkumandang, I would be woken up by the sound of the front door opening. For a while, I thought it was my arwah Tok who usually berjemaah for Subuh.

But no, it is not him. It is his son who followed his footsteps. Rain or shine, work day or weekends, he and his brothers will berjemaah for Subuh. It doesn't matter if I crashed at Uncle Mat, or Uncle Kamal's house (and I suspect Uncle E's house too... I have never crashed at his place for some reason...), I will definitely hear the sound of the house keys jangling, then the opening of the door and then the azan.

Kalau Tok tu, sometimes he would leave the door open with just the grilled door closed. I sometimes would stand in front of the door and watch his retreating back to the surau, the air cool and the day still dark.

So nostalgic.

By the way, talking about dark two days ago Adik told me that she heard noises downstairs at about 3 am. She said she heard doors and drawers opening and closing and footsteps and what-nots. I reasoned it could be Bibik but she wasn't that convinced.

Anyway yesterday she asked Bibik if it was her at 3 am the day before. Bibik said no, she woke up at 5. So this little girl came running to me, breathless and bursting with news.

"Bibik cakap dia tidur pukul 3 ! Dia bangun pukul 5 ! So ada orang masuk rumah kita pukul 3 !"

"Really ? But the house wasn't disturbed !"

"Iya ! Saya dengar ada orang pukul 3 !"

While aku terbangang-bangang, I though of something. "How did you know it was 3 ?"

"I know it was 3..." Eh ? "You looked at the watch ?"

"Nope... it looked like 3...."

"How do you know it was 3 ?"

"It was dark !" Dia pulak dah naik marah.

"Pukul 5 pun still dark.... How do you know the difference between 3 and 5 ?"

"Saya tahulah. It felt like 3 !"

What ? Hello ? 

Allah, penat bergaduh....

Hmmm......

Sigh again

So my last post was on the happy news of getting a new niece. Today's post would be the sad news on my uncle's passing.

Yesterday, which coincidentally was Valentine's Day, Kamil was bored at the office and asked me to lunch. He picked me up and not even 5 minutes of partaking our food, Mom called to say that something had happened to Paksu and asked me check what was going on. I heard the word HKL, CPR and a lot of gasps and hints of worry.

Kamil asked me to relax and I called my uncle K. Just in case he knew something but all I managed to do was worry him. I called a friend who kebetulan worked with my Paksu and I was informed that he had collapsed and was taken by the ambulance. He evaded my question of whether Paksu was still breathing when they took him away.

I feared the worse. Uncle K called to tell me the same story and he was worried. Then mom called crying hysterically to say that my Paksu has passed on. My brother MI who is working in HKL confirmed it.

And so the flurry of cries, phone calls and fast walks started. My biggest worry was my Maksu. Paksu's colleagues had dispatched a driver to take her to the hospital, but she still didn't know.

I arrived to see him, in his lifeless stage, his colleagues penuh keliling dia. Lucikly there was a familiar face that came and hug me. Dalam sedih, I couldn't help but feel proud when seeing my brother in his doctor garb.

I was at the hospital from 1 pm to about 5. Waiting and waiting for everything to settle as my Maksu only came for 5 minutes and promptly left. Poor her. I really thank his colleagues for arranging everything as I wouldn't even know where to start.

My dad and Kamil helped to bathe him, then at Maksu's request I was with her following behind the van jenazah to Perak, to bury him at his kampung.

He left behind my Maksu, his 8 year old son and a hoard of relatives that love him very, very much.
Al-Fatihah for my Paksu.

Sigh....

Hari ni I got a new niece. I am so happy of course.. intersperse with jealousy. Unfortunately.

When we were 30, I told Kamil maybe it is time for us to get preggers again. I had always planned that 30 would be the last year I would give birth. My body, my planning lah kan ?

But surprise, surprise after 2 kids, Kamil said he wasn't ready for a third one. I was flummoxed, well.. still is, considering we already have 2... so what is just adding one more, yeah ? But there is nothing I could do about it since I needed his bit to get preggers.

So since I was very sure that I do not want to be parading around with a huge belly above 30, I consoled my self that 2 is more than enough. 

But of course it is a lie, and lies do not stem yearnings.. so I have yearned and yearned for another child, and yearning still.

But again, there is nothing I could do about it. Alasan dia, aku tak larat. Tak sangka laki aku considerate begitu sekali sehinggakan he knows what my body could take.

