I read an interesting reporting in a British newspaper yesterday. A mom was put under police interrogation because she hit her son twice, on the shoulder with a hairbrush. The alleged ‘victim’ was taken by the social services and Mummy was only allowed to see her son for 2 hours a day.
Hmmm….. No wonder there are sooo many hooligans in the UK. No wonder the children are rude and have no respect for the elders or even fear for authority. Not all British children for sure, but quite a large number of them.
The ones that kill their peers and murder adults. Read the papers and you can see that a lot of these things happened. A father was brutally beaten to death because he dared to tell off a group of teenagers to pipe down. Another father was again kicked to death because he dared to rescue his car from being vandalised. Too many stories to tell, too many sad incidents to bear.
Why can’t parents smack their own children to evoke some discipline ? She wasn’t abusing him, she was just disciplining.
If parents virtually have no rights, can you imagine what right do the teachers there have ? You can’t scold , you can’t punish. And the government there have the audacity to wonder why so many children played truant and eventually drop out altogether.
I remember once while in school, something terrifying and sad happened. It was Mr Pala’s class, and good ol’ Mr Pala was the disciplinary teacher at that time. We were having a wonderful lesson (Mr Pala is a wonderful teacher) when another teacher interrupted the class with 3 to 4 boys in tow.
Mr Pala asked them to go to the back of the class and all eyes followed them there. I didn’t realise he was holding a cane in his hand until he was waving it about. Truth dawned and I felt sick. I could literally feel bile creeping through my throat.
He said a few things, asked a few questions and lectured a bit but I didn’t hear anything because I was praying very hard that he won’t do it. Unfortunately, he asked them to stick their butts out and I looked away in horror. I think most of us did.
The sound was bloodcurdling but their silence even more so. I didn’t want to look at them because I just don’t want to remember but I did anyway. I only saw one boy but I will remember that face forever. The pain, the embarrassment, the shame and whatever feelings that I can or cannot identify with were evident.
.
However, what disturbed me the most was Mr Pala himself. He returned to his place in front of the blackboard, not quite the same. His shoulders slumped, his face contorted in what I know now as regret.
“I don’t like doing this, you know…” He said, rubbing his face.
“I never like doing this…” His voice was so quiet, I almost cried.
“I am sorry I have to do this in front of all of you…” He said again. “But it needed to be done…”
I was sad for him and for the boys. You see, nobody wanted to be the punisher. Mr Pala caned those boys not because he wanted to for some power trip, but because these boys did something wrong. It must be a hell lot of wrong to warrant caning. Mr Pala said it needed to be done because he hoped that the caning could act as a deterrent to those boys, a message loud and clear that there is a price to pay for breaking the law and it ain’t pleasant. He derived no pleasure from it and it was so patently clear, I can attest to it.
Afterwards I kept seeing that boy’s face. Every single time his face appeared, I wished and wished that he had learnt his lesson. I hoped and hoped the caning acted as what it was meant to do, a warning that you shouldn’t do this again. I prayed and prayed that that was the last act of disobedience he did. It surely did that for me. I wasn’t the one who got thrashed but I had more respect for rules and regulations after that. Although I was a good girl (still am, mind you), it made me became more of a good girl. It was a lesson taught for everybody that law-breaking, and eventually crime doesn’t pay
Teachers, parents when they punish, they are trying to give a message. Sure you are encouraged to talk nicely first but if all else failed what else can you do ? It is mighty too late you know when jail sentence is given. And no parents or teachers do it like every single day, for minor offences. If they do then that is abuse. If the child is all purple and blue, that is abuse. But a smack on the hand or in this case the shoulder, come on….
Is it better for the boy now that he is separated from his mom ? From his siblings ? In fact when asked, he said he feels sorry for his mom because she needed all the help she can get. What I worry is, if ever there comes a time when he or his sibling were abused, they will not have the will to report to the authority because they have seen the consequences and it ain’t pretty. Or worse next time when mom set some ground rules, he intimidates her with 999.
I agree there is a fine line between teaching and abusing, but I have seen that talking and discussing is not enough, not for everybody though. It will just make them have no respect for their parents. I think you know well how hard it is to deal with teenagers. It doesn’t help when every time you set down a rule, they threatened the police on you.
