Sambal udang

I am sick. Riddled with coughs, snot and heavy chest.

But still yesterday we had dinner at Kokpelli's. We only go to Kokpelli's for special occassions. Birthdays, anniversary and whatever we felt like celebrating. Adik forgotten to request for Kokopelli for her birthday so when Abang did, she was rather upset. 

Anyway, today walaupun aku tak larat I cooked lunch. Probably because I lagi tak larat keluar makan. Or answer Kamil's "You nak makan apa  ?" I really hate that question. So... I made a Sri Lankan curry which was a bit masam because I underestimated the strength of the yoghurt. I should go easy next time. And I made sambal udang.

I think my sambal udang is nice enough. But still it wouldn't stand a chance against my mom's definitely... Or my Opah's.

Which of course reminded me of her. Opah was my grandma's sister. I hate was. Is really. Even though she had passed, she is still my grandma's sister. She did not cease to be so just because she is six feet under.

Anyway, I was sent to her a lot during cuti sekolah. Or when my parents had to go overseas. She lived in a setinggan in KL but I loved it anyway. I love going to hers sebab ada my arwah maksu who, I adore. Or adored. At Opah's house, we feasted on sambal udang quite a bit. Sigh.... I can still remember the delightful taste, the fiery red colour, the unpeeled udangs that frustrated me since my mom peeled hers.

Sometimes, maksu and the neighbours' kids would have picnics. Picnics to us then were food piled up on our plates during lunch time and we would meet somewhere to have our lunch together. Bawah pokok, or berlonggok tepi crudely made badminton court or someone's porch.

And if I somehow teringat about those picnics, I always saw sambal udang on my plate... red and sweet and pedas and masam at the same time. I will also remember the hot afternoon sun and the fun we had, eating together like that.

I couldn't remember their faces anymore, the girls I had my picnics with. I only remember my maksu's of course and maybe sometimes my sisters'.... but other than that, I don't remember anybody else. Sad, huh ?

I remember once visiting Opah after I had all grown up. I remember I was coming home for the summer holidays and Mom dragged me for a visit. It was about 3 pm and I wasn't expecting her to be cooking at 3 ! Arwah maksu was in the living room playing with her less than a year old son, and we were in the kitchen, watching Opah cooked while she complained about coming home from the hospital to find no food under the tudung saji. That was why she was cooking at 3. And yeah, it was sambal udang burbling in the wok, and I remember salivating at the sight and smell of it even though we had lunch already.

Ahhh... memories.

Opah passed about 3 years ago. After my maksu passed away, she took care of her son-in-law and her cucus. Even after Paksu re-married. She fell while cooking for Paksu's new wife who was in confinement and just gone...

I hope she wasn't making sambal udang then. That will be pushing it too far....

Sigh....

Al-fatihah for my Opah. And my Maksu.

Sorry... posting emo..

Aku rasa FB memang menyusah kan. Menyusahkan sebab ada some people yang berjaya menyakitkan hati aku with their every post.

Sebab the posts sah-sah tipu. Although bukan masalah aku sebenarnya. Nak tipu, tipulah. For most people bukannya aku tau pun. And if you do lie... it doesn't disturb me. Not my problem pun...

Tapi bila orang yang tipu ni stock-stock yang suka mengutuk aku, tapi suka buat posting houlier-than-thou... rasa macam URGHHH !!! Two faced giler !!!! Sebab this person I know. Every time she lies I know... Every time she pretends to be nice and sweet and baik... I know.

This is the person yang tak suka masak. She once told me dia tak suka masak. And pernah bagitau aku yang aku terlampau manjakan anak sebab aku masak for them. Tapi dalam FB, setiap kali masak setiap kali itu lah jugak tangkap gambaq taja dalam FB. Lepas tu cara bercakap macam masak hari-hari, when I know she doesn't. Once, a mutual friend told me the food she claimed she cooked on one particular day was bought ! Mengekek-ngekek kami gelak.

Jadi, the things you told me before tu, untuk apa ? Saja nak menyakitkan hati aku ?Engkau suka masak ke tak suka masak ke tak menjadi apa-apa hal for me. But if aku masak kau kutuk, pastu kau pulak tetiba nak jadi Nigella, memang le aku bengang.

This is also the person yang tetiba posting banyak mengenai Allah. Quoted Al-Quran dan hadith. But this is the person who once sindir aku, dia tak suka orang sembahyang kat rumah dia sebab dia rasa orang tu berlagak. "Nak sembahyang, sembahyang kat rumah sendiri. Buat nak buat depan orang ? Itu menunjuk namanya..."

She also once said dengan bangganya bahawasanya dia memang tak sembahyang and she doesn't mind telling other people that. All that because I pernah mintak sejadah dengan dia. She also called me behind my back as , "Perempuan yang ala-ala alim tu...." EEIIIIII !!

So... bila aku tengok posting dia yang mendabik dada cakap dia tak buat kat orang and dispensed nasihat pasal fitnah... aku naik angin sebab berapa banyak aku menangis pasal fitnah dia, pasal perbuatan dia... She once called me malas. Well... probably because she came to my house and rumah tunggang langgang. Well... aku kerja... and at that time, aku tak ada pembantu. For a person yang tak kerja and ada maid, sapa yang malas ? Tak kerja tapi tak masak untuk anak and husband, sapa yang malas ? Aku balik rumah masak tau ! Sampai aje rumah aku terus masak. Kalau pakai baju kurung je aku akan naik atas dulu tukar baju. Kalau tak, dengan office attire lah aku masak. Terkejar-kejar supaya aku tak miss maghrib. Aku akan masak, then mandi then baru solat. Supaya aku bersih bila aku solat. Not greasy with minyak and with hair smelling of  sambal.

Itu pun malas lagi ? How dare you ? And then... buat status macam tu, aku rasa macam ....  eiii... !

And the sad thing is, I cannot cut her out from my life.

So... I have to endure. Endure the seething anger when I log in my FB.

URGGHHH  !!!!

Okay lah.....

Aku kenyang hari ni. I skipped breakfast, lunch pun ntah apa-apa but at this moment after about 5 chopstick full of keautiaw goreng, I pushed it away. Sure sign of a gassy tummy.

Or mungkin aku gassy hari ni from inhaling too much air in my attempt to stop myself from blowing up. As I mentioned to Desert Rose, ada certain people dalam Malaya ni yang senang buat aku angin.

Moving on...

I have a new boss already. An erstwhile boss who became my boss again. This happens to me a lot, since I join this current company. Nothing much I can do about it. Problem is, even though other people are glad for me knowing how close I am with him, having to run again after walking with my now former boss... is gonna be hard.

My new boss is happy though. He said he is happy that I am around as he knows things will get done. Problem is, he said... well... I have to find a staff that can be my me... what I am to him is what he means.

Problem is, hehhehe.... I don't think I can be the ol' me... the me that he used to know... Because I have forgotten how to run... I am swamped with work but I still walk because I can.... Being swamped with work and having to run...sounds tiring...

Forget it people. I don't you understand what I am trying to say... Punyalah nak hint sampai tak paham... Hahah.....

Good news, we have booked our holiday. Punyalah happy Kamil and I, we jumped with joy when MAS sent us the confirmation email. Nasib baik katil tak patah. Yesterday Kamil said tak sabarnya tak pegi. Me too ! Menyesal pulak book for March.... hehehhe...

We booked the hotels already and the necessities and are raring to go.

In between that, KPIs to achieve, sekolah kan anak, kenduris to attend and .... host a kenduri of our own... Or.. a kendu-ty... Kenduri kesyukuran sempena Abang's 5As plus birthday party for my two kids.

Adik turned 9 last Saturday and Abang will be 12 this Friday. Sedey tau !!!!!! Anak dah besar... Yesterday we took Adik to the hospital. We were at the paediatric ward and almost everybody ada baby. I looked around in despair and told Kamil that I want one ! Semua orang ada satu. I aje tak ada...

