This morning as we were about to go out, I peered over Uncle S, the neighbor in front of us to make sure he didn’t see us in the midst of doing what he advised us not to do too much.
The sky opened up a bit therefore no tennis for the kids but we were already ready to go at 7.50 am. Kamil ajak pegi Sungai Buloh to get … errm… more hardy plantation to make our house into a home. Penting tu…
Anyway, we took our time choosing the plants, and we chose many, had breakfast and was subsequently greeted with loads of cars parked on our street. So many there were some made it quite hard for us to enter into our home.
“Sapa kawin pagi-pagi ni ?” Asked Kamil.
I though felt uneasy for some reason. I think there is death instead of kawin. I could tell from the way the cars were parked, haphazard and many blocked our other neighbour’s gate.
Due to our house being high up, as we drove up our driveway I saw quite a few people milling about at the end of the road. None was dressed up. Most men were in t-shirts with head covered. Sah lah ada orang meninggal.
I ran to the fence to try and get a better look. “Who died ?” Kamil asked.
“I don’t know… “ I said. One guy walking from the direction of the crowd helpfully fed us with the news. Tuan rumah no. X passed away.
Oh dear, oh dear. Kamil and I quickly went over to the house where we were greeted with most of our neighbours plus uncle S who looked at us with a small smile and said, “You are late…” Okaylah, okay lah….
I hugged A, the wife who was calmly crying at the door. Jenazah dah siap mandi and was just waiting for the van. The deceased’s next door neighbour, whose Dad’s wedding we missed called Kamil’s name in relish. Well, he was the one who alerted the other neighbours and yet again was met with our empty house so maybe he thought we have moved or saja tak nak kawan… he he…..
Hai…..
At times like this, I am again made aware of my lack of social grace. I had nothing to say to A apart from I am sorry as I hugged her sobbing self and asked when he passed. I have no heart to ask the gory details of his passing, so I withdrew from her immediately. I mean, I suppose I can offer comforting words to soothe the broken heart but… well seriously, I don’t want to muddle her head even further. She is grieving and to force her to politely hear my inane chatter is cruel.
That is what I think, at least. As I said, I know I lack social grace and really have no idea what to do. To me, the best is just to keep quite and offer smiles. I really don’t know how other people does it, okay. I seriously kena berguru dalam hal-hal macam ni.
Since that was what I had to say to her, our meeting was brief. Very. So short it was Uncle S missed it and as I was waiting outside the house with some of the guests, he approached me. “You dah jumpa A ke ?”
“Dah….”
He looked at me. Okay, okay no need to make me feel bad. “Pergi lah tanya dia if malam ni ada tahlil ke… Uncle pun nak tahu…..”
He he… I really appreciate what he is trying to do but I just feel that you know this is not the best time to do it. She is sobbing right there for heaven’s sake. But obedient I am so I went inside and salam-ed (shaking hands is not the same as our more softer and meaningful salam I think…) the ladies inside. Husband is a convert so I was really touched to see so many of his relatives in the house. Alhamdulillah.
A was sitting on a short stairs in her living room, surrounded by relatives sorting out papers. Dengan berat hati aku pi jugak tanya. Nasib baiklah she could offer me smiles by that point and luckily it was already planned.
But, tak sempat nak bagitau Uncle S my mission was successful as the van jenazah arrived soon after.
You remember me mentioning I lack social grace ? Well… that is soooo very apparent with me being the only lady in jeans and t-shirt. I didn’t even think that I should have changed to a more appropriate clothing.
Anyway, we quickly went home to change.. well I went home to change, sent the kids to my mom’s then we raced to the graveyard. A was sooo grateful that we joined them there, she hugged me many, many times.
Well… I try to do my best.
Of course dah kat situ, I can’t not visit Shera. As we walked to her grave as soon as F’s service was over, I already cried buckets. When I see her resting place, I think I almost keeled over from grief. It will be 2 years next month and I don’t think my pain has lessened at all. My sedekah of Yaasin to her was my minimal best because it was inundated with my woeful sobs.
When will this feelings stop ? When will I be better ? Will I get better ?
I hope A and her children will handle this better than we do.
Al-fatihah to F.
