Sigh......

I don’t know why 2-3 hari ni asyik kat arwah Shera.

I thought mungkin sebab CY nak kawin so dok terbayang masa I myself got married and then CT’s wedding, dia yang busy macam mak pengantin.

So probably terasa sangat because kept expecting her to busrt into the scene with extra hands and ideas and brains.

Hari tu Mum finally managed to tracked down the Ghazal team from CT’s wedding. It was her contact so Mum thought that’s it lah, lost forever lah. But Allah said CY was to get the same marvelous Ghazal band therefore Mum entah macamana found their number.

She called and talked to them then 2 mornings ago she said that she decided not to engage them after all. “Nanti sedih ingat kat dia….” Muka start sebek.

“Alah Mum… Shera would have loved it if we call them…. Panggil pi lah…. After all she loved them…. “

Mum didn’t say anything and I up until today I don’t want to ask because after dengan machonya pujuk Mummy that morning, I cried buckets to work.

Aku asyik teringat the moment I kissed her cold forehead, telling her to please wake up because the jokes’ over after dia dah siap dikapan.

I kept feeling the same sayu feeling when I saw the scars and the lebam but even with them, she still looked beautiful and kind. My Shera is kind… one of the most kindest and forgiving people I have ever known. And my heart is just soooo bleeding right now.

Then I thought well… if the Ghazal played ‘Ku Siram Selasih’, her favourite, and Mum’s too I know those close to her would totally lose it.

So I thought better tak payah lah…

Of course when my thoughts trailed along that line, I remembered the moment I told her that song is Mum’s favourite (this didn’t take place during the wedding… it was ages ago while we were sitting talking…) and she screamed happily, claiming that song to be her favourite too. She and Mum then exchanged fond looks and we went like patutlah korang close.

Anyway bearing that in mind, during CT’s wedding CY and I asked the band to play and dedicated that song to them, to her utmost delight of course.

I miss you, Shera…

Mummy missed you more I think because you guys were so close, the perfect model of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law team.

She loves you as do I and the rest of us. 2 days ago while I was with CT, we talked about you, reminiscing about when things were just perfect.

Then I think, maybe because next month is May and we should be celebrating your birthday and Apek’s and your lovely little Esya. Maybe that is why you have been on my mind more than ever these past few days.

God I miss you.