But I have forgotten I have one smart Alec next to me. She looked around and said, "That lady hasn't got one... So is that lady... Besides, you have me... Cuma saya dah besar aje....."

Heheh... yelah, yelah....

Mak and anak

We went to play tennis today. It is never a good thing to do with Kamil who has very high expectations when it comes to sports. But luckily, we had fun. Probably because Abang is rather good at it and Kamil was impressed. Alhamdullilah for all the money I spent on his coach !

Adik sucked at it. Well not really. But coach told me that she could already play full court. But with Babah just now, she had to play only half court. Menggelabah dengan Abah, kot.

They swam afterwards, had lunch and then home where Kamil and I promptly fell asleep in front of the telly while watching Narnia. Dah tua.... tak boleh ada strenuous activities langsung.

Our new Bibik finally came. Well she was supposed to come much earlier but was somewhat.... er... detained. I am happy for my kids really since her arrival means that they do not have to be transported here and there anymore.

Adik was the one really affected with her nomadic state. 2-3 days before Bibik came, she told me,

"I miss you, Mummy. I am just sooo happy to see you. Just now bila Babah ambik kita I was soo excited to see you. Duduk dekat rumah Wan, sometimes saya rasa I won't see you again..... "

Waahhh...... serious stuffs man.

Then she went around the room, fingers trailing on the furniture, she sighed, "I miss my house...." When I told my boss about what she said, all he could say was, "What a drama queen...." Heheh...

Anyway, I know what she meant. Being with my in-laws meant she was separated from me in every single way. My essence are not present at their house. Nothing there could connect her to me. That was why I never lock the door of my room. I know my kids need to be inside my room to see me, via my stuffs... my clothes, my perfume, my junk.... whenever they return from school.

It was how I was when I was small. Every time I return home from school, I would just open the door to my parents' room even though I know they are not there. The sight of their room comforted me somehow. And the same goes for the rest of my siblings. Tak kisah lah pukul berapa dia orng balik, they will jenguk bilik Mummy.. just to see her sleeping.

My mom is forever grumbling about her interrupted sleeps but she never ever locked her door. She knows her kids need it.

Even my little nephew is like that. Sometimes when I have to babysit, he will cling to me in time of need even though he prefers Kamil, really. Bukannya apa, I remind him of his mum.

Anak-anak kan ? Such a special bond they have with their moms. Dah besar sometimes kita lupa but if our mom is a good mom, we will always come back.

It is soo sad when anak and mak berantakkan. I know a few with problems like that. Sometimes salah anak, but sometimes salah mak jugak. And that is the saddest.....

Semalam

I know I want to write about something… But in that short period of time, while waiting to fire up the lappy sempat pulak lupa. Must be the age.


Like yesterday, my ex-boss asked me for his key. Laa… awat lak mintak kat I ? Apparently he was told that V, a colleague, passed his keys to me. I asked her, and she said she did so during the department’s bowling game, and I am stumped. I have no recollection it happened at all.

I told RR that I will find the key for him but seriously, where ? I have no memory of the incident ever happening.

I think I have to start on Memomex soon.

Anyway, Kamil’s dad is in the hospital again. We were roused from our sleep 2 nights ago where Kamil had to accompany his dad in an ambulance.

We were roused from our sleep again this morning when MIL called to report FIL’s restlessness and his request to see Kamil.

I hope FIL gets better soon. Hospital is not nice.

Something funny happened yesterday. The kids told me Ustaz showed them a youtube of a shiny figure listening to Khutbah Jumaat in Masjid Nabawi. I soo want to see it but our house has no computer. Sejak kena copet, we didn’t buy any. We could only use Kamil’s and he doesn’t really like us using it. Battery habis memanjang.

However sebab punyalah nak tengok youtube tu, I grabbed it anyway. We were in my room at that time, baru nak golek-golek and sembang-sembang while watching the video. Or DVD …. Heheh..

Adik excitedly jumped nearer to me while Abang said he will stake a look-out for his Babah. Tak sampai 1 minit he came back, jumping excitedly saying that Babah is already on the stairs !

Rupa-rupanya in panic, aku tercengang tak tau nak buat apa. I know I should quickly snap it shut and jam the thing back in its bag, but I didn’t. Abang pulak went round and round the room, trying to act nonchalant. Adik ? She said, “Be cool, be cool….” before calmly laying down and covering herself with the duvet.

I looked around me, at my son who finally leaned on the sofa with one hand on his waist, chest wavy from the run-around, at my girl who was shrouded from head to toe only her hair visible and at my husband who looked like he caught us doing something really bad but wasn’t sure what it was until he saw his machine on my lap.

I had to laugh.

Keluar makan burger aje, sempat lak nangis...

I really loathe drivers that stop at the.... errr... petak kuning...(Yellow Boxes ?). The freaking kotaks are there for a reason, which is don't stop there moron, as you will disrupt the traffic. I really hate it when it is our turn to move, they are still there on the petak kuning, obstructing the traffic, making it impossible for me to resume my journey. So I usually loose my turn and while I had to wait for the light to go green again, they are already on their merry way.

Who do they think they are, expecting other people to wait for them ? Kita honk lah banyak mana pun dia buat dek aje... Yelah, dia boleh buat apa pun kalau traffic kat depan tak bergerak... Sebab itu, jangan berhenti di petak kuning ! Menyusahkan orang le, mangkuk.

Oh, emonya aku.

You remember those days when the telly stations showed Jangan Berhenti Di Petak Kuning advert ? Run them again, please sebab people have forgotten...

Anyway, I remember once when I was in the car with Bapak. Although he didn't stop in the middle of the petaks, but I managed to sweat, remembering the advert where the police came in cuffs to arrest the offender. Bapak aku terlajak sikit aje, masih sebelah traffic light pun but I was so worried I kept asking him to reverse back.

I remember it was night time and Dataran Merdeka was on my right. And there we were with the car encroaching maybe 5 cm of the sacred petak kuning. My bapak being my bapak buat dek aje kat aku sampai aku nak nangis, expecting the police to come swooping by to arrest him.

Lagilah bapak aku buat dek, saja nak mengusik. I remember being so relieved when the light turned green and the policemen still didn't come. Oh how naive I was thinking that the police force is that efficient. Heheh.

Kelmarin we had food at one of the mushrooming burger bakar outlets. Thick patties that rival the likes of TGI and Chillies they say. Dapat kat Kamil, it was gone in 3 ngaps. So he wasn't impressed. He even said it tasted like Ramly's. He suspects that they just campurkan 2 - 3 pieces of Ramlies to make 1 fat patty. Entah... I am not a burger fan so I had something else. Mee mamak yang looked like and tasted like mee hailam. And no, dia orang tak silap hantar. Bila aku tanya to confirm makanan apakah yang dia letak kat depan aku, mee mamak was said dengan confidentnya sekali.

Anyway, kat situ ada 1 resident orange cat. Punyalah friendly. Mula-mula dia golek dekat Kamil. And then, macam tau-tau aje, it started to roll around Abang who has the softes of hearts when it comes to animals. It not only goleked, it actually kuis-kuis kaki budak itu and when I looked, its eyes were closed with one paw on Abang's toes.

Keras orang tu punyalah tak nak gerak kaki dia.

When Kamil got up to pay, Abang dah start kalut. Looking for scraps of food to give to his 'little buddy'. Then I got up to leave but he bent down further. When I called his name, mata dah bergenang.

Sigh......

