My day with my mom

Had a splitting headache yesterday. I had always tried to endure for as long as I could ( just in case it would go away on its own. Sometimes it did) before mengagau cari pain killer. But since it is the fasting month, decided to seek remedy from my mom who could work wonders with her hands. It was really relaxing that I fell asleep and woke up just before adzan. Turun bawah, there was pengat pisang ( please remind me to get some from home ) and agar - agar merah, fishball soup, kari teloq, ayam goreng berempah and sayoq kobeh goreng. Yum......

But it was a small party yesterday, just my mom, my little brother, our help and myself. We ate and talked until Atik told us it is nearly 8. Kelam kabut Mummy and I naik atas to prepare for Maghrib. I went straight to clean myself a bit and took my wuduq. When I stepped out of the shower, I noticed Mummy had left a pair of slippers for me. And when I got out of the bathroom, Mummy had had everything prepared. There were two prayer mats side by side complete with a neatly folded telekung on each. We prayed together and later we jumped ( I did the jumping, she gracefully sat down ) on the bed with our telekungs attached, switched on the telly and talked. She rubbed my arms a few times and massaged my head a little and just be my mom. I needed that. I really needed that. We prayed at 9pm when my siblings returned and she had to become Mummy to everybody again.

Why are mothers so efficient ? Will I ever be that accomodating, that lovable ? Am I, right now ? When I saw those prayer mats arranged like that, it took me back when I was little. That is how we will pray. Ayah and Mummy will arrange the mats as an invitation for the rest of us to join them. Usually, after Maghrib while waiting for Isyak, ayah will take out a book about our prophets and read to us. And then he will lecture.... hehe... my dad is quite a nag actually.

Hmmm..............

Welcome Ramadhan

My apologies. My welcome for Ramadhan is late, but officially dengan Allah SWT I have embraced my welcome of Ramadhan since Saturday. I once read that there are people who actually cried at the end of Ramadhan, sad because it will be a long wait before the next Ramadhan. I have always thought that is utterly rubbish as what is better than Ramadhan but Hari Raya ? I have to remind my friends though, that thought was a long ago kind of thinking.. he he... Then I slowly slipped into the joy of Ramadhan, but I had never felt sorrow when Ramadhan is over, again I suppose with the thought of Raya and balik kampung and I have to say, me itching to ask for forgiveness ( especially from my husband ) and then feeling relieved that another year, I am somewhat released from guilt.

This year though, I cried during my first day of Terawikh. I felt so sad... no.... sad is not the right word, sayu... yup that is the best word to describe it. Rasa sayu sangat and grateful. Grateful that Allah chose me to be get His light. You know what I mean ? I am glad I was born a Muslim, glad that I am not a kafir that might or might not be chosen to embrace Islam. I think of Cat Steven, I think of this one Lord in England and I think of those other converts who got so lucky to accept the 'khabar gembira' of our Muhammad SAW. I felt grateful because I did not have to look but it was served to me when the adzan was first recited to my ear by my daddy. But I also feel that I have wasted the gift from Allah by not being a proper Muslim. Being a Muslim is not just prayers and puasa, but it is also every minute of our life, our thoughts, our feelings and our movements.

I am trying very hard. I dont know if I will cry when it is time to say goodbye to Ramadhan ( I suspect I will still feel giddy this year at the prospect of celebrating Eid ) but I feel now I know what it means to hope for His redha.

Memories of Ramadhan part 2

Today, I will reminisce about my Ramadhans with my dear friend Shazleen.

During our form 4 and 5, Leen and I diligently went for Terawikh. As fas as I could remember, there was not a day that we missed at all. But we had a mission. We must try all the suraus in Shah Alam that is within our reach. I remember we started with surau seksyen 6, then seksyen 4 ( ini best, by 9.30 dah selesai 8 rakaat. Tapi itu mentaliti dulu.. sekarang lagi lama lagi bagus.... hahaha... ye ke ? ), surau seksyen 3 ( I don't really like this surau because the carpet was red and yellow.... penin.... ) then our masjid ( this was quite nice as we saw a lot of our friends there ).

