Monday, January 28, 2013


Happy Thaipusam. And to those who do not celebrate, hope you guys had a smashing five-day leave.

I did take Friday off but not to have fun but to take Adik to see her paediatrician. The good doctor finally gave her the all clear after numerous urine and blood tests done. I am very relieved because seriously I do not know what to expect. That is all behind us now, so I am very much happy.

After we were done at the hospital, I went to pick up Abang and his cousin from their school. We stopped for lunch and I had a smashing time talking to them, my kids. Iris (my niece) is a cool 14 year old, very much mature and so much fun. She had always been my secret favourite amongst my anak-anak buah from Kamil's side. Well secret favourite because you are not supposed to have favourites. Haha...

After that we sent her home, then we went home and rested. I was beat and was really happy curling up on the sofa watching my new HyppTV. I love HyppTV. Cooked dinner, ate with the kiddies and then waited for Kamil to come home. He had a late night at work so I accompanied him while he ate. My dad would have expected all of his kids to wait for him, but Kamil is not my dad. In fact he would have gone ballistic if he knew his kids still did not sup at 10 pm !

Anyway, this morning my new Bibik commented on my running up the stairs while squealing. Why do you do that ? I have noticed that about you, she asked.

Well... when I was small, there were possibilities of my dad running up the stairs behind me to scare the hell out of me or to grab my butt, so.....I squealed. My siblings squealed. We basically squealed even though he was not at home...Old habits die hard....

She looked shocked, flustered not knowing what to say. After a very awkward minute of her closing and opening her mouth, she laughed. Entah dia paham ke tidak.

She is my first Javanese maid. Therefore we really have a huge communication problem. I just found out 'ngebel' means phone calls. My other maids had always used talipon. And a lot of times we just gave up. I smile at her. She smiles at me. And we hope everybody is okay with each other.

Anyway, today the consequences of this little problem got a bit to hard to ignore. She asked Kamil if she could cut some of our Japanese bamboo to be used to hang our laundry. Kamil said ok. She also asked Kamil if she could trim the wiry plants in front of our front patio. Kamil said ok.

But when we came back, our Japanese bamboo had turned to bonsai and we saw her threw all of the cut ones away. Not one was out to use as a laundry hanger. Same goes with the plants at the patio. As bald as Kamil's head. I didn't care about all those but quickly took a peek at my lemon tree that still refused to bear fruits and happy to see that it was untouched.

Kamil's words that came with his hanging mouth ? "Ini trim ke massacre ?"


But being us, we just smiled at her encouragingly even though Kamil was staring misty eyed at what is left of his precious bamboo.

Apart from all that, we did not do anything much. Went to the club to play tennis with the kids because Abang represents his school in the doubles. Do not know how that is going to work out considering his utmost clumsiness. He whacked his head with his racquet while walking, okay ? He wasn't even playing. He was just holding it. Shudder the though of what is going to happen to his partner when he is required to swing that thing around.

Went to Mid Valley. got a good parking but we were in and out in an hour. I seriously do not know what to do there. We did what we had to do and left. I am seriously bored of all the malls in Malaysia. They are all the same. They sell the same stuffs and serve the same food. So.. I'll stick to the ones near my home then.

Other than that... well we stayed home and watch the telly, ate and talked. I think this was the best kind of holiday.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

My boy

I know that I am an over protective mom. I know. However there is nothing I could do about it as well.. I am a mom.

Giving what happened today as an example, I had to fetch Abang from school because of tennis practise. He represents the school in the doubles (I seriously do not know how that is gonna work out considering his extreme clumsiness. Sedangkan sambil berjalan pun raket di tangan boleh terhentak kepala sendiri, ini kan lagi kepala kawan kat sebelah on the court....) so he had to stay for practise.

Anyway, usually by 4.30 he would call me to say he was done, but when 4.35 no phone call came, I was already sweating like mad. I got out of the car and stood erect in front of the lobby. I just had to make sure he could see me. By 4.45 I was already howling at Kamil.