To give him some credit, he relented last year and for a few months we were well into the programme. But... when month after month I keep getting the monthly curse, nampaknya tak ada rezeki. We secretly accused the other one to suddenly, out of the blue became infertile. Haha.... No seriously, it is a joke.

And there she was, the little one yang aku peluk and berangan that she is mine. The smell... so beautiful, the cries.. so sweet, the face.. so loveable.

Sigh.

I need to grab a Gucci, or... a diamond to fill the gap.

But of course, Mr Know-It-All to akan cakap aku saja suka membazir...

Lantaklah.....

Thou shall not fart in my car...

From when their were small, I had told my kids that before they err... release gas, they must warn me first. Just so I can do the necessary to not smell it.

It's an unwritten rule but constantly verbalised in my car. Even when I ferry other people's kids, I would tell them of the one golden rule i.e. one must inform the driver  before one farts so that she can roll down the window. She does not want to ingest the toxins released via one's butt via her nose.

Simple.

But with my kids, nothing is ever simple. With this rule in their little minds, once in a very, very crowded lift, abang announced, "I want to fart !"

Damn ! I could not pretend he wasn't mine as I was holding his hand ! And then, a small voice that came from his sister behind him chimed in, "I farted ! Sorry....."

Ya Rabbi.... Help me, help me ! It was the longest ever lift ride. Ever !

Please do not ask me how I handled it, yeah ? Blustering fool I was. Hheheheh.....

Hari tu aku mengamuk sakan sebab on one fine day after like a 2-3 hours at a mall, not 5 minutes into our journey home, Abang wound down the window. I went totally ballistic as never have I rode in a car with my kids without one of them scrolling down the darn window. So that day I finally snapped and shouted, "We were in the mall for 2 freaking hours and you did not even fart once ! Masuk aje kete nak kentut ! Apa hal ?"

Hehhehe.... when I think about it, poor Abang..... But poor me too because one day rosak jugak tingkap tu from excessive usage !

Sigh...

Anyway last week Adik joined me in my Criminal Minds marathon. I dok syok-syok tengok when suddenly she sat up and said, "This is a very violent show !"

Belum sempat aku jawab she added, "Why did you let me watch it ?"

Hissshhh !!!!!

Semua salah mak bapak....

Macam-macam

Adik is poorly today. Has been since yesterday. I don't know why my little girl could not keep her food down everytime she is sick. And being a little girl, she is always very clingy when she is sick.

Knowing that, I woke her up yesterday to inform of my impending departure to work. Eyes still closed, she nodded with a smile.

But at 10 am, she called with traces of tears in her voice. "Sapa nak jaga saya ?" Err.... Bibik kan ada... I replied. She sighed heavily which considerably damaged my heart so I said, "You nak Mummy balik ke ? I can come home for awhile during lunch to have a look at you...."

But she replied, "Tak pa, tak pa, tak pa... I'll be fine..." Dah besar anak mak.... Sian dia.

A few months ago, my now ex-boss lamented why Moms are out working nowadays. He said he prefers the Moms to stay at home to mind their children. He is immensely proud that his children were raised by his wife and not some maid.

He then asked me, with me working what sort of luxury do we have with the extra money from my pay ? Extra ice-cream ?

Heh... ye lah tu.

My answer was simple. Charity. Without my money, we couldn't afford charity. There will be no money for the kids, for those single mothers, for my relatives, for anybody.

Sure I have my luxuries, but I too give back to society and the most importantly I give back to my parents.

I would love to stay and home and belek my kids. But then also my parents paid for my education and I don't think they want to see me at home. I am managing my parents' expectations, too.

Besides, I need my income... well just in case...

I will stop at that....yeah ?

Haha. 

Anyway this Sunday I will be visiting a new orphanage. I will be busy preparing for the visit i.e. chocolates and yummy stuffs for the kids. And a more practical box of medicines for the host. Well, they are for the kids too, really.

I will be putting up a post on that visit, so that sapa-sapa yang interested nak bersedekah could go directly there or contact the guardian. Insya-Allah.

Cuti

Happy Thaipusam. And to those who do not celebrate, hope you guys had a smashing five-day leave.

I did take Friday off but not to have fun but to take Adik to see her paediatrician. The good doctor finally gave her the all clear after numerous urine and blood tests done. I am very relieved because seriously I do not know what to expect. That is all behind us now, so I am very much happy.