I also remember that we didn't know the last day of puasa, there is no terawikh. So there we were, meeting up at surau Seksyen 6. We went in in our telekungs but this time we got loads of stares from the men lounging at the surau's porch. We grinned at them ( what else to do ? ) and walked up the stairs to the ladies section, which we noticed from the start was strangely dark, and sans other ladies. Are we the first to be there ? We switched on the lights and waited, and waited, and waited. Then we heard takbir raya. Alamak... takbir ? And it slowly dawned to us that since first terawikh is the night before first puasa, then the last terawikh was the night before last puasa !! Wargghhh..... malunya.

SO what did we do ? We hid there until we were sure there were not many people around anymore. We slowly crept down the stairs, looked around and legged it !!

This year I will be going with my husband and since Shah Alam ada banyak surau sekarang and we have vehicles, our perimeter would be bigger. Hopefully I will bump into you guys in the surau and we can terawikh ( and giggle - giggling are mandatory for girls... there is nothing anybody can do about it. Anu, Shazmi, Shah, Dan and Sib have tried separating Amelia and I when we meet [ we are not allowed to sit next to eachother ], but we still managed to giggle sitting apart ) and beribadat together. I feel nothing will make us closer than that.

After re-reading this, I feel good. At least I have some sort of a memory box that I can visit from time to time, to remind me of my friends and my own self. Sometimes, when we feel empty, for whatever reason - humans do that all the time, or feel that our past is not rich with love, experience or whatever, we can always go back to see if it really was.

Right now, I feel loved, and humbled by friendships that I have from all my friends. I also feel glad that I have good, ke jalan Allah type of stories to tell my kids and my grandkids. " Dulu, masa Tok muda-muda, Tok pi ngan kawan Tok semayang terawikh, tak pernah miss...... blah, blah, blah " Hmmm...........

Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan al-Mubarak to all my friends, especially you my dimpled friend...

Memories of Ramadhan

Lagi beberapa hari saja lagi nak start puasa. Ramadhan has always been a nostalgic month for me and I believe for a lot of people. The memories of tuang posa, memories of family gatherings and memories of fabricating stories so that I could berbuka posa with my boyfriend. Also, bila start posa aje, I would think of Shazleen, one of my closest friend during my high school year. I will talk about Leen later as now I want to talk about my family.

Since I got married and parked our butt permanently in Malaya, I could count the number of times I actually berbuka with my family. My parents, in a way, has a very westernised attitude with their married children, that is jangan masuk campur langsung - langsung. They do not want to impose on our life and being the cause of fights between anak and menantu.

Every start of Ramadhan, Mummy akan berpesan, "Hang toksah dok susah sangat nak buka posa kat sini. Jangan jadikan tempat nak berbuka tu satu pergaduhan, hilang pahala. Penat aje posa. Ikut saja mana dia nak pi. Kalau mau sangat buka kat sini, request baik - baik. Kalau dia mau, hampa mai. Kalau dia tak mau, toksah paksa. Lagi satu jangan niat nak buka ngan Mummy sebab kesian kat Mummy. Takdak kesian - kesian aih... Okay aje. Mummy bukak posa sorang pun tak pa. Yang pentingnya posa tu, bukan berbuka,"

As a result, I only berbuka with my mom once last year and so did my brother. I didn't even ask Dan if we could break bread with mom until the last day of puasa. I suppose what is important for my mom is a peaceful Ramadhan. Pengorbanan for the sake of peace is pahala.... He he... But mom, not this year as this year I want to alternate berbuka with you and Dan's mom. So expect us a lot this year and that means, every other day, please serve cok udang with kuah kacang, Penang style.

