Why

Those who know the connection between me and one of Malaysia's biggest GLC's announcement yesterday would know why I am feeling quesy.

Quesiness that stemmed from uncertainties for my future.. well my professional future that is.

I love what I am doing now. And surprise, surprise I am actually quite good at it. Something that I found out 3 months ago from my bosses. They were very,very complimentary and those compliments were made even sweeter with my promotion.

I was at the prime of my life. I have good bosses, team members that I truly care about and work that hey... I am good at and enjoy.

Up until Friday (yesterday aje...)before lunch, I was euphoric about next week, and was busy making plans and juggling schedule for the rest of the team.

Then balik office after lunch and my world turned upside down.

Devastating news. Something that I expected to happen really but we were promised that it would wait. Not until next 2 years and when we learn the outcome of the upcoming project.

But the powers that be decided to do it early, when the project had only started 3 months ago.

It shouldn't affect me. But it does. And I am unsure about the future because they hired me for my expertise in this field. And when they decided not to be involve in this field anymore, what am I going to do ?

My bosses aren't worried about me. They say I will fit in seamlessly. One boss said "You took this job like duck to water, I have no worry for you trying other industry... Don't limit yourself to one only.........."

But this industry is my passion. I love it. I did try for 3 years in a different industry but it was bo-ring. I couldn't take it. It was so bland and blah and unchallenging.

I don't want to leave this conglomerate that I have loved. I really don't.

But.......

Why can't they let things be for at least 2 years ?

I love my team. I am going to miss them.

I love my clients. I am going to miss them too. Some are not clients anymore. They are somebody that I have learnt to respect and have high regards for.....

Darn it...... Good things never last.

Why ?

Hari ini

So hari tu my adik-beradik and I went to watch Insidious. Mak Boyot tu yang ndak so kami ni mengekor aje. Sebelum masuk wayang kita orang pakat-pakat kutuk dia, cerita apa yang kome pilih ni ? Nampak macam tak best. Pelakon pun tak kenai. Awat kita tak tengok Priest/Johnny Depp si Lanun ke hapa ke ?

Dah masuk, semua orang kejung kaki sebab takut. Tak kenal pun whomever on the screen pun tak kisah lah sebab seram !!!!

Kamil and MI gelak2 for some reason. Aku rasa demenya gelak sebab takut. Si Mak Boyot as reported by her husband keep having contractions. Nasib baik she is a doctor so she can handle it by herself lah... HAHAHHAAH...Ada ke.

Today aku coti. Woot ! Woot ! Tapi coti amende. Pagi pergi office dulu. Kamil waited in the car for a good 1 and a half hours before we rushed to SJMC for his appointment. Then office balik. I dunno why my boss always ask me whenever I cuti, "You nanti ada datang office tak ?" Hai lah... dah namanya cuti, buat apa den nak pi office ? Tapi bila dah kata-kata itu dikeluarkan, terpaksa jugak lah.

What to do. Sigh.........

Then balik rumah sebab Kamil cannot tahan tengok aku bawak laptop company keliling, before we went out again for lunch at Sari Ratu.

Dah lama aku tak pegi Sari Ratu, terlupa how violent to the tongue the kuah asam could be. It was hell. The ais teler was comforting though.

Pastu balik bam-bam kejap sebelum mangkit balik for my appointment kat DEMC pulak. Hehhehehehe....... Tension kan ? Dah tua, macam inilah. You'd be needing the doctor quite often.

Last week we went to see Bab. So sad. I just cannot describe it but it was sad. He is already out of the ICU so yeay ! But.....

Anyway... nothing much to tell. Still need to fill in my KPI thingy. It is due tomorrow. Apalah aku nak tulis ni ?

Darn it....

Merepek galore

Okay... macam-macam yang aku nak tulis after like a month hiatus. Plenty of things to rant and rave about, to praise about .. but I just didn't have the time and now when I can afford some time, the heat is off so ... heheheh.... macam dah malas nak tulis.