4.50 I entered the school and started a frantic look around. I even scrutinised the many, many faces at the pool, just in case my son dok melepak tengok orang practise swimming. Finally at 5 a call came.

"Mummy I am done !" Was the cheerful hello.

"Baby ! Where are you baby ? Mummy is already at school. I am so worried ! I could not find you !" There was a pause on the other side but then there were also a snicker and a few snorts from behind me. There were about 4 boys who were laughing while avoiding my eyes. You wait until you have your own child, I evilly thought.

Anyway, my darling, darling boy replied, "Saya baru saja habis, Mummy..."

"Okay.. never mind, baby. Quick come to Mummy. I am so worried..." Again the boys snickered and snorted. Kang aku complain kat guru besar kang....

I could hear my son's bewildered face because he then said in a very, very placating tone, "Boleh tak saya beli air sekejap ? I am at the canteen. Air saya dah habis..." and I ran there. The relief when I saw him was beyond words.

Yeah I know he is 13.. but he is my baby, my boy... my baby.... 

Sigh.... Mummy loves you, son.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Emotional suicide seorang mak...

I saw a kid drawing on the telly. He's very good at it, for his age... Haha...

I of course went down memory lane... looking at my son's drawings when he was just a wee lad. He loves drawing, always scribbling away but all he could come up with were these little circles. Not even squiggles but circles all over the paper.

I kept stumbling on these little circles everywhere, on book covers, any scrap of paper.. wall.... One day the three of us, him, my mom and I were sitting on the floor. My mom and I were gossiping and his body was bent down, concentrating on the pen and paper at hand. I remember him with long fringe covering his eyes, cute chubby cheeks tinged with healthy red and those eyes... sigh... his eyes always get to me... so huge, so bright, so him....

I remember leaving the conversation I had with mom and just drinking the sight of him like that, in that pose so engrossed with the task at hand. My mom leaned nearer to him and asked her grandson, "Apa ni bang ?", finger pointing to one of those circles.

"Cookie !" Hehehehhe... And the next was, "Ball !", and then "Balloon..". My mom exclaimed that what a clever boy he was because all those circles were for round things. And then he spoiled it by naming the next one bicycle and car.

Hehehhe.... All his favourite things in the world.

Believe you me, I feel so sad right now, missing the little boy that he was. This morning he left for school with a tennis racket in hand, so big..all grown up.... The fringe no more there, the cheeks still chubby for sure but is now browned by the sun. The eyes ? Still huge but there is some wisdom now.. and traces of life..

How long more will he want to be my baby ?