After we were done at the hospital, I went to pick up Abang and his cousin from their school. We stopped for lunch and I had a smashing time talking to them, my kids. Iris (my niece) is a cool 14 year old, very much mature and so much fun. She had always been my secret favourite amongst my anak-anak buah from Kamil's side. Well secret favourite because you are not supposed to have favourites. Haha...

After that we sent her home, then we went home and rested. I was beat and was really happy curling up on the sofa watching my new HyppTV. I love HyppTV. Cooked dinner, ate with the kiddies and then waited for Kamil to come home. He had a late night at work so I accompanied him while he ate. My dad would have expected all of his kids to wait for him, but Kamil is not my dad. In fact he would have gone ballistic if he knew his kids still did not sup at 10 pm !

Anyway, this morning my new Bibik commented on my running up the stairs while squealing. Why do you do that ? I have noticed that about you, she asked.

Well... when I was small, there were possibilities of my dad running up the stairs behind me to scare the hell out of me or to grab my butt, so.....I squealed. My siblings squealed. We basically squealed even though he was not at home...Old habits die hard....

She looked shocked, flustered not knowing what to say. After a very awkward minute of her closing and opening her mouth, she laughed. Entah dia paham ke tidak.

She is my first Javanese maid. Therefore we really have a huge communication problem. I just found out 'ngebel' means phone calls. My other maids had always used talipon. And a lot of times we just gave up. I smile at her. She smiles at me. And we hope everybody is okay with each other.

Anyway, today the consequences of this little problem got a bit to hard to ignore. She asked Kamil if she could cut some of our Japanese bamboo to be used to hang our laundry. Kamil said ok. She also asked Kamil if she could trim the wiry plants in front of our front patio. Kamil said ok.

But when we came back, our Japanese bamboo had turned to bonsai and we saw her threw all of the cut ones away. Not one was out to use as a laundry hanger. Same goes with the plants at the patio. As bald as Kamil's head. I didn't care about all those but quickly took a peek at my lemon tree that still refused to bear fruits and happy to see that it was untouched.

Kamil's words that came with his hanging mouth ? "Ini trim ke massacre ?"

HEHhEHEHHEHEHEHEHEH !

But being us, we just smiled at her encouragingly even though Kamil was staring misty eyed at what is left of his precious bamboo.

Apart from all that, we did not do anything much. Went to the club to play tennis with the kids because Abang represents his school in the doubles. Do not know how that is going to work out considering his utmost clumsiness. He whacked his head with his racquet while walking, okay ? He wasn't even playing. He was just holding it. Shudder the though of what is going to happen to his partner when he is required to swing that thing around.

Went to Mid Valley. got a good parking but we were in and out in an hour. I seriously do not know what to do there. We did what we had to do and left. I am seriously bored of all the malls in Malaysia. They are all the same. They sell the same stuffs and serve the same food. So.. I'll stick to the ones near my home then.

Other than that... well we stayed home and watch the telly, ate and talked. I think this was the best kind of holiday.

My boy

I know that I am an over protective mom. I know. However there is nothing I could do about it as well.. I am a mom.

Giving what happened today as an example, I had to fetch Abang from school because of tennis practise. He represents the school in the doubles (I seriously do not know how that is gonna work out considering his extreme clumsiness. Sedangkan sambil berjalan pun raket di tangan boleh terhentak kepala sendiri, ini kan lagi kepala kawan kat sebelah on the court....) so he had to stay for practise.

Anyway, usually by 4.30 he would call me to say he was done, but when 4.35 no phone call came, I was already sweating like mad. I got out of the car and stood erect in front of the lobby. I just had to make sure he could see me. By 4.45 I was already howling at Kamil.

4.50 I entered the school and started a frantic look around. I even scrutinised the many, many faces at the pool, just in case my son dok melepak tengok orang practise swimming. Finally at 5 a call came.

"Mummy I am done !" Was the cheerful hello.

"Baby ! Where are you baby ? Mummy is already at school. I am so worried ! I could not find you !" There was a pause on the other side but then there were also a snicker and a few snorts from behind me. There were about 4 boys who were laughing while avoiding my eyes. You wait until you have your own child, I evilly thought.

Anyway, my darling, darling boy replied, "Saya baru saja habis, Mummy..."

