Trauma lagi...

One of the things I hate is all the different advise I received throughout my life. The predicament or ailment is the same, but the advise... woo hoo... ranges far and between and so contradictory.

When Amelia and I visited a friend, J in her confinement, we discussed all the tips that were passed on to us to survive pregnancy and birth. From well meaning friends... and those unavoidable know-it-alls, I must add.

Anyway, at the end of the night I conclude that there are a clear divided opinion on eggs. 50% says yay and the other 50 nay.

J have never heard of pantang on laksa. Amelia and I observed that. Well... tipu... Amelia aje. I know of it but never heed it. Mom because her first birth was in the US, was encouraged to eat healthily for strength and sanity. So... she did the same with her other 7 kids and passed the wisdom to me. I only pantang cili sebab takut sakit perut.

We unanimously agreed pantang jalan banyak. And minum banyak air. Honestly I nodded gravely when that was mentioned but I believe in water for the body. If you need 8 glasses a day when you are healthy, you need it more when your body is broken and needing to heal after pregnancy.

And the winner for most absurd was pantang technology. TV tak leh tengok sebab nanti mata kero.

Errr.......

Nevermind. To each her own. Am not here to judge. But please... allow me to laugh. Politely and respectfully.

Anyway, back to why I am writing this entry is.. while people are very nice about me gammy leg they really go went their way to confuse and scare me. They asked and were concerned, they held the doors for me and my clients took the documents to me instead of me hounding them for it.

Then, after the horrified looks when I told them that I have gone and torn my ligament, came the gasps and,

"You shouldn't be walking tau... My son dulu kena 1 bulan tak berjalan... "

"Eh ! Tak pakai tongkat ke ? Bapak I punya bini punya kakak punya adik ipar dulu tak bangun-bangun ! Bertongkat 18 bulan setengah suku !"


"I tak rasa you patut jalan tau sebab I memang selalu torn my ligament ni and I pun degil gak macam you... So one day I found that my kaki kecik sebelah... Macam distorted...."

"Eeiii.... balut macam ni aje ? I ni saja je kerja kat sini sekarang... dulu I doktor and you ni sebenarnya kena simen tau....."

You know how it is. I know they mean well but I seem to have been doing all the wrong things. Nothing is right. I could not win !

And me being well... me... a little neurotic, mostly crazy and only small part serene tried to be a good girl and take in all the advise and the horror stories, while stemming the crazy that was struggling to get out.

Until one day I got a bit scared, which predictably led to temporary insanity (I know Kamil would refute that by saying there is no such thing as temporary when it comes to me and my bad mental health.. I am perpetually insane) and started tossing and turning at night because my feet was hurting. I started imagining life forever limping and shuffling about because I have not been a very good at putting my feet up. Got very, very worried so I called my uncle who is an orthopaedic surgeon.

Sian kawan tu tengah holiday kat Terengganu, but me don't care one because I slept with a throbbing pain and my anxiety level hit the roof. Maybe all of them were right. I should have taken all of my 20 days MC (instead of the paltry 5 I took) and only ever move between the bed and the loo. People should be flitting around me, catering to my whims and fancies as aku duduk diam-diam trying to heal (sapa yang nak flit around tu aku tak tau lah but someone should).

Ini tidak. Let me not detail out my activities.. Nanti sampai esok aku tak tiduq.

Anyway Uncle said not to worry about the pain. I should only start to get concern if the pain is like more than 70%. Err.... where can I by the meter to read pain, Pakcik ?

He also said, I should walk but slowly and not in great quantities. Take painkillers or rub ointment where it hurts.

Hmmm....... although I was bit assured... but the assurance lasted very, very briefly because the pain refused to go away. Couldn't help thinking that by that very Sunday, it would have been 6 weeks already and Doc said I should be okay in 6 weeks. But I am not. Still hobbling about.

Terus teringat one makcik that said, "Mana ada 6 minggu ! Anak makcik 3 tahun !" Okay, okay I was exxagerating.... I can't remember what number she quoted exactly but it did feel like she said 3 years.

So I fretted and at Kamil's urges (ini lagi satu... dok paksa pakai crutches....)I started using the crutch again.

And that was how I was walking, aided with a crutch when I had a follow-up with the good doctor yesterday. He frowned at the sight of me.

