Why am I at 32 found myself at a crossroad again ? I hate making decisions and would rather if life just folds and unfolds with great timing. Decisions that were made for my by circumstances and turned out magnificently.
I was at this junction twice before in my life. And both times I was forced to follow the popular opinion and not what I wanted. It turned out okay but I have always wondered what would have happened if I followed my dream.
The first one came during university. In the UK students can do a sandwich year, where after second year of university we can go into the world and get working experience for 1 year before continuing with our 3rd year. It will be reflected on our certificate, which is good I think.
Anyway I duly applied for loads of jobs and was called for an interview at Cummins Engineering in Darlington and … got the job. Can you imagine my excitement, especially thinking that the 2 hours train ride (alone) up north was not wasted ? Plus if you count the amount of worrying that I did, the many – many times my heart threatened to leave my body, particularly when I pondered and analysed my ability to speak English. I mean can I really speak in English ? Would they understand me ? To tell you the truth I admitted defeat as soon as I stepped in the waiting room because the place was flowing with other candidates. So what was my chance with all these other mat sallehs, eh ?
Imagine my surprise when a call came 2 weeks after the interview offering me the place. I was deliriously happy and was ready to accept when I saw Babah shed a tear at the prospect of us being apart.
Tambah pulak dengan my own bapak who was sekejap okay sekejap jangan. Last-last sekali he said since Darlington dekat dengan Middlesborough and he had been to Middlesborough and he warned me that there are werewolves in Middlesborough. Werewolves !! Knowing my dad that is him saying don’t go.
So I didn’t. And I have always wondered what would’ve happened if I actually went ? What kind of engineer my 1 year experience with Cummins would have made me ? A better one ? A more sought after one ? Would I have gotten a better job if I actually spent 1 year with them ?
Hmmm……
A year after joining the previous company I worked for, they sent me to England to be trained at Merpro’s factory in Montrose Scotland then to their sales office in Bristol.
In Bristol, the MD, a lovely man that I have met on a few occasions before offered me a job, based in England as their liaison officer for South East Asia. We were having lunch at this beautiful Italian restaurant when he offered it. The company's lawyer was also present and was giving me encouraging looks. I was dumbfounded and was thoughtful during the meal. I so wanted the job, because it sounded (it still does, unfortunately) so exciting and challenging.
But in the end I declined, Actually as soon as his words sunk in, I knew that I had to decline because I know Babah wouldn’t want to leave Malaysia again.
So... say that I accepted the offers. Who will I be right now ? Will I, today be home by 6 pm and oversee my children's preparations for mengaji ? Will I be able to come home when the sun is still up, shake of my engineer's persona and become a Mum. For what is worth, do I want to come home and could only manage to see my children sleeping ? Never get to hear Adik’s chatters and Abang’s theories no matter how ridiculous they are ?
So, have I made the right choices ? I want to have it all but I can’t, can I ?
I am at that crossroad again. More money that comes with longer hours. Or a less pay packet that enables me to be home by 6.15 ? But with a small pay can I pay for my children’s university education later on ? But if I am an absent Mum, will my children ever make it to uni ?
Do I really want that Mercedes ?
Hmmm…..
Anyway I duly applied for loads of jobs and was called for an interview at Cummins Engineering in Darlington and … got the job. Can you imagine my excitement, especially thinking that the 2 hours train ride (alone) up north was not wasted ? Plus if you count the amount of worrying that I did, the many – many times my heart threatened to leave my body, particularly when I pondered and analysed my ability to speak English. I mean can I really speak in English ? Would they understand me ? To tell you the truth I admitted defeat as soon as I stepped in the waiting room because the place was flowing with other candidates. So what was my chance with all these other mat sallehs, eh ?
Imagine my surprise when a call came 2 weeks after the interview offering me the place. I was deliriously happy and was ready to accept when I saw Babah shed a tear at the prospect of us being apart.
Tambah pulak dengan my own bapak who was sekejap okay sekejap jangan. Last-last sekali he said since Darlington dekat dengan Middlesborough and he had been to Middlesborough and he warned me that there are werewolves in Middlesborough. Werewolves !! Knowing my dad that is him saying don’t go.
So I didn’t. And I have always wondered what would’ve happened if I actually went ? What kind of engineer my 1 year experience with Cummins would have made me ? A better one ? A more sought after one ? Would I have gotten a better job if I actually spent 1 year with them ?
Hmmm……
A year after joining the previous company I worked for, they sent me to England to be trained at Merpro’s factory in Montrose Scotland then to their sales office in Bristol.
In Bristol, the MD, a lovely man that I have met on a few occasions before offered me a job, based in England as their liaison officer for South East Asia. We were having lunch at this beautiful Italian restaurant when he offered it. The company's lawyer was also present and was giving me encouraging looks. I was dumbfounded and was thoughtful during the meal. I so wanted the job, because it sounded (it still does, unfortunately) so exciting and challenging.
But in the end I declined, Actually as soon as his words sunk in, I knew that I had to decline because I know Babah wouldn’t want to leave Malaysia again.