To all warga Shah Alam, Subang and Kelang

Today is our AGM and I had to pick Sue at KLCC before I go to KLGCC. After the Batu 3 toll, my car moved for about 1 m before it was stuck in this massive jam. Decided to use the NPE, turned left and drove quite fast before I had to stop because of another jam. It was much worse at NPE as my car moved an inch every 3 minutes. Turned left again and entered Glenmarie to use the NKVE. After the Damansara toll ( at Tropicana ) I had to stop again because of another jam !!! Warghhhhhh...... Called my boss and he advised me to turn back and go straight and come out at Jalan Duta.... lega.......

Radio Era awal - awal tak nak cakap. While I was stuck at Damansara, they eloquently announced " Penduduk Shah Alam, Subang dan Kelang yang ingin ke Kuala Lumpur, dinasihatkan supaya membatalkan hasrat anda kerana semua laluan sangat sesak " or something in that manner.

After the AGM, I went to have dim sum at Bukit Jalil Golf Club with Dan and his colleague Guna. It was a lovely lunch as Guna was hilarious. He also gave us a lot of advise on marriage, which I found very useful. One of the key thing he said to Dan when Dan said that if he doesn't do something, I would say he doesn't care and when he does it, I would be very suspicious and accused him of doing it out of guilt. Guna said, " Dan, women are born like that. It is in their genes and the way they are programmed. There is nothing you could do about it. Just be happy together and enjoy life... " He he....

I remember last year when a bouquet arrived at my office. It was a gorgoues bouquet and I totally loved it. But, 10 minutes after the arrival I called Anu, Shazmi and Shah to ask them what the bouquet meant. Hmmm.............

I really hope I am not crazy alone...... Hmmmmm....

Oh yeah, Happy 55th Birthday Guna.

* L to R : Kak Maz ( Secretary to CEO ), Sue ( Secretary to Chairman ), Me

The incident that happened very early in the morning

Decided to park outside the office compound today so that it will be easier for me to go for my meeting. The grass was wet as usual, due to dawn rainfall or just morning dew. Anyway, when I was about to open the door, I detected the unholy smell of crap. Ish.... Looked around but saw nothing.

Went to me desk and as I crossed my leg, I had another whiff of the smell again. Yikes, there are brown stains on my shoe. Literal crap !! Went to samak my feet, my hands, my kain and my shoes. But the smell lingered and I felt dirty. 12.30, my CEO, En Azman signalled to me it is time for our meeting at KLCC. Gosh, couldn't feel more unsophisticated in my meeting life !!

As I got out his car I enquired if he has other meetings to attend after this one and he replied yes, at 2.30 in Setiawangsa. Why ? Oh, I stepped on some crap and since I will be praying later on, I am wondering if you would mind me buying a new outfit ? Sure, he said if we finish before 2.

Okay, went to meeting, blah, blah, blah, finished at 2pm. Left the meeting place and he went straight to Isetan. It is 2pm now. I reminded him that he has a meeting at 2.30. No it is fine, he said as I will have to pray later on. Okay boss. So I went to Isetan and shopped for an outfit at record time. 2.30 pm as I was paying, he said he is already late, so why don't I just follow him to his next meeting. I apologised again and again and he said it is fine. No problem.

What an understanding boss. Not just any boss but a CEO that is mentioned in CEO magazine, as one of the top CEOs in Malaysia. A very down-to-earth guy. I believe everybody at the top should be as humble as my boss, then we would truly have a good working life. Next week is his birthday, and I have bought him his present. Semoga panjang umur and murah rezeki EN AZMAN.

Bersahur bersama Titi lagi

I don't know why Minah Kecik ni is always around when I want to soq. Lepas tu pegi tibainya my very limited food. Yang parahnya hari ni sure tak puasa punya.... Boring.

Semalam was Umar's school concert. It was cute tapi for RM 70 for the clothes and RM 110 for black shoes that he has to wear for his dance, I expected him to be prancing around the stage for at least 3 minutes !! His class did the flower dance. The girls danced first for about 3 minutes, then the boys came in. It was over in 1 minute after the arrival of the boys. Adil ke ? Dan didn't go as he had to work but I filmed it all with my trusted video cam. Dan too was shocked.