The sky opened up a bit therefore no tennis for the kids but we were already ready to go at 7.50 am. Kamil ajak pegi Sungai Buloh to get … errm… more hardy plantation to make our house into a home. Penting tu…
Anyway, we took our time choosing the plants, and we chose many, had breakfast and was subsequently greeted with loads of cars parked on our street. So many there were some made it quite hard for us to enter into our home.
“Sapa kawin pagi-pagi ni ?” Asked Kamil.
I though felt uneasy for some reason. I think there is death instead of kawin. I could tell from the way the cars were parked, haphazard and many blocked our other neighbour’s gate.
Due to our house being high up, as we drove up our driveway I saw quite a few people milling about at the end of the road. None was dressed up. Most men were in t-shirts with head covered. Sah lah ada orang meninggal.
I ran to the fence to try and get a better look. “Who died ?” Kamil asked.
“I don’t know… “ I said. One guy walking from the direction of the crowd helpfully fed us with the news. Tuan rumah no. X passed away.
Oh dear, oh dear. Kamil and I quickly went over to the house where we were greeted with most of our neighbours plus uncle S who looked at us with a small smile and said, “You are late…” Okaylah, okay lah….
I hugged A, the wife who was calmly crying at the door. Jenazah dah siap mandi and was just waiting for the van. The deceased’s next door neighbour, whose Dad’s wedding we missed called Kamil’s name in relish. Well, he was the one who alerted the other neighbours and yet again was met with our empty house so maybe he thought we have moved or saja tak nak kawan… he he…..
Hai…..
At times like this, I am again made aware of my lack of social grace. I had nothing to say to A apart from I am sorry as I hugged her sobbing self and asked when he passed. I have no heart to ask the gory details of his passing, so I withdrew from her immediately. I mean, I suppose I can offer comforting words to soothe the broken heart but… well seriously, I don’t want to muddle her head even further. She is grieving and to force her to politely hear my inane chatter is cruel.
That is what I think, at least. As I said, I know I lack social grace and really have no idea what to do. To me, the best is just to keep quite and offer smiles. I really don’t know how other people does it, okay. I seriously kena berguru dalam hal-hal macam ni.
Since that was what I had to say to her, our meeting was brief. Very. So short it was Uncle S missed it and as I was waiting outside the house with some of the guests, he approached me. “You dah jumpa A ke ?”
“Dah….”
He looked at me. Okay, okay no need to make me feel bad. “Pergi lah tanya dia if malam ni ada tahlil ke… Uncle pun nak tahu…..”
He he… I really appreciate what he is trying to do but I just feel that you know this is not the best time to do it. She is sobbing right there for heaven’s sake. But obedient I am so I went inside and salam-ed (shaking hands is not the same as our more softer and meaningful salam I think…) the ladies inside. Husband is a convert so I was really touched to see so many of his relatives in the house. Alhamdulillah.
A was sitting on a short stairs in her living room, surrounded by relatives sorting out papers. Dengan berat hati aku pi jugak tanya. Nasib baiklah she could offer me smiles by that point and luckily it was already planned.
But, tak sempat nak bagitau Uncle S my mission was successful as the van jenazah arrived soon after.
You remember me mentioning I lack social grace ? Well… that is soooo very apparent with me being the only lady in jeans and t-shirt. I didn’t even think that I should have changed to a more appropriate clothing.
Anyway, we quickly went home to change.. well I went home to change, sent the kids to my mom’s then we raced to the graveyard. A was sooo grateful that we joined them there, she hugged me many, many times.
Well… I try to do my best.
Of course dah kat situ, I can’t not visit Shera. As we walked to her grave as soon as F’s service was over, I already cried buckets. When I see her resting place, I think I almost keeled over from grief. It will be 2 years next month and I don’t think my pain has lessened at all. My sedekah of Yaasin to her was my minimal best because it was inundated with my woeful sobs.
When will this feelings stop ? When will I be better ? Will I get better ?
I hope A and her children will handle this better than we do.
Al-fatihah to F.
3 comments:
Hih! Uncle S tu macam warden asrama la!
Oh Cik Kiah... I have to realy on your assessment because U tak pernah duduk asrama... !!! Hehe
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