Moving on, I don't know if I ever mentioned Abang's very garang piano teacher. Punyalah garang Kamil and I are very much unashamed to admit that we are scared of her. But garang-garang pun, she is very dedicated and I can say that without her, I don't think Abang would have passed his exam. However as of last week, Abang started his lessons with a new teacher. I had to allow it to happen because everytime before his classes, he will get really stressed out. I even caught him crying once. Walking out the classroom while valiantly trying to hold back his tears are a normal sight to behold. Walking out of the classroomn while hiccuping and sobbing happened once.

So after much deliberation, we decided for a change. I want my son to enjoy the instrument. Not freeze and scream in fear when he sees one.

Walau apa-apa pun, his garang ex-teacher's effort could not be forgotten. So last week, I made a trip to Kate Spade and bought her a nice coin pouch.

I did not get to give it to her personally as I had to stay home to receive the curtain people (my curtains are gorgeous, y' all !!), my new pink winged chair and beautifully re-upholstered L-shape sofa for the kitchen and the maintenance guys for odds and ends. So Kamil had to do it for me. And because orang lelaki yang bagi, I couldn't get the whole picture whether she was estatic, or touched or was jumping with joy.

"She said thank you..." was all he could manage. Bosan.

She sms-ed me that night. She said she is glad to know that she is being appreciated. That is true. I do appreciate her.

My reply, if things doesn't work out with the new teacher, I am sending him back to you.

She said, okay.

Heheh....

I am not a nag ...

So... ada benda yang nak aku cerita sebenarnya.. Well... not cerita exactly but to ran and rave about. Benda yang terjadi ni also made Kamil and I berantakkan sepanjang masa.
Well... dia membebel and aku shroud myself in silence. Please stop saying women are nags. So not true.

As much as I want to write it down, I can't. Karang jadi benda lain pulak. Again, I should have blogged anonymously. Maybe I will. Maybe I will start a new blog and just write everything down. Create a new name and all.

Anyway, semalam I went out with a dear friend who is also an ex-colleague. Dengan anak-anak kami trailing from behind. All 10 of us. Aku ada 2 aje and she has an impressive 6. Heheh...Yup, my bad, my bad. Sebab yang kecik-keciknya ada 8 (well her eldest is taller than her and my eldest is taller than me.. so we have to minus them from the 8), tak sempat lah sangat nak bersembang berbagai. Nak mengomel-ngomel karang anak-anak dengar, tak elok pulak. But it was fun. I was glad Abang made new friends although Adik didn't manage to get on with her daughter. All fault laid on Adik's feet for being so shy. Too shy in fact which contradicts greatly with her very funny self, her sassiness and sauciness and those special elements that made her... well her. Gregarious her.

Only with us, probably. Shame.

Other than that, we went to watch Rise of the Guardians last Friday. It was really great. Amazing. I had so much fun watching it and everybody agreed that it is the best animated movie so far. Better than Toy Story 3 or A Bug's Life which is my favourite.... I think.

Oh.. there is a new green rug in my home. A small one. It came from a very questionable source. Yeah, I know you guys must be thinking how questionable a rug could get, eh ? Bootleg carpet ? Heheh... No... But well... it is something that I can't explain but just would like to record of its errmmm.. questionableness.

Other than that ?

Oh yeah. About Adik and her super fear of the unknowns that lurk in the dark. 2 nights ago I asked her to send folded laundry to her room. Her own stuffs pun. I was upstairs with her, kay and all she had to do was walk the 10 steps to her room. I swear I could hear her fart from my room. Punyalah dekat kan ?

But what happened was,

"Abang....teman saya simpan baju dalam bilik..."

"Saya kat bawah lah...."

I don't believe this. The guy is downstairs ! She expects him to come up to teman her ?

"Takpelah... Teman je lah...."

A pause. Then a very audible sigh. Then..."Okay lah...."

Hehehehhehe......

Pembantu rumah

So … aku tak ada pembantu rumah sekarang.

Because my helper Yus nak sangat balik sebab nak kawin dengan pacarnya. “Saya udah berpisah dengan suami saya….”Hmmm….  Wokey. I fervently hope lafazan cerai ada berlaku….

So in June, I sent her home with a heavy heart. She is not good at her job true, but the kids love her and dia tak banyak cakap. Plus, good or not, yang penting she is there for the kids.

We were maidless for a month where every morning is a mad scurry to prepare for the kids’ stay with the ILs. My heart went to them every time I waved them from the door, merendeh-rendeh dengan bags filled with after school clothes, slippers and school bags which they will lug around until home time.

The kids came home feeling tired because they have no room of their own at Atuk’s house, their own stuffs and the luxury to do the things that they want. Adik once said that she felt like painting that day and was disappointed because she had forgotten to bring her set. Esoknya, tambah lagi satu bag berisi her painting stuffs pulak.

After a month of doing that, I found a temporary one. Lebih kurang Yus aje budak tu. Diam aje. Aku tension dengan minah ni because I have to specify everything I want her to do. Please buang sampah pun perlu di-specify. Kalau aku tak specify, berulat benda tu kat inside the kitchen bin. Jadi aku yang tak suka menyuruh-nyuruh and prefers you- follow- what- I- do adage spent weeks cleaning up the house. But one good thing about her, she religiously followed suit.

Then after 3 months, dia pun nak kawin. Apalah halnya ni. What is it about me that mana-mana aje maid yang datang mesti nak kawin gak. Neti and Bibik Suriati too did that. They are both happily married now. Bibik Suriati is almost 50 and lost her husband 10 years ago, okay ? Tak pernah pulak cakap pasal ada boyfriend and tetiba when she called to say hello, she sprang “Bibik udah kawen…” to me. Nak jugak aku pengsan masa tu.

So… the kids are back living like nomads. Nasib baik cuti sekolah so they don’t have to tow extra luggage to school. And nasib tak baik jugak cuti sekolah. Because they have duduk tegak and mind their behavior and just follow other people’s lead whole day long. No luxury to baring-baring tengok telly, or their favourite videos or play with the neighbours’ kids or paint or baring dalam bilik sendiri, or belek their card collection or main PS3 yang Babah baru beli. The PS3 yang Babah promised bukannya untuk main game tapi untuk tengok Blue Ray.

I have never seen him do that even once.

And for me… well… Kamil sebenarnya yang bermasalah. Dia yang kena basuh baju, iron baju, bagi anak makan, cuci toilet etc sebab I have been coming home late.

Well….dah dia yang sanggup…

Moving on… hari tu I asked Adik to help me send something to the kitchen. We were up in the room and there were just the 2 of us at home because Kamil and Abang went to play football. My little girl although can be very feisty and sassy, she can also be very, very penakut.  Bukan scraredy-cat dah tapi scaredy-lion. Oleh itu, dia mintak aku teman. “Saya takuuuttt…” she said with a sheepish smile. Laa… what is the point of me asking you to do it if I have to teman you ? Might as well I do it on my own, yeah ?

So….

Mum : Takut apa  ?

Adik : Hantu..

Mum : Takut apa ngan hantu ?

Adik : Nanti dia cekik saya..

Mum : Have you ever read in the papers about anybody yang kena cekik dengan hantu ? Pernah tak ?

Adik : Vampire can suck my blood….

Mum : Vampire doesn’t exist ! Have you ever baca dalam paper pasal orang kena gigit dengan vampire ? Itu semua cerita dalam telly. Not real !

Adik : Okay… what if saya kena rasuk ?

Damn….

Mum : Okay lah, okay lah… Jom turun.

Haisshh !!

I hate second guessing myself

So……

Anak aku, my little boy managed to get 5As for his UPSR.

Seronok kan ? I am so happy for him, for us. Memang it is only UPSR but to see his hardwork, all those studyings, and ferrying him to classes finally paid off.

Including all the marah-marah, and the emotional pujuk-pujuk and nasihat too of course.

