Trauma lagi...

One of the things I hate is all the different advise I received throughout my life. The predicament or ailment is the same, but the advise... woo hoo... ranges far and between and so contradictory.

When Amelia and I visited a friend, J in her confinement, we discussed all the tips that were passed on to us to survive pregnancy and birth. From well meaning friends... and those unavoidable know-it-alls, I must add.

Anyway, at the end of the night I conclude that there are a clear divided opinion on eggs. 50% says yay and the other 50 nay.

J have never heard of pantang on laksa. Amelia and I observed that. Well... tipu... Amelia aje. I know of it but never heed it. Mom because her first birth was in the US, was encouraged to eat healthily for strength and sanity. So... she did the same with her other 7 kids and passed the wisdom to me. I only pantang cili sebab takut sakit perut.

We unanimously agreed pantang jalan banyak. And minum banyak air. Honestly I nodded gravely when that was mentioned but I believe in water for the body. If you need 8 glasses a day when you are healthy, you need it more when your body is broken and needing to heal after pregnancy.

And the winner for most absurd was pantang technology. TV tak leh tengok sebab nanti mata kero.

Errr.......

Nevermind. To each her own. Am not here to judge. But please... allow me to laugh. Politely and respectfully.

Anyway, back to why I am writing this entry is.. while people are very nice about me gammy leg they really go went their way to confuse and scare me. They asked and were concerned, they held the doors for me and my clients took the documents to me instead of me hounding them for it.

Then, after the horrified looks when I told them that I have gone and torn my ligament, came the gasps and,

"You shouldn't be walking tau... My son dulu kena 1 bulan tak berjalan... "

"Eh ! Tak pakai tongkat ke ? Bapak I punya bini punya kakak punya adik ipar dulu tak bangun-bangun ! Bertongkat 18 bulan setengah suku !"


"I tak rasa you patut jalan tau sebab I memang selalu torn my ligament ni and I pun degil gak macam you... So one day I found that my kaki kecik sebelah... Macam distorted...."

"Eeiii.... balut macam ni aje ? I ni saja je kerja kat sini sekarang... dulu I doktor and you ni sebenarnya kena simen tau....."

You know how it is. I know they mean well but I seem to have been doing all the wrong things. Nothing is right. I could not win !

And me being well... me... a little neurotic, mostly crazy and only small part serene tried to be a good girl and take in all the advise and the horror stories, while stemming the crazy that was struggling to get out.

Until one day I got a bit scared, which predictably led to temporary insanity (I know Kamil would refute that by saying there is no such thing as temporary when it comes to me and my bad mental health.. I am perpetually insane) and started tossing and turning at night because my feet was hurting. I started imagining life forever limping and shuffling about because I have not been a very good at putting my feet up. Got very, very worried so I called my uncle who is an orthopaedic surgeon.

Sian kawan tu tengah holiday kat Terengganu, but me don't care one because I slept with a throbbing pain and my anxiety level hit the roof. Maybe all of them were right. I should have taken all of my 20 days MC (instead of the paltry 5 I took) and only ever move between the bed and the loo. People should be flitting around me, catering to my whims and fancies as aku duduk diam-diam trying to heal (sapa yang nak flit around tu aku tak tau lah but someone should).

Ini tidak. Let me not detail out my activities.. Nanti sampai esok aku tak tiduq.

Anyway Uncle said not to worry about the pain. I should only start to get concern if the pain is like more than 70%. Err.... where can I by the meter to read pain, Pakcik ?

He also said, I should walk but slowly and not in great quantities. Take painkillers or rub ointment where it hurts.

Hmmm....... although I was bit assured... but the assurance lasted very, very briefly because the pain refused to go away. Couldn't help thinking that by that very Sunday, it would have been 6 weeks already and Doc said I should be okay in 6 weeks. But I am not. Still hobbling about.

Terus teringat one makcik that said, "Mana ada 6 minggu ! Anak makcik 3 tahun !" Okay, okay I was exxagerating.... I can't remember what number she quoted exactly but it did feel like she said 3 years.

So I fretted and at Kamil's urges (ini lagi satu... dok paksa pakai crutches....)I started using the crutch again.

And that was how I was walking, aided with a crutch when I had a follow-up with the good doctor yesterday. He frowned at the sight of me.

"I thought I told you not to use that anymore ?" And with that mere short sentence he uttered without even pausing for a breath, he opened up a flood gate. I poured and poured my heart out, about my fears and everything termasuk lah cerita aku being crippled for life. Tersandaq mamat tu kejap.

After he gathered himself, he felt my injured ankle and tried to move it around. He can't because aku keraih macam batu. "Relax and let me move it..." He said.

I thought I was but he said all my toes were erect so it showed that I weren't. Tried as I might to relax, it didin't happen. He shook his head and laugh. "You are not letting me do this...." he said. Aisehman Doc, I really thought I was co-operating.

He said I shouldn't be limping anymore and told me not to use the crutch what-so-ever.

And hear this, he said I must walk or else the bone will get soft and my muscles will weaken. And when that happens, I really would not be able to walk.

He prescribed ointment, painkillers, slow walk and don't go shopping. That is too much walk. Damn !

So now here I am. Boss a bit tensed because I can't go to the site still. We have plenty of work to do.

I am sure Kamil is a lot of tensed because he is doing house work alone. Balik rumah aje he dives for the laundry basket and starts the machine. Then I will hear him tackling the handwash ones. After dinner he will start the ironing. I usually go to bed first, leaving him sweating with the heat and the gruelling, gruelling task. Bibik we had sent to Mom because Mom's bibik balik raya and Mom needs her more than we do.

Anak-anak pun tension because they want me to cook and they need me to tuck them into bed and they really, really want me to be off their case and stop ordering them about because "Mummy sakit kaki....."

I am bit more tensed because I am damn worried about me leg. I don't like the pain and cannot take advise without real measurements. I need "You can only walk for 30 minutes a day..."

I don't do well with "You can't walk to much..." How much is too much ? I need numbers !!!

Maybe, just maybe I am malingering a bit. I dunno. I mean, am I just imagining this pain ? Can I start running around again ? Is it really safe for me to stop dragging my feet about and quit immitating Quasimodo ? But Doctor did give me a light duty certificate, barring me from carrying heavy load and walking excessively and take the stairs either way... So it does mean I still have to take it easy. Masa-masa macam ni lah I miss my old boss'understanding.

I am soooo takut and cannot make a decision.