You guys wanna go WHOA ! kan ?

You guys wanted to see my blue toe kan ?

Okay.... get ready....
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EEEUUUWWWWWWW ... kan ? Horrifying isn't it ?

And like this which is the worst view of it, I think.




I still wince whenever I look at this picture. *Shudder*

So for weeks my condition looked like this;




Which is kinda embarrassing. But it was okay. I could manage. Doc wasn't sure I should go to work on account that I looked ridiculous. But I told him my Boss doesn't give a hoot how my legs look like. He cares if I come or not.

So now, after like 5 dressings and about RM 250, it has dried up and Doc said I could leave it exposed to the elements.



Still not very pretty, but much better. Still can't wear shoes yet though.

Maybe......

I believe that most wives are haunted by nagging feelings that their husbands do not love them. This feelings could be constant or sporadic or whatever.... you know kadang-kadang, jarang-jarang or banyak-banyak.

The littlest of thing eminated from the husband, be it word, gesture, sigh, grunt.. which probably means nothing could be taken as (or miscontrued as) a sign of disinterest, hate or worse a girlfriend tucked in somewhere.

I know....! How could a woman decipher that from a mere jelingan from sang suami... ? It boggles the mind, doesn't it...? But we just can..., I promise you we really can.

Anyway... me... the champion of this subject matter - I once had a restless night because in the middle of sleep... Kamil... hahahah....(I know it sounds silly now but it was soooo crystal clear at that moment)... who slept while holding my hand suddenly let it go during the night. I was woken up while he did that and afterwards I couldn't sleep a wink because I kept thinking he let my hand go because he has a new girlfriend.... CK and Hjh Esah knows how traumatic this lack of hand holding waktu tiduq could be for me....And how did I put the 2 and 2 together and came out with 6 could not be explained so don't bother asking.

Anyway....I had been feeling so unloved by Kamil eversince my toe became blue because you know he wasn't being very sympathetic to my pain when it happened. He nagged and got angry and was generally being barking mad while I was hopping around with pain.

I suppose the assumption that his love was gone for me at that point was not so silly because he failed to act like a loving husband should... which is meraung macam orang gila tengok aku sakit. Or at least lift me off my feet (my weight doesn't count during moments like this) and rushed me to the hospital where he demanded the doctor to do something quick as he couldn't bear to see the love of his life (aku le tu) in pain.

So... I had been going around these past few weeks quite convinced that he has a girlfriend (which is I assure you the natural progression of this tuduhan melulu...)until ... yesterday morning that is. Yesterday morning I finally took a brave step to get over my iron-o-phobia by ironing my own shirt at the scene of the crime. As I lifted the iron, I suddenly noticed a pair of hands holding the board still.

I looked up at him and he was intently looking at the board, keeping it steady.

"I think we have to buy a better board..." he said while I gawked at him. He stayed during the length of my ironing and carefully lifted my shirt up (from the board le... not off me... itu lain dah....)for me.

And again this morning.. he was hovering near me while I ironed, making sure the board tak buat perangai lagi.

Awww..... you sayang I yek.... Awat tak habaq awai-awai ?

But... hmmm........

Maybe ......... he was doing that not because he cares.... but because he has a hot date today and he doesn't want to be late by sending me to the hospital again.

Hmmm.... possible, possible....

You do the math lah....

MALES CONTINUE TO OUTNUMBER FEMALES ! screamed the headline of a famous daily today.

With that, married males... please give a chance to your single and equally virile species to have a mate.

If you pasang 2, there will be 1 more of your friend who must do without.

Okay, to put things into perspective...in Johor apparently there are 112 males to 100females. So.... really if geography is a syarat to marry, 12 men in Johor will be confirmed bachelors.

You get me so far ?

So if one of these men took 2, there will be 13 confirmed bachelors now. So you do the math lah if 10 men pasang 2. Itu baru 2... kalau 3 ? 4 ?

Don't be selfish mates... Have some pity for your friends.

It is all in the math, bro. All in the math.

Stories

Funny story

We had just arrived and we were busy unpacking and sorting out things when the room phone rang. Abang was nearest to the phone so we asked him to quickly answer it.

He ran, stopped short, looked frantic then panically yelled, "Which button do I push ?"

Eh ? Oh.... hahahahahah !

"Pick up the receiver, lah !"

Our fault for not having a land line at home. Thus... my son does not know how to operate one.

Sad story

IRM took us a to a nice secluded beach. We had a fun time mucking about. Those that wasn't medically required to keep their toes dry and clean played with the water and those who do (there was only 1 person)had to wobble around looking for a place to sit like an old biddy while worrying about the right big toe penetrated by sand and the left ligament torn ankle ...errrmmm.... tear its ligament further as it was quite a task to walk.

Anyway, we hitched a ride in my brother's van. When we arrived at the hotel, I helped Ana down first as she was sitting on Kamil's lap next to me. As soon as I got out of the car, I reached out for her hand again and as soon as she held mine, she asked me the million dollar question.

"Mummy... saya suka lah Ibu...."

Excuse me ? The little one repeated the same statement.. I heard her just fine the first time but entahlah... reflex I suppose.

"Mana ibu ?" And she had to ask. Mummy had to steel herself from bursting into tears. Just the day before when I checked in the hotel, I bumped into Shera's brother. We talked for awhile and I of course cried a little.

Probably Ana asked because she saw her uncle too and he reminded her of Ibu.

Anyway... my stupid answer to her as she squinted at me was, "Ibu kan duduk dengan Allah sekarang. Allah kan sayang Ibu... so Allah nak Ibu duduk dengan dia.... Ibu kan baik... jadi sebab tu Allah nak Ibu duduk dekat dengan dia....."

"Ibu buat apa dengan Allah ?"

"Allah banyak keje sayang jadi Ibu kena tolong Allah.... Ana duduk dengan Mummy aje okay ? Dengan Ayah, dengan Tok, dengan CT... Nanti bila akhirat karang kita jumpa Ibu balik okay ?"

She nodded and smiled her sweet smile while I cried.

Shera... I pun suka you. You know, Ana is starting kindergarten soon and she had a 1 day kindy trial last Friday. The teachers love her and they complimented on how clever she is.

You are sooo lucky to have a special girl like that praying, loving and thinking about you.

Abang's birthday

Today is my firstborn’s birthday. He is 10 ... WAAAAAAAAAA !

My baby.... my baby... Dah besar.

Now I understand my dad, why he always tried his darnest to stop us from growing up.
“MI/CY/CA/MJ jadi baby lah.. toksah besar sampai bila-bila...” he used to say. A lot. And I always rolled my eyes because I hear that countless of times. And I will let out the heaviest of sighs when he added, “Nanti Ayah takde toy...” Aparaa... I’d always thought. Go and buy one lah.....

But now... Sob Sob.. I finally get him because my toy has grown up and doesn’t want to play with me that much anymore.

He doesn’t want to follow me everywhere anymore, unlike his sister. He doesn’t need me to be in front of him that much anymore, like his sister ... and... I saw him rolled his eyes behind my back when I was being silly.

And the thing that hurts the most was he doesn’t share anymore.

On Adik’s birthday we went to Toys R Us as Adik wanted a toy. Aku rasa toys are the most wasteful of purchases. I wasn’t really keen on it but Babah jeling at me so I let it be. I know she would fully utilise an MP3 player or an iPod instead of the Hello Kitty tea set she chose. I was right, she kept on bugging us to let her use our handphones to hear her songs and kept on hogging the car stereo. Dok ulang lagu-lagu dia aje. The Hello Kitty set, although very cute was already relegated to her working station (yes.. she has one) and remained untouched since a day after her birthday.

So coming back to Toys R Us on Adik’s birthday, when Abang wanted a toy too Babah wouldn’t let him without giving any other explanation except “It’s expensive !”. Babah actually had bought the Chelsea jersey and the goalkeeper gloves like he wanted, but Babah didn’t tell him so because he wanted it to be a surprise. Tapi Babah ni tone dia tak kena... he sounded like he was angry.

So my son sebek sat and mula le bergenang ayaq mata and started to walk ahead of us.

Aku ni memang kesian sangat kalau tengok Abang kena marah sebab really... when I sit down and think about it... he is one of the good guys. Sure he can be naughty but overall... he is one great kid.

I caught up with him and as usual asked him what was wrong. But to my surprise ... he said nothing, shook his head and took my arm off his shoulders. I was dumbstruck. Terkejut gila because usually, he would tell me how he feels.

And tengah-tengah Empire shopping mall tu ayaq mata aku pun bergenang jugak. When Kamil caught up with me, he was exasperated to see my tears. “He doesn’t want to tell me anything ! I asked and he doesn’t tell me... He doesn’t talk to me anymore !!!”

Kamil sighed as I looked forlornly at my son’s back. Kamil then said, “Namanya budak laki.... Budak laki memang macam tu lah... mana dia orang bercakap sangat.....” and he left my side to walk with our son. Kamil distracted his attention to some stuffs in the mall and soon he was laughing again. But I still failed to laugh because I am still hurt by his rejection. Of course, aku blame Kamil for being too hard on him sampai dia keraih macam tu.

Mummy’s baby boy... don’t put a wall between us. You are still a baby... and forever you will be my baby... Even when you are 40 you will remain my baby. Don’t grow up too soon as Mummy tak ada orang nak manja nanti, kay ?

Please ?

I love you, hunny bunny.

December 15 was here again...

Yesterday was my little girl's birthday.

Awwww......... dah besar anak Mummy ! Sob ! Sob !

She warned us that since it's her birthday, she can do anythings she wants ! Anything, you hear ?

Okay lah.....

"Mummy ? It's my birthday and I am just going to eat the Oreos ! I am not asking for your permission !" Then, yang hang susah payah call nak bagitau aku buat apa ?

"Mummy ? I want to drink the last Vitagen..." Minumlah... it's your birthday kan ? No need my permission, remember ?

Hehehhehe.....

Mummy's little girl dah besar. She is 7 now... Dah pandai cakap, dah pandai mintak birthday cake at the stroke of midnight to Abah's chagrin (actually dari dia kecik dia mintak orang gerak dia pagi-pagi to celebrate her birthday... dia memang kuat berangan) and finally dah tak boleh mintak dukung.

Actually, on her birthday, dia mintak Babah dia dukung and Kamil sakit-sakit belakang pun dukung jugak... Her birthday, kan ? For old times'sake, said Babah.

Happy Birthday, little girl. Mummy is sooo blessed as I am one of the few Mothers whom Allah bestowed a clown to.

Anak-anak

Yesterday in the car Abang said, "I wish you are pregnant right now...."

Errrkkk !

"Because I would love to have a baby brother to play with...."

Hmmmm........

"But then... when I think about it... when he is 7, I will be in college already so there's no point ! So better tak payah lah...."