Ada orang ni cakap aku garang dengan anak-anak sebab tu lah Abang dapat 5A. I don’t know if she really meant that Abang is not clever and could not do it without the extra effort. Whatever. But I feel like I must stress that apart from garang, I am also loving and funny and generous.  Kalau dak, Kamil would not have said, “You are a good mother…” when I asked him to describe me in a sentence.

I really wanted to hear, “Sexy siren..” really.. considering that he is my husband…. But there you go. That was what he thought of me. Him, the person that I could not lie to or hide things from since we share pillows should know me better than anybody and everybody in this whole wide world, dak ?

So apart from garang, I should really have other positive attributes as a mommy, yeah ? Perasan ke aku bila aku cakap macam ni ? Entah.

So… that spoiled my mood a bit.

Still I am happy for Abang. And proud of him. When cikgu called out his name, we were still walking to the auditorium. We heard a few names being called but we have no idea what that was about. Baru nak naik tangga, we heard his name being called and kelam kabut lah kami berlari dalam terpinga-pinga.

“Why are they calling your name, Abang ?”

“I really have no idea…” he said.

When we reached the first floor, where the auditorium is, several people called out his name. Some patted his back while aku and dia tercengang-cengang. Adik was trailing behind us and Kamil was not even there because he was still trying to find a parking space.

When we got to the door, a teacher saw him and shouted his name. He went in while I stopped at the door. Cikgu gave him the slip and he looked at it. “Menggeletar tangannya….” Said the teacher to the crowd (she was holding a mike).

He then turned around to me and with the biggest smile ever said, “I got 5As !” I motioned him to come to me because they were waiting for him to leave before calling the next name. He started to leave before he stopped, turned around to the teacher and said, “Terima kasih, cikgu….”. They laughed. I think I was more proud of that, him being so polite.

He showed me the paper, I got all emotional and hugged him tight. Masa tu hilang euphoria, hilang pride. Yang ada cuma kasihan. I don’t know why aku kesian sangat dengan dia at that very moment.

Maybe all those years of reminding him to study, marah dia when his results are not up to mark. Stress budak tu agaknya. Bila dah dapat the coveted 5A, now what ?

At that moment aku rasa macam, what is all this for ?

But trust me, it was just but for a fleeting moment sebab lepas tu when I saw Kamil, terpinga-pinga jugak, I was truly happy again.

Aku rasa yang penting is he understands the requirement to work hard. Eventhough time has changed and our everyday life changed where bullock carts changed to cars, lampu pelita to light bulbs, dapur kayu to gas stoves but the requirement to work hard did not change. You still have to work hard to live. And this is the most important lesson learnt in this process.

Cuma… well.. I just hope that the memories of him working hard does not overshadow the memories of him mucking about, having fun and just be a little boy. Hari tu we watched Criminal Minds and there was this scene where the villain, while falling down to his death from a building was experiencing the customary your whole life passed before your eyes thingy.

Abang commented that it is sad that the villain only had 3 good memories and probably that was why he became orang jahat. Before he drifted to sleep that night, he again talked about that and from there I know that it has a profound effect on my son.

Therefore I really, really, really hope he has more than 3 good memories !

Congratulations my darling, darling boy. Mummy is sooo proud of you.

Deepavali

So…. Apa aku buat masa cuti ?

I don’t remember Tuesday at all for some reason. My memory is really getting bad.

Wednesday pepagi lagi I took the kids to 1U. It was just the 3 of us on account of Kamil had to work. Kami sampai sebelum kedai bukak lagi sebab aku punya tak mau berebut parking. Hehhehe...

Ingat nak pi tengok wayang but since I haven’t been to 1U for ages, aku melilau cari TGV. Lepas baru perasan TGV belum bukak lagi, melilau pulak cari GSC. Punyalah banyak escalator aku naik just to find parking space instead. When finally jumpa dah terlepas Frankenweenie by 30 minutes.

Hampeh.

Lepas tu aku berbelanja sakan kat Zara beli baju untuk Adik and her cousins who came later with my mom and siblings. Pi makan Thai food, makan Churros, beli board game untuk Abang supaya dia tak asyik mengadap PS3 yang bapak eh baru beli (I really do not understand that purchase.. Apparently it is a guy thing so I wouldn’t understand ever !).

Malam…. Budak2 mengaji and lepas tu Kamil took us to The Curve. Ingat nak makan kat Ikea tapi punyalah ramai we went to Popeye’s instead, much to Adik’s displeasure. Adik ni sebijon aku, perut Melayu, so fast food ni macam tak kena dengan gaya. Tapi Babah got upset with her and kena marah kat situ. Sian anak aku….. Aku memang tak sampai hati tengok meleleh ayaq mata sebab makan. Aku rasa tak salah pujuk kot. Nak marah buat apa ? But what to do, aku yang pilih mamat garang bak vampire lapar to father my children…..

Semalam Kamil ajak jogging kat Lake Garden. He said he feels fat, buat aku rasa he feels I am fat jugak tu sebab tu beria benar ajak jogging kat tasik size besar. Yup, aku adalah tension hari ni…..

But alas, the heavens poured that morning so what we do was breakfast, ambik bibik baru (more later on bibik lama … kalau aku ingat lah nak cerita….), hantar budak-budak balik, attend to our toilet (and I do not mean toilette kay..) and drove to Viva Mall, the biggest mall for Homeware, or something to that effect lah.

Nasihat aku, jangan pegi sebab all 6 floors had nothing that caught our eyes. Zilch. Nada. Kosong. Rugi giler all those floor space, kay. Mengarut. Lepas tu pi Mont Kiara Solaris tapi apa pun tarak, pi Publica tapi susah nak park kereta so aku ajak Kamil pegi BSC.

Balik kami lena and siap-siap untuk pi sambut Deepavali with Kamil’s staffs. And let me tell you, we didn’t manage to get to our destination. Kami kena tipu dengan GPS. 2 kali. Lain yang kami tekan, lain yang depa tunjuk. They even managed to send us to a place that made us think of our safety, made us think if we ever gonna get out of there alive.

At one point I had to get out of the car to help Kamil do a U-Turn on a very, very narrow road. Dengan hutan belantara sebelah kiri and gaung sebelah kanan, and kegelapan yang lebih dari gelita, aku dah bayangkan episod-episod yang sungguh tak best from my favourite Criminal Minds actually happening to me. KLCC peeking magestically behind the huge trees kat belakang aku looked so surreal amidst the surrounding, wokey.

So our plan for briani and muruku was thwarted. We got kuew tiaw goreng at Uptown instead.

Bosan.

Posting emo

I think I have been very good about people having their own opinions, which literally translates to I don’t try to impose my own opinion on you. I also generally respect other people’s opinion, I don’t judge as really, how we think is shaped by our environment and make-up (if you know what I mean), a nature/nurture kind of thing.

Saying that however, I feel that respect shown to the little ones yang minta sedekah  or bantuan, if you like, is something that is expected. Showing respect to others is not subjective, not based on opinion but rather on just being plain nice. The requirement to be nice is also not a mere opinion but something that is demanded by society and all religion. To be shown respect is a right for everybody and anybody. Hak semua.

Some people are of the opinion that we shouldn’t give any money to beggers, whether they are nicely dressed or not. Some say rather than helping these kids, it is better if we help single mothers, or support cancer organisations or whatever. It is fine by me. What is not fine with me is being rude to these kids. To the little boys and girls yang self-consciously approach you and bagi salam with calendar ke, or ubat or madu in their hands.

Kalau tak nak bagi pun, can’t you just smile at them and say no ? Or worse, geleng kepala without the smile ? Must you ignore them while the little one terkulat-kulat tunggu you to acknowledge them before finally leaving ? Or worse if you waved them off rudely which resulted them to turn around immediately with face red with shame ? You like to see people malu macam tu ?