"I thought I told you not to use that anymore ?" And with that mere short sentence he uttered without even pausing for a breath, he opened up a flood gate. I poured and poured my heart out, about my fears and everything termasuk lah cerita aku being crippled for life. Tersandaq mamat tu kejap.

After he gathered himself, he felt my injured ankle and tried to move it around. He can't because aku keraih macam batu. "Relax and let me move it..." He said.

I thought I was but he said all my toes were erect so it showed that I weren't. Tried as I might to relax, it didin't happen. He shook his head and laugh. "You are not letting me do this...." he said. Aisehman Doc, I really thought I was co-operating.

He said I shouldn't be limping anymore and told me not to use the crutch what-so-ever.

And hear this, he said I must walk or else the bone will get soft and my muscles will weaken. And when that happens, I really would not be able to walk.

He prescribed ointment, painkillers, slow walk and don't go shopping. That is too much walk. Damn !

So now here I am. Boss a bit tensed because I can't go to the site still. We have plenty of work to do.

I am sure Kamil is a lot of tensed because he is doing house work alone. Balik rumah aje he dives for the laundry basket and starts the machine. Then I will hear him tackling the handwash ones. After dinner he will start the ironing. I usually go to bed first, leaving him sweating with the heat and the gruelling, gruelling task. Bibik we had sent to Mom because Mom's bibik balik raya and Mom needs her more than we do.

Anak-anak pun tension because they want me to cook and they need me to tuck them into bed and they really, really want me to be off their case and stop ordering them about because "Mummy sakit kaki....."

I am bit more tensed because I am damn worried about me leg. I don't like the pain and cannot take advise without real measurements. I need "You can only walk for 30 minutes a day..."

I don't do well with "You can't walk to much..." How much is too much ? I need numbers !!!

Maybe, just maybe I am malingering a bit. I dunno. I mean, am I just imagining this pain ? Can I start running around again ? Is it really safe for me to stop dragging my feet about and quit immitating Quasimodo ? But Doctor did give me a light duty certificate, barring me from carrying heavy load and walking excessively and take the stairs either way... So it does mean I still have to take it easy. Masa-masa macam ni lah I miss my old boss'understanding.

I am soooo takut and cannot make a decision.

Hikmah di sebalik tragedi

Ada hikmah disebalik ketergolekkan aku kat tangga.

I have accepted that every bad thing that happened, well... there is a silver lining somewhere. We sometimes have to look very hard for that piece of silver lining, but look we must or we will go crazy. I truly realise that about 6 months ago when something horrible happened to me. And after about 4 months... I slowly saw the hikmah. It was sooo easy to miss, but I am glad I caught it because when I really think about it, the hikmah is much bigger than the thing orang jahat &&%@!!^^&& tu buat kat aku.

Padan muka dia....

Hehehhe... dah hilang pahala sabar dah tu.... Sorryyy.........

Anyway the hikmah aku tergolek dog tu ada dua.

1. Aku tak yah pegi site sampai 2 minggu masa bulan posa. So... I actually got to posa with my family which is nice.

2. Aku terhencut-hencut jalan ni is a real ice breaker. Senang dapat kawan okay ? this whole week I was at client's office and ada je orang berhenti and tegur tanya kenapa.

Sampai colleague aku jeles and dia pun nak sakit kaki gak. Of course le aku tak bagi sebab nanti apa orang kata dalam satu opis ada 2 orang tempang. Tak logic kan.... In my line of work ni mana ada orang nak buat kawan... so it is really great for me because I have made quite a few acquaintences.

Oh, there is another one.

3. Aku dilayan special oleh friends, family and yang paling penting Kamil. Ini semua test untuk Kamil...samada he can take care of me. If he wants to take care of me. Orang pompuan ni memang sanggup aje. When he was with limited mobility after his operation, perempuan ini lah yang teman dia kat spital almost seminggu.

Pastu dah balik romah, dia pulak gatal nak pindah romah terus. Dan perempuan inilah yang sorang-sorang

a) pack barang dalam kotak
b) hangkut kotak berat cam badak sumbu masuk dalam kete
c) bawak kete pegi romah baru
d) hangkut pulak kotak dari kete masuk lam romah
e) repeat b), c) and d) berulang kali until she kenot tahan and paksa adik2 and abang dia tolong. Dalam satu hari aje semua selesai

Dia tak kisah sebab laki dia sakit and she just wants to make him happy...