Seriously, I wanted to take the teacher to task ( come on !! RM 70 for the outfit ? The RM 110 tu was by choice kan, so tak boleh cakap banyak. Furthermore, jadi kasut untuk beraya terus ) tetapi mengenangkan yang the headmistress is an ex-army, and from her demeanour nampaknya she left with a drill sargeant rank, malas lah nak cakap banyak...... He he.

My brother Mail is home for the holidays. As I have mentioned before, Mail is a wonderful singer. Also a an accomplised violinist and pianist. Yesterday after the concert, Titi, Mail and I were talking on the bed, when I asked him to sing Dealova for me. He have never even heard of that song, so I sang it for him. Alih - alih, I realised him and Titi had gone to dreamworld. Wah, not bad my lullaby !!

Muka orang kat pokok

Semalam mengaji ngan ustaz Osman. Memandangkan nak puasa ni and sekarang tengah rajin membaca Yassin every day, so semalam I asked him to listen to my bacaan Yassin ( so Melia, we did not advance a page yesterday ).

Seperti biasa, after mengaji Ustaz buat tazkirah, while eating Mummy's mee goreng yesterday. Before he started, I asked him about the face on the pokok pinang in Pulau Pinang ( he he macam ryhme ). Malangnya ustaz tak tengok lagi and I have the task of cutting the newspaper article for him pulak.... Nasib baik jumpa.

Anyway, people had always been fascinated by macabre things. Especially nowadays when the genre of choice of movie producers are the spine-chilling tales of ghouls and spirits. After Dan described the scene in Ju-on where the Ju-on crawled down the stairs while still wrapped in plastic ( Dan described because all the while I had my eyes covered ), neither one of us really dared to watch a scary movie anymore. Case paling teruk was when theis Korean/Japanese movie about two sisters or something was shown on tv. Umar insisted to watch it tapi mummy and babah tak berani. So you know what happened. Umar tengok tv while Mummy and Babah read magazine/book facing him. Malunya......

Terasa jugak nak balik Penang semata - mata nak tengok benda tu, tapi kang kita dok ralit tengok dia, dia lompat keluaq dari pokok. Warrgghhhhh..... I have always liked a good scrae, but what I don't like is when the scary parts are etched in my head. Nak mandi pun susah, nak pi toilet pun susah. I lepas tengok Ju-on ( or half tengok ), nak pi mandi pun ajak Umar teman..... Hmmmmm.......

Apasal takut sangat nak tengok hah ? Pernah ada a few things yang menakutkan happened to me before, tapi tak delah sampai teringat - ingat sampai berpeluh. Takpe, next installament, I will tell you of my experience.

Tengah feeling hari ni

TANPAMU - Farawahida

Terasa indah
bila cinta telah bertamu
terasa syahdu
bila hati telah bersatu
tak dapat ku mungkiri
apa yang ku rasakan
di saat-saat kita bersama
kau damaikan diri ini
sejukkan dasar jiwaku
tenangkan resah hatiku
tanpamu ku rasa suramnya
tanpa cinta
oh..
tanpamu ku rasa
resah dan gelisah
terasa bosan bila ku harus sendiri
terasa bosan jika ku terus begini
tak dapat ku mungkiri
sepi tanpamu kasih
resahnya tanpa cintamu kasih
kau damaikan diri ini
sejukkan dasar jiwaku
tenangkan resah hatiku
tanpamu ku rasa suramnya
tanpa cinta
oh..
tanpamu ku rasa
resah dan gelisah

I love this song. Sweet sangat...

Songs can take me places, usually the past. Kalau kena dengan lagu, it will intensify my current mood.