I once dined next to a couple in Shah Alam. In between them there were tom yam, fried calamari, telur dadar, sayur goreng of some sort, nasi of course and rojak buah. Bila adik datang minta bantuan, pakcik berkopiah and makcik tudung labuh buat dek.  Macam budak tu tak ada pun kat situ. Salam pun tak berjawab. The boy left and approached our table. When the couple got up to leave a few minutes later, I noticed makanan semua tak habis. SO it is okay bagi duit for food that is going to the bin but to spare even RM1 for charity pun tak boleh. To even smile politely at the boy and say no pun tak boleh. Maybe in their eyes the boy does not warrant any acknowledgement. Sampah masyarakat agaknya. But what disturbed me the most was budak tu pun dah tak rasa apa-apa. I expected a bit segan ke, marah ke but nada. His face was expressionless, his heart already hardened at a very early age. Sian dia.

I believe that dugaan datang in many shapes and forms. And if not pun, where is your sense of pity and empathy ? Surely that doesn’t have to be taught ? But then again, I could be wrong.

Anyway once, at a time when I was always out on the field, one night while having dinner with my colleagues, a little man came. One colleague ignored him and pretended not to see. Seeing that, I waved the little guy over and gave him cash. Another guy looked sheepishly at me and said, “I do not know if these boys are genuine…..” Fair enough. I told my colleague firstly he doesn’t need to explain. Secondly, I too do not know if they are genuine, but I believe that Allah is watching and judging how I am handling this. And thirdly, I tak sampai hati. Children are too precious to be ignored. Doing this is degrading enough and I do not want them to feel worse by being rejected.

True enough, kelmarin I took the kids to KFC after their class. Twice we were approached by these boys and twice I gave them money. When the second boy approached me, the first boy who I had given money to tried to stop his friend from coming to me, but I told him that it was okay. I gave the second boy some money and Kamil asked if they had eaten. They both politely said yes.

“Makcik nak belanja makan sini, ni. Nak tak ?” I persisted.

“Takpe makcik, kami dah makan….” He said, smiling beautifully. So innocent, so sweet, so young. Kalau dia dekat ngan aku tu, mau aku peluk. I one saw one makcik actually doing that, okay. She pulled the surprised boy to her in a side hug. She asked if he went to school and if he was clever. Sweet, huh ?

Anyway, the other boy, was a bit older. He smiled gratefully at us and then left. Many, many times they walked in front of us and every single time they will smile.  I thought initially that they do actually want to eat tapi segan nak cakap, but lama-lama I realized, they just want to see a friendly face.

Subhanallah. Kesian kan ? I was just thinking berapa banyak kali lah depa kena verbally abuse or ignored today.

Saying that, it doesn’t mean that I condone those people who sent these helpless kids out to get funds, yeah ? I am all for the kids.

So… mana-mana anak-anak yang kena cari rezeki by this way, when things are bad and all you need is a hug, come and find me. Makcik akan dakap erat-erat and peluk kuat-kuat, kay ?

Adik tak leh nangis

I remember that day, while I was crying, curled up on the sofa while MJ and Kamil buried Moggy, Adik came to me, face all troubled.

“I can’t cry, Mummy… I am so sad about Moggy but I just can’t cry…” She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, willing for the tears to actually come.

“Maybe you don’t love him as much ?” I suggested. To tell you the truth, I am rather curious about her, my little girl. It is quite hard for her to shed tears, unless instigated by anger. Which is soo unlike her Abang who could cry at a moment’s notice, meleleh air mata if there are things that upsets him.

Meleleh air mata aje tau, bukannya meraung..

Anyway, my daughter protested saying, “But I do love him as much, but I just can’t cry. Why ?” I pulled her into a hug and didn’t answer because seriously, I have no idea why.

Two to three days afterwards, while in the car Abang and Adik were having a discussion about Moggy, reminiscing I suppose when the conversation turned into Adik’s lack of crying.

“Why didn’t you cry when he died ? “ Abang queried.

“I was sad…..” was the reply.

“You can’t cry…” he accused.

“I can too ! I cry every morning when I wake up !”

HAhahahahha…. I had to masuk campur at that point. “Itu throwing tantrum namanya, bukannya menangis sedih…..”

Nasib baik sengih… Kalau start menangis payah gak.

Anyway, between then and now, she had said so many, many funny stuffs cuma whenever I sit down to write about it, I dah lupa. Bila I bawak kereta sorang-sorang boleh lah pulak ingat.

Oh.. I remember one now.

It was ages ago. Masa tu raya I think and Abang was feasting (and I mean it in every sense of the word) on Tok’s cooking. In between mouthfuls, he commented, “Tok is such a good cook. Tok is the best cook for native food and Mummy is the best Italian and English cook…”

Hehehhe…

Adik pulak tanya, “What is native food, Abang ?”

“Macam nasi lemak, nasi goreng like that….”

And Adik naik hot, “You mean makanan biasa ? Malay ? Why do you say native food ? Why do you like to use words yang orang lain tak tahu ?”

Hehhehehehehehhehe…….

My fluffy orange boy... WAAAAA !!!

So my orange boy is gone...

I didn't know it was going to be so hard, really. I miss him.

I miss having him around. That night, after we buried him I asked Kamil what he wants for dinner. I was tired from the long journey, from the drama and all, so in my head I could only muster a fried egg sarnie. Kamil ho-hummed for awhile then he said, "Jom keluarlah..."

Eh, tak penat ke mamat ni ? Bawak kereta from Ipoh, ada aktiviti tanam-menanam dalam hujan lagi. Then he said, "I tak sanggup duduk kat rumah tak ada dia. I feel funny... Usually dia ada kat sini watching tv with us...." I of course cried again.

SO we went out with my siblings and everybody was trying to figure out the cause of death. I couldn't bear to think what did it and the whole time aku rasa kepala aku berdenyut sakan trying to ignore the discussion that was going on around the table.

I cry almost everyday. Especially when I arrive home and he is not somewhere waiting for us. I miss seeing an orange furball lurking around whenever we got home. I also miss seeing him peering from the back of the house whenever he hears us getting into the car. I miss catching him outside the house, walking on the road, out for another adventure. Kamil usually would stop the car and order him to go home. He, my darling, darling boy would always meekly obey.

Kamil would always say, "Pandainya dia..." as we watch him walk desolately back into the house, his plans for the day interrupted by his very strict parents. He would sometimes run home whenever he saw us arriving home, always ready at the door to quickly get in, to be cosy and dry again. Usually bila kita orang nak keluar he will keluar sekali, to watch us leave from the porch. I alwyas wonder if dia sebenarnya nak ikut. Sian dia.

No more putting in water for him at our bathroom because he will only drink from that source. Sometimes when we forget there will be loud meow to remind us. No more requests to be scratched while I was on my throne. No more him jumping on my computer, so jealous that I wasn't paying attention to him. No more waking up in the morning with him in between Kamil and I.

Aku rasa ralat sangat sebab the day we were busy preparing to go back, the day before he died, he was following us around, meowing loudly. Numerous times Kamil and I stopped our preparation to ask him what he wanted. Aku remember bending down to pat him on his head while he looked at me with eyes so wide and big, meowing urgently. I wish I had gathered him in my arms instead of just patting him. I wish I knew what he was trying to say.

I can't stop crying. Kadang-kadang meleleh air mata ingat kat dia. I keep looking at his pictures, trying to remember him alive, desperately not wanting to forget him, his essence, his perangai.

Oh dear.

Cuti Raya Haji

Selamat hari raya Haji kengkawan....

I went back to Perak as usual... Actually didn't plan to go pun but then received news that my uncle was warded at the hospital, so mau tak mau I had to go.. Sayang kat pakcik kan..

Don't know why I was sooo ralat to go. Until the very last minute I was ho-humming about going. My family actually booked rooms at the Impiana but I was so reluctant to do so.. I only asked CY to book my room like 10 minutes before we actually left. Nasib baik masih ada bilik.