They became infallible.
Luckily our country is still sensible.
PS : Do I sound like an advocate for child abuse ? Hope not. This is a difficult water to thread.
Hmmm….. No wonder there are sooo many hooligans in the UK. No wonder the children are rude and have no respect for the elders or even fear for authority. Not all British children for sure, but quite a large number of them.
The ones that kill their peers and murder adults. Read the papers and you can see that a lot of these things happened. A father was brutally beaten to death because he dared to tell off a group of teenagers to pipe down. Another father was again kicked to death because he dared to rescue his car from being vandalised. Too many stories to tell, too many sad incidents to bear.
Why can’t parents smack their own children to evoke some discipline ? She wasn’t abusing him, she was just disciplining.
If parents virtually have no rights, can you imagine what right do the teachers there have ? You can’t scold , you can’t punish. And the government there have the audacity to wonder why so many children played truant and eventually drop out altogether.
I remember once while in school, something terrifying and sad happened. It was Mr Pala’s class, and good ol’ Mr Pala was the disciplinary teacher at that time. We were having a wonderful lesson (Mr Pala is a wonderful teacher) when another teacher interrupted the class with 3 to 4 boys in tow.
Mr Pala asked them to go to the back of the class and all eyes followed them there. I didn’t realise he was holding a cane in his hand until he was waving it about. Truth dawned and I felt sick. I could literally feel bile creeping through my throat.
He said a few things, asked a few questions and lectured a bit but I didn’t hear anything because I was praying very hard that he won’t do it. Unfortunately, he asked them to stick their butts out and I looked away in horror. I think most of us did.
The sound was bloodcurdling but their silence even more so. I didn’t want to look at them because I just don’t want to remember but I did anyway. I only saw one boy but I will remember that face forever. The pain, the embarrassment, the shame and whatever feelings that I can or cannot identify with were evident.
.
However, what disturbed me the most was Mr Pala himself. He returned to his place in front of the blackboard, not quite the same. His shoulders slumped, his face contorted in what I know now as regret.
“I don’t like doing this, you know…” He said, rubbing his face.
“I never like doing this…” His voice was so quiet, I almost cried.
“I am sorry I have to do this in front of all of you…” He said again. “But it needed to be done…”
I was sad for him and for the boys. You see, nobody wanted to be the punisher. Mr Pala caned those boys not because he wanted to for some power trip, but because these boys did something wrong. It must be a hell lot of wrong to warrant caning. Mr Pala said it needed to be done because he hoped that the caning could act as a deterrent to those boys, a message loud and clear that there is a price to pay for breaking the law and it ain’t pleasant. He derived no pleasure from it and it was so patently clear, I can attest to it.
Afterwards I kept seeing that boy’s face. Every single time his face appeared, I wished and wished that he had learnt his lesson. I hoped and hoped the caning acted as what it was meant to do, a warning that you shouldn’t do this again. I prayed and prayed that that was the last act of disobedience he did. It surely did that for me. I wasn’t the one who got thrashed but I had more respect for rules and regulations after that. Although I was a good girl (still am, mind you), it made me became more of a good girl. It was a lesson taught for everybody that law-breaking, and eventually crime doesn’t pay
Teachers, parents when they punish, they are trying to give a message. Sure you are encouraged to talk nicely first but if all else failed what else can you do ? It is mighty too late you know when jail sentence is given. And no parents or teachers do it like every single day, for minor offences. If they do then that is abuse. If the child is all purple and blue, that is abuse. But a smack on the hand or in this case the shoulder, come on….
Is it better for the boy now that he is separated from his mom ? From his siblings ? In fact when asked, he said he feels sorry for his mom because she needed all the help she can get. What I worry is, if ever there comes a time when he or his sibling were abused, they will not have the will to report to the authority because they have seen the consequences and it ain’t pretty. Or worse next time when mom set some ground rules, he intimidates her with 999.
I agree there is a fine line between teaching and abusing, but I have seen that talking and discussing is not enough, not for everybody though. It will just make them have no respect for their parents. I think you know well how hard it is to deal with teenagers. It doesn’t help when every time you set down a rule, they threatened the police on you.
