Emotional suicide seorang mak...

I saw a kid drawing on the telly. He's very good at it, for his age... Haha...

I of course went down memory lane... looking at my son's drawings when he was just a wee lad. He loves drawing, always scribbling away but all he could come up with were these little circles. Not even squiggles but circles all over the paper.

I kept stumbling on these little circles everywhere, on book covers, any scrap of paper.. wall.... One day the three of us, him, my mom and I were sitting on the floor. My mom and I were gossiping and his body was bent down, concentrating on the pen and paper at hand. I remember him with long fringe covering his eyes, cute chubby cheeks tinged with healthy red and those eyes... sigh... his eyes always get to me... so huge, so bright, so him....

I remember leaving the conversation I had with mom and just drinking the sight of him like that, in that pose so engrossed with the task at hand. My mom leaned nearer to him and asked her grandson, "Apa ni bang ?", finger pointing to one of those circles.

"Cookie !" Hehehehhe... And the next was, "Ball !", and then "Balloon..". My mom exclaimed that what a clever boy he was because all those circles were for round things. And then he spoiled it by naming the next one bicycle and car.

Hehehhe.... All his favourite things in the world.

Believe you me, I feel so sad right now, missing the little boy that he was. This morning he left for school with a tennis racket in hand, so big..all grown up.... The fringe no more there, the cheeks still chubby for sure but is now browned by the sun. The eyes ? Still huge but there is some wisdom now.. and traces of life..

How long more will he want to be my baby ?