So we went and visited my cousin who just gave birth.. like 3 months ago... Then checked in the hotel, feelings of trepidation still lingered. I was trying to understand what was the problem and could only blame it on my workload, things that I absolutely have to submit Monday.

I slept... I seemed to be doing a lot of that lately, then we visited our uncle at home. He was discharged the day before. We left around 10, made sure the kids were okay with their Tok in the rooms and then the 5 of us went to watch Sinister at Ipoh Parade.

If you love horror movies, this is definitely for you. If you are like me yang takut tapi mau therefore spent the whole movie burying my face on Kamil's shoulder, well... don't because it is scary indeed.  Very, very disturbing really and rasa sungguh menyesal for going. The wayang itself was very busy indeed. People kept nipping off to the loo or somewhere. Some came back, some didn't. One guy who walked out of the wayang while shielding his face from the screen definitely didn't... heheh. People screamed and the guy next to Kamil were very determined to concentrate on his phone instead of the screen.

Next morning we went back to our uncle's house and left for home at about 2. Sampai rumah dalam pukul 4 and I was presented with the reason why I was so reluctant to go, why hati aku tak sedap aje to leave home...

My orange boy, my Moggy was lying down lifeless next to his food bowl.

Kamil menjerit, Abang howled with grief. He kept calling his name over and over again, his face contorted with pain. Adik and I was luckily still near the car and didn't see him. Adik ran off to see for herself while I shrank back and pasted my self on to the car. It was such  a commotion sampaikan our next door neighbour came out to see what the hoopla was all about.

Kakak kata she noticed that Moggy wasn't eating when she came by in the morning to re-fill his bowl. She said his food was untouched. But she did give him fresh water. I forgot to ask if she actually saw him.

My orange boy dah keras but still untouched by the elements, ie ants and all so maksudnya he had just recently passed. If only we had come home sooner, maybe we would be around to comfort him during his last moments, seeing how much he loved us. Probably if we didn't stop for jambu at Tapah...

I asked Kakak to pinjamkan something we can use to korek a hole to bury him and as I gave my first hack, it started raining.

Typical drama cerita melayu. I cried and cried while I attempted to dig a hole big enough for my boy while Kamil was tasked to balut him with paper bag or something. Kamil came back wholly upset and unable to touch him in that state, unmoving and hard. It was excruciating for the whole family.

Therefore aku terpaksa call adik aku MJ to come and help us. He was upset, all my siblings and my parents were upset.

Oh boy....

Susah aku nak cerita lagi...

Nanti lah... Let me recover first...

Michael Bolton pulak

Last Saturday I went to KLCC, nengok Michael Bolton. Adalah sedikit gila kejap bila mamat tu keluar and start nyanyi. Sejibik macam kat radio kay. The concert was superb. I can't complain. Cuma... well dari dekat he looked a bit like Rod Stewart... hehehehhe.....

He was chatty, and told many stories which I think was nice. Jason Mraz although not as chatty as Michael, did say a few things. Yang langsung tak nak bercakap was Adam Levine... But I just have to forgive him sebab dia hensem Ya Rabbi.

Anyway, as I said the concert was superb. Yang tak superb ialah the audience. Sebab semuanya dah berumur, most of them nengok concert keras membatu. Susah nak nampak orang yang menari-nari in their seats apatah lagi actually jumping out to dance. Sebab aku dan Kamil yang dah biasa pegi concert bersama orang yang melompat-lompat, kami rasa sangat out of place sebab kami terpakasa tahan kan spring di kaki from working.

There were few people yang bising-bising but they were far from us. Kamil said next time, we should sit near them. Hehhehehe.....

Anyway hearing Michael singing brought so much memories. Especially when he sang "How am I supposed to live without you" where I suddenly found myself in my room, maybe about 15 looking out the window, taking a break from my homework that was in front of me.

Throughout the concert I felt like I was in high school again and sat lagi nak kena balik sebelum mak aku cari. Hehhehehe.....

Kamil and I held hands, and we sang and we beamed at each other and it was such a nice night. He was a wonderful singer.....

Anyway come Monday I was back at KLCC but this time for Internal Auditors' conference. Sigh..... I don't have to tell you that it wasn't Michael Bolton.... hahah.

So... who is coming next ?

Tengah seronok-seronok boleh tetiba jadi sedih pulak....

So pagi tadi Adik couldn’t find a clean, fresh kain for school. Kelam-kabut Bibik naik atas to search for it and finally she came out, kitted in a kain that is a tad too short.

“Saya pakai kain masa saya darjah satu…” She announced, standing next to me while I ironed my baju for the day.

“Darjah satu ?” I asked, very much annoyed at Bibik.

She must have thought my annoyance was directed at her because she said, “No, no…. Good for me, actually…” and promptly left.

Hehhehe… Good for her because she can still fit in her darjah satu clothes… Hehhehehehe….

Anyway yesterday a colleague received flowers for her birthday. One day early though as her birthday is actually today. After counting the stems, my boss scoffed that the guy is cheap for sending only a dozen roses. The romantic thing to do is, “to give the equivalent of her age…”

Wokey.

So I went home and told my husband what he said and korang tahu tak apa laki aku yang as romantic as Atilla the Hun tu cakap ?

“No… The most romantic thing to do would be tunggu kat bawah pagi-pagi and give one stem to each staff yang lalu for them to give to her…. SO bayangkan lah.. satu-satu datang bagi kat dia.....”

What a romantic idea ! I went awww… before,

“Wah wah wah… banyak you punya idea romantic ye ? Apasal tak pernah buat kat I ?”

The cengkerik berbunyi for quite a while before he sheepishly said, “I do have a lot of ideas. Cuma I tak berani nak buat aje…..”

Rolling my eyes, I said, "No… I am just not pretty enough for you to do it for…. Kalau you kawin ngan orang cantik, mesti you buat……”

Oh… jadi kisah sedihlah pulak…

Sob sob.

Btw, even though she doesn’t read my blog, Happy Birthday to C, a gorgeous girl inside and out.

Of crossroads, ambik wuduk in nude, lucky tummy and I love yous

Please believe me when I say that I just do not have the opportunity to write, to those who care anyway. Hahah.

I am in such a dilemma right now. I am again at a same crossroad that I was at like 5 months before. However now I realised that my decision before was a huge mistake.

Well… I only realised it after my husband pointed it out to me. I of course bristled for a good measure at the suggestion that I made a mistake, but then no dignified protests made its way out of my mouth as …..well… he was right.

Believe it or not (again if you actually care), I am obedient. I may protest and object but at the end of the day if you are my boss, my parents, my husband (he will laugh at this), I will relent. Okay, I do have my moments where I actually tak dengar kata, and dating Kamil was one of that… Hmmm… come to think about it, I should have taken that as an excuse not to obey as that turned out all right, didn’t it, disobeying my parents’ no-boyfriends-while-you’re-in-school rule…. ? Okay.. right-ish… but okay lah kan… ?

Anyway, I followed the advice given by those who are more experienced than me and knowing they were doing so with my best interest at their hearts. And now this happened.  Please do not think that I am blaming them. No siree…. They wouldn’t know this would happen pun…. But I should have just followed my instincts and wants…

So now, I am trying to gather up the courage to change my decision.

But being Melayu, ketebalan kulit di muka is as important as happiness.

So….. Hmmm…..

Anyway hari tu I was praying and Adik was preparing to pray next to me. Up came Abang who called out, “Adik… sembahyang !” not knowing that Adik already beat him to it. When he saw her in her praying garb, he asked, “Dah ambik air sembahyang ke ?”

“Dah !” Came the irate reply.

“Bila ?” he challenged.

“Tadi, lepas mandi !” Dah hot dah… ni nak sembahyang ni, saaat lagi nak bersujud kat  Allah ni pun boleh naik angin lagi.