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Dangerous territory

So I had a session with an ex-colleague of mine yesterday. She had just wanted to vent out her frustration with her in-laws as usual. To hear her in that distressed state, so much sadness and anger really made me wonder, what does it mean to be human ?  
We are supposed to be better than animals because of our ability to emphatise and symphatise. Okay, probably not just that but I would think that would be one of the most significant ones, lah. However there is this sorry group of people who likes to inflict pain on others. And we allow people to do bad things to us, we gritted our teeth and accepted it because they are our in-laws. Walaupun bukan MIL yang buat perangai but it’s the BIL or SIL, we still could not say anything because MIL would not like it if we complain about her child(ren).
I do feel that we are sometimes too tightly bound by traditions and customs, and we let it constrict us. Therefore here I am asking, why are we so afraid of our ILs ? What is the worse that could happen if we … ermm… dare I say it, melawan ?
Well seriously, a lot. I have witnessed a couple divorced just because the mother figure tak puas hati dengan menantu. Nasib baik they had the good sense to reconcile however sometimes pantang menantu tersilap langkah (bila dah tak suka, mulut bau deghoyan pun boleh dikategorikan sebagai dosa besar), mulalah she starts to threaten with the big D. Dia yang threaten. Bukannya anak dia yang threaten.
I have also seen a MIL that marahkan menantu walapun she got beaten up by her son. MIL said, menantu deserves it. But.. when the tables turned and her anak kena pukul dengan laki, pandai lak suruh pi report polis. Hehhehe…..
Anyway, my friend’s SIL did something to her. To clear her name, she courageously approached her MIL, cakap baik-baik of what had transpired, trying to resolve the issue. But by virtue of dia bukak mulut, she was labeled as kurang ajar. Never mind the ILs were the ones who raised their voices and were spewing lies. So mula lah keluar derhaka, tak selamat dunia akhirat and yang paling tak best, mak kau tak pandai ajar anak.
Tak terkata apa orang tu. All her alasan dipatah-patah kan, was not accepted even though she was the victim. Mangsa fitnah SIL sendiri. At the end, she just kept quiet. The thing she is most upset about is, being a 40 year old, why must she still go through this ? Why at 40, she is still scared of her ILs ? Why at 40 she is still not given respect or even the benefit of the doubt. Why dia yang kena fitnah but dia yang salah ?
And after that ghastly, ghastly episode, she still has to go and show her face. And it has to be a contrite face, no less. So she lives on, in a toxic environment, accepting the beatings and the lies because of… well…. I really have no idea.
Why can’t we just fight back ? At least a small act of defiance probably ? I dunno what could be deemed as one, maybe politely ask them to please say things nicely to us ? Or simply implore them to please just listen ?
Terbayang lak Beyonce nyanyi lagu Listen tu in Dreamgirls., heheh.
Entah lah….
Bila kita jadi menantu, kita automatically kena pijak. Kita automatically daripada jadi anak orang, terus jadi anak kambing. Bila dia buat kita, mak bapak kita langsung tak dipikirnya, di kata, di caci semahu-mahunya lagi.
Kenapa bila jadi menantu, kita hilang harga diri ? We have to tip-toe around our ILs, usually not knowing what that we could do to inflict derision.
Facing with this type of ILs, what is our right as a person in Islam ?
I know we are allowed to jauh kan diri. I know we are allowed to lawan balik, but it has to be done politely.
Bagi aku, I’ll follow the first one. Jauh kan diri to elakkan perkara2 yang tak diingini berlaku.  Because seriously, what is the worse that could happen ?
Unless your husband yang jenis tak boleh pakai punya and dok asyik sua mak bapak dia kat kita lah, walaupun he knows we are not respected there, not loved, not counted.

Monday, January 14, 2013

Tak bermakna kau punya sorry, kay ?