Mummy didn't get to say anything at all... Tak sempat. He made his request, reasoned it out then made his decision all in one breath.

Ha ha.

Teingat kat Ana, whom I like to refer as Wife for Loyal Man only. Once she doesn't trust you, well.... she is gonna make your life very hard indeed.

We first noticed her perangai when one day her Ayah nak keluar rumah, she demanded where he was going. Ayah's "nak jumpa kawan sekajap.." did not satisfy her at all.

"Ayah lama.... ayah tak sekejap...."

"Iya... ayah sekejap aje...."

"Ana ikut...."

"Tak payah lah... Ayah sekejap aje..."

"Ana ikut !!!!" She insisted."And Ayah again said no need.

"No... Ana ikut sebab nanti ayah lama.." and she held on to his trousers.

Abang aku cannot say anything but took her with him. Kami yang dok tengok tahan gelak aje... Jangan lah dok kelentong dia next time kay....

HHheheheheh... padan muko. But the best one happened 2-3 weeks ago.

My brother's boss was involved in an accident. He called my brother requesting for his help and as my brother got ready, Ana was in motion already.

Question of ayah pegi mana was answered. She also said nak ikut but this time ny brother stood his ground as he knows it will be a long and laborious trip.

Ana insisted and ayah explained again.

She crossed her arms in what we thought defeat. But... apparently she is waaay too smart.

"Ayah tangkap gambar. Ana nak tengok betul ke ayah pegi tolong orang accident."

Ha kau... terkedu ayahnya.

Please don't think because she is 4 her request has no standing. Don't think she would have forgotten about it.

Ayah sampai rumah aje, she ran to him and demanded the evidence. Ayah pun keluarkan lah kamera and tunjuk gambaq kereta tu remuk tengah2 jalan.

Baru le dia puas hati.

He heh... Tulah..... You think your daughter is not smart eh ? Nengok muka dia tahu how bijak she is....

Teringat pulak cerita Adik when she was with me at the hospital. She was talking non-stop, talking about one subject after another. The lady who sat near us must have been listening because she remarked, "Pandainya dia bercakap... Macam orang besar..... "

People had always said that about her, since she was about 3 years old ...so aku senyum aje.

Then... "Berapa umur ni ?"

"Tujuh..."

Pastu...

"La.... ingat kan 5 ke.... patut le pandai cakap dah 7 !!"

He heh ! Tak jadi lak aku senyum bangga... Tulah Adik... kecik benar orang ingat 5 tahun !

A day full of kesians..

Hari tu my sister asked f I would like to have breakfast together. Then.... I asked her if she would mind singgah KLCC sekejaaaap saja as I have to get the books Kinokuniya reserved for me.

CY came at 12 with our nieces in tow, lepak sekejap tengok tv with Kamil as our other sister CT wanted to join us. CT said to fetch her at 12.30 but knowing CT we only started our journey 12.45. Itupun we had to wait like 15 minutes for her.

Anyway CY in her delicate condition was banned from driving far by my mom so when CT sat in the driving seat, I asked, "Did you invite your mother ?" We are always like that, we always refer to our mom 'your mother' with each other.

CT's eyes went huge and CY gasped. CT said no. She said, "CY lah bagitau sebab she is living with your mother..."

CY gasped again and said "Yeah... but CPK yang ajak... So dia lah yang bagitau mak dia..."

I gasped and said "Well... your mother is always calling you so I expect you to tell her !" while pointing at CT.

The 3 of us can ding dong and ding dong the blame to kingdom come pun would not eliminate the fact that we have forgotten to inform our mother about this trip.

Yikes !!!!!!

So we hatched a plan. She would definitely call one of us from then till we get home so

* CT will not answer the phone at all
* I don't usually answer the phone during the weekend because aku selalu campak handphone aku merata-rata. And Mom would not call Kamil knowing that Kamil was sick
* CY would tell our mom that she and I were in Subang Parade. Subang Parade is not as bad as KLCC

Budak-budak ? CY said we can threaten them with whatever pun kalau Tok tanya they will still tell her the truth, Let us pray, sisters supaya jangan kantoi !

So we went to KLCC. Had lunch and then went to Kinokuniya for books then to the bank to activate my children's accounts.

Why I have to activate their accounts ? Because this oh... clever bank's rule is if one only ever deposit money and make no withdrawal at all, within 6 months one's account will be de-activated.

And what does de-activated mean ? It means one can't deposit (in another term bagi bank) one's money via the machines.

And to activate this Islamic account, one has to re-activate it in KLCC. Then one has to make a withdrawal. Minimum withdrawal RM1. So... I withdrew RM 1 from Abang's account and another RM 1 from Adik's account. I had to fill in 2 withdrawal forms then wait for another 10-15 minutes before they can give me my 2 bucks. CY asked, how long do they need to count 2 ringgit ?"

Good question.

Clever kan ? So brilliant a system it was that I now want to close my accounts and put my money elsewhere.

Anyway, aku tak larat jalan, CY also tak larat jalan lagi so went home. No trips to Zara or M&S or whatever yang ada in KLCC. Rasa rugi sungguh ... heheheh. Before that sempat buat dinner plans dulu. CY being preggers wanted to have dinner at Uptown so takut baby dia meleleh ayaq liuq kami pun okay saja.

I got ready after Maghrib and as I ushered my kids downstairs to wait for them, CY sms-ed to inform that her mother is coming with us and please remember our story.

Hehhehehe..... Haru kan kami ?

Anyway, CY came with only MJ and MI in her car. Apparently they have left their mother with our brother MP because they do not want to ride with MP's girlfriend. Not that we don't like her, we just don't like the fact that our sister Shera is being replaced.

But why they left their mother apparently yelling for them from the top of the stairs was beyond me. Their excuse was if they brought mom along, nanti MP terasa macam kami lari dari girlfriend dia sebab original plan nak pegi2 sama2. Kesian kat MP, kata depa.

Lantak korang le....I am not involved in this crisis, thank Allah for that !

So.... sampai Uptown... order makan.... We again sat in front of this Ah Soo's gerai. When we first sat there we didn't order anything from her, preferring our usual gerais. But we noticed that she wasn't cooking for anybody, so Kamil took pity on her and bungkuih maggi goreng. He then paksa MI makan kat rumah. Tak sedap, kata MI.

This time around, MI pulak kesian kat dia and even though conscious of the fact that her maggi goreng wasn't all that, he ordered meehoon hailam anyway which turned out to be very nice actually. I take it as tanda terima kasih dari Allah sebab kesiankan Ah Soo tu.

Anyway, we talked non-stop and aku yang memang over pergilah bercerita pasal something that happened in KLCC.

"Korang tahu tak tadi masa turun escalator tadi we bumped into this kid, pakai jacket merah macam Michael Jackson, plus with spek itam tenggek atas hidung macam tengah jalan waktu panas terik. Jalan pulak terlompat-lompat macam rapper mana tak tau... I noticed ramai yang tercengang tengok dia and bukannya terkejut dengan kehensemannya yang terlampau ... which I know what he was going for... So aku pun kesian lah kat dia and said to him.."Amboi hai... hensemnya.....". CY muka macam nak terlentang tang tu jugak dengaq aku cakap kuat-kuat lagu tu kat mamat tu......"

Everybody laughed out loud of course and then MI asked, "Kat KLCC ?"

"Ha lah... KLCC lah !"

CY who sat next to mom teruih geleng2 kepala frantically and I realised my mistake a tad too late and looked at my mom who was looking at her food, with a small smile on her face and I stupidly went.."Eh... bukan KLCC lah... Subang Parade....."

Which already sounded soooo damn lame... and then aku pergi mengeruhkan keadaan by saying, "Aku tadi pegi KLCC ngan CT......" which also was not part of the plan.

And berpeluh2 lah kami bertiga .... Ladies ranging from ages of 34 to 27..... because kami dah kantoi ngan mak kami.

Aduhai lah......

Ini pulak balasan Allah sebab Allah kesian kat mak kami yang kena tipu ngan anak2 and because anak-anak pi huha-huha kat KLCC tak bawak dia.

Finding authentic chips

This weekend we went to Ikea twice.

Twice !!!

First trip was on Saturday. Not because I think Ikea's stuffs are all that (I happen to think that Ikea is definitely not all that... maybe some that... just not all)but after 1 whole week in PG, eating their very unimaginative and uninspiring food, aku rasa macam naaaakkk sangat makan chips. Not fries, mind you.. but chips... Thick ones like they sell in England.

Okay, you could never find those chips sold in England over here but I reckon the usual thick chips sold at Ikea could just satisfy that kind of hunger. Anyway, it was a huuugggee mistake going there because the place was jam packed !! The lines were like 1km long, I kid you not.

So we dejectedly (I think it was just me... my family didn't give a hoot about chips or fries) troop out of there and Kamil took pity on me, ajak makan Tony Roma's. I am not really a fan of Tony Roma's but thinking surely TR would have served chips,I agreed. However I ended up feeling very much disappointed because I was munching fries. It has slipped my mind that TR is American so they would have correctly served fries. Duh !

Food was not good. I shared with Kamil because TR's servings are humongous. Even their kid's menu pun a bit too much for the kiddies. Well... the sharing is not why the food wasn't good. It was the blah burger and fish and chips that was not seasoned well. Oh yeah, there were no chips with the fish... but fries. They should have changed the name.

Anyway, aku bergolek2 ala-ala Sarimah dalam Ibu Mertuaku malam semalam sambil menyuarakan hasrat nak cuba pi Ikea lagi. Aku rasa Kamil geli gelaman Ya Rabbi nengok aku berguling macam badak sebab he quickly said yes. Hehehheheh.. Trick bagus for future use.

Anyway we went during lunch and again the same scenery greeted us. Aku pun dah fed-up. Kamil said maybe their hot dogs and karipap ada teluq suku kat dalam tu could do it but itupun panjang ! I mean, it is a public holiday during school holiday ! Aren't the masses supposed to balik kampung or pi picnic tang mana-mana ka ?

Jalan-jalan and as I looked forlornly where one of my favourite restaurants Fasta Pasta (they served chips these lovely Australian) used to be, Kamil remarked that "Hey ! It is Nando's now !"

And then his face lit up like he had just had an epiphany and said, "Nando's do chips !"

Hehehhe.... sian mamat ni. Okaylah, jomlah... Nando's pun Nando's lah. Okay... it is not like I don't like Nando's. I do like them as much as the next person buuuttt....... Nando's could be found where I live. Dah mai jauh-jauh, cari parking punya susah.. nak makan kat restaurant yang ada dekat-dekat ngan rumah buat apa ?

But... Alhamdullillah, their chips were good, nice and thick. I ate only half of the chicken as I wanted to make room for the chips.

