Talak

I went to a lot of weddings this month like most Malaysians in December and every wedding I attended, heck… even all the wedding signs I saw along the street reminded me of a conversation I had with my colleagues on polygamy.

At my old workplace, my manager En. X ( don’t want to name names sebab takut kalau bini dia baca habih dia and ngan aku-aku sekali….. he he) is an advocate for polygamy. He loves to lecture us about the beauty of it and how it actually benefits women.

“Untung dik….” He said one day to both Kak D and I as I looked at him with boredom and Kak D with sheer anger.

“Orang perempuan akan dapat kawan kalau suami dia kawin lain… Yang you boleh kongsi segala masalah you….” Said he unconvincingly.

“Cik X… ni ha I ada kawan baru ni ha… si A ni…” Answered Kak D. “Tak payah si P (her hubby le) kawin lain untuk I dapat kawan !! Masalah I nanti Cik X oi, dia le yang bawak… Takkan I nak pegi cerita kat dia pasal suami I tak balik sebab because of her lah suami I tak balik !! Gila apa ?”

“Jangan dik….” Said he who apparently coveted death at that time. “ You akan dapat kawan yang jadi adik-beradik you…. Yang akan sama-sama susah and senang dengan you…..”

“Cik X…. adik-beradik I ada lapan…. 5 perempuan…. Kenapa I nak tambah lagi ?” She answered, totally taking the bait. I was quiet because we have gone through that conversation before many, many times and I know he just wanted to cause mischief…. He he…

“Itu le orang perempuan…. Tak paham…. Sebab itu Allah jadikan lelaki Khalifah sebab orang perempuan tak rasional. Asyik pikir dia punya cemburu je…. Blah, blah, blah…..” I just looked at him, jumping around trying to make his case.

Then he said, “Sebab itu lah Allah bagi kuasa talak tu kat laki…. Kalau dapat kat perempuan, talak 3 habis dalam masa setahun !!” He smiled and laughed and was generally having a good time, taunting us.

At that, I finally had to open my mouth. “Cik X… Allah tu maha besar Cik X. Kalau dia bagi talak kat perempuan, you ingat dia bagi 3 ke ? I am sure dia bagi sekurang-kurangnya 58 !…”

He was so shocked with what I said that he stopped his pacing and hand gesturing and jumping. Then he laughed out loud. “You ni kan dik, memang tau. …” He said between laughs. “You bayang kan yek… I ni kat mahkamah ni sebab Kak B dah ceraikan I talak 12….. wah ha ha ha… Pastu kan hakim tu punya phone bunyi...Toot-toot... Angkat2 dia punya bini, gaduh-gaduh hakim tu kena cerai talak 43 !! Busy dik, mahkamah syariah kalau macam tuh, dik !!” He started jumping up and down again.

Wah ha ha ha … he went.

.

He never lets me forget it.

Movie Review : Twilight

Haven’t been to the movies much lately. Been to a few but was not enthusiastic enough to write about it. Although Quantum of Solace was amazing ( a lot of people didn’t like it… but I enjoyed it enough…. Daniel Craig is oh so good…. Good enough to eat that is…) but I was not in a review writing mode.

Talking about good enough to eat brings me to the title of this entry…. Twilight and what a beautiful story it is. The movie that made movie review a necessity again... Ha ha..I had always been a fan of fiction… you know something that takes us away from our everyday existence… I mean my favourite movies among others are Transformers, Harry Potter, Superman and Star Wars…. Up until now my favourite series would always be Star Trek and Angel… He he…. Do not want to be rooted to the real world when I park my butt in front of the screens (big or small). So Twilight to a person of my taste is just perfect.

And perfection it was. It is a beautiful, lovely romantic movie. The vampire and werewolves and all those stuffs made it even more interesting. And, Robert Pattinson is the essence that made me bit my fist. Just asked my husband what I told him when I first laid eyes on Mr Pattinson as Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter.

Went to see it with my hubby. He got us the kerusi romen (as he fondly calls the couples’ seat at the Cineleisure) and therefore we were high up there. Before the movie started, a gaggle of girls came in and sat like 10 rows in front of us. They were chatty as girls usually are and we were much relieved when they shut their traps when the movie started.

However when the delicious although very pasty looking Edward Cullen came in, the screaming started. Babah and I looked at each other in shock before we burst out laughing. They were in a frenzy, those girls, screaming and clapping whenever he appeared. So much so that I too started screaming with them. It was the most fun time I had in the movies !! The masses can really influence you, eh ?

Ha ha !!

Anyway, I love the movie because it was so romantic (I have mentioned that before haven’t I ? Just want to drive the message home… he he), set in a dreamy location with excellent actors (Yeah, I managed to get my eyes off Robbert Pattinson). I don’t know what is it but the movie really captured my heart. What a girl to do then but get the book ?