Hari tu Adik kena belasah dengan  a… well… let me say somebody of the same age, whom I will name C.
To say aku tak kisah anak aku kena belasah is not true lah, tetapi sebab yang buat pun budak, aku tak banyak cakap. Budak kan…. It is sooo hard to hukum anak-anak ni, considering their maturity. Bukannya apa, sementara nak besar, they experiment a lot. Those yang berani even push the boundaries. However it doesn’t mean that they are bad kids. They are essentially, kids.
I have seen my share of little horrific monsters who became perfect gentlemen/ladies when they are grown. SO there is no need to label them early on.
Bagi chance lah kan.
But in situation like this, apa yang aku kisah is the reaction from the parents. Parents to the kids yang mengkarate anak orang ni.
Pernah terjadi once Abang was pushed by a child called B when he was about 3. Since he was pushed from a height (apparently. I wasn’t present when it happened), the lebam was golf ball sized. It was painful to see. I did not say anything to the mother. Aku diam kan aje sebab tak nak cari gaduh and well... the one that pushed him pun a little boy jugak. He was only 4 je pun. 
The mother however apologized to me while she got in her car, about 2 days after the incident. Sambil lalu sebelah aku, she said, “Mintak maaf lah ye B tolak Abang hari tu…” Aku angguk aje and opened my mouth to say “Alah budak-budak….” but sayangnya tak sempat. She spoiled her apology by saying, “Tapi you tanyalah anak you apa dia buat kat anak I !”
I of course grilled my child who predictably said he didn’t do anything. Entah siapa nak percaya.
In order to elakkan anak aku from causing harm to her child again, I separated my son from her brood. Aku memang tak bagi jumpa, seriously takut anak aku membelasah anak dia lagi.
Lama-lama she called me, asking kenapa aku tak bagi anak aku jumpa anak dia ? I explained nicely that she herself told me that my son did something bad to her son. So, in order to not let that happen, it is better if I separate them, kan  ?
So…. , she said and I remember her voice being freaking unpleasant, laced with her very low opinion of my ability as a mother, itu aje cara you untuk selesaikan masalah ni ? Aik ? Masalah sapa sebenarnya ni ?
Nak je aku gasak sebiji sebab I did ask witnesses, kay. The maid and my MIL were there, and all of them said Abang did nothing to her son. Memang dia tak boleh terima kalau anak dia salah and she has to point blame elsewhere. This sadly continues on until now. But in order to jaga relationship aku cakap “Habis, you nak anak you kena belasah dengan anak I lagi ke ?” which as soon as it escaped from my mouth sounded like my 3 year old son is much more macho than her 4 year old.
So to placate her and also to biarkan si luncai terjun dengan labu-labunya, I said “I am sorry, I do not want to put my son in a position where he can hurt people. You yourself said he did something bad to your son, so I am also teaching him a lesson. If you don’t play nice, then you don’t to get to play at all….”
Kalau dia tak paham sindiran aku tu tak taulah kan.
In the case dengan Adik ni, the father of C was very apologetic and dan-dan tu jugak rained a lot of grief on the child. C was forced.. or should I say arm-wrestled to apologise to my daughter. Nengok dia kena marah of course touched my heart and made me cry, because aku kesian…  but then I am sure bapak dia lagi kesian kan anak tu, but being a good parent, you cannot ikutkan perasaan kesian to your anak, especially when he/she has done something wrong. Tough love namanya.
My kids (when I say my kids, it includes Kakak and Banana – my nieces) know that I am very big on apologies. Walaupun dengan orang tak kenal, I will march them to grovel for forgiveness when required. Pernah sekali Abang and Kakak were playing rough in a restaurant and terpelanting lah gelas to the floor and water sprayed on this poor lady’s outfit.
Kelajuan nafas naga aku tak payah diceritakan lagi. I barked my orders for them to say sorry and they meekly got up and did so. Abang even offering to wash the soiled clothes.
Luckily the lady was a very nice lady and she graciously accepts their apologies.
But… hmm… I did notice something funny. When I went to her personally to apologise for my unruly kids, although she was again very much kind and generous, I noticed her friend was not. Nak kata minah tu kena tak jugak tapi dia yang buat muka tak puas hati…..

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Post seciput

Yesterday orang Unifi mai. Pasang segala apa yang perlu dipasang dan oleh itu, sejak depa balik dalam pukui 4 petang sehingga lah nan la... me and my family macam kemaruk dok berinternet.


Selama hari ni kami guna broadband saja and you know how inefficient they are... Tambahan lah dengan keadaan kami yang tak berlaptop sejak kena copet.. Sebab itulah kami perak....

My problem now is to sekat penggunaan by my kids. To me the internet is not for kids. It is dangerous, both in contents and accessibility. But I had to sebab Abang day masuk form 1 and his schoolwork involve research.

Okay... that is only I am gonna say. Sebab aku punya angin sekarang ni melebih puting beliung and I know if I write panjang2... mesti terkeluar something tak best.

So.. I'd better stop now.

Thursday, January 10, 2013


Al-kisah (I think I have over-used 'So....' to start my posts... ) I got tired of waiting for the teacher to get back to me how many books are needed amongst these  unfortunate children so I dropped by this morning to hand her the money. Kamil and I prepared a small sum to start things going. After all, lagi lama tunggu lagi banyak lah budak-budak ni tertinggal.

I asked her if she did her research and she said no... which did not surprise me at all. She did say however she took a quick look at those in Standard 6 and about 6-7 are without complete work books. So I gave her the money with requests that she does a complete scan to ensure all students have what ever they need to learn.

Lepas tu... and seriously, benda-benda ni memang sengaja jadi kat aku sebab Allah memang nak duga.. she asked me if I want to also pay the PIBG fees for these kids. Nafas naga dah mula keluar.... but I remained compose and polite while trying to push the naga within from coming out. With my eyes averted from her face, I asked nicely, "Duit PIBG tu untuk apa ya ? Guna untuk apa ?"

