Tengah seronok-seronok boleh tetiba jadi sedih pulak....

So pagi tadi Adik couldn’t find a clean, fresh kain for school. Kelam-kabut Bibik naik atas to search for it and finally she came out, kitted in a kain that is a tad too short.

“Saya pakai kain masa saya darjah satu…” She announced, standing next to me while I ironed my baju for the day.

“Darjah satu ?” I asked, very much annoyed at Bibik.

She must have thought my annoyance was directed at her because she said, “No, no…. Good for me, actually…” and promptly left.

Hehhehe… Good for her because she can still fit in her darjah satu clothes… Hehhehehehe….

Anyway yesterday a colleague received flowers for her birthday. One day early though as her birthday is actually today. After counting the stems, my boss scoffed that the guy is cheap for sending only a dozen roses. The romantic thing to do is, “to give the equivalent of her age…”

Wokey.

So I went home and told my husband what he said and korang tahu tak apa laki aku yang as romantic as Atilla the Hun tu cakap ?

“No… The most romantic thing to do would be tunggu kat bawah pagi-pagi and give one stem to each staff yang lalu for them to give to her…. SO bayangkan lah.. satu-satu datang bagi kat dia.....”

What a romantic idea ! I went awww… before,

“Wah wah wah… banyak you punya idea romantic ye ? Apasal tak pernah buat kat I ?”

The cengkerik berbunyi for quite a while before he sheepishly said, “I do have a lot of ideas. Cuma I tak berani nak buat aje…..”

Rolling my eyes, I said, "No… I am just not pretty enough for you to do it for…. Kalau you kawin ngan orang cantik, mesti you buat……”

Oh… jadi kisah sedihlah pulak…

Sob sob.

Btw, even though she doesn’t read my blog, Happy Birthday to C, a gorgeous girl inside and out.

Of crossroads, ambik wuduk in nude, lucky tummy and I love yous

Please believe me when I say that I just do not have the opportunity to write, to those who care anyway. Hahah.

I am in such a dilemma right now. I am again at a same crossroad that I was at like 5 months before. However now I realised that my decision before was a huge mistake.

Well… I only realised it after my husband pointed it out to me. I of course bristled for a good measure at the suggestion that I made a mistake, but then no dignified protests made its way out of my mouth as …..well… he was right.

Believe it or not (again if you actually care), I am obedient. I may protest and object but at the end of the day if you are my boss, my parents, my husband (he will laugh at this), I will relent. Okay, I do have my moments where I actually tak dengar kata, and dating Kamil was one of that… Hmmm… come to think about it, I should have taken that as an excuse not to obey as that turned out all right, didn’t it, disobeying my parents’ no-boyfriends-while-you’re-in-school rule…. ? Okay.. right-ish… but okay lah kan… ?

Anyway, I followed the advice given by those who are more experienced than me and knowing they were doing so with my best interest at their hearts. And now this happened.  Please do not think that I am blaming them. No siree…. They wouldn’t know this would happen pun…. But I should have just followed my instincts and wants…

So now, I am trying to gather up the courage to change my decision.

But being Melayu, ketebalan kulit di muka is as important as happiness.

So….. Hmmm…..

Anyway hari tu I was praying and Adik was preparing to pray next to me. Up came Abang who called out, “Adik… sembahyang !” not knowing that Adik already beat him to it. When he saw her in her praying garb, he asked, “Dah ambik air sembahyang ke ?”

“Dah !” Came the irate reply.

“Bila ?” he challenged.

“Tadi, lepas mandi !” Dah hot dah… ni nak sembahyang ni, saaat lagi nak bersujud kat  Allah ni pun boleh naik angin lagi.

“Pakai tuala tak ? Kalau tak pakai tuala tak jadi…..” he cautioned and promptly left the room to prepare for his prayers.

“Dah lah ! Saya tahu lah !” Was the very incensed reply given to his retreating back. Abang answered with an, “Okay… okay….”.

Then, the little one took a quick jenguk from where she stood, tore off her telekung and quickly masuk toilet balik. The sounds of running water came next.

Hhehehehe…. I do not have to guess what she was doing there.

Kelmarin pulak Kamil expressed his wish for Swensen’s ice cream. I told him that if we are going then I wouldn’t be preparing any dinner. Their servings are huge and you either have dinner or ice-cream. Biasalah, he said he’ll think about it but never came back with a decision, so I took it upon me to make dinner. I made mee bandung which the kids had seconds.

Lepas tu barulah abang kita tu cakap, “Jom makan ice-cream ?” Adoi lah…

Nak marah kang kata derhaka. So, aku iya kan ajelah walaupun perut macam ada possibility nak pecah walaupun aku telan angin.

Tetapi nak tak nak aku kena makan jugak sebab if I did not partake any, Kamil akan merajuk sakan punya. With that in mind, as we walked to the car, I said to Adik, “Can we share a small one ? Mummy kenyang lah and I do not really want any….”

And minah yang tadi makan sikit punya banyak mee bandung cakap, “It’s okay… we can take a big one as I brought… (here she lifted up her top)…… my lucky tummy along…..”

Hehheheh……

Kesudahannya, Babah kena jugak habiskan dia punya….. Lucky tummy konon.

Btw, can I just say this ? When we were watching Maroon 5 that day, it was not me who actually shouted "I love you !" to Adam Levine. I repeat, it was not me, Adik or Abang......

Of Maroon 5 and new furniture

I had a great night Thursday, partying with Maroon 5. Took the kids along, as Adik loves Adam Levine. When buying the ticks, I gave her a choice of The Wanted or Maroon 5 and she looked at me with this horrified face, shocked that I even have to ask.

“I don’t like The Wanted….” Said she, frown on her face which I read as, “Duh…”.

The band was awesome. Only Adam Levine could make men prancing on the stage in a sleeveless t-shirt looked cool. Him aside, I truly love the songs. I know all of them, bar one…. Haha, and was having a wonderful night singing and dancing.

He is so sexy… Sigh…. Could never put Adam Levine aside apparently.

Anyway semalam the furniture sampai. The table is awesome. Made the kitchen prettier. I now though have a problem with the old table. We pushed it aside for the moment, so the kitchen is infinitely congested.

The transporters left my mom’s gorgeous new cabinet at ours and sementara tunggu my mom to pick it up, I pushed it to a wall at the dining area. Masalahnya, it is looking good there. When Kamil saw it, he nodded his head and said, biarlah dia kat situ…

Pulak. So  now I either have to buy my mom a new one or…….. hantar ajelah kat dia. Bukannya apa, I once heard a lady commented that rumah orang Melayu, selagi furniture tak berlaga dengan lutut tuan rumah takkan puas hati… Hehheh. With the cabinet there memang chances of berlaga dengan lutut memang rather high. So… better hantar ajelah to my mom.

But my mom had always commented betapa tak outstandingnya my living room because it looked so bare… Maybe I should move the piano elsewhere ? Or… replace it with a baby grand… Ha…. Kalau masih looking bare with a huge spanking piano in the middle of the room tak tahulah…

A baby grand is about RM30k though … Ummm... I think I could live with bare.

Nanti I tangkap gambar yek…

Another merepek galore... Sorry

When I was small, still in primary school, agak-agak masa nak balik aje aku selalu berangan apalah mak aku masak hari ni. Lagilah kalau terdengar bunyi lesung batu or the sound of deep frying ikan or ayam (my school was surrounded by houses on 2 sides so on a good day you could actually hear the going ons of the neighbourhood kitchen…), walau pukul 10 pagi pun aku boleh dah start berangan.

Sebab favourite aku sayur buncis goreng and gulai telur, I will be salivating about those two dishes when I actually was supposed to concentrate on my learnings.. hahah. Aku selalu terbayang-bayang how the sayur buncis glistened with oil…. Or the deep yellow colour of the gulai. And I swear, sometimes I could smell it.

Even sekarang pun, kalau aku dengar lah bunyi lesung atau bunyi aktiviti menggoreng ikan, I will feel so right at home. So nostalgic, so safe. And aku masih akan wonder, apa mak aku masak hari ni, walaupun sebenarnya aku kena wonder apa yang aku nak masak instead.

Kadang-kadang aku rasa aku lebih anak dari emak. When segala-galanya aku masih nak mengadu dengan mak aku, masih aku nak dengar nasihat atau cadangan mak aku. Masih nak mak aku jugak bertanggungjawab dalam segala decisions that I have to make in my adult life.

When I was offered a job in KL 2-3 months ago, after at length bercakap dengan Kamil, akhirnya my mom’s two cents worth what helped me made my decision.

Specialnya jadi mak, ni kan ?

Anyway last weekend aku busy gila. Ke sana ke mari tapi I still had the time tu temankan adik aku shopping furniture. Tunggu punya tunggu dia orang datang, I suddenly heard the roar of my BIL’s Harley. Aku pun heran sebab I thought dia nak tinggalkan anak and maid dia at my house with my own maid and kids, so camno dia orang berempat naik motor dak ?