That is why if I have any problems, I will refrain from switching the radio on as sad songs will keep me in my malancholy disposition. But songs can also invoke feelings, like the song above. When I hear this song, all I can think about is my hubby. You know, normal mushy stuffs like what a good husband he really is ( if I pejam sebelah mata lah... haha ) and how much I really love him ( that I don't really mind memejamkan sebelah mata tu actually ).

Seriously Dan, I wonder if you know how much you mean to me. And that brings me to this next song...

Dealove - ONCE

aku ingin menjadi mimpi indah dalam tidurmu
aku ingin menjadi sesuatu yang mungkin bisa kau rindu
karena langkah merapuh tanpa dirimu
oh karena hati tlah letih
aku ingin menjadi sesuatu yang selalu bisa kau sentuh
aku ingin kau tahu bahwa ku selalu memujamu
tanpamu sepinya waktu merantai hati
oh bayangmu seakan-akan
kau seperti nyanyian dalam hatiku
yang memanggil rinduku padamu
seperti udara yang ku hela kau selalu ada
hanya dirimu yang bisa membuatku tenang
tanpa dirimu aku merasa hilang
dan sepi dan sepi
selalu ada, kau selalu ada
selalu ada, kau selalu ada

Enough said

Bersahur bersama Titi and the places it took me to

Decided to puasa today, so yesterday went to Mummy's house to get lauk for soq. Dan suggested to soq at mid-nite, knowing that I will have difficulties the whole day due to lack of sleep. I was still quite full at that time but by mid-nite decided to follow Dan's advise. Went down to get nasi and when I went back to the room, Titi emerged from the folds of her blanket. I think she could smell the lovely aroma of daging masak kicap.

It was really good, my mum's cooking. It was just a simple fare, just nasik and 1 lauk, but the ecstacy of eating food that was prepared by my mother, knows no bounds. Each bite ( or more appropriately suapan ) brought in the familiarity of the taste and memories of eating with my family. The laughter, the jokes, the teasings.. all are vivid and vague at the same time.

I remember our old, round table made of wood, with its lazy suzanne, laden with the night's fare. Mum will usually team up her curries with sayur goreng and sambal with sayur lemak. Then there will be my daddy, before the first bite, will make this one particular sound that came from his throat to his tummy and back to his throat all the while moving his head forward and back to it's normal position. Then he will start eating and talking. My daddy is a joker. He will tease and he will laugh but of course he is not without anger. Lo and behold if any of us ada buat salah hari tu, walau macam mana sedap pun mummy masak, our churning tummy would not accept it. But when mum is angry, ayah's face will hide a little smile and if you check his hands closely, you will see his thumb up, a sign that is saying "sheee gooood" ( padan muka ). That will usually made us feel so much better and seriously will forget what mummy is angry about, so esoknya buat lagi... hahahaha...

Is it my age that is making me more nostalgic of my past ? Or maybe my hormones that is making me malancholy for no reason at all ? Last night itself, as we were driving, I told my son " Later on, when you are grown, you will take a drive at night, very much like this, either alone or with your loved ones, and you will see the lighting and you will hear some music, you will remember this excursion we have, or any other drives that we had taken as a family. You will think of Mummy and Babah and Titi, and how good it all felt at that time, how safe we made you feel. Hopefully, we will still be around at that time and all of us are still in talking terms with eachother so that it will be easier for you to reach out for us. That is why it very important that we do not fight because whatever it is we are family and walau macamanapun bergaduh, kadang - kadang rindu. Kalau dah gaduh, masam muka, macam mana nak peluk when you miss us ?"

My son was quiet for awhile but knowing him, I know he will start to cry. Right on cue, I could feel his little chubby hands reaching for my neck before I could feel his face , wet with tears, on my shoulder. "I will love you forever Mummy,"... he he he....

I suppose only my parents would make me feel really safe. Sometimes when I have problems or troubles are brewing and waiting to explode, I just want to go home and hide under my mom's duvet. I will relish my mom's word of wisdom and ayah's reassuring hugs.