They became infallible.
Luckily our country is still sensible.
PS : Do I sound like an advocate for child abuse ? Hope not. This is a difficult water to thread.
4 comments:
Memang susah jadi mak bapak...tapi lebih susah kalau tak mau jadi mak bapak.
1. befriend and play with your kids up to 10.
2. cane them if necessary when they are 10 yrs old. Lantak pi la western world nak kata abuse ke hape...depa pandai cakap tapi bengong.
3. when they became teenager - never touch them and be a close friend to them again. Expose them to leadership and social responsibilities at this age.
Early years is the most important years...kalau dalam islam, pendidikan anak-anak penting masa kecik2. Sangat penting. Instill yang penting-penting dan buangkan yang kurang penting masa tu. Yang aksesori tak payah.
Bila anak meningkat remaja, masa tu untuk tuai hasil pendidikan, bukan bergelut nak mendidik lagi. Sebab tu kita dapati remaja umur 18tahun jadi panglima perang masa zaman Rasulullah.
Tapi zaman la ni orang lagi pandang kebanggaan anak masuk top university. Tu yang jadi orang boleh appreciate manusia yang masuk cambridge dan rasuah semua orang supaya menang jawatan ketua pemuda umno. Itu la beza manusia zaman sekarang ni. You give peanut, you get monkeys.
Ironik sungguh zaman ni yang terdapat ramai mak bapak cerdik tapi bila mak-bapak pencen, ingatkan nak menikmati pencen dan epf...tapi masa tu la tersedar dari mimpi ngeri....terpaksa terhegeh-hegeh nak bagi masa dan sayang pada anak-anak anak. Macam dah terlambat la pulak.
Apa yang terjadi sudahpun terjadi. Masyarakat memang dah rosak dengan rosaknya anak-anak muda.
Bagi yang mahu mencuba lagi, maka janganlah putus asa dan bertawakkallah kepada Allah yang satu-satunya boleh menjamin keselamatan, nyawa dan harta benda.
MASA dan PERHATIAN amat penting bagi seorang budak. Kena bagi sekarang iaitu masa depa kecik-kecik ni. Masa bersama mak bapak ialah masa yang paling berpengaruh kepada kanak-kanak dan akan melekat dalam benak budak sampai dia tua. Bila wujud perasaan dijaga dan diberi masa dan perhatian secukupnya, maka perasaan dan sikap positif lain akan follow tumbuh dengan sendirinya.
Bila mencapai tahap umur teenager ibaratnya bak layang-layang yang sudah terbang jauh. tak boleh berkasar lagi. Jangan sekali-kali. Kalau dilepas makin jauh terbangnya, kalau direntap putus pula talinya. Kena sabar dan berhikmah.
Maksud hadis: "pada remaja itu separuh kegilaan". So you can expect memang budak remaja gila-gila semuanya. Bukan mudah membetulkan anak bila dah remaja. Jadi laburkanlah waktu anak-anak masih kecil dengan benda-benda penting dan bukan aksesori.
Bagi aku personally, benda penting ialah:
1. aqidah
2. faham agama
3. kenal jahiliah dunia
4. sentiasa ingat mati..
Aku selalu remind wife sampai dia boring dengar phrase ni: "mak bapak yang tak mahu berkorban MASA untuk anak-anak, maka anak-anak akan terkorban di kemudian hari"
Dan pesanan imam al-Ghazali: "apa yang tidak dapat dilakukan kesemuanya, maka jangan ditinggalkan semuanya."
p/s: caj ceramah ni RM 1.99.kalau masuk tv nanti, mungkin akan dinaikkan.
Camno aku nak bayar 1.99 ko tuh ?
Apart from that, he he... what u penned is right. They need us, not so our money but our presence... and guidance.
Sebenarnya kalau nak guna common sense...cerita Star Wars dah tunjuk. Kalau nak jadi jedi yang baik, masa kecik-kecik kena kawan dengan Yoda, bukan Sith lord..
hehe always remember "masa kecik-kecik". Itu yang penting.
I agree. Tapi kalau ikut mak aku, dia suka compare ngan citer Hindustan. "Tenggok tu depa punya sayang lah mak depa..." Hmmmmm
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