Sigh....

Hari ni I got a new niece. I am so happy of course.. intersperse with jealousy. Unfortunately.

When we were 30, I told Kamil maybe it is time for us to get preggers again. I had always planned that 30 would be the last year I would give birth. My body, my planning lah kan ?

But surprise, surprise after 2 kids, Kamil said he wasn't ready for a third one. I was flummoxed, well.. still is, considering we already have 2... so what is just adding one more, yeah ? But there is nothing I could do about it since I needed his bit to get preggers.

So since I was very sure that I do not want to be parading around with a huge belly above 30, I consoled my self that 2 is more than enough. 

But of course it is a lie, and lies do not stem yearnings.. so I have yearned and yearned for another child, and yearning still.

But again, there is nothing I could do about it. Alasan dia, aku tak larat. Tak sangka laki aku considerate begitu sekali sehinggakan he knows what my body could take.

To give him some credit, he relented last year and for a few months we were well into the programme. But... when month after month I keep getting the monthly curse, nampaknya tak ada rezeki. We secretly accused the other one to suddenly, out of the blue became infertile. Haha.... No seriously, it is a joke.

And there she was, the little one yang aku peluk and berangan that she is mine. The smell... so beautiful, the cries.. so sweet, the face.. so loveable.

Sigh.

I need to grab a Gucci, or... a diamond to fill the gap.

But of course, Mr Know-It-All to akan cakap aku saja suka membazir...

Lantaklah.....