Sekali bila aku bukak gate tengok BIL aku aje atas motor, adik aku tambah 2 lagi adik aku, 1 nephew and 1 niece plus mak aku dalam kete.

Ya Rabbi, ramainya. Hehhehehe……

Kebetulan Kamil had to go out sekejap to buy lunch for his parents so everybody came in and aku jamu dia orang my chocolate cake. Aku suruh jugak mak aku rasa the freshly made green curry which my mom polished off with a slice of bread. Then with 2 cars and 1 Harley, we all headed to the furniture store.

Yang nak belinya orang yang nak pindah rumah tu, tapi yang beli dining table and a gorgeous book shelf was me. Hehhehe… Then aku tengok mak aku dok belek-belek one very nice, very oommpphhh cabinet and baru aku nak offer bayarkan, my other adik offered to pay.

Sebek jugak aku tengok adik aku yang baru kerja tahu nak belanja mak. Mahal jugak cabinet tu… Mak aku memang taste dasyat dalam hal-hal furniture ni…

After that kami beramai-ramai makan kat restaurant favourite our mom. Seperti biasa Kamil went to settle the bill tapi kali ni adik and BIL aku berebut nak bayar sekali. Believe it or not, itu sangat penting untuk aku.

I have to say I love all my in-laws. Masuk aje keluarga kami, aku automatic akan sayang. And bila dia orang suka nak belanja mak aku, and termasuklah kami adik-beradik yang reramai ni, aku rasa lega sebab in a way, that shows that they do not mind us. Bukannya senang nak suruh orang belanja kan ?

Hehhe… kasih sayang diukur dengan kerelaan belanja makan….

 Apalah aku merepek ni….

Btw aku sangat-sangat tak sabar tunggu meja makan aku sampai Khamis ni…. Kamil always complained that our table in the kitchen tak cantik. And sekali bila jumpa yang cantik dia terus ambik. Aku risau jugak sebab it is not just going to be a dining table. It has to serve as my working table too, where aku karate tepung and water to become bread and pastries, where aku campak hot baking trays just out from the oven. I hope the new gorgeous table is also very durable and able to absorb all the assaults the cheap table endured.

Where will I put the old, green table ? Entah… Kamil has to figure that one out sebab dia yang beria nak beli. But saying that, the table is uber gorgeous and aku tak sabar !!! I’ll take the pics, okay ?

Selfish mum

Semalam Kamil ada Raya Open House at his office so as usual whenever Kamil tak da, we will take the opportunity to dine at a restaurant that he doesn’t like but we do.

Anak-anak was jumping and begging to go to Sushi tapi mak ni tak larat. Sangat-sangat tak larat so I proposed Asiari. Sian dia orang, they didn’t like it very much tapi sebab mak mintak sambil tercungap-cungap kan… hehehhe..

So we went there and to compensate for their obedience, I allowed them to order chicken chop. After that we went to MPH to shop for books and then home. The wind was blowing hard yesterday so we opened up the windows to feel the wind. It was so much fun.

Anyway inside the car Abang who sat next to me commented that the Aptitude Test was easy. I told him that there is no right or wrong in Aptitude Tests. It serves to gauge your competency, your way of thinking and, “if you fall within a certain criteria, they will offer you a place in boarding school…” Agaknya lah. Aku pun tak sure.

Then from behind we heard a soft cry followed by “I hope you get all Cs in your UPSR, Abang !”. “Adik !!” jerit Abangnya and aku-aku sekali.

“Well… I don’t want Abang to go to boarding school…” she said meekly.

Hehheheh….. Oh, sayang Abang rupanya.

“Adik…. I can always decline lah….” Abang said hotly.

After a short pause though, he asked me worriedly, “I can always decline, kan Mummy ?” Heheh.

Risau jugak kau yek.

Well… although as much as I would love to send my son to a boarding school to toughen it up, I realize that my time with him fully is very short. Lepas ni his time will be dominated by his friends, then girlfriends, then wife… then kids…. For him to be truly mine, where I am the best thing that ever happened to him, where he couldn’t think of a world without me is running short. Where he is just a son to me and no other titles….

So selfishly, I won’t be sending him to any boarding schools. His place is with me where I need him to be just my little boy for a bit longer……

Kids say the darnest things

Semalam my mimpi was very, very disturbing.  It was like mimpi dalam mimpi. And I sort of woke up 3 times only to discover that I was still in that dream. I mean how cruel and distorted is that ?

Semalam Abang had his first UPSR paper. Mak dia yang tak sabar-sabar tanya khabar, called him right after he arrived home. Jawapannya of course le ‘I can answer everything….”

“Well… except that Pemahaman was really hard. Semua orang pun cakap sangat susah….”

Oh no, was my reply. I know, I should have been more supportive but please believe me when I said that it came out automatically. If it didn’t escape my lips, I would have said something in the nature of, “Aww… it’s okay darling, as long as you have done your best…..”

Yeah….

Anyway, after my very much accidental “Oh no..”, he quickly replied with, “It’s okay Mummy. Nanti saya doa lah banyak-banyak. Nanti Allah mesti tukar saya punya B jadi A……”

The laugh that came out was definitely not planned. It accidentally escaped my belly, throat and then my lips.

Adik pulak… well…..her.. I have a lot to tell.

Scene 1 : Argument on scrap book

One day came the decree from school that Adik has to produce a scrap book for a project. I have no idea what one looks like and after merayau MPH dengan Kamil, we couldn’t decide whether lines on the pages are accepted. So we fetched her from mengaji and took her to an independent book store in Sek 9. Kat situ they very much cater for school children therefore sebut aje scrap book, they know what kind the school curriculum required.

Ada yang dah siap bind, ada yang loose paper with the comb binder in it, ada yang all white coloured papers and there are some that came with rainbow coloured ones (and no lines, people !!). She of course chose the one with myriad of colours but she also took the un-binded one, the one with the comb binder blissfully unattached to the papers.

“Dik, I think you should take the one yang dah bind…”

“No… I want this one…” She said.

The more I insisted that she wouldn’t be able to bind the pages herself, the more adamant she is that she could. And then she said, “I can do this. Just you watch me, okay ?”

Mak oiii…. Terkejutnya aku. But I let her be….and warned her that if she couldn’t she would have to staple it instead which would not look nice and she would get a C. She just smiled knowingly and knowing she did because two days after that, she triumphantly waved the scrap book at me with the pages neatly binded.

Damn… Although, she did it terbalik so now the book would look very much at home in any Arab countries.

Ha ha. Tak dengar lagi cakap mak….

Scene 2 : Argument on the best way to buang kulit mata kucing

So there I was last night happily munching on just out of the fridge mata kucing while watching the telly and tiba-tiba came this little girl who wanted to share. Okay, no problem.

Her progress was slow as she could only manage 1 to my 5 so she had to ask for my help when the fruits were diminishing faster into my tummy and not hers. Beingthe good mother I am, showed her how to use her thumbs instead of her nails.  But alas it was still difficult for her. After a few tries and numerous coaching by me, she resorted back to her old way.

Aku jelling kat dia with raised eyeborws  and you know what she said ? The little minx said, “You use your own way, and I will use mine….”

Patut le bapak aku complain pasal mulut aku masa aku kecik-kecik…..

So … note to self : Must teach the little padawan to bite her tongue, or jenuh le kena kata ngan mak mertua nanti.

Adik's juicy story Part II

Hari ni anak aku sedang bertungkus-lumus menjawab soalan UPSR. Sian dia.

Many months Kamil and I chided him for watching the telly instead of mentelaah. We always say, Abang, you only need to do this for 12/9/6/3 months aje lagi. Lepas your exam you can go crazy. Tengok lah telly tu sampai ko fed-up , sampai pening.

We must have repeated that sentence over and over again sebab  last weekend I overhead Adik saying to Abang, “Abang… I think you should study.  UPSR dah nak dekat ni…. Lagi 3 hari aje… After this you can go crazy…”

Hehhehe….  And then she added, “If you want to run around like this pun boleh…” With that she covered her head with her shirt and ran around in circles, arms waving wildly up in the air, screaming.  Abang laughed delightedly. He laughed and laughed and laughed. And then made a request for an encore.

Hhehehe… Tak tahulah whether Adik genuinely wanted to remind Abang to study, or just want to make him laugh to ease his worries or… just want an excuse to goof around. I bet on the latter.

Anyway, selepas cerita budak hysteria (as aptly described by Kak Puteri) hari tu, the very next day I came home to a 9 year old that was more than ready to spill the most juiciest story ever.

“You must believe my story ! You must !” She literary jumped at me as soon as I opened the car door.

“Today ada TIGA orang kawan saya nampak HANTU dalam tandas !”