So now it is his turn...

Sanggup tak my darling ?

PS : Please add f)Kemas romah sorang2.....

Self esteem very low......

Wokeh...

Seperti yang dikhabarkan 2 entries ago, I wanted to upload some pictures of our raya and kenduri. Now I am saying, I have to forget about that because I have seen hide nor hair of the cables.

Does this mean I have to buy a new one ? I know I do but I also know that the universe likes to play games with me. I am absolutely sure that as soon as I replace the cables, the old one will suddenly appear, taunting me at its so bloody visible perch, a place where I have searched and raba before but tak ada.

It happened many, many times..

Anyway... I have put on weight. A lot of them.

And I know it is mainly because I have limited mobility so no fats were burned what-so-ever. And Hari Raya and what it represents (gluttony) doesn't help either. I have to do something to shift this wight but apart from dieting, abstaining and starving, I can't do anything else.

Lady can't walk let alone jog. Maybe I can do sit ups but ... I have heard sit-ups are pointless. So I was happy to stop doing my 50 a day about a year ago. What for kan dah pointless katanya.

They said stomach crunches are the best but I get confused when to breathe in and out. Damn difficult.

So, I got fat because of my torn ligament. Poor me... hehehehehhehehehehehehehhehehe.

Pastu...my bakings pun is a factor. I made Nutella Brioche 3 nights ago. Asal ada Nutella kat jari aku jilat. Nak lap kat tissue sayang kan. Admittedly I only ate 1 of the whole batch but those Nutellas yang aku dok jilat tu mau 3 sudu besar kot.

Then, my butter cake. I do love butter cakes. And the one I made together with the brioche was so damn good because I tweaked the recipe a bit. It turned out better than the ones I usually made ... but it came with a high price.... Higher calories.

Then my dinner rolls. I have made like 3 batches since Hari Raya. And they are good. So good...

So kesudahannya, perlukah aku buang Breadmaker yang Kamil bagi as present itu ? Nampaknya harus. But... let me make pizzas dulu sebelum aku buang, yek.

It didn't help my self-esteem much when Lina (and Kak Liza, and Fid and Ela) came for Raya 2 nights ago, she brought something she found while cleaning her mom's cabinet. And album of all of us in swimming suits.

Excuse me, but my body was hot in that picture !! I was 17 and lithe and ... thin. My thighs looked tiny. My stomach nice and flat (I couldn't remember if it was sucked in......). Okay... my glasses and hair (that awful fringe !) were an abomination but I don't care.

I was thin !!! Maybe size 8. Huh, I was size 8 until I was about 21. Then I went to 10... and now... I bought size 12 trousers kat Marks and Spencer hari tu. Damn !

I do feel a bit depress since I saw that picture. A girl need not be reminded that her days of being at lease nice to look at in a glance (hahahahah) has passed. I admit, I am a person that if you look twice is regrettable but at least one glance I look okay.

Now... separa glance pun tak pass.

I feel awful.

What's for dinner ?

Heh.

PS : Above-mentioned sizes are UK ones okay, not US !! Please take a serious note !!! Kang aku marah kang....

Perbualan merepek dalam bathroom

I had wanted to write about my weekend actually but we need pictures for that. My butt is too heavy to help carry my body upstairs for the cables, so that story had to wait. Tunggu aku rajin sket.

Dah lah capek... Problem sungguh.

But I want to write.. so I am going to write about the conversations between my 2 children that I overheard... while they bathed.

Heh.

Anyway, this conversation happened pepagi raya. I was just opening the door to my room to dump my used pjs when I heard, "You are my sister and I love you !"

Eh ?

"You have to treat me better than that, okay ? You have to take care of me, too !" Said Abang again.

Waaahh... serious s*** ni! Aku pun menempek kan diri kat pintu depa.

"Okay............" Adik sounded contrite.

"So... you don't tell Mummy, okay ? Okay, Adik ?"

OOOOOoooohhhh... Tengah pshycho adiknya jangan mengadu rupanya. What had he done ?

"Okay, Abang...."

Oh man, what is it ? Tell me !!! Tell me !!

"If you tell Mummy... I am going to run away and you will never see me again !" Abang threatened.

"Okay, Abang...."

Then,

"Abang, if you want to run away, where will you go ?"

