Abang's birthday

Today is my firstborn’s birthday. He is 10 ... WAAAAAAAAAA !

My baby.... my baby... Dah besar.

Now I understand my dad, why he always tried his darnest to stop us from growing up.
“MI/CY/CA/MJ jadi baby lah.. toksah besar sampai bila-bila...” he used to say. A lot. And I always rolled my eyes because I hear that countless of times. And I will let out the heaviest of sighs when he added, “Nanti Ayah takde toy...” Aparaa... I’d always thought. Go and buy one lah.....

But now... Sob Sob.. I finally get him because my toy has grown up and doesn’t want to play with me that much anymore.

He doesn’t want to follow me everywhere anymore, unlike his sister. He doesn’t need me to be in front of him that much anymore, like his sister ... and... I saw him rolled his eyes behind my back when I was being silly.

And the thing that hurts the most was he doesn’t share anymore.

On Adik’s birthday we went to Toys R Us as Adik wanted a toy. Aku rasa toys are the most wasteful of purchases. I wasn’t really keen on it but Babah jeling at me so I let it be. I know she would fully utilise an MP3 player or an iPod instead of the Hello Kitty tea set she chose. I was right, she kept on bugging us to let her use our handphones to hear her songs and kept on hogging the car stereo. Dok ulang lagu-lagu dia aje. The Hello Kitty set, although very cute was already relegated to her working station (yes.. she has one) and remained untouched since a day after her birthday.

So coming back to Toys R Us on Adik’s birthday, when Abang wanted a toy too Babah wouldn’t let him without giving any other explanation except “It’s expensive !”. Babah actually had bought the Chelsea jersey and the goalkeeper gloves like he wanted, but Babah didn’t tell him so because he wanted it to be a surprise. Tapi Babah ni tone dia tak kena... he sounded like he was angry.

So my son sebek sat and mula le bergenang ayaq mata and started to walk ahead of us.

Aku ni memang kesian sangat kalau tengok Abang kena marah sebab really... when I sit down and think about it... he is one of the good guys. Sure he can be naughty but overall... he is one great kid.

I caught up with him and as usual asked him what was wrong. But to my surprise ... he said nothing, shook his head and took my arm off his shoulders. I was dumbstruck. Terkejut gila because usually, he would tell me how he feels.

And tengah-tengah Empire shopping mall tu ayaq mata aku pun bergenang jugak. When Kamil caught up with me, he was exasperated to see my tears. “He doesn’t want to tell me anything ! I asked and he doesn’t tell me... He doesn’t talk to me anymore !!!”

Kamil sighed as I looked forlornly at my son’s back. Kamil then said, “Namanya budak laki.... Budak laki memang macam tu lah... mana dia orang bercakap sangat.....” and he left my side to walk with our son. Kamil distracted his attention to some stuffs in the mall and soon he was laughing again. But I still failed to laugh because I am still hurt by his rejection. Of course, aku blame Kamil for being too hard on him sampai dia keraih macam tu.

Mummy’s baby boy... don’t put a wall between us. You are still a baby... and forever you will be my baby... Even when you are 40 you will remain my baby. Don’t grow up too soon as Mummy tak ada orang nak manja nanti, kay ?

Please ?

I love you, hunny bunny.