The book was better than the movie. I think because I was already well acquainted with the faces of the characters so the words came alive ten-fold. It was really exhilarating because I do not have to work hard to imagine the house and the forests and the town because I had already seen it… so 10 points for me for watching the movie first before reading the book !! He he…

I was clever enough to snap the first 2 books of the Twilight saga but was stupid for not buying all 4 when I had the chance because when I finally finished reading the second book, all bookstores in the Klang valley had sold out every single book of the saga. Every one. Not a page was left for me to cling on.

I quickly called my mate Munira to tell her of my woes, and since she was super duper crazy of Edward Cullen more than me, saved me form my literary meltdown by telling me that Midnight Sun (Twilight written in Edward’s perspective) is available on the net. Only 12 chapters but 12 chapters are better than nothing, eh ? And let me tell you, Midnight Sun is more intense than Twilight. I totally love it.


After watching Twilight at home 2 nights ago, I looked at Babah and said, “Why do you never ever take me tree climbing on our dates ? Look at them, Edward and Bella…. So bloody marvelous talking on tree branches….”


Babah who had been with me for 15 long years didn’t even look at me when he said, “Awak panjatlah dulu… karang saya ikut…..” Before adding, “Cacing pun takut, nak panjat pokok konon…. “ He he….


Yelah Babah…..

Ha ha

Kelakar wei.... cerita ni. Again aku ambik dari orang lain punya blog. Sorry... this is really funny. I ahve to share this... He he..

Najis Kecil, Najis Besar

Semoga dijadikan iktibar bukan bahan ketawa, hari ni hari dia mungkin besok hari kita.Betul tak.

Masa zaman kami dulu tok imam tu tanya "ko orang islam nak kawin nak cuba tanya soalan sikit yang saya ingat. :-a) Cuba Mengucapb) Apa rukun dan fardunya.Berpeluh juga BEB.Pada cuti hari minggu yang lalu, aku menghadiri Satu Majlis akad nikah kawan pada kawan ku. Waktu tu aku bercuti dikampung dia. Jadi bila ada kenduri macam tu dia pun pergi dan ajak aku sekali. Aku pun ikut sama.

Masa tu majlis akad nikah tu dijalankan diruang tamu. Ramai orang aku tengok, sambil duduk bersila mengelilingi tok kadi dan pengantin lelaki. Dahsyat, pengantin tu duduk atas bantal macam raja. Aku jarang tengok majlis macam nih. Jadi masa bersila tu, aku pun mengesot sikit2 untuk dengar apa yang tok kadi akan tanya.

Rupanya macam2 jugak tok kadi tanya.Tapi ada satu soalan yang menyebabkan aku malu besar.....Tok kadi tanya pasal satu hari berapa kali kene sembahyang, dengan lajunye mamat pengantin tu jawab "lima". Tok kadi tanya lagi, bagi contoh2 najis kecil, dia pun jawap kencing baby yang kecik2 lagi. Tok kadi pun angguk ler, jadi aku rasa jawapan tu ok la kut.

Tok kadi tanya lagi contoh najis besar, mamat tu mula dah panik, jeling kiri, jeling kanan, mula tengok siling, aku rasa macam nak tolong je mamat pengantin tu...bukannye susah, jawapannya anjing ngan babi je,..tapi mamat tu dah mula berpeluh jantan keluar kat dahi....tok kadi mula senyum...Aku sebut dalam hati moga2 dia dengar 'anjing ngan babi la hoi', tapi rupanya aku cakap dalam hati dia tak dengar.

Aku tak tahu apa yang jadi selepas itu, kerana majlis tu jadi kecoh kerana ramai orang yang berada disekeliling majlis tu sambil minum air sirap, tersembur keluar minuman tu terkena baju ramai orang, aku pun sama, masa tu aku tengah minum sirap tu, tiba2 aku semburkan balik, dah kene member kat tepi2, kecoh jadinya, aku pegang mata aku, penuh dengan air mata.

Yang aku ingat masa tok kadi tanya tentang contoh najis besar kat pengantin tu keadaan senyap sunyi....tapi bila pengantin tu jawap "Taik Gajah" suasana jadik hingar bingar dengan gelak ketawa orang yang dah tak boleh tahan, nak control macamana ...taik gajah... besar betul..nak2 bila gajah makan durian.

Mak Mah sebelah rumah

Tiba – tiba hari ni aku teringat kat Mak Mah, neighbour kami masa kami tinggal kat seksyen 6. Mak Mah and suaminya Pak Chot. Depa ni mak bapak Datuk Azhar Mansur, so bila si Azhar start belayar memang terkejut beruk lah kami.

