Just now we broke our fast in 1Utama.
I have been cooped up in the house too long, it cannot be healthy.
Anyway, we got a table outside of the restaurant, sort of on verandah or balcony.
Kamil took the restless kids to MPH for books so I was left alone with nary a book nor a magazine to read so I focused on the scenery. The verandah was huge so the paneless 'window'was huge too. As I gazed outside, it somehow reminded me of my trip to Geneva a few years ago.
I was entrusted to present a paper written by our researcher to the UN, UNCTAD to be precise. So there I was at the UN complex, feeling small from the importance and grandeur of the UN but giddy with excitement at the same time.
Anyway it was break time and I made my way to the canteen or cafe if you like, for a spot of hot tea. I took a table overlooking this huge window and the scenery was spectacular. It was winter and the world outide was covered in heavenly white snow. The trees, the field and if I was not mistaken there was a lake tucked somewhere between the branches. It was breathtaking.
In front of me was a steaming cup of tea, croissant and pain au chocolat. Nothing could be perfect. But... as I sat there, feeling inadequate but important at the same time, all I could think about was how I wish Kamil was there with me.
To me, the beauty that I was looking at and experiencing was totally wasted because I was alone. If only Kamil was there to admire the tranquility of it all. The hushed tones of my fellow patrons when they talk (sounding so bloody important), the outside world totally blanketed by ice so white it was almost silver, the delicious fare I was to partake... everything.
I wanted Kamil to see the way the snow elegantly covered the leaves and the branches of this very huge tree nearest to the window. And I wanted him to see the people I saw walking briskly by in their suits and whatnots. And I wanted to him look at the lake (as now I am sure there was one visible from my table) and admire it's serenity. As oppose to my trepidition for my turn to address the crowd, probably.
Because when I went back, I can't really put everything that I saw and felt in words. Words failed me. I can't really translate what I experienced visually....... vocally. Can I say that ? Heh. I remember him just nodding his head inanely while I tried my darnest to make him understand the trees and the lake and the people and the hushed tone. It was frustrating.
I really don't know why I suddenly was transported back to that day in Geneva. Sure I was alone again just now while I took in the scenery. But it was a very different scenery because it was very green and the ambiance was different too as loud music was blaring from the telly. Plus my family will re-join me soon so I wasn't totally alone.
Maybe it was the huge paneless 'window'. Probably... heh.
But you know, how I wish I could take Kamil there with me one day. To the same cafe, with croissants and pain au chocolat and the steaming tea in front of us while we enjoy the view outside so that he knows just what I was talking about.
I don't know why that is sooo important to me.
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