“Sorang tu gemuk, sorang tu Ketua Darjah and sorang tu jaga perpustakaan. Dia aje yang perempuan and dua lagi tu lelaki.”

“Dia orang cakap HANTU tu tengah duduk mencangkul ….(“By the way kan Mummy, Abang tak tahu maksud mencangkul tu….. “ Hai, sempat pulak ada selingan. “I do know maksud mencangkul !”, Abang hotly protested and proceeded to demonstrate. “It  means squatting, okay ?” said he. “Alah, you only knew after I told you !” Aku tengok aje budak-budak tu without saying anything because I was too tired… Nak gelak pun tak larat..)…

… Mata dia kan merah, kuku dia panjang, muka dia sangat hideous and dia pakai baju kurung. Tapi… I think she wore jubah lah and not baju kurung…”

And with the end of that sentence, she looked at me triumphantly. Aku diam.

“You must believe this story !” She said, jumping up and down. Why, I asked and she came up with the best argument there is, “Sebab ada 3 orang sekali nampak. Sorang tu pengawas. AND… they are my friends and NOT budak Darjah Satu !”

Hehehheheh……

Kah kah kah kah kah !

My argument while stemming my laughter was, “Kalau dia pakai baju kurung….” “Bukan, JUBAH !” She interjected. “Fine, jubah… Who made it for her ? There is actually a tailor yang berani buat jubah untuk hantu ?”

She at least had the decency to ponder on my questions.

Weekend ramblings

I can't believe it that it is already Sunday night and 10 pm at that. Aku rasa macam baru sat tadi aje aku balik office. Sigh.....

Saturday was busy with juggling kenduri kawin and open houses  with the kids school and classes. I really had no idea planning can be tiring. Today we had a wedding in Seremban to go to tapi terpaksa di cancel as Abang is sitting for his UPSR Tuesday so I really want him to use the time for last minute revisions.

Please do not ask about his preparation. It'll just cause unnecessary panic which could turn to serious hyper-ventilation. To me. Him ? He is just fine. Don't believe it ask my friend Noreen who came to visit for spot of tea and gossips just now.

Because we want Abang to sit at home, so I had to cook lunch and dinner. I had wanted to bake really. New recipes to try but the thought of going out to buy butter....... Forgotten to get some when we did our grocery shopping Saturday.

So... sangat tak interesting cerita ku.

What is interesting is that I went to Kak Puteri's house and we lamented on the day I went to her house to get air penawar for my serious bout of pening-pening and muntah-muntah while pregnant. The only problem is we had really different versions of that visit. I remembered going with arwah Shera and she said no, I actually came with Kamil.

I vividly remember standing at the gate talking to her with Shera next to me. In the dark because it was night time. She said malam is correct but Shera wasn't there. Hmmm... to get Shera to confirm pun tak boleh... Sigh...... Please don't cry....

Aku dok asyik pening sekarang. No, not the usual reason but I think because it is a symptom of menstruation. I have been noticing that a few days before I start my cycle, I mesti mabuk. Many months I excitedly took tests only to be disappointed like a week or 2 after that.

Sigh....

By the way, we are planning our next holiday. Am sooo excited !!!

How far is her story accurate ?

My daughter came home with the most ridiculous story ever ! Actually, I came home to hear the most ridiculous story ever from my daughter.

Apa-apa pun, the story went like this.

Ada budak dalam kelas 4XX pengsan. Dia ni ada masalah sikit sebab dia ingat semua orang tak suka dia. So hari ni dia bawak pisau lepas tu dia menjerit-jerit lepas tu she wants to stab herself.

She ran away with the knife and her friends kejar dia and they all kepung dia and she was screaming AAAAHHAHAHAHARARRRRRGGHHH !

Lepas tu kan dia pengsan.

Hmm… said I. After slowly putting my face back to its normal position (ie no raised eyebrows, forehead, nostrils etc…), the questions came.

Awatnya cikgu dia bagi dia lari pegang pisau ? Lepas tu macamana cikgu tu boleh biaqkan budak-budak yang kejaq dia ?

Iya, Mummy. I saw her. And I heard the screamings, said she.

Okay, did you actually see the pisau ?

Err… saya Nampak benda macam hitamlah dia pegang. Lepas tu kan, dia orang cakap that dia pun macam susah hati sebab mak bapak dia saman dia.

Tang tu aku dah gelak dah.

Merepek, I said. How do you know all this ?

Ada budak darjah satu bagitahu saya.

Hmm… cerita budak darjah satu ko dengar memang lah ntah apa-apa.

Bila dia cerita dekat Babah dia pagi ni, as expected he went “Isshhh…. Merepeklah…” while shaking his head at me.

Hehehhehehe……

The wonders of being small. Drama sungguh ! Hari-hari ada aje mak bapak yang terkebil mata.

Anyway semalam aku puasa. Lapar sangat. Kebetulan Kamil won't be coming back for dinner on account of a spot of badminton with his work buddies and Abang ada tuition class. So aku dok pikir what is the best solution to feed everybody and I don't know why the brilliant idea that came to mind was to cook.

Sampai aje rumah I thawed the beef bones... heheh tulang. I was thinking nak buat rendang Terengganu as per Chef Wan's recipe tapi bila teringat banyak benar aku kena blend, terus tak jadi. I filled a deep pot with water and plonked the still hard beef in it.

Korek-korek fridge tengok ada a very manky kobis and I fried them with frozen prawns. My temp maid leka iron baju, malas nak panggil. Luckily, the rice cooker clicked ready as I poured teh bunga in iced filled glass and azan pun berkumandang. While Adik set the table, I tasted the dishes (tambah garam all over) and makan.

The beef was not that soft though as I only cooked them for an hour as oppose to 2 hours at least but my children had second helpings. Sian, asyik makan luar aje...

Anyway, sebab cemburu buta dengan Konot yang has now delightfully changed her title from working mom to stay at home mom, I pestered Kamil when would be my turn.

Without hesitation he said 2 years. And aku adalah sangat terkejut as it means that he has been thinking about it too.

But.... "You must find what to do with all that time you have... Knowing you, mesti sekejap dah boring..." Err.... hehehhe.... Betul, betul....

So maybe, either aku masak and makan sendiri or aku masak and paksa orang beli or... aku ajar orang masak and soh dia orang bayar....

Hmmm.......

Nothing interesting... maybe..

So… I have nothing interesting to write about.

Abang passed his piano exams though. So yeay … but still rather boring.

I had my small raya gathering do last Saturday. Small really as I like doing mine in batches.  So that I could have leisure time talking and socializing. Not busy running around making sure food is replenished and having too many people to talk to so I only have snippets of conversation with each of my guests.

I served nasi lemak and rendang and ketupat too. Pies as usual. I got clever this time as I baked my pies in small sizes so it doesn’t dry out when the next batch of guests came. Only problem is the guests came in steady stream thus the pies did not have the time to dry out. Instead I have to keep nipping to the kitchen to bake them.

Nothing ever went to plan. The chocolate cake, the butter cuppies, the jelly custard pudding and the blondies went well, though.

Oh… okay. This might be interesting.

Yesterday a colleague approached me. Sapa tumpang kete ko tadi, she asked. Eh ? Nobody tumpang me today. Why you asked ?

“Well… sebab aku nampak orang tumpang ko tapi duduk belakang. Itu yang aku tanya tu. Apasal minah tu dok belakang ko ?”

Errkk .

Minah ?

Double errkkk .

As far as I know, aku pegi keje sengsorang tadi. I do carpool with a colleague but she is away this week.

So….

Interesing ke cerita ni ?

Yawn.. Have to plan for the next small raya do.

Ta-ra.

Post ketika mengantuk

I am so sleepy.

Bangun pagi-pagi tadi it was raining heavily. I felt like tarik selimut aje balik but of course I can't. Work beckoned.

Kamil couldn't go to work because his dad was poorly and had to be sent to the hospital. He was admitted and is sleeping over tonight at least. As usual whenever his dad is hospitalised, Kamil would not eat. Probably due to worry. So, for both of their sakes, I pray for Abah's health.

Work today was plenty. A-ha.. that is the word, plenty. And pelbagai. Ahahhaha. Yeah, I am surprised I could still laugh at times like this. Something transpired at the work place. Something that made me sad. But there is nothing I could do about it. I was surprised at the turn of events, though.

While Kamil was with his dad, the kids and I took the opportunity to dine on delicious Italian food. We were seated next to a group of mat sallehs...and Adik... started to speak in English accents. Saja je....

She started of with "Mummy.... can I have the steaks, please....." Only instead of saying steaks, she accidentally said stick... Hehhehe.... To her chargrin and Abang's delight, of course. The mat sallehs took her bait and looked at her and then me, curiously. Hehhehe.... Adik saja je....

She is really funny. And she makes me happy. Abang made me happy with his trial results. He got A in Penulisan which is something really rare. Let us hope he can do the same for the real exam.