So... say that I accepted the offers. Who will I be right now ? Will I, today be home by 6 pm and oversee my children's preparations for mengaji ? Will I be able to come home when the sun is still up, shake of my engineer's persona and become a Mum. For what is worth, do I want to come home and could only manage to see my children sleeping ? Never get to hear Adik’s chatters and Abang’s theories no matter how ridiculous they are ?
So, have I made the right choices ? I want to have it all but I can’t, can I ?
I am at that crossroad again. More money that comes with longer hours. Or a less pay packet that enables me to be home by 6.15 ? But with a small pay can I pay for my children’s university education later on ? But if I am an absent Mum, will my children ever make it to uni ?
Do I really want that Mercedes ?
Hmmm…..
20 comments:
Ala,
I love discussing about this topic! Been there, done that. I've even made my own theory about money-time relationship, they WILL NEVER be in the same direction i.e more money, less time, vice versa. Bermonologlah with your soul to find the answer to yr problems, istikharah selalu. I know I've found mine.
Good luck babe!
Ya, I was hoping that u have an answer for me.. ha ha... Thanks.
Jeng jeng jeng... aku pun tahu jawapan tu...macam soalan "kenapa nobita takut datang malaysia?"
Petang ni pi gym jom...release tension.
hu hu hu topic nih best nak komen..tapi aku dah tobat tak nak komen...
Ya... kalau boleh mmg I nak pi...
Sib... ye ke... rasanya Sib ni.. he he... anyway komen le... apasal lak tak nak komen ? Give me your 2 cents worth
Aku makan kari kat rumah mil anonymous...dia kata dia tannak komen.
Dia merajuk.
Buruk betul orang tua anonymous bila merajuk.
sempena kempen katakan TAK NAK
Sheik meraju gapo abe kelate tuh ?
Tak nak merokok tapi nak kepada bercerita !! Ha !
Pendapat aku: Kau tengoklah cerita spongebob Myra. Kenapa spongebob gembira dengan hidup dia dan squidward pulak asyik tak puas hati dengan hidup dia padahal dua-dua kerja kat Krusty Crab.
Semuanya berpunca daripada persepsi kita terhadap dunia dan kehidupan. Kalau kita letak dunia selayaknya dan ditempatnya dan buktikannya serta terjemahkannya melalui kehidupan sehari-hari tanpa perlu ikut expectation ciptaan manusia, hidup jadi lebih mudah.
ok...itu nasihat pendek aku. Kerja la apapun tapi jangan balik lepas pukul 6. Hehehe.. masa lepas pukul 6 ialah masa untuk beramal.
Tapi masalahnya ostat kat TV selalu promote "tuan-tuan...kerja itu ibadat..kerja itupun jihad" seolah-olah masyarakat kita ni memang tip-top ibadat gila-gila sampai lupa nak kerja.
He he he... utk nasihat ini sila bayar kepada aku RM 1,999. Sebab bila kau cerita kat orang kau kena bayar mahal kat aku utk dapat satu nasihat, baru orang akan kata nasihat aku itu berautoriti, power, full of insight dan valid.
Nanti aku cerita lagi mcm mana kawan lelaki aku yang gaji RM 15k sebulan boleh selamba aje berenti kerja sebab susah nak solat...
Aku pikir 2-3 kali gak nak publish ke tak nak oublish ko punya comment sebab kena bayar RM 1,999 kalau citer kat org.
Tapi aku suka pendekatan SpanBob mu... he heh... terima kasih.
Myra,
I've been your silent reader since middle of last year. I faced almost similar situations like yours, not once but few times. It's hard as if possible we would want both, but being a working mother, we have to sacrifice. In the end, I decided at the end of last year that my family and especially my children (aged 6, 4 and 4.5 months) are most important compared to glamourous corporate world and hefth sum of pay.
Hope you make a wise decision.
Dear Silent Reader, I appreciate your willingness to share your experience. Your view have tipped the scale. Thank you very much.
jubei pun agree ngan silent reader dan ya.....kadang2 kita akan rasa rindu dan rugi tinggalkan 'corporate life' tapi percaya la......sesuatu yang lebih indah akan menanti bila kita sanggup sacrifice for our own family......duit bukan segalanya....thru my own experience....
Thank you, Bei..... I nak sesuatu yang indah itu.. he heh
Amat betul kamu wahai semua orang yang girang di sini!!!
Ni aku nak kasik kata-kata hikmat (yang ni aku tak cas):
"Ibu bapa yang tidak berkorban masa untuk bersama-sama anak-anak, maka anak-anak akan terkorban di kemudian hari"
Disebabkan korang dah kata duit bukan segalanya, sila beri semua duit korang kat aku... RM 1,999 sorang...hahahaha
- Dr Pedilah Cumshot-
Cess.....
duit tak buleh nak bagi sebab dah di'sacrifice'kan....tapi makanan buleh bagi...nanti akan ku hantar....hhhee....:)
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