"You want me to run away ?" Sora dah kecik hati dah... Abang...

"No, no.... But if you want to run away, where do you want to go ?"

"I don't know...."

"Will you run away to Ipoh ?"

"Ipoh is so far away ! It is going to take me days to get there !" Abang was more than aghast.

"To Perak, then ?"

"Ipoh is in Perak lah Adik ni. If you tell Mummy, I will run away !!!" Abang warned again and Adik went quiet.

HEhehehhehe....... Nak gelak pun ada... but I am just too curious to know what transpired before the conversation happened ! Sadly, I never found out.

Anyway this conversation again happened while they bathed this morning while we were preparing for my cousin's wedding.

"Stop it lah, Abang ! Your butt is ugly !!" Adik's voice was already very shrill so I surmised this has been happening for quite some time.

"Adik ! Let me do what I like lah ! You always like to control me saja !" Fullamak.

"But I hate to see your butt !!!!" Apa punya gaduh ni ?

Then, "I don't care. Suka hati saya lah..." And he broke into a song, "Shake my booty ! Shake my booty !" And sebab aku boleh dengar ada getar di suaranya, aku boleh agak yang Abang was indeed shaking his booty.

Adik screamed in protest again.

Aiyoo lah !!!

Sepi

Kelmarin... aku tertengok movie Sepi on the telly.

Tertengok because I have been consciously avoiding watching it. I know a lot of people praised the movie tapi... sebab it was Shera's last movie and she did say something really sad after she watched it, aku macam tak sanggup.

You know me, very fragile when it comes to matters concerning her.

Anyway, tertengok lah sudah and it was really sad. The movie is well made, really well made, and although there were some cringe-worthy moments special only to Malay movies, it was dismissible considering that it was a great movie.

Cuma, aku tension sebab there were quite a lot of body counts. Too much to my liking

Part sedih, was how Pierre Andre died and how he laid next to his girlfriend while she was sprawled on the road.

Part over the top was when Afdlin Shauki drove across a park in his haste to get to Vaneeda Imran (who looked so damn gorgeous with flowers in her hair... Don't know why perempuan Melayu stopped doing that... It is nice, and sweet and oh so Melayu... Err... probably sebab pakai tudung kot... hahahahahah).

Abang gelak tengok and terkeluar lah dari mulut dia, "I know it is love... but he doesn't have to do that...."

and terkejut lah mak bapak dia who looked at their son with funny expressions on their faces.

And aku rasa sweet sangat pasal "Temanku, kekasihku and syurga ku..." Aku rasa terharu sangat and pandainya orang yang menyusun kata-kata itu.

And of course, my own sepi feeling was inevitable. Sure, I am surrounded with family and friends, tapi aku rasa sepi sangat sebab kakak aku tak ada.

Sometimes, aku macam lupa that she is not around anymore. Lepas tu bila I returned to reality, I find it sooo impossible that this wonderful, wonderful woman who is so full of vitality and life is gone. And even after 2 years, I kept expecting to see her at my door or hear her laughter.

Her laughter is the one that I missed most. And her smiles showing that little tooth yang dia menyampah sangat tu. The one that she went to get it dealt with the day she died.

So like it or not,... aku pun sepi jugak... and I really shouldn't have watched it.

HOBBY di malam Raya

Beraya dia Perak as usual was nice. Adik-adik melepak dengan cousins and I hung out with my aunts.

This year is my UM's turn to be host. What I love about beraya kat rumah UM is AA's lip smacking kuah kacang. Her family is from Penang and so it fits my palette just fine. It filled me at all the right places... including me thighs and tummy.

Anyway, our days were filled with visiting relatives and eating and eating and eating.

Nak cerita hal kelakar sebenarnya. It was night time and we were on the way back to UM's house when the dark sky was suddenly exploded with lights. There was a firework display and it was gorgeous.

Anyway, Adik said, "Precious !" but MI who was traveling with us disagreed.

"Not precious lah.... " MI said. "Like this, you can say Fantastic and Fabulous and then jadi Fanta-bulous..." My children nodded their heads with "Oooo............." in understanding.

I concentrated on the view again when I suddenly heard MI said, "Abang.. I am hot and chubby... You are chubby only... but I am hooottt.... and chubby....." Biasalah MI.

