It is almost midnight and I just finished my work.
Sigh.... I am seriously tired and as my ex-boss said, stretched to the limit. Both of us made a day trip to Pasir Gudang yesterday and our conversation today was very weary and filled with sighs. Sian kita orang dua orang. Mana taknya sampai KL around 11pm and that doesn't include the trip from KL to Shah Alam. He has to go back to Cheras, dah dekat but he did drive for 8 hours, to and fro. Just can imagine how bone tired he is. We started our freaking journey at 5am, kay ?
Anyway I am sleepy.. but can't sleep. Kamil has some music on and I could never sleep with music blaring. Especially lagu mendayu-dayu which Kamil really favours.
Sigh... walking through the dreaded memory lane now, at a time when I was small and always got sent to my Opah, my mom's aunt. Whenever there, I will bunk with my Maksu which I totally hate because she literally sleeps hugging the radio. You know me. I am malancholy by nature. Every song, especially sad ones just brings me to sad events. I don't know why. Even if there are no sad events, I will just find a reason to be sad and sebek about.
Up until now if I ever listen to the Malay channels I will always think about my Maksu, especially when the DJ talks. I will always have this particular picture in my head of her smiling contently, the radio practically her pillow. And I remember crying softly that night (I could even remember the colour of the bed linen - red) because the music reminded me of my parents and somehow I felt like I was the most awful daughter God ever sent to earth.
And I remember her sighing when she realised what was happening on the other side of the bantal peluk (which again always remind me of her too... ehehehh). While I was busy regretting every little mistakes I ever made and making vows after vows to be good and begging Allah to spare me the furious fire of hell.. she slowly patted my thighs to comfort me.
Maksu passed away about 8 years ago, at the tender age of 35. I never knew she had heart problems so her death was one collosal shock to me. I remember feeling dizzy for days because nobody ever told me. She was such an important person at one point of my life that I just couldn't quite believe it that people failed to tell me.
Masa-masa nilah lagu Kerispatih keluar. Saja je nak buat aku sebek. Dah nangis pun.
Al-Fatihah for my Ashu.. Aliza Othman.
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