"Okay.. never mind, baby. Quick come to Mummy. I am so worried..." Again the boys snickered and snorted. Kang aku complain kat guru besar kang....

I could hear my son's bewildered face because he then said in a very, very placating tone, "Boleh tak saya beli air sekejap ? I am at the canteen. Air saya dah habis..." and I ran there. The relief when I saw him was beyond words.

Yeah I know he is 13.. but he is my baby, my boy... my baby.... 

Sigh.... Mummy loves you, son.

Emotional suicide seorang mak...

I saw a kid drawing on the telly. He's very good at it, for his age... Haha...

I of course went down memory lane... looking at my son's drawings when he was just a wee lad. He loves drawing, always scribbling away but all he could come up with were these little circles. Not even squiggles but circles all over the paper.

I kept stumbling on these little circles everywhere, on book covers, any scrap of paper.. wall.... One day the three of us, him, my mom and I were sitting on the floor. My mom and I were gossiping and his body was bent down, concentrating on the pen and paper at hand. I remember him with long fringe covering his eyes, cute chubby cheeks tinged with healthy red and those eyes... sigh... his eyes always get to me... so huge, so bright, so him....

I remember leaving the conversation I had with mom and just drinking the sight of him like that, in that pose so engrossed with the task at hand. My mom leaned nearer to him and asked her grandson, "Apa ni bang ?", finger pointing to one of those circles.

"Cookie !" Hehehehhe... And the next was, "Ball !", and then "Balloon..". My mom exclaimed that what a clever boy he was because all those circles were for round things. And then he spoiled it by naming the next one bicycle and car.

Hehehhe.... All his favourite things in the world.

Believe you me, I feel so sad right now, missing the little boy that he was. This morning he left for school with a tennis racket in hand, so big..all grown up.... The fringe no more there, the cheeks still chubby for sure but is now browned by the sun. The eyes ? Still huge but there is some wisdom now.. and traces of life..

How long more will he want to be my baby ?

Dangerous territory

So I had a session with an ex-colleague of mine yesterday. She had just wanted to vent out her frustration with her in-laws as usual. To hear her in that distressed state, so much sadness and anger really made me wonder, what does it mean to be human ?  

We are supposed to be better than animals because of our ability to emphatise and symphatise. Okay, probably not just that but I would think that would be one of the most significant ones, lah. However there is this sorry group of people who likes to inflict pain on others. And we allow people to do bad things to us, we gritted our teeth and accepted it because they are our in-laws. Walaupun bukan MIL yang buat perangai but it’s the BIL or SIL, we still could not say anything because MIL would not like it if we complain about her child(ren).

I do feel that we are sometimes too tightly bound by traditions and customs, and we let it constrict us. Therefore here I am asking, why are we so afraid of our ILs ? What is the worse that could happen if we … ermm… dare I say it, melawan ?

Well seriously, a lot. I have witnessed a couple divorced just because the mother figure tak puas hati dengan menantu. Nasib baik they had the good sense to reconcile however sometimes pantang menantu tersilap langkah (bila dah tak suka, mulut bau deghoyan pun boleh dikategorikan sebagai dosa besar), mulalah she starts to threaten with the big D. Dia yang threaten. Bukannya anak dia yang threaten.

I have also seen a MIL that marahkan menantu walapun she got beaten up by her son. MIL said, menantu deserves it. But.. when the tables turned and her anak kena pukul dengan laki, pandai lak suruh pi report polis. Hehhehe…..

Anyway, my friend’s SIL did something to her. To clear her name, she courageously approached her MIL, cakap baik-baik of what had transpired, trying to resolve the issue. But by virtue of dia bukak mulut, she was labeled as kurang ajar. Never mind the ILs were the ones who raised their voices and were spewing lies. So mula lah keluar derhaka, tak selamat dunia akhirat and yang paling tak best, mak kau tak pandai ajar anak.

Tak terkata apa orang tu. All her alasan dipatah-patah kan, was not accepted even though she was the victim. Mangsa fitnah SIL sendiri. At the end, she just kept quiet. The thing she is most upset about is, being a 40 year old, why must she still go through this ? Why at 40, she is still scared of her ILs ? Why at 40 she is still not given respect or even the benefit of the doubt. Why dia yang kena fitnah but dia yang salah ?