But still..... hmmm... I need the Ikea chips.. with oily chicken wings (dabbed first with tissue paper to minimise the oil) and if I am lucky and the server tak garang and skema, some nice gravy. Especially memikirkan that I am going back to PG tomorrow and eat the same uninspiring food.

Okay, who wants to take me there as Kamil will be working next weekend ?

Any volunteers ?

Anybody ?

PS : Adik was singing the Jom Heboh song when she stopped to ask the meaning heboh. Err.... like you have a piece of news, then you tell a lot of people about it. Like that lah... answered this mom.

Abang said, "Oh... you mean spread the word ?"

Oh yeah... that is a better explanation.

Malu !!!

Dia buat dah........

Does a man know that when he decided to love another, his wife would be hurt ?

And the hurt is not sikit2 punya hurt but father grandfather punya hurt ? Sebab you are suppose to love her. And when you take another wife, it sure does look like you are replacing her. And please, do not even try to liken it to having more than 1 child. The intimacies of husband and wife is far greater and personal than intimicies of parents and children, kay ?

And to add salt to the injury, bila wife put a lot of conditions like a set monthly income, car and the right to keep her money to herself, buleh pulak dia pi kata bini tu busuk hati. Saja je nak demand. What the ... ? Kalau dah sah-sah tak mampu tu toksah le... There is a reason why Allah letakkan syarat lelaki yang berkemampuan saja... And do you actually know the rights of a wife in Islam ? Tempat tinggal, pakaian, kenderaan and help (maid le tu...). So... dah sediakan ke semua tu ? And it doesn't count ye kalau bini tu jugak yang tolong tampung mortgage, car loan and bayar maid. Tong-tong tak kira aaaaa.....

DO you know, oh wise man that when additional wife means additional expense and the original wife does not want to suffer financially just because you want to have a good time ? She must make sure that her needs and rights are protected first before you go and joli katak. Hang dok syok2 berjoli awatlak pulak dia kena reduce her lifestyle just for you to joli ? Joli pulak sengsorang dia tak leh join sekali.

Punyalah dia banyak berkorban for you, surrendering her money to you every month for the sake of the family that you have created together, and while you sat down to watch the telly after hard day's work she can't sit and relax with you but had to go straight to the kitchen for a hard day at there pulak.

While you already well perfumed from your bath, you commented lak how unsightly the looks of her because dia after cooking, busy with the kids so tak sempat mandi and rambut berjeragah.

Cuba ko bayangkan, while you are with your new wife in blissful embrace, she had to mind your 5-6 kids alone and go to sleep alone. You would never ever experience that because pi mana pun, you would always, always have a bed mate. And what about the exposed danger, a woman alone at home with children ? Kalau ada orang masuk rumah, who is there to protect them ? Your family ni tau, aku bukan cakap pasai keluarga orang lain.. keluarga hang ni !

How can a man be sooo selfish ?

If I don't stop now, this could potentially turn to be a 100 pager.

I am so bloody pissed off !!!!!!!

And I cry with you, my dearest friend. Sabaq na.... I really don't want you to cry for him anymore. He doesn't deserve it...

I really don't know the reason for this entry.... Sorry

So Thursday my sister took me to the hospital to get my dressing changed. Our nieces came too but not my kids as Kamil's parents took them out for lunch.

I can't sleep the night before because the toe was a bit ngilu (I really do not know what is ngilu in English). And the dreams I had made me restless further. I don't know why my dreams consisted of me eating the toe. *Shudder*

Boss called early morning to ensure I went to get my dressing done. I know he does that because he wants me to be back at the office pronto. My team are already at site and they had to leave their team lead behind.

It is not like I didn't call them for reports and making sure they are on the right track.

Anyway, I went to the hospital anticipating huge pain. I was in a dilemma, trying to figure out the right time to eat the painkillers. If I eat it too early sekali I get to see the doctor like late afternoon ergo there is a chance by that time the painkillers will start wearing off.

If I eat too late, I was afraid that the medication tak sempat kick in.

Decisions, decisions.

We arrived during lunch so nobody was there yet for the afternoon clinic. Not even the doctor, haha.

Went down for lunch and after at length discussing with my sister who happens to be a doctor, swallowed the painkillers.

I was the third patient to be called but I was instructed by the nurse to go straight to procedure room.

I gulped. My sister and my nieces solemnly followed me, knowing that I so dread this moment. A nurse was already waiting there and she immediately grabbed my toe. I winced because I need tender loving care ! No grabbing is allowed. Especially since I was warned beforehand that it will be painful. Be gentle... please.

Luckily my sister stayed next to me and as I voiced out my fears the nurse said, "Mana ada sakit... Tak sakitlah...." and Alhamdullilah, it turned out to be true. No pain ! Apparently somebody invented a gauze that won't stick to the skin, allowing pain free gauze removal ! Which my sister had earlier suspected the hospital would use, it being a huge and expensive hospital and all (very expensive, luckily company cover... ).

But... there is always a but with me... when the nurse tried to clean the wound, it stung quite a bit. Oh yeah, me toe is UGLY ! Not blue anymore but the skin around the nail is gone, so there was an open wound there, all pink. The place where the nail should be was still oozing blood but doc and my sister weren't worried at all about that because they say the wound is clean.

Since I have to go to site on Monday, doc said I have to go to a clinic over there to get my dressing changed and thoughtfully supplied the miracle gauze for me to take home just in case the small clinics don't carry them.

My niece E from the very beginning didn't want to see what was behind the bandage but her sister A was curious and decided to have a look. But as soon as she saw the blood, she ran like hell to join her sister. Hahahahahha....

While the nurse re-bandaged my toe, received a call from Kamil. I am on the way to the hospital, he said. I am sooo sick. That Monday when I had my minor procedure, he actually visisted the ER right after work because he had H1N1 symptoms. 2 of his staffs were confirmed to be infected.

Like I mentioned before, he likes to steal my thunder.

And again when I was at the hospital to change my dressing, he needed the hospital too. Both of us can't be sick ! You know that Monday after my minor procedure, I was in bed with my leg up and he was lying next to me sleeping off the flu medication. Sian anak2 okay. They kept coming to have a look-see at their parents stuck in bed.

Anyway, I said goodbye to my sister and nieces and walked to the ER to get my husband. And there he was groaning in pain and was jabbed at the arse. Ha ha ! Now you know. He would usually scoff at me when I complained about the pain of being jabbed so seeing him rubbing his arse was poetic justice to me.

I am terrible.

Anyway, he still had to drive us home eventhough he was quite woozy. My sister did volunteer to wait for him and then drive us both home but I know he would go crazy thinking about his car being left at the hospital. That scenario is enough to create more agro for him... which will definitely cascade down to me. So tak payahlah Adik ku. Balik ajelah. Biarlah abang ko ni bawak kete balik sebab kang dia tambah pening mikir kete dia kena tinggal kat spital.

Therefore, I sooo didn't get my tender loving care ( I was anticipating being fussed over, him plumping my pillows, catering to my every whims and fancies ) at all as Kamil had it worse. He was vommitting and was gassy and woozy. He slept a lot. I was worried obviously and had to check on him constantly.

Since I still had my senses and he was fast losing his, I had to terkedek-kedek fixed his plate and fed him. When he looked a bit better I just handed him his plate kan, but he shook his head and mintak suap !

Gatal. He is sooo lucky that he is the love of my life. Kalau Adik aku tu agaknya kena pelakung dah kat kepala.

No... That is not true. Actually when my baby brother MJ was suffering from denggue, I drove from my office in KL to the hospital in Shah Alam just to feed him lunch and pat him to sleep before I drove back to KL. Everyday.

I should have been a nurse.

Hmmmm.......

Book reading

So what did I do the whole day of yesterday ?

Read.

Have no Astro in my room so could only watch DVDs. But I have exhausted all of them before I was immobilised and there is only so much of Airbender I could take, no matter how much I love it.

So I read. Started with Meg Cabot's Mediator series which was nice. Covered 2 books in like 2 hours. Then started with the Vanished series and I was hooked line and sinker ! It was awesome.

It is about this 16 year old girl who got struck by lightning and suddenly she would know the whereabouts of missing people by looking at their pics. I do find the protagonist a bit rude and very rough but I love the romance Meg Cabot had written for her.

Jess fell in love with a senior from the wrong side of town whom she met in detention. The way she described him was how I would describe the person(s) of my interests when I was just that age.

I could connect with Jess, the way she feels and the way she wondered if this boy shares her feelings.. because I too were like that. So whenever Rob showed any interest, I grinned stupidly like how I grinned stupidly 20 years ago (yikes !)when a boy I liked paid any attention to me no matter how smidgeon. The hearts a flutter, and the euphoria of being noticed just from a smile that he bestowed or if our eyes met, even if it was accidental. Parah kan ?

Aahh.... to be back to those days... the courting and the passing of messages... the "Do you think he likes me ?" and the long hours on the phone with your bestfriend to talk about his hair, and smiles and how he walked and held his files, how he tucked his damn shirt !.... And the heart skipping a beat everytime the damn phone rang ! Or if he stopped to talk to you. Kalau dia ajak pegi library lagi lah, pengsan sekejap (as soon as I reached home of course) before being resuscitated by my bestfriend because we have more urgent to do like choosing an outfit.

Dulu-dulu dating pi library... HAHAHAHAHAH !

So that is why I like that book because it reminds me so much of the delicious yesteryears of being in love.

So now... looking at my husband, softly snoring...flat from his flu medications, I tried picturing him 18 years ago when he was the source of my stupid grins.

Heheh !

WHOA !

So this morning I showed my boss my big blue toe.

He went WHOA !

One of my colleagues saw it and he also went WHOA !

I learnt my lesson and did not show it to the rest of the team. Nak jadikan cerita I accidently kicked the biscuit tin under my table and it was soooo bad I had to drive myself to the hospital. Dah lah takde parking dekat emergency. I had to circle twice and took the parking ticket twice jugak.

I had no choice but to park in the basement at the other wing, took the lift up, walked like 2 minutes to the lobby, took the stairs up 1 floor, crossed the bridge, took the lift down and walked to emergency.

The nurse waiting for me at the triage room went WHOA !

Sigh... here we go again.

She called her friend for an opinion and she also went WHOA ! The kind nurse ( the nurse was kind though despite her WHOA ! ) decided that I must be sent straight to an ortho (again !!!) but looking at me wincing she called a doctor and after the doctor also went you know what, jabbed me on my arse again. With painkillers of course.

The pain took a long time to fade. Long time. Anyway, the kind nurse asked if I have any ortho in mind. I said I want the gentlest and kindest ortho the hospital could offer. She laughed. I don't know why as I was serious as hell. I need tender loving care.

The lovely nurse showed me to the receptionist at the doctor's clinic. She went WHOA ! also and I rolled my eyes. I waited like 2 hours before the doctor saw me and his WHOA ! sent me to panic mode.

If the doctor went WHOA ! then I am going SHIT !

