As I mentioned in my previous entry, last week was quite an emotional week for me.
It started of with an sms from one of my uncles in Perak. I am actually in 2 minds about copying his message here. Manalah tahu he has been silently reading my blog all this while and therefore am very sure he wouldn’t appreciate me exposing his thoughts in public.
However, and this is a very realistic fear, I am afraid that I would lose that precious message somehow and duplicating it here will ensure that I have access to it, to be read again and again as I grow old. On that thought, his sms went like this;
Yesterday 3rd Safar is de 12th year of your Tok Wan’s demise.2morrow will be my 55th year on planet earth and that means….my days r numbered,pulak. D’know whether to look forward to my retirement or fear it !
I was more than shocked when I first read it. Stunned is a more appropriate description. Terkedu dan terpegun seribu bahasa. I could feel my insides grew cold my face got warmer by the minute. Butterflies and birds and unicorns flew in my stomach.
I of course cried, right there and then at my office desk, not caring if anybody, even the dreaded HR, saw me.
I felt so sad. I don’t know for whom or what but my heart just broke. I thought for the longest time what would be the best way to reply it. I mean I would rather if I did not reply as I have nothing to say to that. I couldn’t come up with anything clever and a stupid reply would be anti-climatic.
But a non-reply is rude and he would think that I feel nothing for him which is of course untrue. I love him sooo much, I call him my own Taliban… He he… very religious, very strict. But every bit wonderful.
As I had feared, I botched my reply. I would have needed not a Herculean effort to pen a reply but a Shakespearen one to concoct a lovely prose to ease whatever that was troubling him.
And therefore I chose not to share my stupid reply because I literally want to forget what I wrote. I winced everytime I remember it so you know…. Uurrghh… I just want to put it behind me. Let my aged brain remember things differently, that I wrote back a reply so beautiful, so tender and poignant that he shed some fond tears for me.
Aku memang kuat berangan.
Anyway, not a few days or weeks after that, I received a call from my cousin Zuri.
“Ni nak tanya are you doing anything on Saturday ?”
“Why ?”
“Because Bab said dia nak pi tengok Myra…..”
“Oh ?” Dah start sebek.
“Will you be around ?”
“Yes ! Of course. Please come. What time ?”
“We are coming at 1, for lunch….”
“That would be lovely Zuri, please come okay ?”
We were driving along the KNVE highway masa tu, it was dark and it was drizzling, the perfect situation for this kind of melancholy drama that was unfolding. It should be joyous really, my Bab wanting to come over for a visit, but I felt soooo sad. Sedih and sayu…
I called my sister and started bawling. Finishing that, I looked at Kamil with watery eyes.
“Inilah awak… Suka pikir yang bukan-bukan aje…”
So he came, my Bab with Zuri, his wife Kak Hanim and their kids Adam and Rashid. Mami Ela is in Mekah with her brother Mamu Zed.
We sat at the dining table until 3 pm, talking and laughing with Bab reminiscing about this and that. I smiled tenderly at him when he talked about taking Zuri to school in the middle of London’s winter one day. As Bab put it, “The visibility was so terrible, when kita sampai kat sekolah Zuri kata, “Bab the school is gone. Let’s go home..”” And he laughed, thinking about an eposide maybe 40 years ago when his little boy was half his size. Zuri is like 5’11” now….
He talked about Taiwan, and how much he loved having my mom around when she came for a visit. I know… my mom constantly talks about Taiwan. Even the United States pun cannot compare to Taiwan… Apa ntah yang best.
I recalled when Bab and Mami came home for a holiday while they were living in Japan. Bab, my brother Syafiq and I were sitting on the grass in our front lawn, waiting for the ice-cream man to come. If people saw the 3 of us then, they would have thought, "Awww... sweet... pak menakan and anak2 menakan dok gelak-gelak... sembang-sembang..." when in fact... he he... Bab was teaching us how to swear in Japanese. It was still sweet really, because it was entertaining and we had sooo much fun. Kah kah…. but then we started throwing ‘kuso’ and ‘boke’ around after that.
Ha ha.
Bab just smiled when I muse over that day. Especially the part where the lesson ended with him buying boxes of ice-cream for us when the “ketung” “ketung” “ketung” was heard. Okay… it was definitely not “ring” “ring” “ring” okay.
At 3, it was time for Bab to go home. It was his nap time so Zuri helped his lovely dad up and put him on the sofa while he rounded up his family. Kesian Bab, he needs a cane to help him walk now. He struggled to stand, even with Zuri’s assistance, his pace slow. As I hugged and kissed him goodbye, he said “This morning I could walk quite fast… I was walking all over the house…” chuckling happily. I of course cried inside.
Before he left, Zuri whispered to me, “Dia buleh la jalan pagi tadi because he was happy about coming to see you. Now dah nak balik, he is sad… so that is why dia tak buleh jalan ….”
Oh dear.
When they left, I went upstairs with the ruse to teman kan budak2 main Wii… when in reality I needed to cry on my own.
It started of with an sms from one of my uncles in Perak. I am actually in 2 minds about copying his message here. Manalah tahu he has been silently reading my blog all this while and therefore am very sure he wouldn’t appreciate me exposing his thoughts in public.
However, and this is a very realistic fear, I am afraid that I would lose that precious message somehow and duplicating it here will ensure that I have access to it, to be read again and again as I grow old. On that thought, his sms went like this;
Yesterday 3rd Safar is de 12th year of your Tok Wan’s demise.2morrow will be my 55th year on planet earth and that means….my days r numbered,pulak. D’know whether to look forward to my retirement or fear it !