I just realised, makin lama makin tak de cerita menarik that I can share..... Hmmmm....

Take care, darlings.

Raya ramblings

Selamat Hari Raya !!

And please do not think that I have forgotten this space... I have not. I have forgotten the password is all... Haha... Makcik dah tua ! Semuanya lupa....

Alhamdullilah after many dedicated tries, terjumpa lah jugak akhirnya the password yang selama hari ni hilang....

Puasa tahun ni was not that good. I was busy with work so I had to miss a lot of terawikhs.

Raya is also rather mediocre because I was bogged down with worry about work. Worry saja. Doing the actual work tidak jugak because I was busy. Ada aje rumah yang nak kena pergi and people who came to visit.

Today my BFF came with her sister and their children. Sungguh malu because I had nothing to serve but kuih raya. Tak sempat because I honoured an open house invite so I did not have the time to prepare anything for my own guests.

Tak boleh jadi ni. I vowed to at least simpan keaw tiaw (I seriously do not know how to spell this) dalam fridge. But... keaw tiaw yang disimpan di dalam fridge adalah sangat tak best sebab it hardens and doesn't fry very well.

Raya as I said was uneventful. Salam, makan, melawat. I have no idea how to spice things up a bit. Hehehhe..... What mengarut punya thinking.

Puasa tahun ni we didn't buka outside at all. Only once did we go for a buffet with IRM. The rest were taken at home. Oh yeah. I finally did something with my treacherous driveway. It is friendly and beautiful now. We also knocked down the pintu, tingkap and dinding at the kitchen to make one huge spanking door. And painted the wall light blue which was very nice.

Okay... I wish it was a bit lighter... the blue.... After the wall was painted Kamil looked at me, expecting me to complain. So as expected I did not do the expected and gushed my love towards the now light blue wall. I don't think Kamil bought it but I think he is very much relieved by the lack of drama.

He just doesn't know that I will attempt to re-paint it, fully expecting that he will do the majority of the work. He always does what is expected of him.

The kids are getting bigger. They infuriate me and make me happy at the same time, as kids are wont to do.

I am tired.

Ta-ra.

Her secret wish

Semalam Kamil had a farewell dinner so it was just me and Adik sending Abang and cousin Hasya to their tuition class.


And as usual, when there are the two of us, we will swing by our secret place to get Magnum Hazelnut for mummy and whatever that takes Adik’s fancy. Mummy thinks her arse is still nice and pert and small. Just let her have her moment, yeah ?

And also as usual when there are just the two of us, Adik will open up. I know she talks a lot but when it was just her and her mum, out will come all her thoughts that she secreted away.

And yesterday she talked about Mekah. “I miss Mekah, Mummy… Saya rindu dengan Kaabah….”

Hmm… macam dalam drama swasta. Felt like looking around for the cameras… hahaha.

“Dah tu nak pegi Mekah lagi tahun depan ? Tak jadi nak pegi London ?” She sighed.

“Saya nak pegi Mekah dengan Atuk… Tapi Atuk sakit…. Saya nak bawak Atuk pegi Mekah…”

And I kept quiet. I cannot say anything to that. I am sad for her. I think she feels that if only Atuk visited Kaabah, he will get better.

After thinking awhile, I know how to use her to turn things around for me. Devious, probably but I think it is actually an epiphany from Allah. You see, Kamil’s father adalah sangat tak mo makan ubat. I know the side effects are horrible. But, it is something that he has to do in order to get better. Berbuih lah mulut anak-anak pujuk and paksa makan ubat, but everytime pergi jumpa doctor, ada aje pills yang terlebih.

So…… I urged Adik to tell Atuk of her wish. Adik was reluctant because as I said, it is something that she chose only to share with me. And she had always been quite secretive of her inner-most thoughts. Aku bukan apa, I am hoping that if Adik tells his Atuk so, Atuk will be more disciplined about his medication. If not for him pun, for his cucu yang want him to feel better so that he can bangun and walk about. For his cucu yang nak bawak Atuk pegi Mekah.

So that he knows that we want him to take his pills to prolong his life. We want him around longer.

Sigh…..

Jason Mraz

So on Tuesday I went to see Jason Mraz.

And I have to say it was awesome.

Freaking awesome, actually... Hehheheh...

He sounded beautiful, his songs soothing and just the right kind for me. Although he invited all of us to stand and rock with him.. in BM nonetheless, but there is no need because the sight of him made all of us jumped out of our seats. Including le kakak ku yang ku sayang, kakak No Time Off... hehehhehe...

But his music are quite relaxed, and he was crooning more than rocking and it suits me just fine. It was really surreal to hear him sing live. He sounded just like in his CDs.

The funny part is when he commented on the late comers. He actually said, "Look at all these people still walking in..." hahha... Malaysians are never punctual, Jason darling... Not even for you...

I do have to say the opening act, Awi something something was good. The dude can sing live. I love his song yang Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday tu and that got me started really.

It was a marvellous concert. Listening to Jason Mraz, under the stars while holding Kamil's hand was nice. We stayed close to each other, swaying to the rhythmn...

Sigh......

Okay.. who is coming next ?

I am not dusty, apparently

Aku dah 2 hari kena train.... Kat Istana Hotel. Pepagi Kamil will send me and pepetang I will take the Monorail then the STAR to his office. Very convenient. I am proud of our rail system.

Anyway, one good thing and one bad thing happened. Good stuffs first, yeah ?

All my training mates thought I have not even reached 30 ! Hehehhe..... Even the trainer was shocked when I said I have 12 years working experience. Hhehhehe... A sweet boy called Chai said, "Wow... good maintenance..." bila aku habaq I have a 12 year old son and aku adalah kembang. Cuma I suspect that my zits helped give the impression that I am young. I mean who have ever heard of a zitty near 40 year olds ?

Yeah.. I am near forty. I myself can't quite believe that I am that old.

The bad thing ? People commented on what a good presenter I was. The trainer said I am CEO material.

Flattery ? Probably. I should be kembang, reall. But... I am more concerned about what Kamil perceived a good talker, cakap aje banyak tapi habuk tarak. And he had given a lot of examples, which some I should say I have to agree with.

So... I do not even have a speck of dust on my person ?

When I related that story to him, his smug face was freaking irritating. So bermaksud memang all these while he was actually talking about me ? That he has been insinuating that it was me and I missed it ?

Nak aje aku lempang sebijik.

Damn.

Anyway tengah melepak at Kamil's office sekarang. Bidding for the time to see JASON MRAZ !!! Hehehheheh....

Just now Kamil's Mat Salleh's boss came by to say hello to me. He said, "Enjoy the show, yeah ?" And belum sempat aku jawab, dia pegi cakap, "You are going with him ?" And aku telah buat kelakar bangsat by saying, "No.. I am going home. He is going alone...."

I don't think I will ever forget his shocked face. Hehhehehe.... After awhile baru dia macam berjaya tangkap my meaning and laughed. Relief is not an understatement at that time, kay ?

Note to self, jangan buat kelakar lagi....

The lampu kat luar and the katak

I was on MC yesterday. Actually I loathe to use the acronym MC because it means Medical Ceritifcate... so very tak kena. But takpa... Not important...

Kamil woke me up at about 4am to ask if he switched off the light at the stairs. His question washed all the grogginess away and I said yes because I remembered him yanking the door open to do so.

So both of us sat straight on the bed looking at the bright lit floor from the gap under the door. We tried to listen for sounds but there were none and we ho-hummed what to do next. I was 100% sure he switched off the lights and intruders aside, I reasoned it could be Abang sneaking down to watch Euro Cup. We all know how football mad he is.

Anyway after awhile eventhough we did not hear any suspicious sounds outside, Kamil got worried about his children so he decided to have a look. I dialled 999 and my thumb was ready to press 'call'. Armed with a belt, he opened the door slowly and after about 5 minutes he was back safe and sound, without any incident.

So the question is, did he or did he not switched off the lights ?

We debated that, and wondered and unfortunately failed to go back to sleep. At 6 we got up and roused the house and I went about the usual business with throbs in my head.

By the time I drove up until the mosque the throbs became unbearable so I turned back home, kicked off my shoes and tried to will the pain away...

I consumed a lot of panadols due to my frequent headaches therefore I am always very reluctant to take some. After awhile and I was really gonna succumb to the call of the pills, I decided to drive to the nearest reflexology centre and tried another method... which is drug free, to ease the pain.

It worked. The pain ebbed oh so slowly but at least it went away.

Anyway, the mystery of the light that was switched on still intrigued me. I was very sure that Kamil switched it off because I saw him. Asked Abang and he denied ever going down to watch football.

Hmmmm....... It happened to us one other time before. At a time when we used to hang motion sensors on our bedroom doorknobs. They are cute, really as they came in animal shapes complete with its sound. We hung a cat on Abang's door and frogs for both our room and Adik's. So if there are movements near the door, the sensor would go meow or a 'wibbit' in our case.