He told me that I have to have the toenail removed, he had to clean it up which he called debrifement or something. Sure, whatever but the most important thing is, "Are you going to put me under GA doc as I refused to be pelted with more pain !"

He leaned back for awhile. Not lah GA he said, local is enough. I though am not convinced as I think I need international.

I was sent to x-ray to ascertain if there are any broken bones. Nope. Alhamdullilah to that. But before that, the radiographger went WHOA ! and his was the loudest. Malu tau ! But he was nice and overly polite and so okaylah. Tak jadi nak ketuk kepala dia.

Doc filled up a form and asked me to sign it after he explained what he had written which was the procedures involved. "Doc you forgot to write it will be a painless procedure..." I duly reminded him.

He smiled. I hate the kind of smile he gave. He leaned back again and said that he will numb the area and I will feel pain from the injection. Damn !

I was sent to a procedure room where 4 different nurses came for a peek so I got my 4 WHOA !s. The sight of the blue toe was too much already and when they saw my supported left ankle I had to fib that I torn my ligament during tennis. I mean, I do not want to be the poster girl for Klutz of the Year. And jatuh tangga and having an ironing board collapsing on me was unbelievable enough. So better this way... heheheheheh.

Doc wasn't kidding when he said the injection would be painful as it hurt like a mutha ! Btw, all 4 nurses decided to watch the procedure sampai doc tegur, "Eh, kenapa ramai sangat ni ? You all takde kerja ke ?" They were just curious to see what was hidden underneath the ballooned and blue skin.

Eventhough my toe was numb, I could still feel whatever he was doing. But it didn't hurt. I could feel him godek2 to get my toenail out. Doctor tu pun saja, he kept asking "Sakit tak ?" while making funny faces at me. I told him don't worry Doc, you would know the minute I feel any pain. Then I started screaming. He was doing some sewing as I had quite a tear underneath the nail. HEHEHHEHEHE....... macam budak-budak tapi sakit tau !

The nurses clustering around me were nice. One advised me not to look and she held my hand. She even covered my eyes for me and before she did that she read the Bismillah for me. When the screaming started they chorused, "Sikit aje lagi...Dah, dah ... Okay, okay...."

I felt so well taken care of. By the way, the pressure on the toe was so great, my blood sprayed on the doc's baju. I sempat said sorry but I suspect his "It's okay..." was forced. HEHEHHE.......

So they bandaged me and told me to come in 4 days to get the dressing changed. One helpfully advised before I come to change my dressing, I had better get loaded with painkillers as that would hurt.

Aiiiiii.....

I quickly settled the bill and rushed home because I could feel that the anesthetic was wearing off. So now while I am writing, I have taken the painkillers and please pray that tonight would be a pain free night for me.

Please be careful when you use the ironing board, okay ? This is real advise folks. Don't be like me. It was such a traumatic experience for me that now I have developed a fear of ironing. Sungguh ! Malam semalam Kamil had to iron my baju for me.

Serious.

HEHHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHEH........

My weekend

Yesterday I went to watch Harry Potter a deux with Kamil. The kiddos surprisingly didn't want to come. Come to think about it not surprising at all actually as since it was already school holidays, we have taken ot the Wii again so the lure of the games were much greater than Harry.

We arrived at 8.30 and there were only seats on the 11 pm show so what to do ? What to do ? I bought 5 books. I absolutely went crazy at MPH. I grabbed 2 by Meg Cabot (she is sectioned under Teen Readers ! A bit malu dok berebut space with an actual teen but who cares ? Err... I do actually that was why when I saw what I wanted I grabbed and scarpered.. Ha !)

Then Mitch Albom's newest, one of Adrian Mole's diary by Sue Townsend and a spy thriller by that Swedish guy I have forgotten his name. I read about the brilliance of his books years ago but tak terjumpa because I keep forgetting his name. But since Daniel Craig is acting in the movie adaptation teringat pulak title... That is the lure of Daniel Craig. *Swoon*

I already had dinner at home, eating the best ever daging masak kicap paired with sambal ikan bilis kering made by my mom. Kamil prefers eating Mom's food at her home so we went to find a place to fill his belly. So terhencut-hencutlah aku dengan kaki kiri with torn ligament and kaki kanan with hideously blue toe teman Kamil makan pancakes. While he ate, I read and to while away the time he waited for me to read.

The movie was dark. As it should be. It followed the book very well, building up the suspense before the real war that is gonna happen in the next installment. I like it because I am an ardent fan of the book. Kamil I think just endured because kena layan aku kan. But he might be more interested than that because he asked me what is going to happen in the next movie and asked about the characters.

So it was good. Have to wait for the next one lah pulak...

My foot is pulsating with pain. I never had a moment when I can't feel the pain. No amount of pain killers I took could help so am a bit worried. It has been a very uncomfortable and painful 3 days. Plus my toe looked hideous. Simply horrendous. It is completely blue... like the Avatar blue. And there is like a very black ring around the blue toe, macam frame pulak. The nail does look a bit detached so I suppose it is gonna come off soon.

Pagi tadi had a very late breakfast. I had 2 kuih aje but wasn't hungry at lunch. So did Kamil. Atas permintaan ramai I made carbonara. Yuck ! I cannot tahan carbonara anymore but I just made them because my kids missed my cooking.

My new job doesn't allow me the time to take care of my family, what with the travelling and what nots that I have to do when we are in KL again. So Friday I decided to leave early. I started making pasta marinara and the screams of delight my kids gave when they came home from class gladdens my heart and made me sad too.

"Are you making pasta ? I can smell pasta !" Asked my daughter excitedly. Seeing them wolfing down the food was a very poignant moment for me. It shows how much I have been neglecting them. Kesian... Saturday lunch I made pizza which again they wolfed down with gusto.

Well... my kids are not the only casualties of my travelling. It has some effect on Kamil too. 2 weeks ago he ordered Pepperoni pizza for me.

I don't eat that kind of pizza.

And during Raya Korban when his brother's wife made roast lamb, he actually offered some to me.

I do not eat lamb !

And he argued that he has seen me eat them which I find very upsetting because dia nampak bini dia yang mana makan lamb ni ?

Sudah jatuh tangga di timpa...

I am at home. It's Friday morning but I am at home. You wouldn't believe me when I tell you why. I didn't believe it myself.

So there I was last night, around 10 pm when Kamil ajak masuk tidur. I saw him inspecting his baju so I offered to iron it for him. So I ironed and then I ironed some more than suddenly the bloody ironing board was falling down and hit me toe.

The toe on the good leg.

And I started jumping because the pain was unbelievable. I still couldn't quite believe it myself. It was beyond excruciating and I started crying. My kids were frantic and being kids, they started crying too. The skin underneath the nail was already blue.

Couldn't sit, couldn't stand, couldn't lie down as nothing I did could make the pain go away. While being assaulted by the pain and Kamil's angry tirade (jantan kan... kalau kita sakit ke apa ke mesti dia marah-marah dulu... more on that later...)I remembered the pain killers that the ortho prescribed for my torn ligament. Took one and tried to sit still. Masa tulah Kamil started using his head instead of his mouth. He filled in a bucket with water and asked me to soak my foot in it.

It numbed the pain somewhat and the pain receded by maybe 20%.

"Why are you guys crying ?" He asked our sobbing children. Because they love their mother lah, no need to ask.

The pain was quite bearable by then so Kamil took me to the hospital. Again. Sigh........

The good doctor was very sympathetic. Btw, Kamil did all the talking. Siap cerita pasal the torn ligament on the other leg. Why must he divulge that particular info aku tak tahu.

Doc injected pain killer on my arse and then said, "Jadi ni sudah jatuh di timpa tangga lah ni ya..."

I said, "No doc, sudah jatuh tangga di timpa ironing board..." Hehhehehehehe... Sempat lak buat lawak.

Anyway the way home was more pleasent for me. The oral pain killer and the one administered on my physiatic area must have kicked in but I must say it was not totally gone. The pain was still there but just more managable.

The pain however didn't get to be managed by moi at all around 1 am when I was rudely woken up by this super humongous pain. It was bad, I started wailing. Kamil said, memang lah just tidur. I happened to be sleeping just now okay but the pain woke me up ! Nak tidur apanya ?

I went down to do something but there was nothing I could do. I mean what could I ? Tried the ice but it made it worse some more. The throbs tu yang aku tak tahan tu. Aku berguling trying to take in the pain, sambil-sambil trying to watch the telly to take my mind off it.

Sambil-sambil tu berzikir minta ampun kat Allah as I have been told over and over again sometimes Allah nak cuci dosa. Apalah dosa aku sampai macam tu sekali sakitnya tapi aku reda. Sebab being manusia I could be rather narcissistic by asking apalah dosa aku.... Hhehehehe....

I went upstairs again and terus teringat air yang ustaz made for me when I moved to the house. He said use the air if ada yang demam or something like that so I took one bottle and poured it on my toe. It was a miracle as I couldn't feel the pain. I really couldn't as long as I kept a steady stream on my toe. So I mixed some of the air in the basin that Kamil made for me earlier and tried soaking the throbbing toe. It worked ! Really it did. I could still feel the throbs but the pain was much, much less. Tapi berapa lama I could sit like that ? Plus, bila air dah makin suam, the magic started wearing off.

I took my foot out and somehow, it was morning. Kamil had left for work and my toe was okay.

It is still very much blue now but I didn't feel anything.

Okay while I am writing this, it is beginning to throb again but nothing I couldn't handle. I have the pain killer ready and they better work longer than 2 hours as I could only take it once a day.

So... dua-dua kaki ada masalah. The torn ligament has not fully healed yet and I have to deal with this one pulak.

Aku geleng kepala. Mak aku geleng kepala. And boss aku so far belum kata apa-apa lagi. Kamil.. well I have heard him membebel already.

I mean, what is up with that ? Masa aku dok terloncat-loncat tu he barraged me with a thousand questions. What happened ? How it happened ? What did you do ? Blah, blah, blah... And then he started saying how the nail would come off later and went on and on and on.

What happened to tender loving care ? Kalau tak pun, meraung macam anak-anak aku sebab punya kesian tengok bini tersayang in pain is better than membebel tak tentu pasal.

So... that is my story.

Teenage Angst

One of my favourite bloggers asked me to write about my teenage angst.

I do not know about others, but for me (and my sisters too) I always, always blame my mother for everything.

If a guy I like didn't reciprocate my feelings, I blame my mother for making me ugly. After all I came from her kan ? SO if I am ugly it must be her fault. After all she passed me her jerawat problems didn't she ?

If I felt like I wasn't popular in school, it was because she wouldn't allow me to go out at night like all the popular girls could. Or because she wouldn't buy me cool clothes. Tak habis-habis pakai cullots and bermudas and my rolled up jeans (which my boyfriend si Kamil hated sampai nan la).

