Ayah's song

If you remember about 2 weeks ago I went to The Curve, had ice-cream and got all melancholy when the live band was singing my dad’s favourite song ?

For the love of me, I can’t remember what song it was but eversince that, I was constantly transported to my childhood.

We are quite a musical family. My dad can play the guitar and the organ ( do you know it is not called organ anymore but electone ? Apakah ?), my mom can play the organ too… she took lessons when we lived in Kuching. And kita orang adik-beradik could at least play one instrument.

Anyway, music is a huge element in our family life. I remember my dad sprinting upstairs when he heard the Everly Brothers singing on the telly. Of course lepas tu keluar lah cerita dia and his band in MCKK, the Wanderers and of course keluarlah cerita time The Wanderers once supported Rubiah Lubis (Siti Nurhaliza zaman tu most likely) and how they afterwards stopped talking to eachother because every one was convinced Cik Rubiah syok kat dia.

Anyway, one thing I remember most about my dad is if he hears a song that he likes, he would grab anyone that is near him, cheek to cheek, his arm around the shoulder, he would sway his victim to the rythmn and sing. His eyes would be closed, the person he grabbed would either grin happily or roll his/her eyes and the rest would just watch and smile happily.

But this song that I heard in The Curve I remember the most because when that song played oh…. ages ago, he searched for my mom, grabbed her and they cheek to cheek they swayed and danced. None of us that were within his reach was good enough for him. For that song, he needed his wife.

I felt so happy then. I dunno why. And when I heard it again, 20 years later (I can’t believe I am in the position to say 20 years later… how old am I ? Damn !) I felt safe and happy again. Amazing isn’t it ?

I think probably every child feels safe when they see their parents love each other very much. Maybe love emanating from the parents’ engulfes the children and envelopes them too. I think sometimes we failed to see that each and every one of us needed to feel safe. Not just kids, but adults too.

Everytime I hug and kiss my dad, I always feel that everything is gonna be okay. I mean, it is not that I am under police protection ke apa, or there is a bounty for my head but everyday life can be jarring too. Everyday life is definitely scary occasionally. Taking care of your kids can be overwhelming at times.

You worry and worry and wonder if you are doing the right thing. You just want a pat in the back sometimes to assure you that you are doing just fine. Or sometimes, just sometimes you want to hide under the covers to run from life just for a teensy while.

I don’t know about you but on both occasions right, I would rather if my Dad was the one patting me on my shoulder or the one that delved under the covers to retrieve me back to the real world. So Dads, please buck up and be there for your babies. And maybe show some love for your wife in front of them ? You might think it is nothing but in reality it is very, very comforting for them.

I dunno if what I am saying is right for everybody, but it is definitely right for me.

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The question to ask I suppose is doesn't Kamil make me feel safe ? Sure he does but then when with him, I am his team mate so I have to be responsible too, you know what I mean ? With my Dad right, his sidekick is my mom so they share the burden together and we their children are usually oblivious to the danger or more appropriately problems lurking around the corner. Safe to say, I didn't have to worry.

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But with Kamil, I am his sidekick. I am Robin to his Batman. Whatever problems there are, it is up to Kamil and me to weather the storm. I cannot ignore it as I am the half of the responsible adult. Abang and Adik shouldn't worry. I am Mummy ! Not that is my Mummy and she will make everything okay. Now there are 2 set of huge eyes expecting me to save them. To make the right decisions.

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So that is why, in my everyday struggle to live, I need my parents to hold my hand sometimes and make me feel safe.

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Apa masalah aku ?

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Entah.