My fluffy orange boy... WAAAAA !!!

So my orange boy is gone...

I didn't know it was going to be so hard, really. I miss him.

I miss having him around. That night, after we buried him I asked Kamil what he wants for dinner. I was tired from the long journey, from the drama and all, so in my head I could only muster a fried egg sarnie. Kamil ho-hummed for awhile then he said, "Jom keluarlah..."

Eh, tak penat ke mamat ni ? Bawak kereta from Ipoh, ada aktiviti tanam-menanam dalam hujan lagi. Then he said, "I tak sanggup duduk kat rumah tak ada dia. I feel funny... Usually dia ada kat sini watching tv with us...." I of course cried again.

SO we went out with my siblings and everybody was trying to figure out the cause of death. I couldn't bear to think what did it and the whole time aku rasa kepala aku berdenyut sakan trying to ignore the discussion that was going on around the table.

I cry almost everyday. Especially when I arrive home and he is not somewhere waiting for us. I miss seeing an orange furball lurking around whenever we got home. I also miss seeing him peering from the back of the house whenever he hears us getting into the car. I miss catching him outside the house, walking on the road, out for another adventure. Kamil usually would stop the car and order him to go home. He, my darling, darling boy would always meekly obey.

Kamil would always say, "Pandainya dia..." as we watch him walk desolately back into the house, his plans for the day interrupted by his very strict parents. He would sometimes run home whenever he saw us arriving home, always ready at the door to quickly get in, to be cosy and dry again. Usually bila kita orang nak keluar he will keluar sekali, to watch us leave from the porch. I alwyas wonder if dia sebenarnya nak ikut. Sian dia.

No more putting in water for him at our bathroom because he will only drink from that source. Sometimes when we forget there will be loud meow to remind us. No more requests to be scratched while I was on my throne. No more him jumping on my computer, so jealous that I wasn't paying attention to him. No more waking up in the morning with him in between Kamil and I.

Aku rasa ralat sangat sebab the day we were busy preparing to go back, the day before he died, he was following us around, meowing loudly. Numerous times Kamil and I stopped our preparation to ask him what he wanted. Aku remember bending down to pat him on his head while he looked at me with eyes so wide and big, meowing urgently. I wish I had gathered him in my arms instead of just patting him. I wish I knew what he was trying to say.

I can't stop crying. Kadang-kadang meleleh air mata ingat kat dia. I keep looking at his pictures, trying to remember him alive, desperately not wanting to forget him, his essence, his perangai.

Oh dear.