I was more than shocked when I first read it. Stunned is a more appropriate description. Terkedu dan terpegun seribu bahasa. I could feel my insides grew cold my face got warmer by the minute. Butterflies and birds and unicorns flew in my stomach.
I of course cried, right there and then at my office desk, not caring if anybody, even the dreaded HR, saw me.
I felt so sad. I don’t know for whom or what but my heart just broke. I thought for the longest time what would be the best way to reply it. I mean I would rather if I did not reply as I have nothing to say to that. I couldn’t come up with anything clever and a stupid reply would be anti-climatic.
But a non-reply is rude and he would think that I feel nothing for him which is of course untrue. I love him sooo much, I call him my own Taliban… He he… very religious, very strict. But every bit wonderful.
As I had feared, I botched my reply. I would have needed not a Herculean effort to pen a reply but a Shakespearen one to concoct a lovely prose to ease whatever that was troubling him.
And therefore I chose not to share my stupid reply because I literally want to forget what I wrote. I winced everytime I remember it so you know…. Uurrghh… I just want to put it behind me. Let my aged brain remember things differently, that I wrote back a reply so beautiful, so tender and poignant that he shed some fond tears for me.
Aku memang kuat berangan.
Anyway, not a few days or weeks after that, I received a call from my cousin Zuri.
“Ni nak tanya are you doing anything on Saturday ?”
“Why ?”
“Because Bab said dia nak pi tengok Myra…..”
“Oh ?” Dah start sebek.
“Will you be around ?”
“Yes ! Of course. Please come. What time ?”
“We are coming at 1, for lunch….”
“That would be lovely Zuri, please come okay ?”
We were driving along the KNVE highway masa tu, it was dark and it was drizzling, the perfect situation for this kind of melancholy drama that was unfolding. It should be joyous really, my Bab wanting to come over for a visit, but I felt soooo sad. Sedih and sayu…
I called my sister and started bawling. Finishing that, I looked at Kamil with watery eyes.
“Inilah awak… Suka pikir yang bukan-bukan aje…”
So he came, my Bab with Zuri, his wife Kak Hanim and their kids Adam and Rashid. Mami Ela is in Mekah with her brother Mamu Zed.
We sat at the dining table until 3 pm, talking and laughing with Bab reminiscing about this and that. I smiled tenderly at him when he talked about taking Zuri to school in the middle of London’s winter one day. As Bab put it, “The visibility was so terrible, when kita sampai kat sekolah Zuri kata, “Bab the school is gone. Let’s go home..”” And he laughed, thinking about an eposide maybe 40 years ago when his little boy was half his size. Zuri is like 5’11” now….
He talked about Taiwan, and how much he loved having my mom around when she came for a visit. I know… my mom constantly talks about Taiwan. Even the United States pun cannot compare to Taiwan… Apa ntah yang best.
I recalled when Bab and Mami came home for a holiday while they were living in Japan. Bab, my brother Syafiq and I were sitting on the grass in our front lawn, waiting for the ice-cream man to come. If people saw the 3 of us then, they would have thought, "Awww... sweet... pak menakan and anak2 menakan dok gelak-gelak... sembang-sembang..." when in fact... he he... Bab was teaching us how to swear in Japanese. It was still sweet really, because it was entertaining and we had sooo much fun. Kah kah…. but then we started throwing ‘kuso’ and ‘boke’ around after that.
Ha ha.
Bab just smiled when I muse over that day. Especially the part where the lesson ended with him buying boxes of ice-cream for us when the “ketung” “ketung” “ketung” was heard. Okay… it was definitely not “ring” “ring” “ring” okay.
At 3, it was time for Bab to go home. It was his nap time so Zuri helped his lovely dad up and put him on the sofa while he rounded up his family. Kesian Bab, he needs a cane to help him walk now. He struggled to stand, even with Zuri’s assistance, his pace slow. As I hugged and kissed him goodbye, he said “This morning I could walk quite fast… I was walking all over the house…” chuckling happily. I of course cried inside.
Before he left, Zuri whispered to me, “Dia buleh la jalan pagi tadi because he was happy about coming to see you. Now dah nak balik, he is sad… so that is why dia tak buleh jalan ….”
Oh dear.
When they left, I went upstairs with the ruse to teman kan budak2 main Wii… when in reality I needed to cry on my own.
Eating desserts.
My Bab.
The kids were not interested in food at all. Sebab dah ada guests, Wii pun muncul...
Eclairs orang order. Jangan tanya harga per piece okay as aku kira per batch. This is because, size cream puffs/eclairs aku tak pernah sama.... kira pakai batch baru adil. This one is one batch and dapat 55. Ada yang one batch dapat 25 pun ada... Okay... I will endeavour to find a metal nozzle instead of cutting muncung plastik saja....
Peanut butter cheese tarts.
2 comments:
abis licinn, sedapppp. I told Amal,when he was complaining that why this year we all tak beli kek pun or paling2 pun I bake one, I said trend baru kita makan cheese tart saja, lagi ramai orng buleh makan, lagi ramai orng doakan abang..dia diam. So okay menjadi tipu daya aku kali ni
Hang mmg terer.. lain kali kalu aku tak buleh nak pikiaq bahan perkelentongan, aku call hang okeh...
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