And one night the damn thing did go 'wibbit'. Melompatlah Kamil and I from the bed and we instantly pushed the sofa to block the door. We did not think we did not plan, both of us acted immediately.

Then we waited while praying for the safety of our children.

And nothing.

Nothing happened.

The frog didn't make anymore sound, there were no sounds from the outside. All was quiet and still as it should be at 3 am.

I remembered we fell asleep on the sofa still blocking the door and woke up in a fright because Adik wanted to come in and gave a loud knock.

So... why did the frog went 'wibbit' ? And who switched on the light ?

Hmmmmmmm.........

Of my ex-boss and meehoon

Today, on this very, very nice albeit an extremely hot morning, I would like to announce that I am truly grateful for my ex-boss, TSY.

Even though he has been rotated to other division, he is still taking care of us.. and still mentoring me. Still making sure I am able to cope. Still lending a hand.

And because of him, I can easily meet our numbers.

Alamak... rasa macam nak teriak lah pulak... Moving on...

I had the shock of my life yesterday. Read in the papers, an article on zits. Apparently not oily food nor nuts nor chocolates are the reasons for breakouts... Apart from stress, other contributing factors are white and wholemeal bread and....... wait for it... MEEHOON !!

I who meehon makes about 70% of my diet quickly ran to the loo to examine the detestable Kinabalu on the bridge of my nose which I have been valiantly trying to stem from turning into the Himalaya. 3 days of my life it took and now it looked stunted with crusty skin right on top. Then my eyes reverted right next to it where a Bukit Melawati is slowly growing and emitting angry red signals. When I say next, I do mean next. They are fighting for space, really.

Atas sikit ada dua lagi and just below my lip, one huge one too. Let us not talk about the tiny clusters on my upper lip.

And then I thought about my breakfast which was of course meehoon and I gagged.

Damn.

Pass me the nutty chocolates !!!

Masalah hari ini

Hmmmm.....

So......

I am not preggers. Yeah, why should I be if we are not trying... But we have.

Since Mecca.

Why the change of hearts ? Well maybe because my daughter doa dengan penuh kusyuk di Tanah Suci.

But then, Allah belum izinkan lagi. Maybe because I am old. And perasan fertile.

Haha...

No seriously...

Moving on to a less sombre topic (well.. a sombre one for me....)..

We are going to see Jason Mraz on the 19th so yeah ! Hehehhe... My last proper one was Alicia Keys and I am not counting Russel Peters as it was not a concert.

Russel Peters is a-okay. For some reason, a person spewing profanities on stage is funny. Don't get me wrong, I was laughing with the rest of them but when I look back, I laughed due to the bad words more than anything.

Probably.

So... hmmm....

I have started baking again. Well.. when did I stop ? Since Mecca actually. But last month I started rolling my sleeves again and slaved away on the hot stove... or oven. I made Chocolate Cake with sauce last weekend and it was heaven... Tetapi because my pan was not big enough, most of the sauce oozed out and we were left with very little amount of it.

So.... I had an extremely valid reason to purchase a new one. A huge spanking 2L one.. hahah... Kamil could not say anything to that because he too was busy scraping what was left of the sauce. So he must acknowledge the fact that I need a new baking dish. The red brick one at the Curve... about RM200. Or IKEA has nice ones too....

Adik is driving me crazy with her antics.

Abang is driving me crazy with his girth.

I went to the Doctor and after one look and one poke on my shoulder, he said I am stressed out. Why, he asked.

Errmmmm.... my son ?

And he said, well.. if it my son then he will do nothing as a boy who doesn't give problems is a problem...

Just like Raya

It felt like Hari Raya last weekend.

Late afternoon CY called ajak buat Cakoi as apparently it is better to knead the batter using breadmaker. When I arrived home, the house was awash with light. From the outside I could see MI at the dining table with Adik, my BIL Hazri (not real name eh…) holding his son, Nabil and Abang hanging next to him.

My sister CY was already in the kitchen, margarine out and there were spilt flour on the table. Heaven. We talked and we ate and we made merry and when they went home at almost midnight, I felt so bereaved, so lonely.

Saturday we were geared to take FIL out again but alas he was too weak to even get out of bed. So after breakfast we went to visit him and I watched while Kamil lovingly gave his father a massage. He coaxed his father to eat and administered his meds while I sat there doing nothing, making small talks and playing Sudoku on my mobile. Nothing can make you feel more insignificant that that. Haha.

We didn’t have any lunch as our breakfast was quite late, so right after Maghrib we went to Citta Mall for a dose oh burgers at Chillies before scrambling to Subang Parade to watch MIB 3. MIB 3 is okay. It was funny and all but I wasn’t that entertained. Something felt missing. The same feeling I had when I watched err….the one with Johnny Depp became a vampire. It was okay, not bad neither it was exhilarating.

As usual Adik fell asleep. It was better this time because she could manage half the movie. Itu pun because she nodded off while waiting for the bill at Chillies and in the car on the way to Subang Parade. And of course we have to hear her grumblings of why we always pick a movie way passed her bed time and all.

We woke up early as usual on Sunday but this time, after Subuh we kitted ourselves in our kenduri best, picked up CY and her family at 7am, then swung by CT’s house for her before starting our merry way to Ipoh. My cousin’s engagement do.

Food and family and merriment all over again. That was why I felt like it was Raya.

Nice….

Yang tergolek di Genting Highland

I have so many things to write but as usual tak tertulis. Sometimes I was burning with ideas to blog about and then suddenly everything is gone. So fickle, the strength of my memory.

Anyway.. I could write about something that happened last weekend, though. Nothing remarkable really, but something worth mentioning. Saturday is a flurry of classes as usual. Keluar masuk numerous times. On Sunday the kids had a break from their tennis class due to cancellation so we decided to jog instead. As soon as we rest our bums in the car, the phone rang and MIL requested for a jalan-jalan trip.

We didn’t manage to grocery shop the day before because FIL invited us out for breakfast, so we had a quick morning meal, then the market then quick bathe and change and off to the ILs who were already waiting.

Destination, Genting Highlands. Hehehhehe….

The drive was slow on account to FIL’s ill health so I was half in slumber land when we ascended. Half because I was still aware of the happenings outside while enjoying the shut-eye…

Not long after we climbed up, I heard the furious roars of superbikes (easily discernible from roars of kapchais… I do not need to open my eyes to confirm that), followed by the ILs and Kamil talking loudly then their yells of surprise and for that, I had to open my eyes.

I was greeted by the sight of a tergolek-ed yellow big bike and its equally tergolek-ed rider. He was pinned beneath his bike but luckily was already at the edge of the winding road. I ordered Kamil to stop (he might not stop because his parents were inside the car. He would have if they weren’t) and both of us ran to him.

As we ran, he got up and walked to the road divider with a wobble and sat on top of it. He was lucky because he fell right at a corner with cars swerving by but still managed to remain unscathed. It took a while for Kamil and me to cross the street to get to him, though.

When we got near I looked at the bike.. it was scratched and dented beyond believe and I couldn’t help but think that if that was Kamil’s bike, he would have been spitting mad. I would have been greeted by the sight of him dancing furiously for all to see, anger usurping whatever pain he was feeling. Hehhehe.

Then I looked at the err….casualty and exhaled. I, my dearest, dearest friends was greeted with the sight of the most beautiful Melayu man I have ever seen. Okay… maybe that came with a lot of exaggerations but… he is beautiful indeed. Even with blood dripping from his nose and mouth I couldn’t help but took a little time (teensiest… I promise) to step back and admire what Allah had created.

When I came to, I quickly looked around for tissues (supposedly for the blood, but really the blood got in the way and I want to get a better look at him) but nada. Alas, I did not plan my rescue mission well and the box of tissue was still in the car. As I said he fell at a curvy corner and I dare not cross the road to get it. Pretty face or not, I do value my life.

Anyway, we asked if he was okay and when a few other superbikers passed by we flagged them down. 2-3 of his friends stopped and they had the good sense to lift his bike up. Before they do that though, each took off their full-faced helmets and I eagerly … well you know, looked and ….was disappointed. Hehheheheh….. Manalah tahu abang ke adik dia ke…. But dissapointingly no...

Anyway, we offered to take him in the car which he politely refused and when we were satisfied he is well taken care of, we bid our goodbye. He looked at me, one thumb up coupled with a very manly nod as a thank you and I was lucky I didn’t swoon.

Damn…

Okay, I must admit that in between our are you okays and explaining his situation to his friends and looking for tissues to wipe the blood off, my head was whirring with ways and hows to get his number.