So what is my point actually ? We will need our family even when we are 50 ? At 30 you will miss your family even if they are just 5 minutes away ? Entah lah....

So there I was, with my daughter, soq sama - sama, wondering if she will love me as much as I love my mom, my dad and my siblings. Titi I really hope you tengah puasa la ni, because you bantai 1/2 of my soq dinner !!

Malam Nisfu Syaaban - Part 2

So yesterday tried to do the recommended ibadah for Nisfu Syaaban. I read Yassin 3 times and berdoa and berdoa and berdoa. Wah... my lutut couldn't take it. Tapi tak pe. Sabar. But what I like is as I passed the surau at IPK, it was full to the brim. Cars are parked left and right and the road was congested.

I am glad. Glad that during this semi-dark age ( I couldn't imagine the dark and fully dark ages ), there are still people that love Allah and Rasul. I didn't only saw the old set, but I saw young ones too, gathering to pray. Maybe we can still be saved. Maybe there is still the light.

For me, I just want my keturunan terpelihara dari kemiskinan dan kerosakan akidah. I received some disturbing pictures baru - baru ni. Adik of a celebrity in clothes yang tak macam clothes, berpeluk - pelukan and alcohol in hand. I don't want my children to be like that. Macam mana can I shield my babies dari anasir - anasir yang begitu ?

I heard from somebody yang jauh terpesong baru - baru ni, saying that dari dulu mak bapak always cakap nanti Allah murka, nanti Allah marah. So he got bored as everything is restricted. So now, I tell Umar Allah loves him. Tapi when he is extra naughty, I will tell him that right now Allah has reserved a nice place for him in Jannah, so why nak pindah masuk Neraka ? Sama je ke ? Hmmm.......

7 September - Malam Nisfu Syaaban

Hari nisfu sya'aban adalah hari dimana buku catatan amalan kita selama setahun diangkat ke langit dan diganti dengan buku catatan yang baru.

Berikut adalah antara amal ibadah di hari Nisfu Sya'aban:
1. Selepas solat maghrib Solat sunat nisfu sya'aban, 2 rakaat Rakaat 1 : baca Al-Fatihah & surah Al-Qadar 1x Rakaat 2 : baca Al-Fatihah & surah Al-Ikhlas 3x
2. Membaca Yasin 3x
i) Selepas Yasin pertama : mohon dipanjangkan umur untuk beribadat kepada Allah
ii) Selepas Yasin kedua : mohon rezeki yang halal untuk beribadat kepada Allah
iii) Selepas Yasin ketiga : mohon ditetapkan iman dan Islam & mati di dalam iman pohonlah segala yang baik....
Kemudian baca Istighfar 11x & selawat 11x Baca doa nisfu Sya'aban (ada didalam Yasin Majmuk)
3. Baca surah ikhlas 1000x
4. Berpuasa pada siangnya (isnin)

Kalau termampulah.

My Ustaz Osman kata banyakkan mohon keampunan, baca Quran dan solat sunat.

Insya-Allah.

However, bukan dulu ada orang-orangan yang menyatakan bahawa sesungguhnya Malam Nisbu Syaaban ni bukan malam yang istimewa sebenarnya. Ye ke ?

Happy Anniversary

Yesterday was our 7th year wedding anniversary. Since it was a Monday, therefore no candlelight dinners ( have never been really fond of candlelight dinners as you can't really see your food). We have plans today to go and catch a movie, sans the kids, tapi kesian pulak since the Monster House is in the cinemas right now. However, have to scrape the plan due to work commitments. So maybe later yeah ? End of the week probably ?

How do you celebrate an anniversary ? One friend asked ( rather cynically I should add ) if to celebrate it with a dinner, how can you make the dinner special since it involves the thing that you do 3-4 times a day, every day. Make love ? How special can you make the love making on that particular day ? Do you save this one position that you really like and only practise it on your wedding anniversary ( I suppose like not eating ketupat palas and rendang and kuah kacang on any other day except Hari Raya ) ? Is it the gifts ? How do we classify gifts that is for birthday or anniversary ?