Anyway, I love Mak Mah. Many of my childhood memories included her as she taught me a thing or two.

Like how to eat siput sedut. My mother never cooked siput sedut but I love them because whenever Mak Mah had it in her menu, she would call me over (she doesn’t ask for my mom’s permission because she is the respected elder and in a Malay society, she can pretty much do anything she wants. Plus, my mother trusts her… so no worries there I suppose… Or she did ask for permission, I just never knew it…) and I would eat and eat and eat. She would sit next to me and tell me stories or just be there. It was always very comforting. I feel safe with her.

She also taught me not to chew with my mouth open. “Tak baik… hang pompuan… Malu aihh…. Katup mulut tu bila kunyah….” or something like that. I do remember her emphasizing on malu sebab perempuan, though. I listened to her so much so that one of my pet peeves is if people chew with their mouths open in front of me. I hate it. Hate it. My dad used to say every time I am due home for summer, he would caution my siblings that they must be on their best behaviour during meal times because I would be around soon. He he….

Petang-petang, we would go over to her house and play in her frontyard. I do not remember her having any children or grandchildren our age, but we kids were always playing in her lawn. Such kindness Mak Mah and her family have.

But…. Yang paling best pasal Mak Mah is she would intervene if aku kena ligan dengan my dad. Many times she would lecture my dad about his parenting skills whenever she heard me screaming. I would gratefully hug her from behind, hiding from my dad. Aku pun selalu le jerit extra sikit, enough for Mak Mah to hear and come to my rescue.

He he…… Apa habaq Mak Mah la ni, na ?

My friend for life

I was at KLCC on Tuesday, very much alone, waiting for my boss. I informed Shazmi of my predicament and he came to my rescue. So we walked, without anywhere in particular to go and bizarrely found ourselves looking at fridges.

Now this is one thing I do not know about my friend, how much he knows about fridges and their prices. He he…

Well I suppose since he will be setting up home with his fiancée soon, he had been looking around for one and in that process managed to be well informed on the many, many brands, litres (?) and prices of fridges.

After that, I went to accompany him to the bank where he bumped into a friend. I stood a respected distance away and when they bid each other goodbye, I noticed Shazmi’s friend looked at me. I politely ignored her once or twice over.

“I have to stop be seen with you..” He whispered to me.

“Why lah ?”

“Because my friend thought I’m marrying you !!”

Well, thank you my friend for sounding like that was the most absurd, ridiculous, laughable and preposterous thing on earth.

While I was pregnant with Adik, Babah was busy being a dealer (not drugs but short deposits) and I was without a car or the license to drive it. So I had to rely on my family and friends to take me around. Sometimes Amelia but usually Shah. Can you imagine the very bachelor Shah's (at that time. Now he is married) ability to pull girls while walking around with me ? But he didn't care did he ? I needed someone to take me, so he did. We even went to a kenduri together once. He being a bachelor at that time should really refuse to be seen with me waddling next to him, since there are a lot of girls hanging around at weddings and all.... But he did ...... And I am ever so grateful.

.

So, that was why I wanted to pull Shazmi's ears for even daring to suggest that we should stop fraternizing with each other. Even if it was a joke.

But still when he forcefully steered me towards his office, because he wanted company for the 3 minutes journey, I happily obliged because he is a dear friend. As much as I want to thump him, I want him to remain my friend.

Bila orang perempuan bercerita

My friend and I were discussing children the other day. She is a very close friend of mine so we were comfortable discussing about the problems we have in raising our respective children.

Of course our level of intimacy allowed us to talk about our respective partners also. Being women, we fancied ourselves the more patient and serene half of our relationship. And with patience and sereneness (ada ka perkataan tuh ?), came also astounding logic. He he… well I did say fancied…

Anyway, we discussed how unsympathetic our husbands when it came to our progeny’s limitations. We agreed that their expectations are too high, especially when helping with homework.

“Macam mak aku pernah katalah,” said I. “My father bila mengajar kita orang mengaji, kalau sorang tak meraung tak sah. Dia yelah dah belajar, pandailah… he cannot understand that we cannot get it the first time….”

“Exactly….” My friend agreed.

“So… aku pernah dengar mak aku kata, anak bapak aku patut lahir-lahir… terus umur 40. Dah mature, dah pandai… baru dia senang….”

Of course we laughed and the jokes came in.

“Uii….. tak comelnya…. Dah berkedut… buruk gila…”

“Ha ! Ha ! Lahir-lahir terus ada misai…” I added.

Then my friend added, “Keluar keluar terus jadi Datuk K…” Terdiam kita org berdua. Then both of us shuddered and simultaneously went “Uweekkkk !!”

He he…. Termuntah den……