Bad Memory

I bought my nephew a pest fish last week. No reason really apart from wanting to see his reaction. He was shy about it surprisingly. But that lasted like 5 seconds before he demanded for the lid to be opened.

My kids of course wanted one too. I am okay about it but you know how errmmm….unpredictable Kamil could get. Free-free aje kena marah nanti so I let the kids stated their case. Lo and behold,  Kamil agreed ! At the risk of him changing his mind, last weekend  since he was away for work, I quickly organized for the kids to have a look at the fish on display and let them choose what they fancy.

Abang took one with 2 guppies in it. He named them Yin and Yang because one is black and the other one is white. I don’t know whether it is true or not as they were too small for my eyes. Seriously.

Adik took a red ikan laga which, after much thought decided to call Dandelion.

“Dandelion ?” Was the incredulous  question from her Abang.

“Yeah…” She answered, head high ready for a fight.

“How could you name a fighting fish Dandelion ? He will be the laughing stock of the fighting fish world !”

Tu dia… aku tak sangka ikan laga ada community depa sendiri.

Ha ha.

Last week, in the car both of them were having their usual chats. I wasn’t listening but something Abang said caught my attention.

“Have you ever seen a fat footballer ?” He asked. I really do not know what started it off.

And the answer she gave was, “I don’t know… you ?”

Hehehehheheheh. Mak bapak kat depan yang gelak while Abang crossed his arms, mulut muncung. The serial Deadpan Girl has struck again.

My kids actually have a lot of hilarious conversations. Sometimes aku rasa macam nak curi-curi record them. I have tried it once but they caught me almost immediately and after that they got a bit self-conscious and eventually stopped. Most of the times, I was desperately trying to record it in my head so that I can blog about it. But often times, I couldn’t. My memory is that bad.

Speaking of memory, I have been forgetting words. And phrases too. I noticed this a few years before but it seemed to be getting worse. Struggling for words in a meeting is embarrassing okay. But try as I might, some words are totally lost from me. Phrases especially. I find that I couldn’t make any witty comebacks anymore as well.

Apasal aaa ?

The thing about the dark...

That day, after we buried my Paksu in Perak, we crashed at my Uncle Mat's house in Ipoh. Tired and hungry we arrived at his gorgeous home around midnight. Learning that we have not eaten, Uncle dearest went out to buy food.

So we ate at 1 am and slept close to 2, in neat rows in the living room. But when in Perak, before azan Subuh berkumandang, I would be woken up by the sound of the front door opening. For a while, I thought it was my arwah Tok who usually berjemaah for Subuh.

But no, it is not him. It is his son who followed his footsteps. Rain or shine, work day or weekends, he and his brothers will berjemaah for Subuh. It doesn't matter if I crashed at Uncle Mat, or Uncle Kamal's house (and I suspect Uncle E's house too... I have never crashed at his place for some reason...), I will definitely hear the sound of the house keys jangling, then the opening of the door and then the azan.

Kalau Tok tu, sometimes he would leave the door open with just the grilled door closed. I sometimes would stand in front of the door and watch his retreating back to the surau, the air cool and the day still dark.

So nostalgic.

By the way, talking about dark two days ago Adik told me that she heard noises downstairs at about 3 am. She said she heard doors and drawers opening and closing and footsteps and what-nots. I reasoned it could be Bibik but she wasn't that convinced.

Anyway yesterday she asked Bibik if it was her at 3 am the day before. Bibik said no, she woke up at 5. So this little girl came running to me, breathless and bursting with news.

"Bibik cakap dia tidur pukul 3 ! Dia bangun pukul 5 ! So ada orang masuk rumah kita pukul 3 !"

"Really ? But the house wasn't disturbed !"

"Iya ! Saya dengar ada orang pukul 3 !"

While aku terbangang-bangang, I though of something. "How did you know it was 3 ?"

"I know it was 3..." Eh ? "You looked at the watch ?"

"Nope... it looked like 3...."

"How do you know it was 3 ?"

"It was dark !" Dia pulak dah naik marah.

"Pukul 5 pun still dark.... How do you know the difference between 3 and 5 ?"

"Saya tahulah. It felt like 3 !"

What ? Hello ? 

Allah, penat bergaduh....

Hmmm......

Sigh again

So my last post was on the happy news of getting a new niece. Today's post would be the sad news on my uncle's passing.

Yesterday, which coincidentally was Valentine's Day, Kamil was bored at the office and asked me to lunch. He picked me up and not even 5 minutes of partaking our food, Mom called to say that something had happened to Paksu and asked me check what was going on. I heard the word HKL, CPR and a lot of gasps and hints of worry.

Kamil asked me to relax and I called my uncle K. Just in case he knew something but all I managed to do was worry him. I called a friend who kebetulan worked with my Paksu and I was informed that he had collapsed and was taken by the ambulance. He evaded my question of whether Paksu was still breathing when they took him away.

I feared the worse. Uncle K called to tell me the same story and he was worried. Then mom called crying hysterically to say that my Paksu has passed on. My brother MI who is working in HKL confirmed it.

And so the flurry of cries, phone calls and fast walks started. My biggest worry was my Maksu. Paksu's colleagues had dispatched a driver to take her to the hospital, but she still didn't know.

I arrived to see him, in his lifeless stage, his colleagues penuh keliling dia. Lucikly there was a familiar face that came and hug me. Dalam sedih, I couldn't help but feel proud when seeing my brother in his doctor garb.

