Welcome Ramadhan

My apologies. My welcome for Ramadhan is late, but officially dengan Allah SWT I have embraced my welcome of Ramadhan since Saturday. I once read that there are people who actually cried at the end of Ramadhan, sad because it will be a long wait before the next Ramadhan. I have always thought that is utterly rubbish as what is better than Ramadhan but Hari Raya ? I have to remind my friends though, that thought was a long ago kind of thinking.. he he... Then I slowly slipped into the joy of Ramadhan, but I had never felt sorrow when Ramadhan is over, again I suppose with the thought of Raya and balik kampung and I have to say, me itching to ask for forgiveness ( especially from my husband ) and then feeling relieved that another year, I am somewhat released from guilt.

This year though, I cried during my first day of Terawikh. I felt so sad... no.... sad is not the right word, sayu... yup that is the best word to describe it. Rasa sayu sangat and grateful. Grateful that Allah chose me to be get His light. You know what I mean ? I am glad I was born a Muslim, glad that I am not a kafir that might or might not be chosen to embrace Islam. I think of Cat Steven, I think of this one Lord in England and I think of those other converts who got so lucky to accept the 'khabar gembira' of our Muhammad SAW. I felt grateful because I did not have to look but it was served to me when the adzan was first recited to my ear by my daddy. But I also feel that I have wasted the gift from Allah by not being a proper Muslim. Being a Muslim is not just prayers and puasa, but it is also every minute of our life, our thoughts, our feelings and our movements.

I am trying very hard. I dont know if I will cry when it is time to say goodbye to Ramadhan ( I suspect I will still feel giddy this year at the prospect of celebrating Eid ) but I feel now I know what it means to hope for His redha.