Self esteem very low......

Wokeh...

Seperti yang dikhabarkan 2 entries ago, I wanted to upload some pictures of our raya and kenduri. Now I am saying, I have to forget about that because I have seen hide nor hair of the cables.

Does this mean I have to buy a new one ? I know I do but I also know that the universe likes to play games with me. I am absolutely sure that as soon as I replace the cables, the old one will suddenly appear, taunting me at its so bloody visible perch, a place where I have searched and raba before but tak ada.

It happened many, many times..

Anyway... I have put on weight. A lot of them.

And I know it is mainly because I have limited mobility so no fats were burned what-so-ever. And Hari Raya and what it represents (gluttony) doesn't help either. I have to do something to shift this wight but apart from dieting, abstaining and starving, I can't do anything else.

Lady can't walk let alone jog. Maybe I can do sit ups but ... I have heard sit-ups are pointless. So I was happy to stop doing my 50 a day about a year ago. What for kan dah pointless katanya.

They said stomach crunches are the best but I get confused when to breathe in and out. Damn difficult.

So, I got fat because of my torn ligament. Poor me... hehehehehhehehehehehehehhehehe.

Pastu...my bakings pun is a factor. I made Nutella Brioche 3 nights ago. Asal ada Nutella kat jari aku jilat. Nak lap kat tissue sayang kan. Admittedly I only ate 1 of the whole batch but those Nutellas yang aku dok jilat tu mau 3 sudu besar kot.

Then, my butter cake. I do love butter cakes. And the one I made together with the brioche was so damn good because I tweaked the recipe a bit. It turned out better than the ones I usually made ... but it came with a high price.... Higher calories.

Then my dinner rolls. I have made like 3 batches since Hari Raya. And they are good. So good...

So kesudahannya, perlukah aku buang Breadmaker yang Kamil bagi as present itu ? Nampaknya harus. But... let me make pizzas dulu sebelum aku buang, yek.

It didn't help my self-esteem much when Lina (and Kak Liza, and Fid and Ela) came for Raya 2 nights ago, she brought something she found while cleaning her mom's cabinet. And album of all of us in swimming suits.

Excuse me, but my body was hot in that picture !! I was 17 and lithe and ... thin. My thighs looked tiny. My stomach nice and flat (I couldn't remember if it was sucked in......). Okay... my glasses and hair (that awful fringe !) were an abomination but I don't care.

I was thin !!! Maybe size 8. Huh, I was size 8 until I was about 21. Then I went to 10... and now... I bought size 12 trousers kat Marks and Spencer hari tu. Damn !

I do feel a bit depress since I saw that picture. A girl need not be reminded that her days of being at lease nice to look at in a glance (hahahahah) has passed. I admit, I am a person that if you look twice is regrettable but at least one glance I look okay.

Now... separa glance pun tak pass.

I feel awful.

What's for dinner ?

Heh.

PS : Above-mentioned sizes are UK ones okay, not US !! Please take a serious note !!! Kang aku marah kang....