I was at the hospital from 1 pm to about 5. Waiting and waiting for everything to settle as my Maksu only came for 5 minutes and promptly left. Poor her. I really thank his colleagues for arranging everything as I wouldn't even know where to start.

My dad and Kamil helped to bathe him, then at Maksu's request I was with her following behind the van jenazah to Perak, to bury him at his kampung.

He left behind my Maksu, his 8 year old son and a hoard of relatives that love him very, very much.
Al-Fatihah for my Paksu.

Sigh....

Hari ni I got a new niece. I am so happy of course.. intersperse with jealousy. Unfortunately.

When we were 30, I told Kamil maybe it is time for us to get preggers again. I had always planned that 30 would be the last year I would give birth. My body, my planning lah kan ?

But surprise, surprise after 2 kids, Kamil said he wasn't ready for a third one. I was flummoxed, well.. still is, considering we already have 2... so what is just adding one more, yeah ? But there is nothing I could do about it since I needed his bit to get preggers.

So since I was very sure that I do not want to be parading around with a huge belly above 30, I consoled my self that 2 is more than enough. 

But of course it is a lie, and lies do not stem yearnings.. so I have yearned and yearned for another child, and yearning still.

But again, there is nothing I could do about it. Alasan dia, aku tak larat. Tak sangka laki aku considerate begitu sekali sehinggakan he knows what my body could take.

To give him some credit, he relented last year and for a few months we were well into the programme. But... when month after month I keep getting the monthly curse, nampaknya tak ada rezeki. We secretly accused the other one to suddenly, out of the blue became infertile. Haha.... No seriously, it is a joke.

And there she was, the little one yang aku peluk and berangan that she is mine. The smell... so beautiful, the cries.. so sweet, the face.. so loveable.

Sigh.

I need to grab a Gucci, or... a diamond to fill the gap.

But of course, Mr Know-It-All to akan cakap aku saja suka membazir...

Lantaklah.....

Thou shall not fart in my car...

From when their were small, I had told my kids that before they err... release gas, they must warn me first. Just so I can do the necessary to not smell it.

It's an unwritten rule but constantly verbalised in my car. Even when I ferry other people's kids, I would tell them of the one golden rule i.e. one must inform the driver  before one farts so that she can roll down the window. She does not want to ingest the toxins released via one's butt via her nose.

Simple.

But with my kids, nothing is ever simple. With this rule in their little minds, once in a very, very crowded lift, abang announced, "I want to fart !"

Damn ! I could not pretend he wasn't mine as I was holding his hand ! And then, a small voice that came from his sister behind him chimed in, "I farted ! Sorry....."

Ya Rabbi.... Help me, help me ! It was the longest ever lift ride. Ever !

Please do not ask me how I handled it, yeah ? Blustering fool I was. Hheheheh.....

Hari tu aku mengamuk sakan sebab on one fine day after like a 2-3 hours at a mall, not 5 minutes into our journey home, Abang wound down the window. I went totally ballistic as never have I rode in a car with my kids without one of them scrolling down the darn window. So that day I finally snapped and shouted, "We were in the mall for 2 freaking hours and you did not even fart once ! Masuk aje kete nak kentut ! Apa hal ?"

Hehhehe.... when I think about it, poor Abang..... But poor me too because one day rosak jugak tingkap tu from excessive usage !

Sigh...

Anyway last week Adik joined me in my Criminal Minds marathon. I dok syok-syok tengok when suddenly she sat up and said, "This is a very violent show !"

Belum sempat aku jawab she added, "Why did you let me watch it ?"

Hissshhh !!!!!

Semua salah mak bapak....

Macam-macam

Adik is poorly today. Has been since yesterday. I don't know why my little girl could not keep her food down everytime she is sick. And being a little girl, she is always very clingy when she is sick.

Knowing that, I woke her up yesterday to inform of my impending departure to work. Eyes still closed, she nodded with a smile.

But at 10 am, she called with traces of tears in her voice. "Sapa nak jaga saya ?" Err.... Bibik kan ada... I replied. She sighed heavily which considerably damaged my heart so I said, "You nak Mummy balik ke ? I can come home for awhile during lunch to have a look at you...."

But she replied, "Tak pa, tak pa, tak pa... I'll be fine..." Dah besar anak mak.... Sian dia.

A few months ago, my now ex-boss lamented why Moms are out working nowadays. He said he prefers the Moms to stay at home to mind their children. He is immensely proud that his children were raised by his wife and not some maid.

He then asked me, with me working what sort of luxury do we have with the extra money from my pay ? Extra ice-cream ?

Heh... ye lah tu.

My answer was simple. Charity. Without my money, we couldn't afford charity. There will be no money for the kids, for those single mothers, for my relatives, for anybody.

Sure I have my luxuries, but I too give back to society and the most importantly I give back to my parents.

I would love to stay and home and belek my kids. But then also my parents paid for my education and I don't think they want to see me at home. I am managing my parents' expectations, too.

Besides, I need my income... well just in case...

I will stop at that....yeah ?

Haha. 

Anyway this Sunday I will be visiting a new orphanage. I will be busy preparing for the visit i.e. chocolates and yummy stuffs for the kids. And a more practical box of medicines for the host. Well, they are for the kids too, really.

I will be putting up a post on that visit, so that sapa-sapa yang interested nak bersedekah could go directly there or contact the guardian. Insya-Allah.