Tetapi... apakah jawapan anak sedara MI yang innocent itu ?

"So... Mamu is Ho-bby lah ?"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH ! Dengan aku, dengan Kamil and dengan adik aku MJ punyalah gelak macam nak mati okay.

Si Hobby tu ? Dia pun gelak sekali....

Tu lah dia nak berlagak...

Gelak lagi sekali... HAHAHAHAHAH !

Selamat Hari Raya

Nak raya dah esok... I can't believe it. It seems like yesterday aku tergolek kat tangga and torn my ligament.

I know that my accident is a test from Allah... and the sad thing is, I failed. I really failed big time. No need to explain the intricacies lah... Just that, I failed his test.. miserably.

Because of my condition and because CY is busy at the hospital and CT pulak dah balik kampung husband, CY and I started our kuih raya making yesterday. Itupun setelah we finally understood Mummy's hints.

We made tart nenas. And the pineapple filling CY made was soooo amazing, I decided to bake butter cakes to sandwich the jam. MI and MH came too so it was nice.

Itu yang best about raya for me, the preparation. If I think about my past rayas, I always thought about the preparations. Usually the day before, sebab lagi last minute, lagi thrill. HEHEHHEHE...

I remember one raya eve Mom was still sewing her curtains (I remember them being green...hahahahhah), us girls were baking, Bapak was outside with the ketupat and the boys... tengok tv kot.

I also remember there was one puasa month, I managed to come back to Malaysia. Again, the day before Raya us girls were busy baking but because I was rarely home, it was very special. We had sooo much fun. We took pictures and was happily goofing around. At one point we got hungry but all we could find was a packet of soto leftover from buka.

To make it enough for the four of us, I stirred in huge amounts of cili kicap to stop us from wolfing it down. We laughed so much while we tried to slurp the extra hot soup (for reasons that have now alluded me, slurping hot soup was colossally funny) and the next day, our raya was interrupted with frequent visits to the loo.

Anyway, I still went to work today. Company bagi half day so rugilah kan. But I have a lot if work !! It looks like I have to go to the office for awhile on Tuesday. Darn it.

Today CY and I sambung with the kuih raya making. She made more pineapple tarts while I made Jejari Kacang, Mom's must have kuih raya. It was sooo difficult to make I finished up 2 batches in 3 hours. Tak sempat dah nak buat apa.

I thought of making carbonara for buka but Kamil was having none of it. He got wind of Mom's plan to include Sup Tulang in the buka menu. I managed to prepare the batter for the cakes but didn't bake them sebab dah pukul 6 dah. My oven's timer dial dah tercabut. Although it is still functional but I have no idea what was the number I turn the dial to, so tak berani nak leave the cake in the oven while I was away.

After buka quickly went to get my baju raya from the tailor and then bawak my brothers to Sunway Pyramid for last minute baju raya. Sedih tau. I actually sent 4 kains for baju kurung sometime in June. Then last week I asked KM, bila baju siap. She said next week. Call again and she said Raya eve. I wasn't surprise because she always, always left mine to the last minute and I always, always got mine raya eve.

Tadi I called to arrange for the best time to collect my bajus and she told me, with a little laugh, that she only made 1. One ! Uno ! Satu !

Aku tahulah aku ni bukan jenis marah, but jangan lah treat aku macam tu sekali. Come on lah. I hantar so awal why can't she make mine first ? Sometimes kan orang selalu take advantage dengan orang yang tak nak marah macama aku ni. Macam senang-senang aje nak tolak ke tepi ke tengah. Tapi dia tak tahu aku tak nak marah dia just because aku hormat. Plus, she is damn good at her work. HAhahah.. Jangan sampaku naik fed-up dah lah. Kang aku hantar kat orang lain kang...

And I don't know why, aku sedih sangat dapat 1 baju aje tahun ni. Kalau 2 tu boleh tahan jugak lah, tapi ini satu. Tomorrow raya kat sini but second raya balik kampung. And I want to wear a new one for my kampung.

Sedih tau... Terkilan sangat rasanya. Nak pegi beli yang ready made, aku dah janji dengan adik2 nak bawak dia orang shopping pulak.. So tak sempat.