Not for me obviously. Hello ! I have quite a few unmarried friends that could really use a good looking, hunky guy who exudes manliness to the top most degree. And I could happily watch from the sideline, enjoying what Allah has created.....err.. while sitting beside another of Allah’s creation that exudes manliness and what not …

Yeah… you know I had to say that……

So… I hope he is okay. I mean I couldn’t imagine how his friends organized his trip to the hospital seeing that nobody took their cars. He even wobbled while he sat so I have no idea how is he going to endure riding pillion while trying to keep steady. We did offer but he refused.

Probably because he saw the predatory look I was giving him.

Hhehehe..

No lah. Mana ada.. Kamil handsome apa ! Despite his bald head.. he is quite dashing.

Kah Kah Kah.

Oh Mum...

Yesterday I had a headache. A weird one. I have never experienced that kind of headache before and I really do not know how to handle it. I was on unfamiliar territory.

I was at the office at that time, so you can imagine how uncomfortable I was. When things failed to get right and the throbbing in my head intensified, I decided to pack up and went home.

While driving in pain, sempat pulak the perut signalled hunger. Waaaarrrggghhhh ! And when we are sick, husband hensem bak Keanu Reeves pun kita tolak tepi as Mum is the only person that could help. Especially on matters of the tummy. So I called mine.

“Where are you, Mummy ?” I asked. Bila sakit only Mummy will do. Mum doesn’t give the same effect. “I just arrived at the shop”, she answered. “Why ?” Came the very expected question from her.

“Kat rumah ada nasik ? I lapar….” was the very pitiful reply from her 30….something daughter. “Where are you ?” was the very worried reply from her. “I am on the way home”, I whined. I won’t apologise for whining on the account of the throbs in my head. “I have a headache. Sakit sangat. But I am hungry, Mummy……”

As a Mum, anak lapar is a slap on the face. It is a problem that has to be remedied immediately or else she fails… Serious. And lapar while tengah sakit…well.. I think she wouldn’t hesitate to put on a cape and coney bras for that. Haha….

“Mummy nak balik dah ni pun. You go straight home and I will meet you there…. Mummy masak fish ball soup…” Pulak. Kata tadi baru aje sampai kedai… Tiba-tiba dah nak balik pulak….. She had effectively put on her cape…..

And anak ni pulak, was in a dilemma whether nak menyusahkan mak ke tak nak. Her good sense won over and she said, “Nevermind lah, Mum… I will just go home sebab I couldn’t really drive anyway….”

“Laa… balik rumah ajelah (she meant her house) and Mummy masak. Ada ubat geliga kat rumah and Mummy boleh urut….” Sounds tempting… but I know she is tired. And she had just gotten there and I really do not want her to patah balik rumah just for me.

“Takpelah Mum… I’ll buy something on the way… Then terus tidur…” My mother of course tak puas hati and she said, “Okay.. I’ll go to your house….”

Masa tu, timbullah penyesalan kenapalah aku call mak aku. I shouldn’t have really as I do not want to inconvenient her. Sian dia. And then pulak, the throbs were getting quite bad and I got upset for some reason. I do not have the energy to argue actually…so … aku cakap keras sikit… I know.. weird… but I did. And she relented. Kesian mak aku.

So I arrived home (my own) in pain, coupled with guilt and remorse and a little bit of anger and slumped in bed. Bukak-bukak mata a steaming bowl of fish ball soup was waiting for me. I cried while I ate.

Then early this morning she called to ask how I was. She dangled my favourite meehoon goreng in front of me and so I swung by her house. She had it all packed but I ate in her kitchen to her utmost delight while she fussed over me, serving me hot tea and rubbing my head while she gossiped. I know I will be late for work. I expected too. But she just wants to see me, make sure that I am okay. Me, her ungrateful child.

Sorry Mummy.

What I really want to say...

Okay... 2 posts in a day.... Enough to show what really on my mind was not Adik and her doa for adik... Hehhe... I am mightily uncomfortable now and the dreaded Monday is coming... I love my job. I really do. But tomorrow I have to attend Board Meeting. Board Meeting. Me ? And working for a company as big as mine, that is a big deal. I never expected to play with the big boys. Not so soon anyway. And tomorrow.. with the Group CEO. And Group CFO... Well... I am nervous as hell. Pray for me, friends. I really need it. Wassalam.

Doa Adik...

When we were in Mekah, I saw Adik kusyuk sangat berdoa. When a fellow jemaah Malaysia asked Adik what she asked for, she said, "Abang saya dapat 5A...". That earned her a hug from the lady, a cheek squeeze that looked painfull and loads of praises on what a good sister she is.

Then, "Saya nak adik..." which made myself and Kamil blushed like mad because the conversation happened in a very crowded bus from the airport waiting lounge to the airplane.

Satu kerja pulak.

Anyway... her doa belum makbul lagi... and I must say not from lack of trying ... on her parents' side, of course.

I have to say, she really, really want one. I know enought to expect her requests after each session with her cousins Izan and Nabil (bukan nama sebenar..hahahah). One day though she got really frustrated, she said "Saya nak adik... Macamana haa nak dapat adik ?", fists up, face contorted in desperation.

Kamil jawab, "Jangan ketuk pintu bilik Abah...."

Hahhahahahahaahha....

It is Sunday night already. Kamil is making homemade burgers and a mess in the kitchen. Esok dah kerja... Sigh...

Apa ini ?

I really hate this new and improved blog. Does not allow paragraphs. Why ?

Tidur dengan Ashu saya boleh buat saya nangis

It is almost midnight and I just finished my work.

Sigh.... I am seriously tired and as my ex-boss said, stretched to the limit. Both of us made a day trip to Pasir Gudang yesterday and our conversation today was very weary and filled with sighs. Sian kita orang dua orang. Mana taknya sampai KL around 11pm and that doesn't include the trip from KL to Shah Alam. He has to go back to Cheras, dah dekat but he did drive for 8 hours, to and fro. Just can imagine how bone tired he is. We started our freaking journey at 5am, kay ?

Anyway I am sleepy.. but can't sleep. Kamil has some music on and I could never sleep with music blaring. Especially lagu mendayu-dayu which Kamil really favours.

Sigh... walking through the dreaded memory lane now, at a time when I was small and always got sent to my Opah, my mom's aunt. Whenever there, I will bunk with my Maksu which I totally hate because she literally sleeps hugging the radio. You know me. I am malancholy by nature. Every song, especially sad ones just brings me to sad events. I don't know why. Even if there are no sad events, I will just find a reason to be sad and sebek about.

Up until now if I ever listen to the Malay channels I will always think about my Maksu, especially when the DJ talks. I will always have this particular picture in my head of her smiling contently, the radio practically her pillow. And I remember crying softly that night (I could even remember the colour of the bed linen - red) because the music reminded me of my parents and somehow I felt like I was the most awful daughter God ever sent to earth.

And I remember her sighing when she realised what was happening on the other side of the bantal peluk (which again always remind me of her too... ehehehh). While I was busy regretting every little mistakes I ever made and making vows after vows to be good and begging Allah to spare me the furious fire of hell.. she slowly patted my thighs to comfort me.

Maksu passed away about 8 years ago, at the tender age of 35. I never knew she had heart problems so her death was one collosal shock to me. I remember feeling dizzy for days because nobody ever told me. She was such an important person at one point of my life that I just couldn't quite believe it that people failed to tell me.

Masa-masa nilah lagu Kerispatih keluar. Saja je nak buat aku sebek. Dah nangis pun.

Al-Fatihah for my Ashu.. Aliza Othman.

Actually, dik.. it was you !

Since our house was broken into, Adik has been sleeping with Abang because since that incident, we have been sleeping with our bedroom doors locked. Everytime I thought of the perp in our house, looking in my sleeping children, I feel sick in the stomach. However, it has been years since Adik's door could be locked. Kids, huh... They must break something at least once a year. So that is why Adik has to room with Abang. Kicking and screaming, of course. Every morning she would wake up crying about a) Abang kicked her while she was sleeping b) Abang hogged the blanket c) Abang's breath smells bad d) I hate abang e) Abang, abang, abang.. One morning she woke up crying to our room, sobbing and heaving, wailing "Can you please do something about my door knob ?" If she had been older, I am sure she would have inserted darn/damn somewhere in the sentence. Haha. At times I just feel that she is just using abang as a reason to cry in the morning as she just have to wake up grumpy and stroppy anyway. If she can cry in the process, that would be an added bonus. Anyway, during the time Kamil was sleeping in the hospital with his father, I had the kids filling up his space. And that was when I discovered that; a) she is the actual culprit. My head was kicked/strucked by her numerous times. b) she cried once in her sleep. And ... it was Abang who, while sleeping patted the empty space next to him and said, "Come here, dik... Mai sini dengan Abang... Everything is okay...." I got so sad when I heard that. Sad that my daughter cried in her sleep, because she always mentioned that she had nightmares and I had always thought that it was nothing. And sad to hear my son being so loving and mature. And all these while, kena tuduh bukan-bukan and dia senyap aje... Dah malas nak protest actually... Sigh....

So.... Hmmm....