And after that ghastly, ghastly episode, she still has to go and show her face. And it has to be a contrite face, no less. So she lives on, in a toxic environment, accepting the beatings and the lies because of… well…. I really have no idea.

Why can’t we just fight back ? At least a small act of defiance probably ? I dunno what could be deemed as one, maybe politely ask them to please say things nicely to us ? Or simply implore them to please just listen ?

Terbayang lak Beyonce nyanyi lagu Listen tu in Dreamgirls., heheh.

Entah lah….

Bila kita jadi menantu, kita automatically kena pijak. Kita automatically daripada jadi anak orang, terus jadi anak kambing. Bila dia buat kita, mak bapak kita langsung tak dipikirnya, di kata, di caci semahu-mahunya lagi.

Kenapa bila jadi menantu, kita hilang harga diri ? We have to tip-toe around our ILs, usually not knowing what that we could do to inflict derision.

Facing with this type of ILs, what is our right as a person in Islam ?

I know we are allowed to jauh kan diri. I know we are allowed to lawan balik, but it has to be done politely.

Bagi aku, I’ll follow the first one. Jauh kan diri to elakkan perkara2 yang tak diingini berlaku.  Because seriously, what is the worse that could happen ?

Unless your husband yang jenis tak boleh pakai punya and dok asyik sua mak bapak dia kat kita lah, walaupun he knows we are not respected there, not loved, not counted.

Tak bermakna kau punya sorry, kay ?

Hari tu Adik kena belasah dengan  a… well… let me say somebody of the same age, whom I will name C.

To say aku tak kisah anak aku kena belasah is not true lah, tetapi sebab yang buat pun budak, aku tak banyak cakap. Budak kan…. It is sooo hard to hukum anak-anak ni, considering their maturity. Bukannya apa, sementara nak besar, they experiment a lot. Those yang berani even push the boundaries. However it doesn’t mean that they are bad kids. They are essentially, kids.

I have seen my share of little horrific monsters who became perfect gentlemen/ladies when they are grown. SO there is no need to label them early on.

Bagi chance lah kan.

But in situation like this, apa yang aku kisah is the reaction from the parents. Parents to the kids yang mengkarate anak orang ni.

Pernah terjadi once Abang was pushed by a child called B when he was about 3. Since he was pushed from a height (apparently. I wasn’t present when it happened), the lebam was golf ball sized. It was painful to see. I did not say anything to the mother. Aku diam kan aje sebab tak nak cari gaduh and well... the one that pushed him pun a little boy jugak. He was only 4 je pun. 

The mother however apologized to me while she got in her car, about 2 days after the incident. Sambil lalu sebelah aku, she said, “Mintak maaf lah ye B tolak Abang hari tu…” Aku angguk aje and opened my mouth to say “Alah budak-budak….” but sayangnya tak sempat. She spoiled her apology by saying, “Tapi you tanyalah anak you apa dia buat kat anak I !”

Pulak.

I of course grilled my child who predictably said he didn’t do anything. Entah siapa nak percaya.

In order to elakkan anak aku from causing harm to her child again, I separated my son from her brood. Aku memang tak bagi jumpa, seriously takut anak aku membelasah anak dia lagi.

Lama-lama she called me, asking kenapa aku tak bagi anak aku jumpa anak dia ? I explained nicely that she herself told me that my son did something bad to her son. So, in order to not let that happen, it is better if I separate them, kan  ?

So…. , she said and I remember her voice being freaking unpleasant, laced with her very low opinion of my ability as a mother, itu aje cara you untuk selesaikan masalah ni ? Aik ? Masalah sapa sebenarnya ni ?

Nak je aku gasak sebiji sebab I did ask witnesses, kay. The maid and my MIL were there, and all of them said Abang did nothing to her son. Memang dia tak boleh terima kalau anak dia salah and she has to point blame elsewhere. This sadly continues on until now. But in order to jaga relationship aku cakap “Habis, you nak anak you kena belasah dengan anak I lagi ke ?” which as soon as it escaped from my mouth sounded like my 3 year old son is much more macho than her 4 year old.

So to placate her and also to biarkan si luncai terjun dengan labu-labunya, I said “I am sorry, I do not want to put my son in a position where he can hurt people. You yourself said he did something bad to your son, so I am also teaching him a lesson. If you don’t play nice, then you don’t to get to play at all….”

Kalau dia tak paham sindiran aku tu tak taulah kan.