If you ask me on the spot, what gifts we exchanged last year, I wouldn't know the answer unless the said gift happens to be on my person. So are anniversaries that forgettable ? If they are, why do we celebrate it ? And how do we celebrate it ?

I suppose, although I don't remember what present I gave to my husband last year as a token of my love for him 6 years in a row, but maybe I was tenderer and more lovable to him on the days leading to our anniversary. Do you get what I mean ? Like this year for example ( I swear I couldn't remember last year ), it was him who remembered that we will be celebrating our anniversary in 8 days time. So from that moment on, the number of phone calls during working hours doubled ( or tripled ) just to say "Baby I miss you" or whatever, but our yearning for eachother is more. We would drift to sleep while reminiscing on the good old days, when the was just the 2 of us. Him with his moustache ( not as thick as Dato K ye.... ) and me with my jerawat of every point of maturity and sizes, how we have changed, blah, blah, blah.....

Maybe what an anniversary does is reminding us of why we actually love our spouse and probably bring back the old feelings that lay buried ( not lost ) because of everyday humdrum or activities. Maybe in that month ( give and take 2 weeks prior and after the anniversary ) we would find eachother again, basking in the glory of being the chosen one and confident that we are actually loved by at least this one person. Then maybe slowly it will lay buried again, and then the spark will come back once in awhile throughout the year ( birthdays, hari raya, bulan puasa, merdeka even if the mood is right ) before it returned full blast again come the next anniversary.I don't know. It is just a thought heavily influenced by my above-mentioned friend.

I love my husband with my heart and soul. But sometimes we forget because of daily commitments, that's all. But I am really amazed that everyday at 6 Dan will call to make sure that I am already on the way home, a sure sign that after 13 years, he is still not tired of seeing me. That he still fully expects me to open the bedroom door and say "Hai honey...," every single day.

Happy Anniversary, darling.

Apa nak jadi dengan Shah Alam

I was woken up in the wee hours of Sunday morning by the ringing of my handphone. I hate early morning phone calls as usually only bad news can't wait. Unfortunately my phone was not next to me as usual and it sounded so muted and far away. I jumped to my big, large handbag ( En Azman, now do I really appreciate why you hate my big, large handbags ) and the phone stopped ringing mid-rummaged. When I finally located the phone it was my best friend listed as missed call and it was 3.30 am. Oh boy. I called her back, no answer.

At that time Dan was already awake and I was already sweating, anticipating doom. I sat down, cradling my precious phone when it rang again. Intruders in the house. Please call the police. Aaa..... meremang bulu roma and I jumped and did the chicken dance. I called the police while performing the century old ritual for my husband to admire. I barked my plea for help to them and danced some more. I wanted to call her but too afraid of her current situation to do so. Is she hiding and if she is, then my call would actually alert the intruders of her location. Is she fighting with them ( she has a black belt that one ) and if it is so she wouldn't have the extra hand to answer my call and she might get distracted. So I called the police again to ask if they have been saved. I told the police that I simply do not know if the 'orang jahat' are still in her house. I took off my jammies and while I was putting on my jeans, Dan asked me what the hell do I think I am doing. I said to go and make sure she is okay of course and he said, " Sapa nak teman anak2 kita ?"

Right, there were actually only 4 of us in the house and we really do not know if the house has been surrounded and if there is actually a police stand-off ( is that the right word ? Yeah yeah, too much telly ). So I called the police once more and they answered with "Ini kejadian baru ke atau yang tadi tuh?" Okay..... I called her but her phone was engaged and I sms'ed her asking if she was okay. She replied that the culprits had left and they are talking to the police.