So….

I saw her showing her very toned abs to my husband and all I could think of at that time was, how can I compete with that ? I mean I am all about being pudgy. And my abs ? Well… if ever my kids want to have a bouncy castle for their birthday, I could always offer mine to be trampled upon. They would have sooo much fun.

Okay, I should rewind a bit….

Not long ago, a friend came to my house. I think after awhile I went upstairs to pray or something like that and unfortunately had to go down again for some reason and saw THAT. Stumbled upon THAT scene.

Damn. Talk about being awkward.

I could see my husband being flustered and I.. well I slinked back up as I seriously do not know how to handle THAT.

So after that, it was a waiting game for me. Waiting for my husband to actually tell me about it. He didn’t. It ate me up for some reason. I wish to be told. I don’t know why. I just do.

Anyway, after forgetting about it, then suddenly coming back to me, and then disappearing again in the abyss of my mind, and then one day when it came to me again, I just blurted it out to my husband. Sigh, so much about wanting to be sophisticated on the matter.

My husband had the decency to blush and admitted that it happened.

When I asked why he didn’t confide in me, he said “What for ? It was nothing…” And we stopped at that. He looked like it was not a big deal, that it meant nothing for him. And I for some reason was extremely reluctant to pursue the matter.

Hmmm…….

Jerawat

So nak dijadikan cerita, mata aku celik aje pagi tadi I was informed that Syabas buat perangai lagi. I closed my eyes with a weary sigh partly because of the thought of all the organising I need to do to ensure all 4 of us left the house to our respective destinations smelling of roses. The biggest part of my sigh was for Cik Abang Kamil nya.

Sesungguhnya aku adalah isteri yang sangat mengenali suami sebab belum sempat pun the sigh finished escaping from my self Kamil did the expected, he started ranting and raving. Dan sesungguhnya bermula lah episode kami anak beranak termasuk bibiknya sekali scrambling around the house, trying to match Kamil's barks and pace. Ini lah gamaknya barking mad, seperti cakap orang putih.

If explanation for his action is warranted, it is due to his utter abhorrence to be late. Pantang mak nenek dia. He always wants to be the person yang bukak office. Aku dah banyak kali dah pesan that he should just have changed his job to security guard shift malam sebab memang depa yang ada banyak peluang bukak office pagi-pagi. Orang lain susah sikit.

Anyway to speed things up, I ordered him to bathe at his mom's house with Adik while Abang and I do the deeds at CY's house. My husband left in a flurry of smoke and screeching tyres sehinggakan tertinggal his precious toilettries bag. Bibik handed the bag to me with muka yang sangat cuka and I accepted the bag with muka yang double cuka sebab sah-sah lah aku yang kena bagi menatang tu kat dia.

Tak sempat a fresh new sigh escaped my lips, he rang. And with a voice 2 octaves higher diselang-seli dengan sighs of frustration suruh aku bawak aje bag tu to CY's house.

Why he made me feel like it is my fault the house has no water ?

And for the umpteenth time in the past 30 minutes I asked myself, "kenapa aaa aku kawin dengan orang ni ?" Waaaaaaa !

Anyway belum sempat aku mandi and while Abang walked to school with MI, he came over to the house to siap. Then he left to send Adik to school aku pun melepaklah kejap dengan adik-adik. Sekali dia call. Lepas menyoal aku kaw-kaw kenapa aku tak pegi keje lagi, he announced that he is coming over to use the toilet. Cess.

Pastu boleh lah melepak sampai pukul 9 to play with our nephew. Sabar ajelah. Rasa macam rugi aje moving at warp speed while a drill sargeant shouted at your ears pagi tadi.

Anyway he called me around 11 am to make peace. He didn't say as much for sure but I know him. As usual, because aku nak nasihat secara sindiran tentang perangai dia pagi tadi, I have to inject humour while doing that just in case if his mood is still not there. Sigh... penat tau nak kena buat strategic planning sampai macam tu sekali.

So... after the treet treet of my phone, I answered with;

Me : Laaa... panjang umur you, Kamil. I baru aje mengumpat you dengan ZAK.

Him : Ye ke ? You ngumpat apa ?

Me : Alah... benda biasalah. You tak hensem, dah lah botak... Pastu suka marah-marah orang....

Him : Mana ada. I baik apa...... Mana ada I marah orang

YA RABBI !!! Memang sajalah aku tak terguling pengsan masa tu....

Me : Banyak lah you... I tak tau lah macamana staffs you belum bomohkan you lagi...

Him : Why would they want to do that ? I am nice person...

Me : Podah ! Pagi tadi marah I, marah Abang, marah Adik... Dengan Bibik sekali you marah... Macam lah kita orang kerja dengan Syabas... Bibik tu lagi lah... Dia kerja ngan you... You yang bayar gaji.... Apasal lak kita orang kena marah bila takde air...

Him : Pagi tadi ? Mana ada ? You cakap apa ni ? Mana ada I marah ?

Me : Pagi tadi.. yang you mengamuk sakan ngan kita orang..

Him : What are you talking about ni ? I mana ada marah...

Me : You are really going that way are you ?

Him : Yes.

Oh sungguh selamba badak.

So... Selepas membaca petikan di atas, don't anybody dare ask me why I have so many zits on my face. Okay ?

Trying to keep up

I have been so swamped with work, you all. I just do not have the time to write anything .. well except the reports that keep on piling up ! I just so wanna share more about my umrah trip but then 2 things happened;

1. Work. Well this is nothing new but I just can’t seem to catch-up. New ones keep adding up even while I am trying to finish the ones that are pending. My boss TSY asked if I am drowning but I said no because if I am drowning then he has drowned. I so do not want to worry him or add to his load. TSY ni baik orangnya and I know if I admit that I can’t cope, he will try to take some of my load. Sian dia…. So now… I suffer.

2. Sick FIL. On the day of our return from Mekah, he told us of the initial finding and after 3 days, our worst fear is confirmed. So it was a flurry of talking and consulting and doctor’s visit on Kamils’ part and shoulder to cry on and trying to be helpful but failed miserably on my part….and finally the operation last Friday.

Kamil has been sleeping in the hospital since last Thursday and only came home to our bed last night. I missed him so.

Anyway, we were at the hospital for what seemed like forever waiting and waiting and waiting. He is okay now but he is in pain which I really tak sampai hati tengok. Being menantu, I have been looking from afar while he was in the ICU and then CCU.. Yelah sebab takut dia tak nak kita kan… But last night when he was finally in normal hospital room, I kissed his forehead before I left and just squeezed his arm before asking the stupidest question in this whole wide world but people seemed to favour it while visiting the sick, the very predictable, “Abah okay ?”

Of course he is not. Duh. His answer was “Okay lah, tapi Abah sakit…..” and he started to move about, trying to find a comfortable position. I added to my list of stupid and obvious remark which was, “At least, the worse is over…”. Why lah people like to state the obvious ? Why ? Why can’t they, including myself, just shut-up ?
I must learn to state the hidden. I must. Or just keep shtoom.

So I left. Kalau Bapak aku tu maunya aku peluk and cium and belai tapi…. We do not have that kind of relationship, Abah and I. Shame, huh ? I would want to .. I am a very touchy, feely person however since he does not have that kind of relationship with his children, melebih lah pulak aku. Haha.

Abah’s condition definitely affected our life, not just how we spent our time but also the topic of conversation, what we have for breakfast, lunch and dinner etc. Anyway, we were looking for blood donor ever since we knew Abah was going in and due to the rarity of his blood type, the search was long and laborious.

One day Abang suggested that since Atuk has 8 grandkids, surely one of them has the same blood type. So he suggested for all his cousins to do a blood test pronto. We were in the car that time and I just smiled when he talked. Sweet, huh.

Tapi yang tak sweetnya adik. After about 10 minutes she suddenly said in a very, very low voice, “Mummy… I know I am fat but I just look fat. If you squeeze my arm (here she demonstrated it), it is very keras and I don’t think you will get any blood. I think kalau Atuk nak, Jay (her cousin) boleh bagilah because her arm is very, very soft….and very, very big..”

Hehhehehe… HEHHEHEHEHEHE… HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH !

Aiyoo lah….

Umrah

I have been so busy ever since I returned. But now, I have cleared most of my tasks and have a bit time to write.

And I have sooo many, many things to share about my journey. Every single thing that happened I want to blog about. Tapi… macam dah lama tersimpan and some have started to slip away. Shame.

Anyway, it is quite hard to write about my Umrah trip actually…because there were sooo many things that happened. I have been thinking for quite a bit before I drift off to sleep every night the best way to capture everything here, but couldn't quite get an idea how.

So now, I have decided that I am just going to write about everything that came to mind. It will be jumbled up, mind you so look away if you have pening-pening lalat tendencies, eh ?