“Pakai tuala tak ? Kalau tak pakai tuala tak jadi…..” he cautioned and promptly left the room to prepare for his prayers.

“Dah lah ! Saya tahu lah !” Was the very incensed reply given to his retreating back. Abang answered with an, “Okay… okay….”.

Then, the little one took a quick jenguk from where she stood, tore off her telekung and quickly masuk toilet balik. The sounds of running water came next.

Hhehehehe…. I do not have to guess what she was doing there.

Kelmarin pulak Kamil expressed his wish for Swensen’s ice cream. I told him that if we are going then I wouldn’t be preparing any dinner. Their servings are huge and you either have dinner or ice-cream. Biasalah, he said he’ll think about it but never came back with a decision, so I took it upon me to make dinner. I made mee bandung which the kids had seconds.

Lepas tu barulah abang kita tu cakap, “Jom makan ice-cream ?” Adoi lah…

Nak marah kang kata derhaka. So, aku iya kan ajelah walaupun perut macam ada possibility nak pecah walaupun aku telan angin.

Tetapi nak tak nak aku kena makan jugak sebab if I did not partake any, Kamil akan merajuk sakan punya. With that in mind, as we walked to the car, I said to Adik, “Can we share a small one ? Mummy kenyang lah and I do not really want any….”

And minah yang tadi makan sikit punya banyak mee bandung cakap, “It’s okay… we can take a big one as I brought… (here she lifted up her top)…… my lucky tummy along…..”

Hehheheh……

Kesudahannya, Babah kena jugak habiskan dia punya….. Lucky tummy konon.

Btw, can I just say this ? When we were watching Maroon 5 that day, it was not me who actually shouted "I love you !" to Adam Levine. I repeat, it was not me, Adik or Abang......

Of Maroon 5 and new furniture

I had a great night Thursday, partying with Maroon 5. Took the kids along, as Adik loves Adam Levine. When buying the ticks, I gave her a choice of The Wanted or Maroon 5 and she looked at me with this horrified face, shocked that I even have to ask.

“I don’t like The Wanted….” Said she, frown on her face which I read as, “Duh…”.

The band was awesome. Only Adam Levine could make men prancing on the stage in a sleeveless t-shirt looked cool. Him aside, I truly love the songs. I know all of them, bar one…. Haha, and was having a wonderful night singing and dancing.

He is so sexy… Sigh…. Could never put Adam Levine aside apparently.

Anyway semalam the furniture sampai. The table is awesome. Made the kitchen prettier. I now though have a problem with the old table. We pushed it aside for the moment, so the kitchen is infinitely congested.

The transporters left my mom’s gorgeous new cabinet at ours and sementara tunggu my mom to pick it up, I pushed it to a wall at the dining area. Masalahnya, it is looking good there. When Kamil saw it, he nodded his head and said, biarlah dia kat situ…

Pulak. So  now I either have to buy my mom a new one or…….. hantar ajelah kat dia. Bukannya apa, I once heard a lady commented that rumah orang Melayu, selagi furniture tak berlaga dengan lutut tuan rumah takkan puas hati… Hehheh. With the cabinet there memang chances of berlaga dengan lutut memang rather high. So… better hantar ajelah to my mom.

But my mom had always commented betapa tak outstandingnya my living room because it looked so bare… Maybe I should move the piano elsewhere ? Or… replace it with a baby grand… Ha…. Kalau masih looking bare with a huge spanking piano in the middle of the room tak tahulah…

A baby grand is about RM30k though … Ummm... I think I could live with bare.

Nanti I tangkap gambar yek…

Another merepek galore... Sorry

When I was small, still in primary school, agak-agak masa nak balik aje aku selalu berangan apalah mak aku masak hari ni. Lagilah kalau terdengar bunyi lesung batu or the sound of deep frying ikan or ayam (my school was surrounded by houses on 2 sides so on a good day you could actually hear the going ons of the neighbourhood kitchen…), walau pukul 10 pagi pun aku boleh dah start berangan.

Sebab favourite aku sayur buncis goreng and gulai telur, I will be salivating about those two dishes when I actually was supposed to concentrate on my learnings.. hahah. Aku selalu terbayang-bayang how the sayur buncis glistened with oil…. Or the deep yellow colour of the gulai. And I swear, sometimes I could smell it.

Even sekarang pun, kalau aku dengar lah bunyi lesung atau bunyi aktiviti menggoreng ikan, I will feel so right at home. So nostalgic, so safe. And aku masih akan wonder, apa mak aku masak hari ni, walaupun sebenarnya aku kena wonder apa yang aku nak masak instead.

Kadang-kadang aku rasa aku lebih anak dari emak. When segala-galanya aku masih nak mengadu dengan mak aku, masih aku nak dengar nasihat atau cadangan mak aku. Masih nak mak aku jugak bertanggungjawab dalam segala decisions that I have to make in my adult life.

When I was offered a job in KL 2-3 months ago, after at length bercakap dengan Kamil, akhirnya my mom’s two cents worth what helped me made my decision.

Specialnya jadi mak, ni kan ?

Anyway last weekend aku busy gila. Ke sana ke mari tapi I still had the time tu temankan adik aku shopping furniture. Tunggu punya tunggu dia orang datang, I suddenly heard the roar of my BIL’s Harley. Aku pun heran sebab I thought dia nak tinggalkan anak and maid dia at my house with my own maid and kids, so camno dia orang berempat naik motor dak ?

Sekali bila aku bukak gate tengok BIL aku aje atas motor, adik aku tambah 2 lagi adik aku, 1 nephew and 1 niece plus mak aku dalam kete.

Ya Rabbi, ramainya. Hehhehehe……

Kebetulan Kamil had to go out sekejap to buy lunch for his parents so everybody came in and aku jamu dia orang my chocolate cake. Aku suruh jugak mak aku rasa the freshly made green curry which my mom polished off with a slice of bread. Then with 2 cars and 1 Harley, we all headed to the furniture store.

Yang nak belinya orang yang nak pindah rumah tu, tapi yang beli dining table and a gorgeous book shelf was me. Hehhehe… Then aku tengok mak aku dok belek-belek one very nice, very oommpphhh cabinet and baru aku nak offer bayarkan, my other adik offered to pay.

Sebek jugak aku tengok adik aku yang baru kerja tahu nak belanja mak. Mahal jugak cabinet tu… Mak aku memang taste dasyat dalam hal-hal furniture ni…

After that kami beramai-ramai makan kat restaurant favourite our mom. Seperti biasa Kamil went to settle the bill tapi kali ni adik and BIL aku berebut nak bayar sekali. Believe it or not, itu sangat penting untuk aku.

I have to say I love all my in-laws. Masuk aje keluarga kami, aku automatic akan sayang. And bila dia orang suka nak belanja mak aku, and termasuklah kami adik-beradik yang reramai ni, aku rasa lega sebab in a way, that shows that they do not mind us. Bukannya senang nak suruh orang belanja kan ?

Hehhe… kasih sayang diukur dengan kerelaan belanja makan….

 Apalah aku merepek ni….

Btw aku sangat-sangat tak sabar tunggu meja makan aku sampai Khamis ni…. Kamil always complained that our table in the kitchen tak cantik. And sekali bila jumpa yang cantik dia terus ambik. Aku risau jugak sebab it is not just going to be a dining table. It has to serve as my working table too, where aku karate tepung and water to become bread and pastries, where aku campak hot baking trays just out from the oven. I hope the new gorgeous table is also very durable and able to absorb all the assaults the cheap table endured.

Where will I put the old, green table ? Entah… Kamil has to figure that one out sebab dia yang beria nak beli. But saying that, the table is uber gorgeous and aku tak sabar !!! I’ll take the pics, okay ?