Anyway, I went to Bangkok again. Came back and moved office so now 3 divisions of people like me in one big room. I dont like it really because our team is only about 8 and it was cosy in our previous set-up. Now about 50 of us gathered together, masih nak kena bersuai-kenal and the room is too big...

Anyway, we got a new team member last 2 weeks and with her experience and age, she was made a team lead like me and 2 others. I was glad of her presence as she could take some load off of me.

But, on the first day a colleague and I kena belasah dengan dia. Terkedu kejap kami berdua sebab this being her first day should have tried to make friends instead of exerting power.

Then our boss and myself briefed her of our schedule and plans and what we are currently doing and I think that was a big mistake because I think she now thinks that I am a threat as she only asked for my, and only mine, credentials. WTF.

Then we talked about some projects and she dengan selambanya said okay, I can take this over from you now. Errr......

So dah macam dah tak best dah. Before her arrival a new guy came in and he also sort of disrupted our synergy as before we were sheltered from office politics. Safe to say none of us were interested. We were busy working and being a team. We gave each other credits, we openly tell our bosses if a discovery were made by another team memeber and not us... We were that confident in our skin and we do love and respect each other that much.... but now... Sigh.............

I hate it when things change... or the winds of change is being felt already.....

Everything is okay at the home front. Well except for Bab being sick and Bibik is going home soon.

Talking about that, semalam she came up to me eyes red, begging for me to send money to Indonesia because electricity at her house was about to be cut. Okay, okay I said... chill.... I will do it. Please, she said again as kalau nak disambung balik bayarannya 3 juta... Sian omak bibik sakit-sakit duduk dalam gelap.

Iyolah bibik, said I. I will do it.

Nak dijadikan cerita, Western Union off line. Sedih aku sebab bergelap malam ni omaknya bibik. Dan malam esoknya (today le tu) because cuti Wesak and Western Union totup pulak.

Nak ku leter kan, itulah bibik masa bibik bekerja pun bil elektrik buleh terlepas. Ni nanti bibik tak kerja lagi la.... Tapi because I am not a nag, I keep all in. Nampaknya kena jugak aku hulur kat bibik bulan-bulan lepas ni. Tak sanggup den memikir....

Sigh.....

My Bab

So I went to see Bab.

He was diagnosed with colon cancer and had his operation to remove the affected areas last week.

I didn’t get to see him because the visiting hours didn’t gel with my working ones. How very frustrating.

Then he went for another operation because he had some kind of infection.

When I went to see him, he was heavily sedated. I just looked at him as my cousin told me not to wake him up. I bawled my eyes out because he looked so fragile, so vulnerable so broken. My mind kept taking me when he was younger, the jet setter who was not based at home. The guy whom we had to sit down and chat with every time he is in the country for the holidays. Like going in for a job interview, he would ask the name of our schools, our grades, hobbies etc. I sometimes think that was just his ice-breaking session with us because we were always shuffling our feet, being very uncomfortable at first, talking to this guy whom we see once a year but after every session, we would be the best of friends already. Suddenly he would be our favourite uncle. Again.

His wife, my Mami Ela is the warmest person ever so we never had to break any ice with her. Hugs and kisses were aplenty and we always fell in love with her at first sight.

While I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed, he suddenly opened his eyes. Kamil remarked, “Tidur macam Abang… bukak mata….” Padahal that guy was already awake.

Anyway, his hand started shaking and he kept looking at me.
I quickly called my cousin again as I was at lost at what to do. He did specifically tell me not to wake him up so now that he is awake, I need to know what are the rules and regulations.

My cousin asked if he was calm and he was. Then I asked if I can talk to him but my cousin didn’t think it was a very good idea since he did ask for me before his second operation and if I talked to him he might want to speak and get excited.
Hearing that I bawled again because … well because he asked for me. I should have been there with him, before he went under again but I didn’t know. I really didn’t.
But… seriously, I wouldn’t know if I could be with him if I had known anyway as I don’t think my bosses would like that very much. Sedih kan…

What am I to do ?

Please pray for my, Bab. Please….I thank you in advance.