Luckily she quickly answered with the kids' school books are more important than the fees..... I nodded with a tight smile and a very relieved exhaling of breath.

Lepas tu... baru teringat... Laaa... I just gave her the money macam tu je... No receipts, no witness... I mean I don't know her and I can only assume that she is a person of virtue but when I think about it, foolish ways like this lah buat incident songlap-menyonglap senang berlaku.


I then howled at Kamil of my foolishness and now I have to call the HEM and inform him that I have actually made a donation. Now, how do I say that to him without sounding ... well.... like I do not have faith in human ?

Banyak kerja pulak jadi nya.

Before I move on, can I just say betapa tak cun nya Guinevere ni ? I mean seriously, dude. I am sure there are other easy on the eyes actress that can do her job. Kiera Knightly kan ada ? Tak pun aku rasa Dawn French pun lagi lawa dari minah ni.

Anyway, thank you so much kepada ada yang mahu menderma. Let the school get in touch with me first. If what I have given is sufficient, kita cari sekolah lain ek ?

Ta-ra my lovelies... Adik asked me to read her a bed time story. Masalahnya it is nothing by Enid Blyton nor Roald Dahl, but Greg Heffely via his Diary of a Wimpy Kid.


Saturday, January 05, 2013

Crowne Plaza, karaoke, giraffe and Wolverine

So last week my whole family holed up in Crowne Plaza before it gets demolished to make way for new development. It was rather sad for us because we like the hotel. I remember one puasa where we stayed overnight so that we can shop for baju raya with ease. We broke our fast at the hotel and I remember Abang ate Nasi Tomato with Oreos. I think it was his first year berpuasa.

During sahur, Abang asked if there was any pancakes and it just so happened the chef passed by and he immediately interrupted my, "Takdelah sayang..." with promises of pancakes in a jiffy. He rushed back to the kitchen and came back after 20 minutes with warm cakes and a small pot of maple syrup. It was obvious he just whipped a batch especially for Abang.

Coming back to 2012, we had dinner then came back to the hotel to wait for MI who just completed his shift then to Low Yatt for karaoke session. Btw, we had to walk to Wisma Genting where MI was waiting for us. He missed the hotel because he said he saw Crown-ne Plaza and not Crown Plaza so he went ahead to look for the hotel with the correct spelling. Mangkuk ayun.

It was fun as usual but it was also very sad. My eldest brother MP kept choosing lagu-lagu yang sedih. Semuanya pasal losing the love of your life and then wishing for another chance to be better. Aku nangis.... I ran outside to cry while he sang his heart out. I do not know why I am so bothered. Why am I so emotional, so involved.

The rest stopped crying a long time ago.. well I guess they do... while I could cry at a moment's notice. When Yana berpeluh on the upper lip just like her, when I saw the purple blouse she borrowed, basically anything that ever touched her.

Enough of this.

Anyway last night Adik fell asleep on the sofa in our room again. Kamil lifted her up and huffed and puffed her to her own room and busted his back. She is that heavy, trust me.

In the morning Kamil said to her, "Lifting you was like a giraffe angkat badak sumbu, Wolverine angkat Sabertooth tau !"

Hehehhe.... ada hati nak jadi Wolverine rupanya laki aku.

Watched Ted. It was awful. Seriously. Tak tau nak cakap macam mana. Don't watch it.

Friday, January 04, 2013


I feel like ranting and raving today. Actually I already ranted and raved in my FB.. and to my friends… So rasa macam dah over rant and over rave pulak tiba-tiba… But…. Hmmm… masih ada saki baki yang nak dikeluarkan…. Heheh…

I was on leave since last Friday. Baru hari ni, which is a Friday I went back to the office. I did nothing but sleep, nursing my batuk induced pening-pening and tried to prepare for my kids new school year during my precious leave. So rugi to actually sakit masa cuti.