If I didn't get good grades, it was Mum's fault because she

a) Didn't send me to my tuition classes so I had to take the bus and because of that I was too tired to concentrate

b)Let my little siblings run riot and therefore the noise they made was a distraction and I could not concentrate (padahal dok busy daydreaming pasal si Kamil...hua hua hua hua)

c) She was too busy with my brother and care more about him so I was busy seething and stewing about it than studying

d) She forced me to take this elective and I have warned her many, many times I could not do it but she wouldn't listen (padahal dia tak cakap apa pun....it was all decided by me)

I believe hormones and stress from school made me like that. I just needed to blame somebody for my problems and she is the closest thing on earth for me to point my finger at. After all, my life depended on her and everything I did was by her laws so if things go wrong, who else to blame ? She was involved in every little details of my life so it made sense to blame her.I wasn't mature enough to look at myself back then. When you are 16-19 you are not calm enough to try rationalise everything. In fact, maturity only knocked on my door yesterday (Kamil would refute that).

Of course those angers were shortlived and when I got back my senses guilt would overwhelm me. But when you are stressed out you just want to shift the blame elsewhere. Itu yang start blaming Mummy for everything under the sun. I would sulk, Mum would ask why and then... big confrontation time. My dad used to call our episodes Small Titan vs Big Titan (Funnily enough I blamed my dad for only a fraction of my problems).

Remember Milli Vanilli's Blame It On The Rain ? Something like that lah. Just want somebody to take the blame as it made life feels a bit better.

And teenage life is very stressful. What could go inside a teenager's mind as she walked from the canteen to her classroom

I don't understand this subject but must pass my flying colours or else I wouldn't get to go to university and thus I wouldn't get to be a doctor... Do I want to be a doctor ? I think ballerina makes more sense because I love those tutus... And then maybe that handsome pengawas would finally notice me.... But then my butt has its own postcode so ada ke tutus yang muat....That is why kot pengawas tu wouldn't even look twice at me.... That damn zit on my nose is getting bigger ! Dare I pop iy ?..Yesterday I saw my bestfriend at the shopping complex with the girl who wanted to steal her and so I am so worried just in case she would stop being my bestfriend...Am I having my period ? Is that why those people are sniggering at me because I have a huge red stain on my back... I think I am going to fail my maths then everybody would laugh at me.... Cikgu just called me stupid in front of everybody tadi. Habislah street cred aku....

Disclaimer : This is just an example. These thoughts never entered the author's mind. Never.


I suppose only moms that are close to their daughters got the brunt of her daughters hormones. You know why ? Because if you are not close to your daughters, too garang and a no nonsense disciplinarian, I do not think your daughters berani nak buat temporary insanity in front of you. Only mak anak with a very ketat bond je experience this kind of thing. People are only brave enough to lash out at people that they are confident of offering them unconditional love. And teenagers are never mature enough to know that stern mothers does not equal bad mothers.

Or you are actually blessed with truly rounded daughters. If that is the case, you are lucky !

Hehhehe.......

I know it doesn't help much. As I really do not know the root cause. But I know this is normal.

You know, before mid-life crisis and menopause, you may have to go through teenage angst first.

Captain Abang

Want to relate what happened 2 weekends ago.

Kak Ezza Muffin Biru kawinkah anak. Since I have never been to her house, I tailed kak Kay of Sembang from behind. Alhamdullilah, kak Kay successfully steered me there.

If I were to go on my own, I think I would never get there. Kamil had to work and I have lost the invitation card so I wouldn't even know where to start !

Anyway, had a lovely time meeting Kak Ezza and Bella and the Superwoman. Kak Yatt was there too and I get to jumpa aunty May. Dah lama sangat tak jumpa Aunty May but she still looked the same.

Anyway I had to leave the kenduri early because had to pick up Kamil from work. He tried taking the LRT to work tapi malas nak balik the same way so I had to drive all the way to KL to get him. Dah kat situ terpaksa lah singgah KLCC and dah because we were already there, I was obliged to spend money. Loads of them. So now, I have to dok diam-diam as money has run out. Parah punya shopping.

My story though happened in the car as I tried to leave Kak Ezza's taman.

"Mum... do you know the way ?" Hmmppph... the perils of having school going children are they know and remember your foibles. And mine is bad sense of direction. Abang has been with me for 10 years so he had almost 10 years of being in a car with me. And experienced countless times of us getting lost while I was behind the wheel.

"Can you find your way out ?" He asked again after I ignored his question.

"I hope so..." Was my very sakit hati reply.

Upon arriving at a junction, I decided to take right. Didn't realise it was a tense moment until I heard Abang breathed out heavily as he exclaimed, "Yes ! I remember this house !"

He has no faith in his mother lah.

I took a left next (after almost turning right)and it was a long and winding road. All the way Abang's body was erect as he studied the street ahead. He was ecstatic when he recognised another landmark. "I remember that lampu Mummy ! The stadium lights !"

HEhehhehe.......

Then he saw a signage to our town. "Left ! Left ! You have to turn left !!" I know lah, little boy. I am not that dense. I could read too !

He saw anotehr signage and again he told me where to turn.

"Mummy, luckily I saw all these signs. I can see very well you know because I have big eyes so I can see a lot of things... I notice things faster....."

Sudahlah kau. Dah tulisan besar-besar, aku pun nampak le....

And you know what he told his Babah afterwards ?

"I navigated Mummy to the way home. If not we would have gotten lost...I saw everything and remember the way home..." He was so proud of his navigation skills, I didn't have the heart to whack his head.

Oh...

Please do not bother spending RM 11 to watch Skyline. Trust me, it was crap. Don't. Kamil didn't believe me and he wasted RM 44 for the 4 of us. You could actually judge a movie by its poster. Hmmmmmmmmmmm........

XYZ in a packet

The day before yesterday, my team mate bought a huge pack of XYZ (I do not have the courage to put down the name of the junk food kegemaran ramai. Satgi kena saman lak). Teringin pulak walaupun it was not something that I usually take.

Anyway as I reached out for one, my mind travelled back oohhh.....many, many years ago (too malu to actually put down a number)and as I opened the packaging, I inadevertantly let out a laugh.

V, whose XYZ I pau-ed remarked, "She likes to laugh..." and so I have to share just in case his remark meant that he thinks I am cuckoo.

Once upon a time, I was in the car with mom picking up my brother from high school, the same one that I went to 3 years after he did. Anyway it was after hours and mom parked her car in front of the main gate, which very, very typical of Malaysian school, was locked.

Aku seriously tak tau why kat Malaysia ni most schools diharamkan guna main gate. Main gate untuk perhiasan saja.

Getting back to the story, there were 3 Indian girls waiting in front of the gate, sitting on a pavement. I was looking at them, terliuq I must add, eating XYZ. They had packs and packs of them okay.

Mum hardly allowed us the luxury of junk food, so that was why le aku terliuq. So there I was watching them not knowing that my mom was watching them too and was getting angrier and more irritated by the minute.

My mother, people, she wind down her window and to my shock and horror started addressing those girls in a firm motherly tone.

"Kenapa makan benda ni ? Racun tau tak benda-benda ni..." I have heard this lecture so many times before but I was never as mortified as this to hear it !! And I wasn't even at the receiving end ! "Nanti sekolah tak pandai sebab otak dah rosak kena racun. Lagi baik you beli buah makan dari makan ini... Mari sini, you bagi saya. Saya ganti balik you punya duit !"

Can you just imagine the shocked faces of those girls ? I remember one had her mouth hanging open with a hand poised at her mouth just about to shove a piece of XYZ goodness.

My mother had to cajole them again and again to hand over the poisons as she so called and finally, finally those girls did ! I didn't know where to hide. As she collected those stuffs from her, she went on and on about how their parents sent them to school hoping they would do well in and here they are poisoning themselves.

She handed them money and then mercifully my brother arrived.

Gila tak ?

I mean, I wonder why I am crazy ?

hehheheheheheheh....

I am sleepy...

Today was a sleepy day at the PG office. Yesterday we checked in the hotel as soon as we arrived but then we just dumped our bags in our respective rooms and quickly head to the office.

So how would I know that when I finally entered my room at 9.30 pm after gruelling, gruelling work and dinner, that the air-cond would be blowing almost hot air. But because I was too bone weary, I ignored it and slept. Entah kenapa around midnight it stopped working all together. I tried ignoring it but it got stuffier and stuffier so I had to call for help.

Dah malam2 cuma ada receptionist and pak guard and after she godek2 a bit I had to call her back 10 minutes after she left my room. Tak jadi pun. It still wouldn't work. I was assigned to a new room with air conditioning that acted as it should but my windows pulak was facing a huge karaoke outlet.

So eventhough now I have a nice cool room, my ears were assaulted with boom boom boom.

So, which is the lesser evil ? Stuffy room or a noisy one ?

Of course today I was like a zombie.

Can't concentrate.

My mind wasn't working. During meeting pun I was quiet. Rest is important, children. Remember that. Get your 8 hours, okay. For your sanity.

Time like this I miss my ex-boss. He would've asked me to catch a few winks to freshen me up. He'd always maintained that unless I spend 10 minutes napping, I would have wasted 2-3 hours being unproductive.

So true. So true.

Yikes ! It is almost 11 so I must turn in now.

If the karaoke people have the decency to tutup kedai by midnight lah.

Yawnnnnnn....

I saw myself in 20 years time

Yesterday was Deepavali so Happy Deepavali to those who celebrate it. So it was a holiday and we as usual went to our favourite braksfats haunt to.. well get breakfast ! Ha !

Anyway while we were there, I saw a friend's mom busy tapau-ing food. Looking at the numbers of foam boxes she filled and other stuffs she packed I surmised she was buying for her whole house.

I don't know why the sight of her filled me with pity. Maybe because I always see her alone. Maybe because I see her do that alone almost every week, tapau-ing for her family. When I searched my memory, I remember seeing her with her family only twice. And I once saw her daughter there with her in-laws without this makcik.

Am I going to start deriding my friend ? Scorning and pointing my finger at her for not taking care of her mum ?

Nope. Because I do not know the real story. Because maybe she likes doing it.

My mom loves to menyusahkan diri dia for us. She actually buys my ikan for me. Especially now since I am always out-stationed she would inspect the contents of my freezer and if it is not filled to the brim, she would volunteer herself for the job of replenishing my supplies.

Last week she called to say that she has nasi lemak ready and when I got home, there was sambal sotong and bilis. I mean... why lah ? I could have taken her out for breakfast. Si Kamil pun dia call to mai makan when the man is at work. He called me while I was busy stuffing my face. "You makan nasi lemak kat rumah Mummy ye ?" Malam when he returned home he asked, "So.... Adik makan nasi lemak kat rumah Tok ke ?" heheheheh.. Jealous ke darling ?