The thing that came to my mind about now is Adik. She had been wonderful. Aku bersyukur sangat aku hantar dia masuk sekolah Integrasi Agama because she was at ease with us being in the mosques day in and day out. No complaints, no tantrums. She prayed, apa saja sembahyang sunat yang ada she will do and whatever she didn’t know it was so easy to teach her, she mengaji Quran and when she was done with that she took the initiative to do hafazan, she dzikired with her brand new spanking tasbih, she slept when she was tired, she socialized with the other kids … basically, she was no bother at all.

There was only one day saja dia menangis and that was when she slept in between Maghrib and Isyak. Sememangnya she had always woken up on the wrong side of the bed… just like bapak eh. Therefore I swiftly posted her to the bapak eh to handle.

The best thing was, she was so much loved. The Arabs are crazy over kids because she always came back to the hotel with food. Sweets, kurmas, pretzels, drinks, chocolates… anything that anybody has, will always be extended to her.

Not to mention on the amount of cuddlings and kisses she got ! There were always people who stopped her for a hug or touched her face with awe and love, saying “Masya-Allah !” over and over again and murmurings in exotic languages.

Even the stern female guards at the doors of Masjid Nabawi were kind to her. They stopped their yellings of “Ibu ! Ibu ! Ibu ! Periksa ! Periksa ! Periksa ! Hajjah ! Hajjah !” and whatnots to hug her, or smile kindly and say, “Masya-Allah!” in the softest of tones, or just chucking her chin ! At first we were confused and she herself was scared because not a second ago they were yelling but after awhile we got used to it.

Such a wonder.

The guards at Masjidil Haram were much, much kinder so when they stopped her for a hug we were not that bothered. They even smiled at me while they checked my bag… Hahah…

Apart from that, the other jemaahs would always ask if she was mine. One man asked me, “Malaysia ?” and when I said yes, he pointed to my daughter and asked with crinkled forehead, “Pakistan ?”. I answered with, “Mine !”

Once while we waited for Isyak, a Turkish lady asked me, “Children ? Children ?” while gesturing at me and my daughter. I said, “Yes, of course !” and she frowned.

And when it happened again, another lady who said, “You China ? She Pakistan ?” and all her friends looked at us with curiosity, I answered with, “Papa Pakistan…” and they went, “Oohh………….”

Selamat. Satgi depa kata aku kidnap anak Pakistan mana, mampuih aku.

Tapi budak ni lah pulak menjerit, "Ha ? Abah Pakistan ?" Hissh !!!

There was one time in Masjidil Haram, she was reading surah Yassin softly. A lady behind her scooted nearer to hear her read. The lady then said something we couldn’t understand but my mom suggested that maybe she wanted Adik to read the verses louder, so she did. The lady then alerted her friends and they all kurumun-ed her, listening to her read in wonder. They shook their heads and listened until she was done. Of course there were rounds of kisses for her !

When a jemaah gave her 10 Riyal, she donated it to the street children.

And she was always, always very concerned about the illegal peddlers that littered the streets of Madinah and Makkah. On our first day in Madinah, our very first trip to Masjid Nabawi, while feeling the euphoria and excitement to enter the mosque, our eyes busy drinking in the scenery, out of the blue there were sirens and mayhem ensued. We suddenly found ourselves trapped in the middle of escaping peddlers and the policemen who chased them. It was chaotic and funny.

However, the very next day when they were back, Adik frowned at them and worriedly pointing them to me. “They are still here …” she whispered.

When the same thing happened to the peddlers in Makkah, one of them swung her bundle to her shoulder in flight, and it hit her. Lagilah bertambah tension anak aku.

Heheh... Dugaan, dik.

Something happened to us though, right after Friday prayers. For some reason, they closed one of the manay, many doors of the masjid and cordoned off a section of the compound outside Masjidil Haram. It created a terrible bottleneck and we were all pushed together like sardines. People were pushing and jostling as they fought their way out. I felt so suffocated and was finding it hard to breathe.

I looked at my daughter and she did not look good. She looked like she could collapse any time. I removed her telekung and was fending her from the pushings as much as I could. My mom and I were praying hard for safety and way out of the very, very tight and constricting space.

Suddenly, and oh very suddenly… there was a clearing around Adik. For some reason, nobody was around the perimeter and she could breathe better. Only by the Grace of Allah could that happen. My mother and I was shocked beyond believe. We pushed forward and we finally could make it to a lamp post.

Kamil then called. He was already at the hotel and was oblivious to our plight. He had wanted to come and help but I stopped him because I was worried about Abang. I told him to stay where he is. I told my mom, only Allah could help us now as the pushings have started again.

I tried to carry her, like I used to do when she was smaller but I can't. When did she get too big for me ? I got so desperate that I begged another man to help carry her but he shook his head. He either refused or couldn’t understand me. Terrible. I was in despair.

The lamp post where we sought refuge was encased at the bottom with cement, wider than the pole itself and could be sat on. In fact some men were already sitting on it. We bumped into another jemaah from Malaysia who we were friendly with there and the 3 of us decided to lift Adik up and let her sit on the casing.

We couldn’t. None of us could carry her. I had started to cry when suddenly in front of me, a huge Arab or Turkish lady appeared out of nowhere. Seriously, she just appeared because I was looking right in front of me and she wasn’t there. I blinked and there she was…

Anyway, she straight away plucked my daughter up with one hand and put her on the encasement. Effortlessly, I must add. There were no words exchanged between us but she knew what was wrong and acted. In fact she went right to it. Relief couldn't even describe what I was feeling.

This lady hugged and kissed my daughter, offered her cheese and bread, and while my daughter ate, she caressed her face. We left her to it while we waited for the crowd to ease.

And then... there was Kamil. He materialized in front of me after running to where we were from the hotel and made it there in a minute. He hauled his daughter up in his arms, and made a path for us to pass through.

Sigh.

Thank you, Allah for the help and for the angels you sent.

Makkah

I am home. Kelmarin lagi dah sampai.

Penat... but also happy. And I feel soo satisfied.

I had a smashing time. And emotional time.

Boss thought I should feel refreshed coming back from a holiday. But.. it is not a holiday boss. It is a pilgrimage. We were in the mosque all the time, praying and reading the Quran all the time. Hotel was just a place to sleep.

I didn't even have the time to shop ! Only managed one sejadah and one jubah for ihram for myself. Other than that mostly stuffs for other people.

And although it was hectic, I loved it. I am actually quite spent emotionally, crying all the time... at Masjid Nabawi, and Masjidil Haram looking at the Kaabah but... I loved it. I want to go again. London couldn't even compare. Sightseeing at St James Park couldn't compete with tawaf around Kaabah at 3 am like we did. Or jostling with other jemaahs to have a peek of Maqam Ibrahim. Shopping at Selfridges seemed so insignificant when compared to praying in Rawdah.. Buckingham Palace paled in comparison to even a glimpse of Maqam Rasullulah.

It was totally surreal.

Totally an amazing experience.

Masya-Allah.

Sigh....

I seem to have some time to write... but I don't know what about.

Maybe about the explosion of zits on my face. There are many, many of them. I don't know how else to control it. Tension. Lagi aku tension lagi bertambah. But how lah not to tension ?

The work is going well. Meaning it is not going well for the clients.

What else ?

No more movies that reminds me of anything. I am duly not going through the memory lane.

Am excited about Mekah though. Very excited. Tak sabar. But before I go, kerja kena siap dulu. Sigh.....

Had Japanese food just now. Yeah I know, Japanese food in Thailand but I tell you it is the best so far. Aku tak tahu kalau kat Jepun is better but Japanese restaurants in KL cannot lawan one.

I got pictures. But no alat-alat to transfer.

Aku serik pegi massage. Sebab the place that we frequent tu ada satu minah ni yang tak pandai urut. Tapi dah dua kali pegi aku asyik dapat dia aje. Tak samapi hati lak mintak tukaq. Satgi boss dia fire dia lak. So nak tak nak I have to endure. Sian aku.

Kamil brought the kids tengok wayang. Sedih jugak sebab cannot wait for me.

Not having dinner as still full from lunch so.... I am going to finish up my reports. Yeap, ada plural di situ.

No, jangan tension. Karang naik lagi satu. But I don't know where the jerawat can bertenggek sebab there is no place on my face anymore.

Oh yeah, Kamil said he a pressie for me. I told him to give it to me before I leave for Bangkok sebab kalau lepas aku pi Bangkok nampak macam Valentine's Day present pulak. Kang Allah marah. Kita nak pi Mekah ni.

Dia kata takpa, he will give to me before Valentine's Day. Huh. Tactic tak menjadi. Apa benda yang dia nak bagi yek ? Aku takut gak.... I know... how can I be scared of presents ? Sebab sekali dia bagi aku madu yang bukan dalam botol punya and bukan dari lebah, susah jugak. He sometimes has a wicked sense of humour.

Sigh...

Well... watch this space if you wanna know.

Ta-ra.