Admittedly, I wasn’t so thrilled at the prospect of returning to work. Understandable really since I have been off for a solid week. I was dragging my feet and all, dreading my arrival at the office and look at my desk, and the piles of papers that should topple over soon. But typical me, once I was there, everything was just okay. I filled my day productively and was raring to go. Penat aje building up the kemalasan ….

Eh.. I can actually rant and rave about something ! I just realised that I ranted and raved about this thing to only 2 people so far ! Tak cukup quorum nak bagi puas hati….Heheh… You get that it’s a joke, yeah ?

Anyway, bulan puasa lepas we received a missive from Abang’s school minta derma for anak-anak kurang berkemampuan (okay.. I used orang miskin before and I find that I don’t like it for some reason…) so that they can have a good raya. They named these kids, and the class they belonged to and I of course got bog down with worry for them. Worried about their persiapan sekolah for the coming year. Especially there were some Std 6 students and I know they wouldn’t be able to recycle baju tahun lepas.

I remember when I was a kid. How a new bag is important. How crisp and shiny white uniforms are important. How pristine shoes devoid of holes are important. I also remember feeling inadequate for whatever flimsy and merepek reasons. I want these kids to not feel inadequate at all. I want them to start a new schooling year with vigour and sufficiently motivated (not aiming high ..). Not worrying if people noticed their shabby clothes and bags that need to be replaced. Or be envious of the girl in front who has a new box of shiny colour pencils or fancy erasers. 

I contacted the school like 2 weeks before it re-opened. Okay, okay admittedly I should have done it earlier because when I got round to calling, I was informed that the teacher in-charge of Hal Ehwal Murid or HEM dah balik kampong.

Err… okay…. Can I at least talk to somebody who knows ? Surely there are other people who could help me ? Nope, she replied. Only the HEM knows these students. I explained that I want to take these kids to shop for stuffs. I want to let them loose and go crazy. I want them to get the things that they really wanted but couldn’t, the Hello Kitty purse or the Cars’ pencil case. Maybe a 24 pieces colour set.. Or a new funky bag. I stressed that I want to help the ones entering secondary school to really, really prepare for school.

She thanked me profusely, dengan doa-doa supaya Allah murahkan rezeki but she re-iterated that I still have to wait for the HEM and he will only be around on the 28th. I find that it is a bit too late to wait until then but there is nothing much I can do kan ? Before I hang up the phone, I asked for her name and… oh please, Ya Allah tolong lah aku… she said that she is the Headmistress.

I don’t know but my hair prickled and my breath got  bit hot and smoky. I could be wrong but I am sure since she is the Head of the school, she should have access to the files. I mean… surely she has an inkling where to look, kan ? Or at least make an effort to ask someone ?

Right ? No ?

Since this is for the kids, I am sure she could take a crack somewhere, to at least look ?

Right ? No ?

So… come the 28th I called. Again I was given the pujian-pujian for my benevolence which sedikit pun tidak mengembangkan aku because I still have not managed to make the actual sedekah just yet. And when I was informed that the HEM was busy and was asked to go over the school which apparently is easier – for whom I have no idea, the feeling that I would not be able to help gets stronger.

Luckily HEM called and seriously I cut his pujian short. Because by that time aku punya bulu dah tumbuh berkodi-kodi when he told me that another teacher is the one who has the details and not him. I told him of my plans to take them shopping, you know in my attempt to cajole his desire to take the extra mile and get things moving, but to no avail. I was told that the person in charge (which was actually him according to the Headmistress no less) will call me back.

I despaired. It really was not a good week for me. 

Tetapi… they called me just now ! The school ! Sungguh tak disangka-sangka. She gave me 6 names and then mentioned that there are 27 Orang Asli too. 

Oh ? 

Apprently, they need books more than anything. The text books they get for free but the buku2 kerja tu. Selalunya she said, they could only produce the books in April or May… tunggu mak ayah kumpul duit. 


Now my plan to let the kids go crazy sounds so frivolous. Fine. So, I told her to go around and check with the 6 under privileged kids and the 27 Orang Asli kids for books that they are still without.

Maybe I should write to the PIBG and ask them how they spend the yuran that we pay every year.

Sigh…. Another letter to write.