The night before she called to say that she made steamboat and announced that she had just plunged the goodies into the hot boiling soup.

What ? Call me before the thing is ready lah. I could have helped you. Pegi beli fishballs ke hapa ke. Ini tidak she called me to just come and eat. Aku rasa kalau aku nganga mulut she would feed me willingly.

And because of that aku kesian. Bersusah payah for her kids. Why ? She wants to feel wanted ? And needed ?

She feels that the only reason we would come home of there are food on the table ? You know while we were there, she made drinks and poured them in our glasses. Layan cucu and menantu makan, topping our bowls and all.

Pernah sekali aku nak test dia. So while eating I told her teringin makan bubur gandum. And bubur gandum appeared on her table the next day. Nasib baik next day kalau dan dan tu jugak aku rasa aku pengsan kot.

HEhehehehehe..........

So... that is why aku kesian dengan makcik tu. Dragging her feet (she was a bit) to do what she knows best, feeding and nurturing her family while they still want her.

Sigh.......

Tactics Adik

While I am on the net reading a British daily, lying on my stomach, Adik was (is still is) next to me, her head on my arms as we read together. She would sometimes rubbed her nose on my arms a few times before returning to the screen.

Just like her Babah. He loves to rub his itchy nose on me. Nothing else could take the itch off like my skin. Ha ha.

Anyway, I remember one day this very smart little girl asked me, "Are you happy, Mummy ?" I said yes and, "Because I am the only person in this whole wide world ada little girl nama Adik...."

She beamed with plesure and curiosity. "Why do you say that ?"

"Yelah, there is only one Adik in this whole wide world and I am the lucky one Allah chose to be her mother.... I am sooooo happy because of that..."

And she smiled the whole day.

Anyway last night she called to inform me of her results. About 6 subjects over 90% but then, 70% for Bahasa. I questioned her in a very, very firm tone and she answered with, "Mummy tahu tak dadi ada budak lelaki ni nama A and then dia pukul saya ! Sakit tau ! Sampai saya rasa nak muntah..."

Tactics to deviate my attention from her terrible marks. I just let it slide lah because I was in Johor and I didn't want her to be anxious waiting for my return... or even worse her wishing that I delay my return until I have forgotten all about it!

When she informed her Babah afterwards, she slyly made no mention of her BM. Upon Babah asking, she said, "Ohh.... Tak dapat lagi...."

Hmmmmm.........

SO when I returned home, in front of her Babah I asked for her full results. She blushed and laughed nervously then mumbled and left.

Hai lah.........

Problem lagi

This morning a colleague asked whether I am going anywhere nice during this long weekend.

Sedih aku dengar.

I really want to but Kamil ni susah sikit. He doesn't like to travel one thing. The other thing is he is sooooooo busy with work. Especially since he just joined his new outfit.

He would only contemplate about leaving his office at 9pm. Usually he would arrive home about 9.30 to 10. I pity my kids. Evey night they would complain that Babah isn't home. Mak pulak is outstation.

And it is soooo hard to get him. Phone calls are usually unanswered. Sometimes I felt like flinging my phone in frustration.

Of course I would sometime (sometime ? hah !) think that "Is this guy really at work ?" I mean if it is 8pm and you could not answer your phone then do not blame me if I start to be convinced of other unpleasant things.

Okay.. sorry..... Out of topic pulak.

Anyway, Mum planned to go back to Penang for Raya Haji. Excited giler dengar because I love Penang. But then the problem lies with my husband lah if he can take time off. I hope he could because I need a break.

All these traveling and being apart from my family has taken a toll on my mood and body. Mood of course not good and body feels so damn tired. Maybe it is my leg. It is throbbing now. Am very reluctant to take pain killers but who am I trying to kid ?

Anyway, Abang informed me that si Janggut passed away. Hehehhe......... Our cat G gave birth to 5 more kittens about a month ago. 1 died after was run over by a car. Who was the behind the wheels ? It wasn't me so......

2 went missing. I didn't even know who catnapped them or if they became runaways but 1 day I just noticed that I could only see 2.

Now si Janggut took his last breath about late afternoon so now tinggal lah adik dia si Hitam (he is soooooo not black.. It is a mixture of dark brown and black).

I am not going to lie and say that I was ecstatic with their births. 5 ! I of course despaired at the thought of having 8 cats of varying ages and sizes running around the house and desecrating and consecrating it at the same time but I was planning to give them away to respectable and loving homes. I don't want them to go like this !

Tapi G kan has been very unlucky with her babies. Her first birth produced 2 kittens which went missing suddenly. She spent the whole day looking for them, calling them with forlorn meows that broke our hearts. Then she gave birth to N and that was it. Aku yang rasa rugi perut memboyot tak hengat punya sekali keluar 1.

Ini elok2 ada 5 sekali tinggal 1.

Apa lah nasib ko G.

Which reminds me Kamil has to take her to the vet to be spayed. Dah jadi bohsia our street dah minah tu.

Hissshhhh !

Masalah2 aku

I am too tired today.

The gammy leg didn't do me any favours as my movements are slow and when I walk in a group I have to drag my feet faster. It is hurting a bit and I of course am imagining the worse.

Staying at a new hotel. Well new in the sense that we are not at our staple hotel. Fully booked that one so we have to stay at a hotel further than the office but swankier.

Swankier pun all of us were given windowless rooms. It is cosy though and a nice change from where we usually stayed. But jauhlah and jalan jam pulak tu.

In terms of Astro, it only provides AXN and Star Movies. And for 2 days when I could finally settle down to watch the telly, they showed Amazing Race. I hate Amazing Race. So... there goes my only way to relax.

Katil kecik. Heheheh.... Everybody complained. Everybody claimed they slept with their feet dangling ergo sleepless night. Since I am vertically challenged, I slept like a baby. HAHHAHHAHAHAH.... The only pro for being short.

Work is hard. Everybody has team mates. I don't. I have to do my work scope alone. Hmmm.... Well my boss lends a hand from time to time but because we have 3 teams (sort of le as aku solo kan)therefore there are 3 objectives so he is a bit stretched.

Oh... bought a few tudungs just now. The kind that my husband doesn't like. I will only wear them when I am here, which is half of the time, so his eyes would not be sore from seeing me in it. Banyak songeh lak mamat tu.

I miss my babies.

And my husband has been neglecting to touch base.

So... aku meroyan.

Oh yeah, I think I chose the wrong combination of outfits for Thursday. They don't look flattering at all. Swithing the Wednesday baju with Thursday seluar didn't work. I did try to find a replacement but this is... well... this is here. Where got baju that is worth my money ?

Don't have.

So tambah aku meroyan.

Speech fits for the Oscars

I am so rajin berblogging this weekend. No lah..I have one story that I have to tell before I forget.

About 1.40 on Thursday Abang called excitedly announcing that he got an A for his karangan.

This mother was shocked because his A for Karangan is as rare as the dodo bird. No lah... that is too harsh. As rare as a good Malay movie...Hahahha....

I quickly called Kamil with the news and he too was overwhelmed with disbelief quickly hung up to get the full story from the tembam one.

Then, I got home. He of course was waiting with his papers in hand. With that A for his karangan he officially got As for all his UPSR subjects. I went up to prepare for Maghrib hugging him by the shoulder as he read (yes... you read it right, he read )the whole paper to me....

I bathed and still he read while leaning on the door frame. Luckily when I prayed he waited patiently for me to finish but as soon as I put down my hand after doa, he started again.

Since I injured my leg, I have been praying while sitting on the sofa. So there I was, seated on the sofa, suspecting nothing... when my son suddenly out of the blue delivered his ... err... thank you speech.

"Mummy, I owe all of this to you and Babah (masa ni aku dah start angkat kening in bewilderment dah). I have to thank you and Babah for helping me to succeed... (This time I have resigned to my fate....). You and Babah helped me a lot (masa ni he choked a bit and I... sorry to say wanted to be anywhere than there sebab punya segan tak terkira)and always pushed me so I am very grateful..."

That was the gist of it lah. What was missing was the little golden man, I tell you.

He then quickly left the room as it was clearly an emo time for him. Mummy was thankful for that because she had to be alone and recollect herself. Hehheheheh.....

However, I won't be me if I did not put Kamil in that exact same spot too. Not fair.

So while he was lounging on the bed, willing himself to mandi I decided there will be no time like the present and called for my son.

"Abang... you delivered such a nice speech for me tadi..(masa ni Babahnya dan tegak sikit....)and I think you should do the same for Babah...(masa ni he had started panicking)....."

Anak aku yang aku tak tau lah mai dari mana ni turned to his Babah and summoned all his emotions like he did with me earlier and performed.

Babahnya merah sampai ke telinga !

HAHAHHAHAHAHA !!!!!

Sigh.... manalah hang belajaq nak bagi speech pulak anak ku....Mana ?

PS :

Balik from our lunner (lunch + dinner)he surprised me with his Agama paper pulak. Again he read it to me. While he was reading Adik came and asked "You got an A for Agama too ?" I detected a litlle hint of jealousy there.

When Abang proudly showed his 90% in red ink, she rolled her eyes and mumbled a very insincere "Tahniah, tahniah."

Request from across the causeway

Ah Zee who is still yet to have a blog requested for carrot cake recipe.

I love carrot cake, having eaten them when I was about 9 at a bestfriend of my mom's. Just for the record, her daughter T pushed me to it, assuring me that carrots and sugar do go well together.

However, my family doesn't share my passion. My son doesn't even like cake. Tak laku so I do not excatly have a trusted recipe. My sister-in-law uses Chef Wan's recipe and it is rather nice. Unfortunatley I do not own a copy so I cannot publish it here.

I do have one that I made once upon a time ago though and it was okay. The recipe didn't have any pineapples in it, but I added some.

So here goes;

Carrot Cake

2 cups sugar
1 cup vegetable oil (I melted some butter instead.. Finds butter has more oooommpppphhh than mere oil)
4 whole eggs
2 cups flour
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp bicarbonate soda
1 tsp ground cinnamon
2 cups grated carrots

Mix sugar, oil and eggs. In another bowl, sift flour, salt, baking powder, soda and cinnamon. Add to first mixture and combine well. Add carrots (and pineapples if you are using them) and mix well. Bake at 17g decC for 30 minutes.

Icing

125g butter, softened
8 oz cream cheese
1 lb icing sugar (please lessen the amount of sugar.. 1 pound is too much... )
2 tsp vanilla

Cream butter and cheese. Add sugar and vanilla.

If you decide to try, I hope it turns out well.

Anyway Abang's condition is better this morning. All the rashes are completely gone. Now waiting for his Babah to wake up and take him to the hospital again for a spot of nebulizer.

Adiknya pagi tadi announced to us is a very, very scandalous tone that Abang, "Is playing game with his injected hand !"

At my so ? she sheepishly added, "Can I play the computer ?"