Selfish mum

Semalam Kamil ada Raya Open House at his office so as usual whenever Kamil tak da, we will take the opportunity to dine at a restaurant that he doesn’t like but we do.

Anak-anak was jumping and begging to go to Sushi tapi mak ni tak larat. Sangat-sangat tak larat so I proposed Asiari. Sian dia orang, they didn’t like it very much tapi sebab mak mintak sambil tercungap-cungap kan… hehehhe..

So we went there and to compensate for their obedience, I allowed them to order chicken chop. After that we went to MPH to shop for books and then home. The wind was blowing hard yesterday so we opened up the windows to feel the wind. It was so much fun.

Anyway inside the car Abang who sat next to me commented that the Aptitude Test was easy. I told him that there is no right or wrong in Aptitude Tests. It serves to gauge your competency, your way of thinking and, “if you fall within a certain criteria, they will offer you a place in boarding school…” Agaknya lah. Aku pun tak sure.

Then from behind we heard a soft cry followed by “I hope you get all Cs in your UPSR, Abang !”. “Adik !!” jerit Abangnya and aku-aku sekali.

“Well… I don’t want Abang to go to boarding school…” she said meekly.

Hehheheh….. Oh, sayang Abang rupanya.

“Adik…. I can always decline lah….” Abang said hotly.

After a short pause though, he asked me worriedly, “I can always decline, kan Mummy ?” Heheh.

Risau jugak kau yek.

Well… although as much as I would love to send my son to a boarding school to toughen it up, I realize that my time with him fully is very short. Lepas ni his time will be dominated by his friends, then girlfriends, then wife… then kids…. For him to be truly mine, where I am the best thing that ever happened to him, where he couldn’t think of a world without me is running short. Where he is just a son to me and no other titles….

So selfishly, I won’t be sending him to any boarding schools. His place is with me where I need him to be just my little boy for a bit longer……

Kids say the darnest things

Semalam my mimpi was very, very disturbing.  It was like mimpi dalam mimpi. And I sort of woke up 3 times only to discover that I was still in that dream. I mean how cruel and distorted is that ?

Semalam Abang had his first UPSR paper. Mak dia yang tak sabar-sabar tanya khabar, called him right after he arrived home. Jawapannya of course le ‘I can answer everything….”

“Well… except that Pemahaman was really hard. Semua orang pun cakap sangat susah….”

Oh no, was my reply. I know, I should have been more supportive but please believe me when I said that it came out automatically. If it didn’t escape my lips, I would have said something in the nature of, “Aww… it’s okay darling, as long as you have done your best…..”

Yeah….

Anyway, after my very much accidental “Oh no..”, he quickly replied with, “It’s okay Mummy. Nanti saya doa lah banyak-banyak. Nanti Allah mesti tukar saya punya B jadi A……”

The laugh that came out was definitely not planned. It accidentally escaped my belly, throat and then my lips.

Adik pulak… well…..her.. I have a lot to tell.

Scene 1 : Argument on scrap book

One day came the decree from school that Adik has to produce a scrap book for a project. I have no idea what one looks like and after merayau MPH dengan Kamil, we couldn’t decide whether lines on the pages are accepted. So we fetched her from mengaji and took her to an independent book store in Sek 9. Kat situ they very much cater for school children therefore sebut aje scrap book, they know what kind the school curriculum required.

Ada yang dah siap bind, ada yang loose paper with the comb binder in it, ada yang all white coloured papers and there are some that came with rainbow coloured ones (and no lines, people !!). She of course chose the one with myriad of colours but she also took the un-binded one, the one with the comb binder blissfully unattached to the papers.

“Dik, I think you should take the one yang dah bind…”

“No… I want this one…” She said.

The more I insisted that she wouldn’t be able to bind the pages herself, the more adamant she is that she could. And then she said, “I can do this. Just you watch me, okay ?”

Mak oiii…. Terkejutnya aku. But I let her be….and warned her that if she couldn’t she would have to staple it instead which would not look nice and she would get a C. She just smiled knowingly and knowing she did because two days after that, she triumphantly waved the scrap book at me with the pages neatly binded.

Damn… Although, she did it terbalik so now the book would look very much at home in any Arab countries.

Ha ha. Tak dengar lagi cakap mak….

Scene 2 : Argument on the best way to buang kulit mata kucing

So there I was last night happily munching on just out of the fridge mata kucing while watching the telly and tiba-tiba came this little girl who wanted to share. Okay, no problem.

Her progress was slow as she could only manage 1 to my 5 so she had to ask for my help when the fruits were diminishing faster into my tummy and not hers. Beingthe good mother I am, showed her how to use her thumbs instead of her nails.  But alas it was still difficult for her. After a few tries and numerous coaching by me, she resorted back to her old way.

Aku jelling kat dia with raised eyeborws  and you know what she said ? The little minx said, “You use your own way, and I will use mine….”

Patut le bapak aku complain pasal mulut aku masa aku kecik-kecik…..

So … note to self : Must teach the little padawan to bite her tongue, or jenuh le kena kata ngan mak mertua nanti.

Adik's juicy story Part II

Hari ni anak aku sedang bertungkus-lumus menjawab soalan UPSR. Sian dia.

Many months Kamil and I chided him for watching the telly instead of mentelaah. We always say, Abang, you only need to do this for 12/9/6/3 months aje lagi. Lepas your exam you can go crazy. Tengok lah telly tu sampai ko fed-up , sampai pening.

We must have repeated that sentence over and over again sebab  last weekend I overhead Adik saying to Abang, “Abang… I think you should study.  UPSR dah nak dekat ni…. Lagi 3 hari aje… After this you can go crazy…”

Hehhehe….  And then she added, “If you want to run around like this pun boleh…” With that she covered her head with her shirt and ran around in circles, arms waving wildly up in the air, screaming.  Abang laughed delightedly. He laughed and laughed and laughed. And then made a request for an encore.

Hhehehe… Tak tahulah whether Adik genuinely wanted to remind Abang to study, or just want to make him laugh to ease his worries or… just want an excuse to goof around. I bet on the latter.

Anyway, selepas cerita budak hysteria (as aptly described by Kak Puteri) hari tu, the very next day I came home to a 9 year old that was more than ready to spill the most juiciest story ever.

“You must believe my story ! You must !” She literary jumped at me as soon as I opened the car door.

“Today ada TIGA orang kawan saya nampak HANTU dalam tandas !”

“Sorang tu gemuk, sorang tu Ketua Darjah and sorang tu jaga perpustakaan. Dia aje yang perempuan and dua lagi tu lelaki.”

“Dia orang cakap HANTU tu tengah duduk mencangkul ….(“By the way kan Mummy, Abang tak tahu maksud mencangkul tu….. “ Hai, sempat pulak ada selingan. “I do know maksud mencangkul !”, Abang hotly protested and proceeded to demonstrate. “It  means squatting, okay ?” said he. “Alah, you only knew after I told you !” Aku tengok aje budak-budak tu without saying anything because I was too tired… Nak gelak pun tak larat..)…

… Mata dia kan merah, kuku dia panjang, muka dia sangat hideous and dia pakai baju kurung. Tapi… I think she wore jubah lah and not baju kurung…”

And with the end of that sentence, she looked at me triumphantly. Aku diam.

“You must believe this story !” She said, jumping up and down. Why, I asked and she came up with the best argument there is, “Sebab ada 3 orang sekali nampak. Sorang tu pengawas. AND… they are my friends and NOT budak Darjah Satu !”

Hehehheheh……

Kah kah kah kah kah !

My argument while stemming my laughter was, “Kalau dia pakai baju kurung….” “Bukan, JUBAH !” She interjected. “Fine, jubah… Who made it for her ? There is actually a tailor yang berani buat jubah untuk hantu ?”

She at least had the decency to ponder on my questions.