So I couldn't sleep. Dan too couldn't sleep but it is much worse for him since he has to go to work. I went to dreamworld around 6'ish and woke up at 10. I gathered my children, put them right and went to her house. I hugged her and was so glad that she is still in 1 piece. Her son very eloquently told me of his experience, that brave boy. Apart from 2 broken doors and a few stolen items, everything seems to be okay.

About 3 weeks before the break-in, my best friend's husband actually told Dan that there has been a spate of robbery in that area. 3 houses I think. Last week another mutual friend of ours, had their house burglarised ( hmm... the way I put it, sounds like they asked for the house to be burglarised ) but this time it involved some tying up the victims action. This is really scary. My own house has been broken into 5 times !! Well, they actually successfully entered the house twice but the rest they tried to but was not successful.

The felons apparently were Indonesians, all 5 of them and it fits the description of the crooks that entered their neighbour's house last time. So what is Malaysia going to do ? This is not a new story. Apart from our own Malaysia bred criminals, we have to deal with foreign villains too ? Malaysians are so lazy, we have to find people from abroad to come and do work for us. While the blessed Malaysian are gallivanting, lepaking and doing nothing, we have to rely on these foreigners to make sure our economy is moving. And therefore, when these foreigners create havoc in our country, the lazies just keep on gallivanting, lepaking and doing nothing. And much worse, if they too participate in these nefarious activities.

What are the police doing ? Why does it take them 20 minutes to get there when they could run to her house and made it in 10. There has been a few robberies in that particular area so what is their preventative action ? Are they policing there more ? I mean what is the plan here ? When I called the police last time, the first time they made in 10 which is okay and the next he ( there was only 1 plain clothed officer ) made in 5 and did some leaping that really impressed Dan and myself. To give them the benefit of the doubt, maybe it was a busy night for them and their manpower was strecthed thinly. Hmmm...........

Merdeka

This Merdeka we celebrated like we always did, shacking up at the Concorde Hotel, in a room with KLCC view so that we can treat the kids with the fireworks without having to bersesak-sesak with the crowds.

We walked to KLCC this year and had dinner at Shrooms. Everything was okay until the time we decided to walk back to the hotel. People were going to KLCC in droves but we were going the opposite way. Because of that, Dan and I could see, apa sebenarnya erti merdeka in the hearts of I would say 70% of the crowd that gathered in KLCC. Merdeka means their freedom to decide not to fully clothe themselves, but just with bits and pieces of kain strung together to cover some parts of their body. Merdeka also means that they can engulf themselves with the putrid smell of alcohol that other people within 2m radius can smell. Merdeka also means that they go out in our blessed country's tropical climate in long leather jacket complete with a necktie. But to me, this merdeka showed, in a way, kita masih dijajah. I am not saying that women should be clad in baju kurung 24/7 and men go to work wearing capal to be truly merdeka... but come on !! Be realistic. Trenchcoats will be un-Malaysian until the day snow started to make its way here. Everything the mat sallehs do is good even if it means we have to sweat like there's no tomorrow in the jacket. That includes being so intoxicated you can't even recognise your mom or blatantly being too affectionate with your partner in public. Holding hands is sweet but hand in the pocket ? Urgghhh......

I usually am not crtical of others, especially of how they dress, of how they talk etc, as siapalah aku ni nak comment2 kan. Lagi pun kita selalu harus bersangka baik ... but oh anak bangsaku... Bangunlah, bangunlah, bangunlah. I am not really asking people to be more Melayu ( except maybe the delusional ones in leather jackets ), but to be more Muslims. I read somewhere that the problem with the Malays is that they use the Quran for the purpose of exorcism only, but not as a guidebook, a guidebook that could shows us the way to succeed and really to merdeka.

For myself, sebagai orang yang lahir merdeka, I couldn't really fathom the concept of merdeka that is being felt by our older generations. You know, the normal story of makan ubi kayu, kowtowing to the Japs and then enduring the discriminations by the Brits. But my meaning of merdeka is..... hmmm.... I don't know really..... Wow... what a let down. Maybe you can tell me your meaning of merdeka ?