Emo lepas kena rompak

Wow... I really haven't been here in a long time. Such a lazy blogger, I am. Or not... There are other reasons that stopped me from writing.. of which I could not share.... haha.

But one other reason is...House was broken into. A-hmm.... All 3 laptops gone, the Ipad, video cam and of course my sanity because of the fact that the sanctity of my home was violated. Second of all was because gone with the laptops are our family pics.

Itu yang buat aku went berserk kejap.

Gone are our holiday snaps, impromptu shots and whatever still photos of our years.

Bila the pics were gone, I started to get concerned about the things that we do have.. our video tapes. Aku paksa Kamil to replace the video cams (first burglary, video cam guna small tapes yang kena pau... Yang incident terbaru ni yang guna small cds... so Kamil kena beli dua-dua.. ahaks !)so that I can watch them....so busy trying to salvage whatever that is left of my children when they were smaller.

The first cd that we watched was a shock. So shocked I was, I cried uncontrollably while my family tried to watch the video and gaped at my tears at the same time.

Abang was about 4 and Adik probably just reached her first year. It was obvious that the whole family just woke up from an afternoon nap and apparently after we returned home from our first ever vist to Alamanda.

Now, I do not remember the details of that trip before but after watching that tape, everything came whooshing back to me in a rush. The memories came shooting in from all corners and I was reeling from all these mixed emotions. I smiled and I laughed and I was mesmerised.

But the one that made me cry ? The voice of my son. I did not remember that he used to sound like that ! How sweet it was, how babyish he sounded. He had sort of like husky voice and the words he used ! And the way he looked when he talked, how his eyes played and the expressions on his face.

How could I have forgotten all that ?

Aku nangis because I missed that boy... and because of who he was at that time... So innocent and trusting and ... well my little boy.

Aku tak tidur malam tu because I kept thinking about him at that age. Did I hug him enough ? Was I always there for him ? Did I ever hurt him, ignored him or just plainly didn't see him because I was busy with work or watching the telly ?

In that video he talked about "the secret place". I remember it so well now... We were going to Alamanda(which he called Alamanda Subang Parade) and he kept badgering me on our our destination. You know kids, they wouldn't be satisfied with just Alamanda. A lot of info needed to be dispensed to satisfy their curiosity and thus to shut him up I told him that we are going to a secret place and this secret place does not like inquisitive little boys.

On the way (well.. we actually lost our way and Kamil was busy going round and round and round) my little boy got a bit restless and to distract him I pointed to a red hill and told him that it was a volcano.

And now I remember his face... when he looked at the "volcano" so full of wonder. He looked and looked and looked not saying a thing until he lost sight of it. Then he jumped at me, so full of questions and I had to make them all up as we go along.

And in that tape, he still talked about the volcano...

And sebab itu kot aku nangis...

Kalau aku boleh, I will upload the clip here. Just for you guys to see...