Takpalah nasib baik ada baju baru masa CY kawin ari tu. Kamil kata pakai ajelah baju lama. Ada banyak yang belum pakai, katanya. Hallo... I ni perempuan. Working woman pulak tu. Mana ada baju kurung yang belum pakai. Orang laki yelah tak pakai baju Melayu pergi kerja and pergi function. Tapi orang perempuan ni, baju kurung staple tau dak. Staple !!!!

Macam budak-budak rasanya merajuk tak de baju raya. Dah tua-tua ni sensitive agaknya.

Anyway, I just switched off the oven and pliers turned my oven timer (dial tu dah tercabut so kena pusing by kepit the thin inner dial with pliers. Canggih sungguh oven tak sampai 2 tahun aku ni.)

Kamil just finished washing his car and right now is berrating his cat Gizmo for hissing at Nosey and Moggie, her 2 older children. Mentang-mentang dah ada baby baru, anak-anak lama-lama dia naik menyampah pulak. Kamil doesn't tolerate bad attitudes even from his cats.

Selamat Hari Raya from me. Hope you have a good and tears free one. I know I will be bawling because Kamil is forcing to visit Shera. The thought of her grave pun buat aku nangis, a physical visit would definitely warrant a wail.

I really don't want to go.

Anyway, minta ampun dan maaf jika ada tersilap kata dan tersalah laku.

PS : When I was still at school, bila kita cakap Maaf Zahir dan Batin mesti ada yang cakap, batin tu untuk suami isteri aje. I never understood it because seriously, aku tak tahu apa maksud batin. But hari tu baca 99 nama Allah, batin tu maksudnya yang tersembunyi. So meaning, zahir dan batin is yang nampak dan yang tak nampak.. or something like that.

So... apa kena mengena dengan suami isteri ?

Cuba explain sat.

Dah 11 tahun aku kawin dengan si Kamil ni...

Yesterday was our 11th wedding anniversary.

I asked him where he wants to take me... and he said he doesn't know....

Well... we can't go anywhere pun as my cousin had a berbuka do.

Anyway, he came home from work very late yesterday and I know he went to buy a breadmaker for me. I know him soo well and when he actually came home with it, I just smiled.. before I remembered to feign surprise to make him happy.

We slept quite late yesterday. We hugged eachother as we talked well into the night. About this and that. Suddenly he said, "I love you the same today as the day I met you 18 years ago...."

I looked up at him and he quickly added, "I love you more now... much more now than I did 18 years ago...."

He knows me well too...HAhahahha...

Happy Anniversary, Kamil.........

I don't think I need to profess how much I love you as I am sure you know...

Nostalgia Ramadhan..........

Apa aku nak cerita ? I want to write an entry but I have forgotten what I planned to write, so now had been staring at the screen, trying to remember ... but... naaah... Can't remember.

Yesterday berbuka with the Bs. Pergi Sahara Tent but it wasn't that nice. Maybe kat KL je yang sedap, kat Shah Alam punya tak... I dunno.

Tadi berbuka at my cousin's. My Bab and Mami Ela ada, my cousin's brother and family pun ada as they are back from Dubai for Raya, my other cousin pun ada so it was a merry affair. I love being with my cousins, especially since Kamil get along so well with them, talking and laughing like they have had always been a family.

On my dad's side, we don't have that many females. There are only 6 of us and my Dad provided 4 of them... hahahahah....

Nasib baiklah my cousins marry wonderful women yang buleh buat kawan ...

When Ramadhan comes, I usually think about my kampungs.

If I think about my Penang kampung, I will remember Tok's masak lemak ketam, and bubur Asyura, red floors, black toilet seats, laksa and cok udang at Pantai Bersih and my Tok Wan, on his bed... He didnt 'move much on account of his stroke... So I remember kissing and hugging his frail body.

And cousins. I remember my cousins. Wanting to join the bigger ones, but got stuck playing with those that is closer to my age. Not many, only 2 of them plus my brother. Tapi sekarang yang aku dok ligat berkawan is with the older ones.... The first batch. Aku dah second batch.

I also remember Tok will force me and my brother to send kuih raya to her neighbours. But .... walaupun kena paksa, tapi sebenarnya aku ni paksa rela sebab selalunya dapat duit raya. Tok lived amongst the Chinese and they had always been very, very generous. Paling sikit pun not hijau... but usually, yang merah berkeping-keping.