Hampeh betullah budak ni.

Multi-tasking lady at 1 am...

It is 1 am and Kamil and I just returned from the hospital.

Abang was scratching at 3 pm and by 10 when I thought he was already off to slumberland, he came in to show rashes all over his body. I freaked out. His Babah freaked out more because when he is worried, he nagged. And nagged. And nagged.

Man... I tell you that man can really give it lah.

Went to DEMC. I wasn't happy with that. Would rather SDMC but when a man is in mak ayam mode, don't kacau him.

Chest was tight so the good doctor said the rashes probably stemmed from his asthma. Injected him with medication that made my baby cried. Sedih giler aku when I saw him cried out in pain because all 38 kg of him is mine. Sian dia.....

Doctor said that he was to put under observation. So we settled in for a long night. Adik slept on my arms and Babah slept holding and rubbing his son's arm. Tulah... tadi berleter... risau gak kan...

We are home now. I am blogging and watching the last CD of Criminal Mind Season 5.

Husband the workaholic is downstairs typing away too. But he is more responsible. He is doing work. I though am a mom so I am watching telly, blogging and watching my son like a hawk. Oh, I am adding packing for my trip to that too.

Please pray for my baby's health. I thank you in advance.

Last night in bed

Last night I arrived home first.

When my husband entered our room, I was already in bed.

He smiled, started unzipping and sat down next to me.

I have unzipped a long time ago.

He leaned over for a kiss and I offered my cheek to him.

He then flipped it open and started typing.

I returned to the screen in front of me and started typing too.

He would sometimes reach out for my hand to squeeze and I would intermittently stroke his cheek.

So there we were, 2 employees of the same conglomerate, in bed with our identical lap tops in front of us, working away at 10 pm.

Darn it. I am sure Dunlopillo didn't mean for its mattress to be used as such. I am sure they were thinking of something a little more on the salacious side. What a waste of springs.

Innalillahi wa innailaihi rojiun....

Yesterday around 6.05 I received a phone call from IRM. His mom passed away, not 15 minutes before from her illness.

Oh dear.

IRM is one of our dearest and closest friends. Granted we had only known him for 2 years I think but he has become quite an important person in our lives. And my family's.

Balik raya dia ikut. My cousin kawin dia tolong buat kerja kawin. So he is family.

I cannot take the pain away. Nothing can. I know maybe you are bored to hear this, but you have no idea how sorry I am and please, take good care of yourself. Sabar. That is the best and only thing I can offer you.

You want to sit down and cry ? Come.. we can do that.

You don't want to talk about it ? Sure, whatever makes you happy.

Kamil and I talked last night about how we wish we could stay over his house and teman dia. Or attend the funeral today. But I am too busy and Kamil much more than me. He just joined this new outfit last Friday and there is no way he can take leave.

Hmmm....... How our employers dictate our lives kan ? How we must be apologetic to them when something bad happened to us.

How funny.

How sad.

How exasperating is that ?

Al-Fatihah.

PS : On the way home from his house yesterday about half past midnight, Kamil noticed a very thick substance the size of rain drops were on the car screen. He tried water and wipers on it but it somehow made things a bit worse as the scattered droplets spread and smeared all over the screen. After a few attempts then it cleared somewhat.

Then, as we motor on new ones dropped from the sky like it was rain. But it was not rain. It was too thick. Kamil again had to do the multiple water and wipers trick. Then it happened again.

What the hell was on the car ? Or flying overhead us ?

I really do not want to analyse it but gatal nak cakap jugak...

Hmmmm........

Peace out

This morning went back to Kamil's kampung. His cousin got married. He didn't go though. He had an event at his workplace so I went with his sister.

The food was good and so unexpected. Yelah, they served kari daging and crispy sambal bilis and tempe, pecal.... Not the default nasi briyani with its normal accompaniments. So it was good. When my cousin got married 2 weeks ago too was a surprise. They served gulai nangka and asam pedas.... Hehhe... my children kawin nanti, I am going to serve just that. No nasi briyani malarky.

Aku a bit meroyan today.

An issue that was not properly settled sort of like attacked me today. On the way home I kept thinking about it because I had no closure. How I wish I could just write about it here.

So right now I am lying on my bed and still bloody thinking about it. I can't broach the subject to the reason I am in this state of tension because he is gonna freak out and a fight is the last thing I want. I am tired.

So... my husband is at work. Sigh. Government of Malaysia should make it a crime for employers who force their employees to work on a weekend. When we as a society are slapped with moral issues one after another, Governemnt blame parents, not the cause of the parents to be absent. Which is usually bosses. Errm... the blame is shared equally with adultery I suppose.

Hahaha...

But if they impose such rule, takdelak kedai yang bukak for us to take our kids to. KLCC, One Utama semua tutup.

Maybe because our favourite past times is hanging out at the shopping complexes lah bosses suruh kita kerja weekends. Cuba kalau kita bawak anak2 pi tasik ke, sungai mana-mana, then people in retail can take a rest on weekends too.

Apa aku merepek ni ?

Told you guys aku tengah meroyan kan... Inilah kesannya.

I'd better sign off before I cause a national outcry or a scandal.

Until then...

Hari Sabtu

Yesterday as we made our way home across the jerebu (it was sooo bad... giler weii)I noticed the red sun.

Terus teringat the first red sun I saw. It was eons ago, our first week in London. We were in a cab, Kamil and I, and I remember we gawked at the very, very red sun.

So of course terus teringat lah kekasih hati yang dah 5 hari tak jumpa.

I miss him. I miss our kids.

I miss home.

It was nice to sleep in his arms again last night. But early morning he left for work. And is not expected to be back before 9 pm. Repeat same thing tomorrow.

I am busy cooking. A friend ordered lasagnas, chicken pies and tarts.

I worry greatly when I calculated the price. I am sorry. I do not get my ingredients cheap. I got them at Tesco and Giant. Actually my sister did. I was away, outstation, so my sister had to the shopping for me.

Anyway, the food was expensive.

Last week, another friend ordered shepard''s pie. Again the cost was high. What with mozarella that I applied liberally on top.Takpelah nak sedap yek.

Next time, when I do this full time and dapat merchan't price (meaning aku beli secara pukal), then it will be cheaper.

Eh,I want to do this full time ?

Anyway, this friend ordered last year and she likes the tarts. She said she wants custard and choc cream. Topping apa I asked. She said, sama lah like last year.

Errr..... I really couldn't remember what I did for her last year so when a friend hulur a tub of blueberry topping, I took it.

Hopefully sedap.

The lasagna is warming in the oven. The tarts in the fridge and the pies are smelling so damn good.

I throw in butter cake for her to rasa.

Hopefully sedap.

Hopefully semua sedap.

Sorry about the harga again.

Merepek session

Last weekend hari marah...

Feels a bit juvenile for having that breakdown....

Today is hari tension.

Because at site again. For a week again. Next week dok diam-diam for a week before mobilising to site again. For 2 weeks again. Oh, weekends at home of course as usual.

Then I have one review which I know not the location. Hopefully it is KL.

That is 2 weeks. So again, I am hoping it will be in KL or kawasan yang sewaktu dengannya.

Then, Thailand.

So.... if I count, at least 10 nights a month I am away from my family.

10 nights a month.

That sounds a lot.

So I have only 20 nights a month cozying up to my husband and tucking my children into bed.

Yesterday my kiddies and I had a little bedtime chat. Adik asked why must I go again. I simply said because if I don't then she can't attend her tennis lessons and arts classes that she loves.

But... are those classes more important than having me around ? Okaylah, memanglah it is just not those classes in jeaopardy if I decide to quit (which I would never especially since they just confirmed me last Monday, ha !)but, would it be soooo bad if I stay home ? Financially speaking, of course.

Ini my boss suruh ambik MBA. Not for him he said, but for me. For my future.

Hmmmm............ Just thinking about it makes me feel tired.

Speaking of tired, he asked me just now if I am okay. He said, my body language screams tiredness. Really ? I thought I am robust and energetic... Chewah ! Hheheheh...

Anyway, berbalik kepada topik asal, I think I should aim to get back into operation. Not now. Give me 2-3 years here then maybe I will be ready for operations. Budak-budak pun dah besar and I believe they actually need me more then... for supervision.

Actually when our kids dah besar2 lagilah we need to diligently pick them up from school and send them everywhere to keep tabs on them. A bit draconian perhaps ? Too controlling you think ? I don't care. I need to take care of my kiddies.

Nak pegi dating ? Okay, Mummy can hantar. Before that give me her/his mom's phone number first.

What ? His/her mom tak tahu ? Then, let's not do this yet.

Saw a lot of benda bukan-bukan. Akhlak budak2 sekarang I mean. I cannot let them go free.

So.... sapa-sapa nak bagi I kerja yang tak banyak travel ? Not now... lagi 5 tahun...

Anyone ?

Ini hari aku marah

I am sooooooo bloody pissed off today.

Please understand 2 things about me.

Number 1

When I am at home, my mobile is usually not within my person. I am never bothered about my phone when I am home. Don't know why. It is usually in my handbag and if my husband or my children heard the phone rang then you will get to talk to me.

Typically, aku memang tak teringat langsung pasal my phone. My mother would usually call my husband. People who know me enough know that to get me at home, get my husband.

Kalau dak, time nak kerja lah I will return your call.

SO jangan buat tuduhan melulu kata aku saja tak nak jawab your phonecalls, okay.

Itu fitnah namanya.

Number 2

I am a migraine sufferer. A few things could trigger it. The sun theat shines straight to me eyes tiba-tiba is the favourite trigger.

Nowadays because of me feet, the throbbing pain could trigger it too.

I don't know why and I don't know how but it just happened. I can't bloody well help it. Aku kalau boleh pun tak nak ada migraine okay because the pain so damn awful.

So jangan marah aku if I get migraine sebab aku sendiri tak tau nak marah siapa. After all the pain is felt by me.

The pain is crippling okay, crippling. So most of the times... no make it all the time when it comes, I would usually sleep.

Benci !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saya nak tukar sekolah

"Mummy ! Mummy ! Mummy !" Was how my daughter greeted me on the phone just now.

"Esok saya nak tukar sekolah !" Again ? Why ?

"Sebab tadi ada kawan saya nama Am. Kita orang tengah buat matematik kan pastu dia datang and tarik kawan saya H punya tudung and kawan saya U punya tudung !"

Err... dia tak kacau Adik pun. Yang hang sibuk nak tukaq sekolah tu awat ?

"Errr..... sebab..... saya dengan A cakap janganlah Am ! Pastu kan dia buat macam ni...*SILENT*.." aku apa pun tak nampak dia buat apa... heheheehehhe

"Pastu dia cakap Uh-uh-uh.. Maksudnya dia cakap saya dengan A ni bodoh !"

