Bersahur bersama Titi and the places it took me to

Decided to puasa today, so yesterday went to Mummy's house to get lauk for soq. Dan suggested to soq at mid-nite, knowing that I will have difficulties the whole day due to lack of sleep. I was still quite full at that time but by mid-nite decided to follow Dan's advise. Went down to get nasi and when I went back to the room, Titi emerged from the folds of her blanket. I think she could smell the lovely aroma of daging masak kicap.

It was really good, my mum's cooking. It was just a simple fare, just nasik and 1 lauk, but the ecstacy of eating food that was prepared by my mother, knows no bounds. Each bite ( or more appropriately suapan ) brought in the familiarity of the taste and memories of eating with my family. The laughter, the jokes, the teasings.. all are vivid and vague at the same time.

I remember our old, round table made of wood, with its lazy suzanne, laden with the night's fare. Mum will usually team up her curries with sayur goreng and sambal with sayur lemak. Then there will be my daddy, before the first bite, will make this one particular sound that came from his throat to his tummy and back to his throat all the while moving his head forward and back to it's normal position. Then he will start eating and talking. My daddy is a joker. He will tease and he will laugh but of course he is not without anger. Lo and behold if any of us ada buat salah hari tu, walau macam mana sedap pun mummy masak, our churning tummy would not accept it. But when mum is angry, ayah's face will hide a little smile and if you check his hands closely, you will see his thumb up, a sign that is saying "sheee gooood" ( padan muka ). That will usually made us feel so much better and seriously will forget what mummy is angry about, so esoknya buat lagi... hahahaha...

Is it my age that is making me more nostalgic of my past ? Or maybe my hormones that is making me malancholy for no reason at all ? Last night itself, as we were driving, I told my son " Later on, when you are grown, you will take a drive at night, very much like this, either alone or with your loved ones, and you will see the lighting and you will hear some music, you will remember this excursion we have, or any other drives that we had taken as a family. You will think of Mummy and Babah and Titi, and how good it all felt at that time, how safe we made you feel. Hopefully, we will still be around at that time and all of us are still in talking terms with eachother so that it will be easier for you to reach out for us. That is why it very important that we do not fight because whatever it is we are family and walau macamanapun bergaduh, kadang - kadang rindu. Kalau dah gaduh, masam muka, macam mana nak peluk when you miss us ?"

My son was quiet for awhile but knowing him, I know he will start to cry. Right on cue, I could feel his little chubby hands reaching for my neck before I could feel his face , wet with tears, on my shoulder. "I will love you forever Mummy,"... he he he....

I suppose only my parents would make me feel really safe. Sometimes when I have problems or troubles are brewing and waiting to explode, I just want to go home and hide under my mom's duvet. I will relish my mom's word of wisdom and ayah's reassuring hugs.

So what is my point actually ? We will need our family even when we are 50 ? At 30 you will miss your family even if they are just 5 minutes away ? Entah lah....

So there I was, with my daughter, soq sama - sama, wondering if she will love me as much as I love my mom, my dad and my siblings. Titi I really hope you tengah puasa la ni, because you bantai 1/2 of my soq dinner !!