And if I think about Perak, I remember silver door, nasi lemak 2 kupang which Wan susun tinggi-tinggi, railways and my Tok riding his motorbike. And his laughter... I will always remember him smiling, laughing and cracking jokes.

In Perak since my brother is the eldest cucu, well... we didn't have anybody to play with. Kita orang yang first batch. Tapi my adik-adik adalah banyak kawan among the cousins. Dah besar-besar ni, aku berkawan dengan my aunties... Besssstttt..... HEhehehhehe...

Ramadhan and raya... it is all about families kan ? It is always about family and I am so glad I have plenty.

Sian Abang ikut perangai mak dia....

Yesterday Kamil took us to MidValley for Raya clothes. Aku tak dapat, budak-budak saja. Semua dah complete tinggal shoes for Abang saja. Susah betul being in between sizes. No more kids not yet adult.

I really want this Marks and Spencer blouse tapi hari tu when I wanted to buy it, Kamil kata tunggu Marks and Spencer sale in a few days time. Tak de pun... so finally when I chekced out the store at KLCC dah habis size aku.

Tension tau !!!!

Anyway, something funny happened last night. We broke our fast at Tramcar. Sadly it was far from satisfying. Kamil told me that he doesn't feel like buka outside. He prefers at home or at my Mum's tapi aku teringin chicken chop. Dah kaki ceme sebelah, mana buleh nak masak sendiri.

But it was dissapointing. I ordered Seafood platter but my appetite was taken away from me when I cut into this identified seafood that tasted so bloody disgusting. Kamil's Mixed Grill was tough and dry. Sayang... I should've have sticked to my staple of meehoon hailam. Mesti sedap.

Anyway, singgah the bank on the way home. Kamil went in alone and it was just the kids and I in the car.

As aku dok busy melayan perasaan, tak perasan pun yang Kamil had been gone for quite some time until, "Mana Babah ?" Abang asked in a whiny voice.

Eh ?

"Adik... has Babah left us ?"

Err.... sounds familiar.

Ädik whine pulak. "Babah...... Where's Babah ?"

"Mummy... can you call Babah ?" Abang asked as he came near me.

Aku boleh saja but I was interested to see how the drama unfolded, so I fibbed Babah tinggal phone in the car. Abang groaned.

"Mummy... I am so wooorrrried about Babah... He has been gone a long time..." Ye ke ? Serious aku tak perasan.

"Abang, what do you think could happen to your father in the bank ?"

"Somebody can kidnap him...."

Ya Rabbi... sapa nak curik lelaki botak tu nak oii..... Throw away electricity only...

"Adik... you think Babah has run away ?" Abang asked Adik pulak.

"Abang.... I am soo scared. I am starving... If Babah run away, I cannot eat my chicken chop !!"

"Adik ni ! Asyik ingat pasal makan saja. You don't care about Babah !"

"I do !" Adik protested. "But I am also starving !! Babah has to take us home so I can eat !"

Depa ni kan, walaupun mak hangpa ni ceme kaki sebelah, I can take care of you guys perfectly well, okay ? I can take you home. Bukannya aku tak dak lesen kereta. Aku macam tunggui ja tang tu while they lamented about being stranded if Babah indeed did a runner.

"Babah......." Abang dah nangis.

Aiyoo... I knowlah the last entry aku baru saja cerita aku buat perangai yang.... almost the same but... and here is the biggest but, I didn't make my sister worry about it. I kept it all to myself. I was calm and collected and thought of ways to get out of our supposed predicament. Not whining like Abang.

"Mummy... Babah pakai baju apa ?" Abang dah start tersedu-sedan dah. Kalau pasanag lagu raya sure meraung punya tu.

Then... "Is that Babah ? Babah ! Babah ! Babah !"

Ya Allah, punyalah happy. Bila Babah entered the car, Abang and Adik terkam Babah but Babah tak perasan pun because he was busy barking at Maybank customer service. Hehehehhehehehe.....

I looked at my children at the back seat. Adik was hugging her tapau-ed chicken chop (she couldn''t eat any during buka sebab perut dah masuk angin. She was in agony actually.... Tapi bila pegi Subang Parade okay aje melompat-lompat....)but Abang, his eyes was closed in relief.

He had his head rested on the seat, looking calm but you could see his turmoil from the heavy movements of his chest.

Sian dia.... I quite understand it actually.

Hehehhehe.....