Pulak.. Pandai aje buat spekulasi.

"Lepas tu kan dia panggil saya nenek kebayan !"

Valid betullah reason dia nak tukaq sekolah tu.

Fat chance, dik... Fat chance..

Dah lama tak tulis...

Gosh ! I haven't written in such a looooooong time. So many things happened. Nice ones of course, like the reception of my cousins in Perak... That one I have to post pictures so nanti lah .....

Want to write about my kids. So many stories to recount, especially about their very, very smart mouths... But just didn't have the time to write so banyak dah lupa. The one that I do remember happened a few days ago.

We were in the car when Adik leaned forward and requested for a school change. Terkejut beruk gak mak dia.

"Because today A and N tak nak kawan saya. I was left alone...."

"What did you do ?"

"Nothing ! I didn't do anything !" Was the very defensive and usual answer.

"Haa.... Mak A told me that you selalu tak nak kawan A kan...... " I checked her reaction and she was smiling in shame.

"So sekarang it's your turn pulak... Tulah... buat kat orang lagi.....Ït's not a nice feeling kan ? So you'd better stop doing that to other people...."

And seperti biasa adalah wise words from her Abang...

"Sometimes kan Mummy... me and Amir or Daniel fight... We will ignore eachother but then eventually we will talk again... Maksudnya our friendships are very tight ah....."

HEhhehehehehehehhe.......

Aku tak taulah nak cakap apa pasal si Abang ni... Apa saja dia cakap mesti nak buat aku gelak punya.

Masa we balik kampung last Friday for my cousin's wedding, my sister CT ikut sekali because her husband had to work. When we stopped at Tapah, CT spotted Emot in the car.

"Abang ni.... tak lepas dengan Emot ni... Kelakar lah aku tengok....."

A-ah... Emot ni Abang will take everywhere with him. Walaupun he doesn't hold him sometimes, Emot must be within respectable distance. Dalam kete or in my handbag.

That is why yesterday, on the way home from Ipoh, when I heard Abang yelled "Adik ! you are sitting on Emot !" And then, "Don't worry ! I am saving you, buddy !" lepas tu dengar Abang sikit punya bergomoi dengan benda alah tu aku rasa, Abang and Emot ni macam Calvin and Hobbs.

Hahhaha..... cute.

Anyway, yesterday we stopped for gas in Ipoh. I heard Adik dok srot sret srot sret kat belakang, thinking it was selsema, I was surprised to see it was actually sobs complete with tears.

Laaa....awatnya ?

"Saya... saya.... sedih sebab sekejap sangat dekat Perak....." Came the mournful reply.

"Usually it is lama... I don't want to go home..... Boleh tak nanti kita balik Perak lagi ?"

Hehhehehehe..... kelakar le budak ni.. Nampak gayanya kena balik for Raya Haji.

Tadi JB... sekarang PG...

Am very, very tired.

5 am yesterday we woke up to get ready for our trip to JB. My cousin is getting married and we were sending him there.

We drove and stopped for sustenance at Pagoh with some of our family then sambung until tol Kulai Jaya where all of us were supposed to gather.

Then, the 30 minutes journey to the bride's house and selamatlah my cousin kawin. Masa dia nak akad nikah tu, aku dok teringat dia masa kecik-kecik. At that time my uncle and aunt lived in Shah Alam. They had like 3 children there before they moved back to Perak. So I had quite some time with these cousins and so very fond of them.

Anyway... my boss when he found out that I will be in JB, asked me to stay on, wait for him to come on Monday and proceed to the site in PG.

Tension ? Of course. I don't want to stay here alone on Sunday while my kids and hubby balik Shah Alam. Plus, we were scheduled to be in PG for 2 weeks the Monday after next week so.... don't see a reason why we can't just wait until then.

But... what to do ? Boss dictates and I comply.... That has been the rule since...well forever.

So.... it is already 7 pm on a Sunday and I am at the hotel in Masai... tired...and not alone !

Ha ! Kamil couldn't let me stay here alone so he decided to stay and teman me with the kids in tow. We are cramped in this very, very small room but it is okay because everybody is here.

Adik whe she saw the smallness of the room tried to be kind to her Momma.

"It's okay Mommy... This is okay.... I like it..." Said she as she looked around.

Abang ? Seperti biasa dengan sentimentalnya cakap, "It's okay Mommy.. as long as we are together...."

Ha ha...

So sat lagi after solat am taking them to eat at our favourite hang out. Bagus jugak dia orang teman I because I want them to see where I usually go and they can imagine where I eat everytime I come here.

Trauma lagi...

One of the things I hate is all the different advise I received throughout my life. The predicament or ailment is the same, but the advise... woo hoo... ranges far and between and so contradictory.

When Amelia and I visited a friend, J in her confinement, we discussed all the tips that were passed on to us to survive pregnancy and birth. From well meaning friends... and those unavoidable know-it-alls, I must add.

Anyway, at the end of the night I conclude that there are a clear divided opinion on eggs. 50% says yay and the other 50 nay.

J have never heard of pantang on laksa. Amelia and I observed that. Well... tipu... Amelia aje. I know of it but never heed it. Mom because her first birth was in the US, was encouraged to eat healthily for strength and sanity. So... she did the same with her other 7 kids and passed the wisdom to me. I only pantang cili sebab takut sakit perut.

We unanimously agreed pantang jalan banyak. And minum banyak air. Honestly I nodded gravely when that was mentioned but I believe in water for the body. If you need 8 glasses a day when you are healthy, you need it more when your body is broken and needing to heal after pregnancy.

And the winner for most absurd was pantang technology. TV tak leh tengok sebab nanti mata kero.

Errr.......

Nevermind. To each her own. Am not here to judge. But please... allow me to laugh. Politely and respectfully.

Anyway, back to why I am writing this entry is.. while people are very nice about me gammy leg they really go went their way to confuse and scare me. They asked and were concerned, they held the doors for me and my clients took the documents to me instead of me hounding them for it.

Then, after the horrified looks when I told them that I have gone and torn my ligament, came the gasps and,

"You shouldn't be walking tau... My son dulu kena 1 bulan tak berjalan... "

"Eh ! Tak pakai tongkat ke ? Bapak I punya bini punya kakak punya adik ipar dulu tak bangun-bangun ! Bertongkat 18 bulan setengah suku !"


"I tak rasa you patut jalan tau sebab I memang selalu torn my ligament ni and I pun degil gak macam you... So one day I found that my kaki kecik sebelah... Macam distorted...."

"Eeiii.... balut macam ni aje ? I ni saja je kerja kat sini sekarang... dulu I doktor and you ni sebenarnya kena simen tau....."

You know how it is. I know they mean well but I seem to have been doing all the wrong things. Nothing is right. I could not win !

And me being well... me... a little neurotic, mostly crazy and only small part serene tried to be a good girl and take in all the advise and the horror stories, while stemming the crazy that was struggling to get out.

Until one day I got a bit scared, which predictably led to temporary insanity (I know Kamil would refute that by saying there is no such thing as temporary when it comes to me and my bad mental health.. I am perpetually insane) and started tossing and turning at night because my feet was hurting. I started imagining life forever limping and shuffling about because I have not been a very good at putting my feet up. Got very, very worried so I called my uncle who is an orthopaedic surgeon.

Sian kawan tu tengah holiday kat Terengganu, but me don't care one because I slept with a throbbing pain and my anxiety level hit the roof. Maybe all of them were right. I should have taken all of my 20 days MC (instead of the paltry 5 I took) and only ever move between the bed and the loo. People should be flitting around me, catering to my whims and fancies as aku duduk diam-diam trying to heal (sapa yang nak flit around tu aku tak tau lah but someone should).

Ini tidak. Let me not detail out my activities.. Nanti sampai esok aku tak tiduq.

Anyway Uncle said not to worry about the pain. I should only start to get concern if the pain is like more than 70%. Err.... where can I by the meter to read pain, Pakcik ?

He also said, I should walk but slowly and not in great quantities. Take painkillers or rub ointment where it hurts.

Hmmm....... although I was bit assured... but the assurance lasted very, very briefly because the pain refused to go away. Couldn't help thinking that by that very Sunday, it would have been 6 weeks already and Doc said I should be okay in 6 weeks. But I am not. Still hobbling about.

Terus teringat one makcik that said, "Mana ada 6 minggu ! Anak makcik 3 tahun !" Okay, okay I was exxagerating.... I can't remember what number she quoted exactly but it did feel like she said 3 years.

So I fretted and at Kamil's urges (ini lagi satu... dok paksa pakai crutches....)I started using the crutch again.

And that was how I was walking, aided with a crutch when I had a follow-up with the good doctor yesterday. He frowned at the sight of me.

"I thought I told you not to use that anymore ?" And with that mere short sentence he uttered without even pausing for a breath, he opened up a flood gate. I poured and poured my heart out, about my fears and everything termasuk lah cerita aku being crippled for life. Tersandaq mamat tu kejap.

After he gathered himself, he felt my injured ankle and tried to move it around. He can't because aku keraih macam batu. "Relax and let me move it..." He said.

I thought I was but he said all my toes were erect so it showed that I weren't. Tried as I might to relax, it didin't happen. He shook his head and laugh. "You are not letting me do this...." he said. Aisehman Doc, I really thought I was co-operating.

He said I shouldn't be limping anymore and told me not to use the crutch what-so-ever.

And hear this, he said I must walk or else the bone will get soft and my muscles will weaken. And when that happens, I really would not be able to walk.

He prescribed ointment, painkillers, slow walk and don't go shopping. That is too much walk. Damn !

So now here I am. Boss a bit tensed because I can't go to the site still. We have plenty of work to do.

I am sure Kamil is a lot of tensed because he is doing house work alone. Balik rumah aje he dives for the laundry basket and starts the machine. Then I will hear him tackling the handwash ones. After dinner he will start the ironing. I usually go to bed first, leaving him sweating with the heat and the gruelling, gruelling task. Bibik we had sent to Mom because Mom's bibik balik raya and Mom needs her more than we do.

Anak-anak pun tension because they want me to cook and they need me to tuck them into bed and they really, really want me to be off their case and stop ordering them about because "Mummy sakit kaki....."

I am bit more tensed because I am damn worried about me leg. I don't like the pain and cannot take advise without real measurements. I need "You can only walk for 30 minutes a day..."

I don't do well with "You can't walk to much..." How much is too much ? I need numbers !!!

Maybe, just maybe I am malingering a bit. I dunno. I mean, am I just imagining this pain ? Can I start running around again ? Is it really safe for me to stop dragging my feet about and quit immitating Quasimodo ? But Doctor did give me a light duty certificate, barring me from carrying heavy load and walking excessively and take the stairs either way... So it does mean I still have to take it easy. Masa-masa macam ni lah I miss my old boss'understanding.

I am soooo takut and cannot make a decision.