Dangerous territory

So I had a session with an ex-colleague of mine yesterday. She had just wanted to vent out her frustration with her in-laws as usual. To hear her in that distressed state, so much sadness and anger really made me wonder, what does it mean to be human ?  

We are supposed to be better than animals because of our ability to emphatise and symphatise. Okay, probably not just that but I would think that would be one of the most significant ones, lah. However there is this sorry group of people who likes to inflict pain on others. And we allow people to do bad things to us, we gritted our teeth and accepted it because they are our in-laws. Walaupun bukan MIL yang buat perangai but it’s the BIL or SIL, we still could not say anything because MIL would not like it if we complain about her child(ren).

I do feel that we are sometimes too tightly bound by traditions and customs, and we let it constrict us. Therefore here I am asking, why are we so afraid of our ILs ? What is the worse that could happen if we … ermm… dare I say it, melawan ?

Well seriously, a lot. I have witnessed a couple divorced just because the mother figure tak puas hati dengan menantu. Nasib baik they had the good sense to reconcile however sometimes pantang menantu tersilap langkah (bila dah tak suka, mulut bau deghoyan pun boleh dikategorikan sebagai dosa besar), mulalah she starts to threaten with the big D. Dia yang threaten. Bukannya anak dia yang threaten.

I have also seen a MIL that marahkan menantu walapun she got beaten up by her son. MIL said, menantu deserves it. But.. when the tables turned and her anak kena pukul dengan laki, pandai lak suruh pi report polis. Hehhehe…..

Anyway, my friend’s SIL did something to her. To clear her name, she courageously approached her MIL, cakap baik-baik of what had transpired, trying to resolve the issue. But by virtue of dia bukak mulut, she was labeled as kurang ajar. Never mind the ILs were the ones who raised their voices and were spewing lies. So mula lah keluar derhaka, tak selamat dunia akhirat and yang paling tak best, mak kau tak pandai ajar anak.

Tak terkata apa orang tu. All her alasan dipatah-patah kan, was not accepted even though she was the victim. Mangsa fitnah SIL sendiri. At the end, she just kept quiet. The thing she is most upset about is, being a 40 year old, why must she still go through this ? Why at 40, she is still scared of her ILs ? Why at 40 she is still not given respect or even the benefit of the doubt. Why dia yang kena fitnah but dia yang salah ?

And after that ghastly, ghastly episode, she still has to go and show her face. And it has to be a contrite face, no less. So she lives on, in a toxic environment, accepting the beatings and the lies because of… well…. I really have no idea.

Why can’t we just fight back ? At least a small act of defiance probably ? I dunno what could be deemed as one, maybe politely ask them to please say things nicely to us ? Or simply implore them to please just listen ?

Terbayang lak Beyonce nyanyi lagu Listen tu in Dreamgirls., heheh.

Entah lah….

Bila kita jadi menantu, kita automatically kena pijak. Kita automatically daripada jadi anak orang, terus jadi anak kambing. Bila dia buat kita, mak bapak kita langsung tak dipikirnya, di kata, di caci semahu-mahunya lagi.

Kenapa bila jadi menantu, kita hilang harga diri ? We have to tip-toe around our ILs, usually not knowing what that we could do to inflict derision.

Facing with this type of ILs, what is our right as a person in Islam ?

I know we are allowed to jauh kan diri. I know we are allowed to lawan balik, but it has to be done politely.

Bagi aku, I’ll follow the first one. Jauh kan diri to elakkan perkara2 yang tak diingini berlaku.  Because seriously, what is the worse that could happen ?

Unless your husband yang jenis tak boleh pakai punya and dok asyik sua mak bapak dia kat kita lah, walaupun he knows we are not respected there, not loved, not counted.