In the case dengan Adik ni, the father of C was very apologetic and dan-dan tu jugak rained a lot of grief on the child. C was forced.. or should I say arm-wrestled to apologise to my daughter. Nengok dia kena marah of course touched my heart and made me cry, because aku kesian…  but then I am sure bapak dia lagi kesian kan anak tu, but being a good parent, you cannot ikutkan perasaan kesian to your anak, especially when he/she has done something wrong. Tough love namanya.

My kids (when I say my kids, it includes Kakak and Banana – my nieces) know that I am very big on apologies. Walaupun dengan orang tak kenal, I will march them to grovel for forgiveness when required. Pernah sekali Abang and Kakak were playing rough in a restaurant and terpelanting lah gelas to the floor and water sprayed on this poor lady’s outfit.

Kelajuan nafas naga aku tak payah diceritakan lagi. I barked my orders for them to say sorry and they meekly got up and did so. Abang even offering to wash the soiled clothes.

Luckily the lady was a very nice lady and she graciously accepts their apologies.

But… hmm… I did notice something funny. When I went to her personally to apologise for my unruly kids, although she was again very much kind and generous, I noticed her friend was not. Nak kata minah tu kena tak jugak tapi dia yang buat muka tak puas hati…..

Orang…..

Post seciput

Yesterday orang Unifi mai. Pasang segala apa yang perlu dipasang dan oleh itu, sejak depa balik dalam pukui 4 petang sehingga lah nan la... me and my family macam kemaruk dok berinternet.

Hehehhehe.....

Selama hari ni kami guna broadband saja and you know how inefficient they are... Tambahan lah dengan keadaan kami yang tak berlaptop sejak kena copet.. Sebab itulah kami perak....

My problem now is to sekat penggunaan by my kids. To me the internet is not for kids. It is dangerous, both in contents and accessibility. But I had to sebab Abang day masuk form 1 and his schoolwork involve research.

Okay... that is only I am gonna say. Sebab aku punya angin sekarang ni melebih puting beliung and I know if I write panjang2... mesti terkeluar something tak best.

So.. I'd better stop now.

Sekolah

Al-kisah (I think I have over-used 'So....' to start my posts... ) I got tired of waiting for the teacher to get back to me how many books are needed amongst these  unfortunate children so I dropped by this morning to hand her the money. Kamil and I prepared a small sum to start things going. After all, lagi lama tunggu lagi banyak lah budak-budak ni tertinggal.

I asked her if she did her research and she said no... which did not surprise me at all. She did say however she took a quick look at those in Standard 6 and about 6-7 are without complete work books. So I gave her the money with requests that she does a complete scan to ensure all students have what ever they need to learn.

Lepas tu... and seriously, benda-benda ni memang sengaja jadi kat aku sebab Allah memang nak duga.. she asked me if I want to also pay the PIBG fees for these kids. Nafas naga dah mula keluar.... but I remained compose and polite while trying to push the naga within from coming out. With my eyes averted from her face, I asked nicely, "Duit PIBG tu untuk apa ya ? Guna untuk apa ?"

Luckily she quickly answered with the kids' school books are more important than the fees..... I nodded with a tight smile and a very relieved exhaling of breath.

Lepas tu... baru teringat... Laaa... I just gave her the money macam tu je... No receipts, no witness... I mean I don't know her and I can only assume that she is a person of virtue but when I think about it, foolish ways like this lah buat incident songlap-menyonglap senang berlaku.

Damn.

I then howled at Kamil of my foolishness and now I have to call the HEM and inform him that I have actually made a donation. Now, how do I say that to him without sounding ... well.... like I do not have faith in human ?

Banyak kerja pulak jadi nya.

Before I move on, can I just say betapa tak cun nya Guinevere ni ? I mean seriously, dude. I am sure there are other easy on the eyes actress that can do her job. Kiera Knightly kan ada ? Tak pun aku rasa Dawn French pun lagi lawa dari minah ni.

Anyway, thank you so much kepada ada yang mahu menderma. Let the school get in touch with me first. If what I have given is sufficient, kita cari sekolah lain ek ?

Ta-ra my lovelies... Adik asked me to read her a bed time story. Masalahnya it is nothing by Enid Blyton nor Roald Dahl, but Greg Heffely via his Diary of a Wimpy Kid.

Sigh....